Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Fresno Calling -- Guest Column by The Diggler

PYB wants to thank The Diggler for coming out of the bullpen in our time of need to write this week's recap. We sprinkled his fresh perspectives (you're certainly tired of the usual author) in with some Editor's Notes (italics below). Thanks also to AMG for sending the highlight link (truth be told, I looked in the same location was technically unsavvy enough not to find it). 

Read on:
Let me first start off by saying starting a football game at 9:30pm (10:30 EDT, for the fucking record) is utterly ridiculous and I’m not sure how much we got out of this road trip.  Late game.  Blowout.  Shitty opponent.  Late return time.  Tired players.  Inflated egos.  Etc.  Anyway off to my updates in a random and observational manner:

Touchdown to Westerkamp:
·        Missed it because CBS Sports Network felt compelled to show the end of the Wake Forest v. Utah State game even though Utah State was up by whoever the fuck cares.  More on Wake Forest later in the update.

Ameer Abdullah TD:
·        Dude is a stud and wish he got more than 5 carries a game.

Nebraska D:
·        We are terrible versus high-paced offenses. (Diggler, remember to hyphenate here)
·        Can’t get the signals into the players and if you took a shot for every down we weren’t set and Fresno snapped the ball you would be shit faced by mid Q2.  The loss of Michael Rose’s on field play calling ability is very apparent - something to watch if Nebraska gets to a bowl game and we play something other than boring ass Big Ten teams. (NU is now in the Big 10 and gets to play boring-ass SEC teams at 10am in the rain. At least it's 11am Eastern for us after moving.)

Santos is a moron
·        No fucking clue what he was doing batting the ball out of the end zone.  Bo said he felt it was an incomplete pass which is remarkable considering a first grader knows the ball is dead upon an incompletion. (Maybe he thought he was covering an RB in the flat? Wait, NU LBs don't do that...)

Fresno had a 9 yard punt
·        All you fucking do at practice is practice punting – never understood how this can happen. (NU kickers/punters used to jump on the high-jump mats and pretend to make game-winning catches when we watched practice in college....)

Kenny Bell:
·        Continues to put KCCO on his arm tape.  It should read: “KCFI” – Keep Calm and Fake Injuries. (How is this still a trend? And why is that website so slow? And why do we vacillate between liking Bell and thinking he's kind of a bitch?)

Tommy Armstrong:
·        Throws a hard ball, but needs to put a little more air under it.  Missed a couple easy TDs and completions and all he needs to do is put a little more touch on his passes.  I can only assume he was throwing them perfectly in HS and then the QB wizard Tim Beck fucked him up.
·        Still locking on primary receivers and not progressing via his reads.  Trust your OL and check down if necessary.

Clap Snap:
·        Nebraska doesn’t clap our hands to snap the ball.  Quit doing it immediately – it’s gay. (Ohio State does it, and they're awesome.)

Randy Gregory:
·        Dude is a beast, but does he have a little 2013 Jadeveon Clowney in him?  I think so and frankly I would do the same thing.  “Ummmm play as hard as possible for dipshit Papuchis and risk getting injured or take a few plays off and make millions next year.”  Don’t get me wrong he had some money plays like dropping into coverage, finding gaps during 3rd down blitzes and is a true difference maker, but something tells me he picks and chooses.

Gangwish:
·        Granted he’s from the daunted LouPlatte Conference in Buffalo County, but kids like this need to be on Nebraska’s roster.  Kid has a motor, looked pretty solid and would tear out his heart not for Pelini but the entire state of Nebraska.  I heard we have a walk-on program and we’re famous for it – maybe we can look at this route. (PYB doesn't know much about the LouPlatte Conference and is not sure how it got mentioned here -- we just know that Ravenna is the historic powerhouse of the group.)
·        Also there are like 2000 Gangwish’s (plural, not possessive, Diggler) in Buffalo County.

Fat Charlie:
·        Kansas has scored like nine points in 20 road games under Weis.  It’s highway robbery how much money that fat fuck is making off of ND and KU, but I guess it serves those two prick institutions right. (Had no clue that Weis was still there. We can name more than 10 My Little Ponies, however.)

1st and 10:
·        “Pass!  Pass!  Pass!” – Tim Beck (This line reminded us of the Ratt lyric, "Dance, Dance, Dance..." which reminded us of how stellar they were and still are. Upon an iTunes search, we found they have a new(er) greatest hits collection from 2007 and will buy it today. Also, a college friend of ours had breakfast next to them in the late 1990s at Perkins following a show at the Royal Grove in Lincoln. Then years later, their drummer drove for the trucking company we worked for and wore a co-worker of mine out because he had to get home to Los Angeles every weekend to make his gigs).

