A Tale of Two Shitty Programs

--The worst of times are the best of times these days if you're a University of Nebraska sports fan. The only time excitement enters the picture is when a coaching change looms and thoughts of what might be excite the Cornhusker state. Then, when faced with actually having to produce results during the season, reality sets in and deep disappointment soon follows. Doesn't matter if it's Memorial Stadium, the Devaney Center or Haymarket Park.

The Omaha World Herald keeps hammering its pre-mortems into the state's collective head. We're not going to sit here and campaign for Ken Sadler, but we think it might be worth mentioning that the men's basketball team's latest slide directly corresponds with the team losing its only center for the remainder of the season. For Lee Barfknecht to act like he can't piece together that puzzle and act incredulous about what could have triggered the five-game losing streak is dishonest and self-serving...or more accurately...plain fucking stupid.

--Marvin Sanders left Florida Atlantic after less than two months 'on the job.' Now, more sluts to bang for Carl Pelini, who's getting a divorce back in good ole' Lancaster County.

Hmmmm.....Maybe it was true about him fucking other chicks. Two problems, though, with these latest developments: Florida sluts won't care about some cat making a mere $900k, they're after the real money. Guidos with Lamborghinis, etc. Nobody cares about the FAU coach. Carl, you're not in Nebraska any more.

AND, don't forget, you aren't exactly George Clooney in the looks department....from what I hear, anyway. I wouldn't know...I'm not gay.....

--Admittedly, there's something scary about a kid having to campaign for a scholarship. But, if there is room for four Cottons there is certainly room for one Minter. Especially if you want Mike, Sr. to come back and coach in some capacity one day.

--Illinois -2.5 over NU today...which team will quit first? May be best to wait for a second-half wager. Hopefully, NU won't be down 20 already.

Just Lin, Baby

--LeQueen openly talking about returning to Cleveland? Why would it be good enough for Her Highness a second time if it wasn't the first? I is for Idiot, not Icon.

--Sounds like a scintillating dunk contest at this year's All-Star Weekend. Shortly after learning of the horrible field, we learn that fans will decide the champion? And it will be only one round? We won't even have to DVR this mess. The Washington Examiner agrees.

At least we won't have to watch the crotchety judges overrate one-handed power dunks and underrate an amazing dunk by an unknown player and screw him out of advancing to the second round.....especially since there's just one round. Whatever....the contest was ruined as it became a prop contest (Kias, phone booths, etc) rather than an athletic exhibition that rewarded, power, dexterity and aerial artistry....moving on.....

--Wisconsin basketball = Wisconsin football. Beat up on patsies, can't beat a real team. Ever. This time, Michigan State blasted them.

--Tomorrow, NU fans are blessed with an epic matchup in Lincoln: a team about ready to quit on its coach (NU) vs. a team whose coach quit on his pussy team (Bruce Weber).

--PYB laughs as this bandwagon gets lighter with each missed layup and traveling call....

--Random thought as we think of reason #400 why ESPN is a piece of shit. Watching NBATV every morning shows us why we loved ESPN when it started and why we hate it now. NBATV shows either NBA Gametime or Inside the NBA every morning, complete with full box scores and extensive highlights from every game. They cover the GAMES: not all the hype and bullshit that line the pockets of those at the network. Novel concept.

--Nice round, Hefty. Looks like a hot streak. Don't waste all your energy before June again this year....we need Good to prevail over Evil Eldrick all season...The Cowardly Tiger is skipping Riviera, as he does every year, since he can't compete at the course since it requires accurate driving and good putting.

--From the overly sensitive department here....some almost valid points get hidden by columnist Tom Huang's poor delivery and borderline whiny tone. Jeremy, just keep racking up the fantasy stats for us here at PYB....

Rap Sheet

A couple classics for everyone this fine Sunday morning. The Nebraska-Penn State basketball game isn't worth analyzing, other than the fact that it's the easiest money we ever made. Regretfully, we didn't toss more on Sandusky's boys at halftime. Can't wait to unload against the Huskers in the rest of the season's games, as the Mike Krzyzewski watch officially begins.....Rock that shit, homie...Rock thaaaat shiiiiiit!!!

Funny, though, how Ice Cube considered himself AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted at the time of this recording but now has no problem taking "The Man's" money while pimping Coors Light and churning out shit movies like Are We There Yet?



Encore...

