Sunday, March 24, 2013

Crafting a Miracle

Fresh off the first atrocious ref job of the NCAA Basketball Tournament, PYB chimes in with some thoughts on the first weekend of March Madness:

--We hate the generic, homogenized, boring floors that are used in every arena. We liked when the court designs were left as is. It gave the games character when you had the bucking bronco in Laramie and the cactus sprouting from the sideline in Tucson. Now, a horrendous mixture of black and blue with the plainest font known to man, makes it impossible to tell Dayton from Salt Lake City.

--The best way there is to tell where games are now is to listen to the crowd. Apparently, the tournament became a series of home games for top seeds and 12 seeds. Michigan and Michigan State in Detroit, Ohio State in Dayton, Kansas in Kansas City, Cal in San Jose, and Louisville in Lexington. David Stern would be proud.

--We had our first exciting finish Sunday, which was unfortunately ruined by the referees. It was just a matter of time, as the zebras have been missing every close call for four days. Ohio State benefitted from at least seven bad calls prior to the charge called on Iowa State, which was immediately followed by awarding the ball to the Buckeyes after it went off the fingers of Deshaun Thomas. Aaron Craft subsequently hit a last-second winning shot on a possession that should have never been. Once again, officials inserted themselves as the story and ruined a great game, and only Charles Barkley had the balls to say anything about it. Greg Anthony and Kenny Smith toed the company line...

--Gonzaga, after taking the honor of becoming the worst regular-season number one team in college basketball history, took the honor as worst number one tournament seed of all time. After nearly losing to Southern in the first round, they got pounded by Wichita State. The Zags are taking a page from the Kansas Book of Basketball, by perennially underachieving in March.

--If you needed further proof that college basketball is watered down, Georgetown got dominated by Florida Gulf Coast from opening tip to final buzzer.

--Another nitpick: what the fuck is up with all the late tips in the second round games on Saturday & Sunday? (BTW, we refuse to call it the third round just because eight shitty teams play mid-week in the "First Four." We can accept the games being pushed toward prime time on Saturday, when the public can enjoy them late into the night over a few beers. But Duke and Creighton starting at 9:40 EDT is ridiculous. Don't they know that most of us are so fucking hungover from Saturday and/or depressed about going to our shitty jobs on Monday that we can't stay up that late? This sucks, just like Super Bowl Sunday sucks.

--What do we like about the tournament? Well, gambling on it. Somehow, despite the subpar basketball, we've been solid with our prognostications, racking up a 27-11-3 record against the spread through Sunday's first game.

All we got. Checking in later --- PYB.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Bracket-Mology....What Is It?

--Have you heard about the Miami Heat's amazing win streak? If not, tune into ESPN and you might hear about it. What was seen last night was Queen James taunting poor Jason Terry after a run-of-the-mill alley oop dunk and then preening like second-rate punt returner after hitting a fadeaway jumper over Jeff Green to seal the Boston Celtics' meltdown. The Queen still reigns.

--As Nebraska baseball idles in neutral for what looks to be another meaningless season, we are presented with another of the many reasons why Mike Anderson should have been fired three years earlier than he was. We are glad Tom Osborne was busy building new arenas and stadium sections for losing and mediocre teams, rather than focusing on the product that plays in those facilities. We're fine.

--Who does everyone have in their NCAA bracket? Baylor? Notre Dame? Oh wait, let's focus on the men's side, where picking your Final Four is now an excercise in futility, borne from the fact that none of the teams are any good and the 'definitive' overall number-one seed is a team that lost four times in conference and three of the last six times it played.

So, put that bracket away and gamble on the games like a real man. Drink enough to forget how bad the players are, and enjoy a few buzzer beaters that are enough to make the commentators on all eight networks dub this a 'tournament for the ages.'

--The World Baseball Classic is so exciting. It's almost as exciting as Olympic hockey, where players are pulled out of their regular seasons for a tournament meant for 'amateurs' in the most corrupt event in sporting history. The result is the same as both Olympic hockey and baseball and basketball (and the Ryder Cup), with the Americans fizzling out and losing to countries whose players still had heart and really cared about the result. At least we can all take solace in the fact that the USA still dominates the half pipe at the X Games that ESPN televises every two months.

We are out for now. Stay tuned for weekend updates covering the first two rounds of the NCAA basketball tournament. We refuse to call it rounds two and three, just because a few scrub teams played earlier in the week in Dayton. This, of course, poses two questions: 1. Why the hell are these play-in games in Dayton every fucking year  --AND-- 2. Why do some of the play-in game victors come in as 11 and 13 seeds?? The shittiest eight teams should play in these games with the winners being 16 seeds. Bottom line.

That said, fearless PYB prediction: A one seed will lose in the first round for the first time in tournament history in the next two seasons. Mark it down.