Put Them Away!
·        Nebraska is undoubtedly the worst team at putting teams away and I challenge you to remind me of the last time Bo put someone away in a defiant manner.  If you can remember a game please e-mail PYB.

“F you Kalu!”
·        Granted he didn’t say this, but leave it to Bo to completely rip the ass
of a true freshman in his third game when his entire defense appeared to be out of sync.  I keep hearing that Bo has tough love for the kids he likes and see promise in, but good lord man let off the gas once in a while.
·        Kalu does look to be a good one – somewhat Eric Haag in nature and feel for the game.

I once kicked a 25 yard FG in intramurals
·        This is the first thought that raced through my head when the Fresno kicker missed his attempt by 20 yards.  Also if you’re wondering I went straight Tom Dempsey with my approach and kick – dead fucking center.

“I'm going to have to teach him a little bit about what a fair catch is like he did on the last one.” – Pinelli
·        Yes this was the quote one week earlier when speaking about De'Mornay Pierson-El – Nebraska’s new dynamic punt returner.  The kid is a stud and you can see that he has a perfect feel for the punt return - when to be patient, hit the hole, hit the edge and turn it up.  He’s a true freshman so the staff has plenty of time to fuck him up. (Can we change it from Pierson to Pehrson?)

Subliminal TV Ad
·        I knew the Budweiser wasn’t talking so loud that I starting seeing shit on my TV so I went through the painstaking process if trying to figure out my remote and go frame by frame.  After a few attempts sure enough I saw it – a half second subliminal ad from some weird scam prevention company.  How do they run these during programming and how is this allowed?  Also, why has it always been so hard to use the frame by frame function on your remote?  Ever since the famous Basic Instinct scene with Sharon Stone’s beav I have been trying to figure it out.  (I liked fucking Johnny....)

Fresno WR Joshua Harper
·        His dad won two NCs for Nebraska?  Check
·        Athletic WR from CA?  Check
·        No offer from Nebraska?  Double fucking check. 
·        Shoot me?  Check. (You're fine)

Cockrell and Newby
·        Byerson Cockrell looks solid and our continued success of recruiting JUCO DBs continues.
·        Marcus Newby – not sure he knows what he’s doing when on the field, but him rushing the QB is fun to watch.  Kid is fast, strong and looks solid.  Not sure what else he can do, but he actually looks like a true DE as opposed to our regular formula of 6’3” 325 lbs. (And runs a 5.4 40....breakdown!)

Halftime Observations:
·        Earlier in the update we referenced Wake Forest and we did that for a reason.  That reason being that Nebraska offered our head coaching position to Jim Grobe.  Jim Grobe…… JIM FUCKING GROBE.  If that wasn’t bad enough Houston Nutt is on this two-bit CBS Network and he also was offered our head coaching position.  Houston Nutt.  Houston Nutt.  HOUSTON FUCKING NUTT.  This POS is now begging for the SMU job and makes your realize how far these coaches have fallen along with our program.  I guess it’s not a coincidence that all three are appearing on CBS Sports Network within 2 hours of each other.

Imani Cross
·        Looked pretty fast and pulled away from DBs – PYB is still unsure of his talent. (Why do his feet look like size 22s when he runs fast?)

Holy Shit!  A Tight End!!!
·        We threw twice to TEs and they scored touchdowns.  What a noble fucking concept.

Backups:
·        Good to see them get some playing time including Fyfe who apparently wants to put up 90 on teams because he continues to throw on every play.  Frankly I love it and hope he’s calling audibles left and right to avoid Beck’s shitty play calling.

Thanks for reading.....see you after Miami....for better or for worse....PYB

Monday, September 15, 2014

Technical Difficulties

Here is what PYB saw of Saturday night's Nebraska-Fresno State football game.

Instead of getting off the couch and finding a sportsbar that was capable of finding a fourth-tier cable network, we opted for bed. We awoke to an impressive-at-first-look 55-19 final score and 172 text messages. Outside of returning a punt and some big plays, nobody seemed impressed. That said, we're on the lookout for the following:

1. A link to game highlights. Thus far, a "Goggle" search has yielded nothing outside of a NU vs. Fresno clip on YouTube from 2011.

2. A link or replay location of Saturday's game. (We're stuck in a temporary hotel without BTN, so that's not an option.

3. Notes and/or a game writeup. If we can't obtain either, we'll have to write a story based on the log of text messages we received.