Postscript: Whitney Houston finally croaked after her dope-fiends ways finally caught up to her in the biggest way. The foolish world of pop-culture addicts weeps. Yahoo! News called her "a force to be reckoned with" in the 1990s, before succumbing to drugs, delusion and denial in the years following. So she was the Nebraska football of pop music? We will mourn for Eazy E, but shed no tears for Mrs. Brown.

ESPN is dropping "Tiger Alerts" all over its screens this weekend, like porn stars drop jizz all over their co-stars faces. Tiger is JUST four shots back! Look out, he's back! Don't forget he won an 18-man tournament earlier this year and almost won in the Middle East before choking and losing to the venerable Robert Rock.

The First Day of School

With Nebraska's basketball team traveling to Happy Valley for the next installment of Kenneth Sadler's death sentence as head coach, PYB couldn't help but find this song fitting. Surely, Jerry Sandusky will be watching these strapping young men in tank tops and shorts, since the elementary school by his house will be closed Saturday. We wonder if he is yet to feel any guilt for effectively murdering Joe Paterno?

Can we analyze this game? Penn State is favored by three points and looked like the worst shooting team in history when NU dominated them in Lincoln a month ago. PYB doesn't think the Huskers have flat-out quit on Sadler; we just think it's hard to score without a player over 6'4" that can make a layup. (This comes on the heels of Brandon Ubel doing his best Jason Glock-versus-Oklahoma impression in the Michigan game.) Dylan Talley looks robotic. Brandon Richardson is back in his timid shell after his great game in Iowa City. Toney McCray is clueless and terrible. And Bo Spencer faces three defenders 25 feet from the basket nearly every possession, making getting a good shot impossible.

That said, should bettors go big on the Nittany Lions today at -3, or will NU find a bit of relief away from the toxic Devaney Center--where the fans show up and sit on their hands and cannot wait to quit on the team? It is certainly one of the worst environments in college basketball. Never before have we seen a place where the home team can hold a 10-point lead and then, if the visitors make a couple baskets to cut that lead to four, the fans act put out and quit cheering. A disgrace, to be sure. These supposed best fans in college sports should be ashamed, and are more than 50% of the reason for NU's sad state these days. Imagine a recruit coming to a game to watch this embarrassment: no energy, no noise, no spirit. Hello, Iowa!

PYB also finds it rich that all the fans who haven't seen an NU game in five years are calling for Sadler's head. We're not opposed to a change, because things ain't working. But those who know nothing about the program and haven't paid their dues by watching this shitty program over the last 20 years haven't earned the right to complain. Either way, NU administrators better have a fucking LONG-TERM plan if a change is made. Making a change just for the sake of change will waste another five years and set the program back another 10. They better not fuck up the seating or design at the new Pinnacle Bank Arena. They better get it right, or just cancel basketball altogether.

Do we have confidence they will get it right? Hell no. Ninety percent of Nebraskans don't understand basketball and never will. This includes the buffoons at the NU AD running the program. Traveling to a few NBA arenas and mimicking the timeout songs and contests and then having the nerds in the student section jump around like the Duke nerds at Cameron Indoor doesn't qualify as creating a gameday environment. Take, for instance, the 'thought' that went into the current court: at least three different fonts in the lettering....an N a midcourt the size of Texas, splotched over an old Big 12 logo that they were too cheap to remove. Classy touch. And some say we're a bit too negative, but we still contend that the kid that dresses up like the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz every game doesn't strike fear into the hears of Big 10 opponents.

--OK, let's get to some good stories. Jeremy Lin and the New York Knicks for one. NYK's new starting point guard put up 38 points as Mike D'Antoni's squad beat the Lakers last night at Madison Square Garden. Lin moves quite a bit like Steve Nash as he drives to the basket and surveys opposing defenses off the dribble. D'Antoni has to hope this is the point guard he's been waiting for, or his time in New York will certainly be short. Biggest question is: will Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudemire ruin the newfound chemistry the team has founce once they return? The likely answer is probably, since they're stand-in-one-spot and get-me-shots guys, and Lin and D'Antoni's games rely on motion, passing, shooting and teamwork....you know, all the things you're supposed to have!!!!

On another note, MSG is one of the few legitimately exciting sports venues left. Name another transcendent venue that remains? Where fans feed off the players as much as in New York and can almost will them to awesome performances once they get momentum rolling. Top it off with the Garden's organ and defense cheer and it's unbeatable. The fact that there will be no Big East tournament there after this year is a fucking joke.

--By the way, nice job Creighton. Can the 'Jays find another way to blow the MVC and miss the field of 69 or whatever it is these days? Can't wait....by the way, you can't outrun the SI Jinx.

