Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Saving Silberman

--PYB signs on, still re-energized by the LOL moment we had yesterday -- reading this and watching this. Honestly, we had not laughed this loud for months. Two kicks, 32 yards -- combined!! Hands down, the best part of the whole fortunate situation is how NFL-hopeful (delusional) Lauren Silberman faked the injury after not kicking the ball any farther than you or I would have! Questions abound:
  • Is the NFL subject to Title IX?
  • How in the world did she get on the list to try out? (She had a credit card.) Most NFL kickers were great athletes in high school at least. This chick makes Charlie Brown look like Sebastian Janikowski.
  • Can she punt?
  • Can she be an onside kick specialist? Those 13- and 19-yard kicks are often the hardest to cover!
  • Is #65 laughing in the background or is the camera misrepresenting his facial expression?
  • Was she thrown off by her new wave kicking technique, where PKs take 19 steps before getting to the ball???
We can't do justice to it, so we'll let the video speak for itself.......and fax in our papers to test out with the linebackers in next year's combine. Bo Ruud got a cup of coffee in the league, so we like our chances...

--Does anyone doubt that Emperor Stern has the Miami Heat set up to repeat as NBA "Champions?" If this video is any indicator, you may as well chalk it up now. JJ Barea warranted an ejection for a slightly over the top chest bump? With this kind of protection, Dwight Howard could win a title. Somewhere, Jesus Shuttlesworth shakes his head, and Xavier McDaniel weeps.

--College basketball is not awesome. Gonzaga is number one. Nothing against the Zags, but if this is the best college hoops has to offer, the sport is in deep shit. We also heard that their coach, Mark Few, is a hot coaching prospect but won't leave the school because he likes the fishing near Spokane. We also met a guy from Spokane one time, who was cocky as hell because he tended bar at the "hottest spot in town." After much prodding on our part, he finally gave up the 4-1-1 as to his trendy place of employment -- Applebee's. True story.

--Joe Flacco now officially makes more than Tom Brady and Drew Brees....even though he sucks. OK, whatever. Hopefully, he gives half to Anquan Boldin and a good chunk to the NFL copywriters who wrote the story where a Broncos DB lets a WR behind him for a long bomb with less than a minute remaining.

--The Nebraska Strength Program: Bigger, Fatter, Slower. Hey Porky, pass the BBQ. Does anyone have the tapes of Ed Stewart, Terrell Farley, Octavious McFarlin, et al. to send to Lincoln? Or is Private Pinelli making sure NU has the beef necessary to stop the Purdue fullback this fall?

--Tom Steer loves the Huskers' most recent offer....

We're gone for now....enjoy your Tuesday, and all the promises of a new day that come from the NU spring football camp. Attacking defense, fewer turnovers, and stuff. OMFG