See ya...

Saturday, March 9, 2013

1989, The Number

PYB reporting for some quick Saturday opinions, as we watch NBA TV highlights of Debbie Gibson performing at halftime of Friday's Detroit-Dallas game...Only in My Dreams:

--In Austin, it's not about the money....but it's about helping overpay the most overpaid coach in college football as he helps his Longhorns to a .500 record. Apparently, the LHN isn't paying as many bills as it should, especially since nobody in Texas even has it on their cable/satellite package. Hell, if PYB was a Texas fan, we'd have to be shitfaced too to watch that offense.

--We're quite certain this is a story that didn't need to be written. We can't imagine why a 21-year-old kid wouldn't want to talk publicly about a father in the midst of a sexual scandal.

--We liked this story and vividly remember sitting in our living room watching Wahoo make the comeback against the entitled pricks from Pius X. We also remember the crushing loss that the York Dukes absorbed in the district finals mentioned in the story. We did, however, forget that YHS held a 10-point, fourth-quarter lead. Ouch.

FYI we did skim this story because it was entirely too long due to Dirk's windbag ways. Also, for the record, PYB was 15 at the time so Dirk was several years younger and his 'vivid' memories are certainly exaggerated. The Millard South-Columbus game, outside of the finish, was boring as shit because A) The teams scored in the 40s in typical bullshit Nebraska high school walk-it-up fashion and 2) It followed the Class B game, which was one of the best five finishes we've ever witnessed at any level of basketball.

These games, to be certain, were part of the Golden Age for the Devaney Center (NU was just getting good at this time). The days when the arena would be at max capacity by the middle of the Class B championship game. A capacity, which at that time, was 14,000+ and was said to be overflowing with more than 15,000 spectators after standing room only was tallied. Days where great Class B contests led to superstar Class A appearances of Terrance Badgett, Erick Strickland, Andre Woolridge and Tad Jurgens. Days where Nebraska high-school stars became NBA players, professional baseball players, conference scoring-and- assist leaders, and poker stars. Now, we're stuck with the feel-good stories of 340-pound Brazilian bouncers.

By the time the Class A game started, it was a powder keg of excitement. So a few years later, of course, in its infinite wisdom, the NSAA did the obvious -- move the Class A game to a 1:30pm tip in the day's first session. Jesus....perhaps we should have known that sports was on the decline at that point. "Let's placate a few fat folks bitching about parking availability because they arrived 25 minutes before game time by killing the whole buzz of the championship Saturday." Fuck yeah.

Anyhow, this was 1989 and the Devaney was regularly rocking as Nebraska basketball got good, became a Top 25 team, won a Big Eight Tournament title, got some high seeds in the NCAA Tournament, choked a few times, won an NIT Championship, then turned to shit and relinquished exciting times to Runza Rex, priority chair-back floor seating, Barry Collier and an embarrassingly bland environment complete with video-board bullshit and the timeout music soundtracks with the freshest tunes from 10 years before. Chumbawumba rules, and if you don't like them, this will surely get you pumped.... Moving on....

--Tiger Woods is back!!! He's back leading the limited field at a meaningless WGC events at a shitty course in the ghettoes of Miami. Make sure to tune in to watch the announcers stroke their cocks to every move he makes and to see the browning Bermuda grass. Bienvenidos a Miami....

All we got....As real as it may seem, we're done rambling....PYB

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Saving Silberman

--PYB signs on, still re-energized by the LOL moment we had yesterday -- reading this and watching this. Honestly, we had not laughed this loud for months. Two kicks, 32 yards -- combined!! Hands down, the best part of the whole fortunate situation is how NFL-hopeful (delusional) Lauren Silberman faked the injury after not kicking the ball any farther than you or I would have! Questions abound:
  • Is the NFL subject to Title IX?
  • How in the world did she get on the list to try out? (She had a credit card.) Most NFL kickers were great athletes in high school at least. This chick makes Charlie Brown look like Sebastian Janikowski.
  • Can she punt?
  • Can she be an onside kick specialist? Those 13- and 19-yard kicks are often the hardest to cover!
  • Is #65 laughing in the background or is the camera misrepresenting his facial expression?
  • Was she thrown off by her new wave kicking technique, where PKs take 19 steps before getting to the ball???
We can't do justice to it, so we'll let the video speak for itself.......and fax in our papers to test out with the linebackers in next year's combine. Bo Ruud got a cup of coffee in the league, so we like our chances...

--Does anyone doubt that Emperor Stern has the Miami Heat set up to repeat as NBA "Champions?" If this video is any indicator, you may as well chalk it up now. JJ Barea warranted an ejection for a slightly over the top chest bump? With this kind of protection, Dwight Howard could win a title. Somewhere, Jesus Shuttlesworth shakes his head, and Xavier McDaniel weeps.