--PYB watched Murray State lose for the first time this season on Thursday night, at home, against Tennessee State. The Racers had countless opportunities to tie and win the game, but piss-poor decision making, coaching, game management and clock management cost them their undefeated season. Both teams were fucking horrible, and the fact that Murray State was ranked seventh in the country tells you all you need to know about the state of college basketball. That said, MSU will probably make the Elite Eight next month.

--"Those aren't pillows!!!" Welcome to the Big 10, Nebraska, where sexual deviancy outweighs fielding a quality product on the field/court.

--A funny thing happened on Nebraska fans' bandwagon rush to find a rated team to support. More losers showed up for the women's game than fans attended the men's game the night before.....only problem was that NU choked and got blown out by an unranked Michigan team. Keep searching for a winner, Husker fans. Haven't you learned that female teams always blow it? Or was it the free tickets your daughter got at her Read to Achieve class that compelled you to go?

Good luck to the Big Red in State College today. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Early contenders (from what our sources tell us) to replace Sadler if he is axed are: John Wooden, Red Auerbach, Steve Mariucci, Phil Jackson, Dana Altman and John Calipari. Keep in mind Nebraska AD Tom Osborne has zero proven track record hiring coaches. Frank Solich was a flop and ruined the AD's bell cow program. The jury is still out on Bo Pinelli, who's made no headway as far as winning anything that matters. And Darin Erstad is in his first season as head coach.....perhaps paying a search firm is worth the cost?

Have a good weekend...now bend over, spread your cheeks and give us two good coughs....

PYB

Border War

This past week brought nothing good in the way of sports. Nebraska's basketball lost two winnable games, and its only center is likely out for the year. The New York Giants 'won' the Super Bowl, as the NFL somehow arranged for both Tom Brady AND Aaron Rodgers to tank wide-open game-winning passes when they hadn't missed a throw all season. But PYB watched a decent Kansas at Missouri basketball game Saturday night. A game that may be the last in the hate-filled Border War. If you don't believe us, watch this clip, perhaps the best things we've seen in months and certainly the best we saw last week.



And, as a bonus, at the end of our research for this entry we found this link of the Top 10 College Basketball Fights. Yes! We've got something to do this morning at work!

After watching, we question the depth of research that went into this column. PYB remembers several college brawls over the years with chairs flying. And we still contend that AI and Victor Page must sit at home at shake their heads (STDHs)when watching Georgetown get roughed up by the Chinese. Miiiiister Booooowwweerrr...!

And a couple more we found independently....

Wyoming vs. UTEP

Some good ole' scum fightin' in Illinois high school action...

And we top that off with some good ole' hillbilly fightin'...Watch for Jethro in the leopard-pattern shirt and see if you can count how many concert tee shirts you see amongst the crowd....

Sadly, we could not find footage of the king of all brawls, North Carolina A&T vs. North Carolina Central from 1990.

Josh Hamilton in Dirty North Dallas...Encore!

PYB thought it only fitting to do the inevitable follow up from its first-ever post....the one showing Josh Hamilton allowing some Tempe trolls to take body shots off his rock...hard....abs.

This video shows the details of his relapse from Monday night, courtesy of WFAA in Dallas. Details none of the national outlets had published as of Friday evening. Father of four...sounds like a great one....check the 1:10 mark.

We personally enjoy the headline that says, with horror, "Josh Hamilton Drinking Two Weeks before Spring Training." Real men do it an hour before the game and wait for their drugs outside the arena in their Boston Celtics warmups. Ask Chris Herren.

Error, Bo Pinelli! Error!

PYB follows up national signing day in college football with a variety of topics:

--Bo Pinelli admitted yesterday that they quit recruiting Texas as hard once they moved to the rusty Big 10. He bordered on calling it a mistake. Idiotic move, to be sure. Who would think it's prudent to quit recruiting one of the top three talent-rich states in the Union just because you're moving to a slow, past-its-prime conference? We think it would provide your team an advantage, regardless of the premise of Mitch Sherman's pointless, convoluted column yesterday on ESPN's website.

NU seems to have corraled a solid class, even though its bipolar ways continued. Heavy on a couple positions one year, don't recruit any of that position the next. However, NU signed one player in the Dallas Top 100 and wasn't close to any others. NU signed one of the Texas Top 100. And it was only in running for one of the nation's Top 100, before whiffing on Andrus Peat, who opted to play for a team that will go 6-6 the next four seasons. Do sociology degrees from Stanford pull as much weight as its real degrees?

