Saturday, February 12, 2011

Big 12 Preview--2/12/2011

'Pokes and Smokes
By Seth Svoboda

I keep waiting for someone in the conference to make a move. So far it has been easy to predict, KU and Texas at the top, Texas Tech, Nebraska and ISU at the bottom. Everyone else has been up and down.
Lately, the only news the Big 12 has been making is in the tabloids. Frank Martin and the Pussycats are in the news again: desperate Frank is going to play Curtis Kelly against Colorado amidst rumors of a third failed drug test. Three tokes and you're out doesn't apply in Manhattan, apparently. Boulder, Colo. is just where you want to take a guy that keeps getting in trouble for smoking leftys. After he gets his hands on some of Boulder's finest he'll probably hand Martin his transfer papers.

Speaking of players that can't keep their bong in their pants, Darrell Williams did his best Ben Rapelisberger impression and has been suspended due to his legal problems. He has three counts of rape by instrumentation and one count of sexual assault pending.

What is rape by instrumentation you ask?

"an act within or without the bonds of matrimony, in which any inanimate object or any part of the human body, not amounting to sexual intercourse, is used in the carnal knowledge of another person, without his or her consent and penetration of the anus or vagina occurs to that person."

Williams gives a whole new meaning the OSU moniker "Pokes." Don't worry Darrell, if you get the same treatment as Andy Christensen, you'll be back in uniform before you know it. Oklahoma State guard Keiton Page went on record saying that..."Darrell knows we’re going to have his back through this whole thing."

Really Keiton? Are you sure you want to align yourself with this guy? If my friend puts part of his body or an inanimate object in another person without their consent, I'm going to go ahead and make the decision that this guy isn't exactly somebody I want to stick up for. I wonder if Keiton would be cool with his sister going on a date with Darrell.

Iowa State continues to get everyone's sloppy seconds, as a second player is leaving Michigan State after discipline issues and is visiting Ames with a transfer in mind. Christian Stanhardinger as we all remember left the Huskers and then was asked not to come to LaSalle after he was caught having "relations" in the park at four in the morning in Lincoln. The Big 12 is developing a pretty serious image problem, Brett Favre thinks we look trashy. On to the games.

Texas A&M 18-5 (5-4) @ Texas Tech 11-13 (3-6)

The Aggies are the only team with more than one road win in conference play, other than Texas and KU. They probably aren't as good as their ranking, but this is still a decent squad. This should be a close game, though, as Texas Tech is much better at home than they are on the road and they have the benefit of getting overlooked by most of their opponents. In the end, Texas A&M squeaks by on talent...Pick Texas A&M 66-60

Oklahoma 12-11 (4-5) @ Missouri 18-6 (4-5)

Missouri has really struggled on the road (0-5), but has been very solid at home (4-0). Oklahoma played Oklahoma State close last week on the road, but that was a rivalry game. Oklahoma has lost 2 straight and I think they are reverting back to what we originally thought they were--a below average team. Missouri, even though they lost at Kansas this week, is still a top-tier Big 12 team and is undefeated at home (14-0). I look for a big win at home for the Tigers today, but I pick them every week though so tread lightly...Pick Missouri 86-69

Baylor 16-7 (6-4) @ Texas 21-3 (9-0)

Texas is the easy pick here right? Texas can't possibly win every game in conference this year can they? In a word...yes. Baylor picked up a win over the Huskers this week that was covered by PYB already, but they also won a tough game at Texas A&M last Saturday. Those are two good wins, Baylor also has loads of talent even though they do their best to not to live up to expectations.

If you are a total ass and don't realize how good Texas is take this statistic into consideration: Texas is number one in scoring margin in Big 12 games, with an average margin of victory of 18 points. Kansas is second at 11.6 points a game. The third place team Missouri, only averages outscoring their opponent by 2.4 ppg. All this said, I feel a near victory for Baylor here...Pick Texas 81-75

Iowa State 14-10 (1-8) @ Kansas 23-1 (8-1)

This game doesn't need much thought. Horrible mismatch, the only question is will Kansas cover? Pick...Kansas 94-71

Oklahoma State 16-7 (4-5) @ Nebraska 15-8 (3-6)

I've been picking against the Huskers quite a bit lately, and I have been dogging on Doc Sadler about the players he is able to recruit. Oklahoma State is a must win for the Cornhuskers. Darrell Williams will be sitting around in Stillwater, with his thumb up somebody else's ass (Pee Wee Herman thinks this guy is a pervert). Williams is the Pokes fourth-leading scorer and second leading rebounder (he also leads the team in unwanted penetration).

This is a big break for a struggling Husker front court. I like how aggressive Brandon Richardson has been playing, and Toney McCray needs to continue to score buckets for the Huskers to have a chance going forward. Does anyone else wonder why Eshaunte Jones plays a bunch of minutes one game and then Ray Gallegos plays a bunch of minutes the next? What is going on with that?

If they are that even, then play to their strengths: Gallegos when we need athleticism and ball handling, and if we are in a spot where we need to hit a three then bring in Jones (Editor's note: or if NU needs a badly missed three or a turnover). I have a strange feeling, and not because I have been hanging out with Curtis Kelly; I sense a rare blowout in Big 12 play with the Huskers on the right side...pick Nebraska 77-63

Kansas State 16-8 (4-5) @ Colorado 15-10 (4-6)

Who will survive the great American smokeout? The Cats and Buffs are both still clinging to the hopes of an NCAA tournament berth, and this looks to be a key matchup for both teams.

K State has had too many things go wrong this year, from players getting in trouble to quitting the team. It's hard to blame them, though. Have you seen Frank Martin? The guy comes across like a total dick. I would never want to play for him, and it doesn't seem like his players want to play for him either.

Colorado is coming off a loss at Missouri last weekend and then at home against Texas A&M in overtime. Kansas State, meanwhile, hasn't played since their lucky escape from Ames with a one-point victory against lowly Iowa State last weekend. My head tells me that Colorado should win this game, but my gut tells me that Kansas State rolls a better blunt and gets a win here...Pick Kansas State 88-84


  1. Great Post! I have enjoyed reading to your smut, vulgar, and to the point posts dealing with big 12 basketball. I've looked everywhere for in depth, realistic coverage of the conference, and there just isn't any. I like all your picks, but due to T-O double D's Ralphie impression, I have to go with the buffs. Either the huskers win, or Doc's get'n T'd up! Go Skers!

  2. fuckin a right....