--College basketball is not awesome. Gonzaga is number one. Nothing against the Zags, but if this is the best college hoops has to offer, the sport is in deep shit. We also heard that their coach, Mark Few, is a hot coaching prospect but won't leave the school because he likes the fishing near Spokane. We also met a guy from Spokane one time, who was cocky as hell because he tended bar at the "hottest spot in town." After much prodding on our part, he finally gave up the 4-1-1 as to his trendy place of employment -- Applebee's. True story.

--Joe Flacco now officially makes more than Tom Brady and Drew Brees....even though he sucks. OK, whatever. Hopefully, he gives half to Anquan Boldin and a good chunk to the NFL copywriters who wrote the story where a Broncos DB lets a WR behind him for a long bomb with less than a minute remaining.

--The Nebraska Strength Program: Bigger, Fatter, Slower. Hey Porky, pass the BBQ. Does anyone have the tapes of Ed Stewart, Terrell Farley, Octavious McFarlin, et al. to send to Lincoln? Or is Private Pinelli making sure NU has the beef necessary to stop the Purdue fullback this fall?

--Tom Steer loves the Huskers' most recent offer....

We're gone for now....enjoy your Tuesday, and all the promises of a new day that come from the NU spring football camp. Attacking defense, fewer turnovers, and stuff. OMFG

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Spanning Attention

--Joe Flacco is going to become the NFL's highest paid player, but is a borderline top 10 NFL quarterback. Proof positive that a rigged Super Bowl and rigged MVP award can make those Disney dreams come true.

--As spring football commences, and Bo Pinelli vows to pay attention to the defense this year, PYB has just finished reading "Unbeatable" -- an account of Tom Osborne's last three seasons as Nebraska's football coach. The book spans more than 350 pages, complete with some interesting inside tidbits, along with the trite, overtold, stories every NU fan has heard 1000 times. It's definitely worth a read. A few of our biggest takeaways:
  • When the Cornhuskers demolished Colorado in Boulder in 1995 (a Top 10 team), they committed no penalties, had no turnovers, and allowed no sacks. That's 180 degrees from the current train wreck in Lincoln, where the nation's leading fumbler resides under center and the offensive line coach mysteriously became a tight ends coach. We're fine.
  • Osborne quit his job as coach, despite leading one of the greatest runs in college football history, because he'd promised Rat Solich he'd coach five more years before stepping aside. He felt it was his duty to keep that promise. Holy shit.
  • Osborne was a great football coach, but a bad athletic director. He built buildings, but led the athletic department to its lowest level of national relevance in 25 years. His first move as a de facto AD came when he pressured Chancellor James Moeser and then-Athletic Director Billy Byrne into agreeing to hire Solich. Byrne had built one of the top five athletic programs in the country by that point, making NU a regular in the Directors' Cup standings. His short list for coaches before TO flushed the program down the shitter: Mack Brown, Phil Fulmer, and Jim Tressel. Ouch. Yep, we know Mack Brown is a shitty game coach, but he can recruit. Fulmer eventually flamed in Knoxville, but had a long, successful run. Tressel was a crook, but so was a good portion of the NU roster in the 1990s. All three won national titles. Solich pissed away at least two chances before being rightfully fired.
  • Osborne actually emphasized special teams play and had specific coaches assigned to those units. Novel concept.
  • Traits of successful quarterback play were leadership, ball security and wins. Statistics were an afterthought.
  • Under Osborne, speed was considered an asset to the football team and thought to improve chances of winning.
--PYB watched Tim Miles coach circles around John Groce today, as Nebraska traveled to Champaign, Ill. and fell just short in a 72-65 loss to the Illini. It was clear Groce, a media darling hot prospect in the post-season college basketball coaching carousel, was second fiddle in this matchup. On a side note, Miles sported possibly the worst shirt & tie combination we have ever seen (red/black striped tie with a light blue shirt w/ white strips (Huh?). Maybe he does belong in Nebraska after all?

Anyhow, NU held a lead late into the game, until Dylan Talley went cold and Brandon Ubel pissed the bed as he usually does in clutch situations. The zebras then butchered two critical fucking calls, as usual, and it was curtains. A game effort, nonetheless.

--Rory McIlroy WD'd from The Honda Open yesterday because of a toothache. The Golf Channel called it a red flag that his career is spiraling downard. PYB thinks he was tired of playing another shitty, Bermuda-ridden course on the Florida swing. Either that, or he had a date with his new BFF Tiger Woods. Bear trap. Bear trap. Bear trap.

--Gonzaga may become the top-ranked college basketball team on Monday. Anyone else need more proof that college basketball is a disaster these days?

That's all we have for now...enjoy the rest of the weekend. P-Y-B