Pelini stopped short of making excuses for his oversight, but as always, hinted strongly that factors beyond his control (just like referees causing his 15-minute in-game tirades) hurt the Huskers' effort. This time, it was Lincoln's location. Apparently, Pinelli didn't have access to a map when signing his $3 million contract. Funny, we never heard Tom Osborne cry about logistics.

Funny, we also don't know of any airlines rushing to establish hubs in Eugene, Ore., Tuscaloosa, Ala., Baton Rouge, La., Oklahoma City, Columbia, Mo., or Boise, Id. Just to make it easy...we know American has flights directly from Dallas to Omaha and Grand Island. And Southwest has connecting flight through STL and DEN.

Good news, though. NU concentrated more on Ohio in an effort to lap up Ohio State and Bitchigan's sloppy seconds. Yay Cardinal Mooney! We'd have hated to see the team concentrate on DFW, considering its ONLY remaining impact player hails from the Dallas area.

--Speaking of Cardinal Mooney, Pinelli said Mooney Alum Braylon Heard may switch to cornerback. Rumor has it that any switch will be of the permanent, one-game variety. Fuck off.

--Speaking of nepotism, Nebraska fended off the Ohio Bobcats and somehow hoodwinked legions of other suitors and got another Cotton stiff to put his name on the dotted line. What a joke. The two most notable Cotton contributions, as a family, to NU football: consistently inconsistent (closer to bad) offensive lines and a nut sack fondling on national television.

--NU also outdueled Notre Dame for Jordan Westerkamp, the 'most prolific' receiver in Illinois high-school history. Why the fuck does NU need another receiver to underutilize? It doesn't have a quarterback! But, per this article, Tim Beck is telling kids NU will be throwing the ball more. As always, logic and planning are secondary in the Pelini Process. We're fine.

--We enjoyed the Omaha World Herald's coverage of the day, but thought it funny that the 'news outlet' referred only to the 247 rankings when discussing Nebraska's national spot, and omitted competitors' data entirely. (Rivals). Fair & impartial....unless it involves a business venture.

--Ladies and gentlemen, national signing day's version of the NIT Selection Show! How many future, overwhelmed starters and Academic All-Big 10 players will NU glean from this bunch???

--By the way, NU announced its on probation for a books snafu. Does this mean it will get two coaching staffs next year? Or is that bylaw only applicable in Columbus?

--On to rosier topics: apparently PYB is not alone in its desire to have the Super Bowl played on Saturday. We'd like to enjoy a few beers for this game and not have to rush home and go to sleep in preparation for another depressing day at work. Is it that foreign of a concept? Oh wait, this article says all those pre-game parties would be affected.....OK. The only folks attending are coked-up B-listers or people so rich that they can change their travel schedules on a whim....or star-chasing sluts who will be there regardless of date/time/location.

--Erick Strickland wants to coach at Nebraska someday. No brainer. Do it mid-season. Played in the NBA. Banged lots of bitches. Nebraska native. Once laid his dong on a dissecting tray in biology class at Bellevue West. Perfect fit. Along with Dirty Dick Strick, try to get Tyronn Lue involved in some fashion and see where it goes. They have to have more game than current assistant David Anwar and his Hitler/Jordan mustache. Just make sure to get Strickland before he works for Isiah Thomas and his basketball IQ is permanently deleted.

--Speaking of Nebraska basketball, Ken Sadler and his team have a game tonight at Northwestern. The Wildcats, with two regulars listed as questionable, are a seven-point favorite. NU has been competitive on the road all year. Bet at your own peril. Northwestern runs the Princeton offense. Nebraska has one good offensive player. Watch at your own peril.

--LeQueen James had 24 points last night at Milwaukee---in the first quarter. And his team lost. As expected, her highness went cold in the second half. The game highlights were even complete with an overhyped one-handed power dunk from James.

Kenny Smith, as we type, is on NBA Game Time and making excuses for Miami, saying that it's hard for teams to get excited to play in cities without a "vibrant" atmosphere. Just say it Kenny, too many white people and not enough clubs with VIP bottle service for the pampered NBA babies...since the only two cities he cited were Minneapolis and Milwaukee.

--And we'll end with a couple links that expound on the ridiculousness of the NBA, courtesy of the great Bill Simmons. PYB no longer reads his entries on a regular basis but, as long as they don't cover the Red Sox or Patriots, they're always great. Any time someone mentions Baron Davis's love handles, it's a solid day.