--We'll leave you with a couple quick hitters, before we depart for work:

1. Is there a bigger $16 million buzzkill in sports than the PGA Tour Championship? Shit timing. Second-tier player with overly tight pants winning. Also-ran golf course. NBC coverage. And Dan Hicks comparing Billy Horschel's 82nd-seed starting point to some of the greatest low-seed winners in team sports history. What could be better when the NFL is one click of the remote away?

2. Did Iowa get caught in the ultimate trap game during its loss to Iowa State? Hard to get up the adrenaline when sandwiching an in-state rivalry game between matchups against Ball State and Pittsburgh.

3. Anyone wondering why Andy Reid got fired in Philadelphia -- please watch the last three minutes of yesterday's Chief-Bronco game.

4. Robert Griffin -- R! G! 3!  Hurt again. He's closing in on China Doll of Crystal Chandelier proportions.

Got to run for now.....send some links as requested. White uniforms = wack. But, it's probably best to break them out against a team that has given up 50+ in each of its first two games and run the all-time record in those uniforms to 2-15 and cut the average margin of loss down a few points from 25.

PYB

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Leave an Open Door

PYB begs for forgiveness on the delay of this latest post. We've been busy, and we had to wait a couple days to develop enough thoughts to fill a page following another pathetic menagerie of mishaps against McNeese State. It's all been said before. Many times. We're multiple, just like a Bo Pinelli offense.

And, just like a Tim Beck game plan, the thoughts that follow here are all great ideas on their own, but aren't part of any coherent, logical strategy. We're in between residences during a move and without a DVR. Time in the film room is limited. That's our excuse, and we're sticking to it. Fuck it. Here goes:

--Private Pinelli remarked before Saturday's contest that running back Imani Cross should have gotten more carries against Florida Atlantic and that he didn't realize the gaffe until 'looking at the stat sheet' after the game.

Seems he pulled the same fuckup against McNeese State, with the minor exception being that this time he forgot to keep All-American candidate Ameer Abdullah involved in the game. Why would someone feed the ball to a special playmaker, when Offensive Coordinator Tim Beck has 25 more overly intricate pass plays to run? Sure, the ebbs and flows of games can decrease a player's attempts from an optimal level at times -- but two fucking touches in the fourth quarter? Unacceptable!

Maybe PYB is too demanding on coaches, but we believe that if a junior high school coach knows that his best player should get the ball more than twice in the final quarter of a close game, that a college coach making $3 million a year should know that too. More than just the number of carries is the pure fact that NU coaches have done an absolutely horrendous job the last several years in getting the ball to talented, open-space playmakers. We knew, and then saw again Saturday, what Abdullah can do in one-on-one situations. He gets those opportunities maybe twice a game. Roy Helu and Rex Burkhead had some of the same abilities and were rarely, if ever, given the chance to show their wares in that capacity. Unacceptable!

--At least Beck was there to answer questions after the game. He didn't run and hide. Like any good coach, he blamed the players. Kudos, coach! We appreciate the consistency in that. The consistency in calling multiple, horrible pass plays. Wheel route inside the 10-yard line against a team trailing 14-7 and about ready to give up, anyone?

So it didn't work out. Fine, every coach blows a call or five. Tommy Armstrong made a terrible throw. So, what does any good coordinator do when said bad call and throw turned a blowout into a one-score game? Call the same play the next series and try to give the opponent the go-ahead score -- of course!!

Anyone who like those calls had to also love the dropback pass on the final drive that led to a sack and fumble that Nebraska luckily recovered. Had NU not fallen on it, McNeese state wins the game. A pathetic call that only someone from Ohio could love.

--Beck's non-use of tight ends is amazing, galling, embarrassing, stupid and unacceptable! Cethan Carter has one target in two games. This is another glaring shortcoming of NU coaches (Beck) using their players' abilities to the fullest. Instead of providing a young quarterback with a security blanket in the tight end (like most young NFL quarterbacks get as well as a guy named Tom Brady), Beck opts to force him into more dropback situations and five-route reads to a collection of backup receivers. Solid.

--In the middle of all this railing about NU's deficiencies, keep in mind that the Cornhuskers are still 2-0 with three awful to mediocre teams ahead the next three weeks. The rest of the Big 10 shit the bed on national television Saturday, so take stock and keep a positive mindset while knowing that your 2014 hasn't been completely ruined yet. Sure, the horrific loss to a shitty team is hiding somewhere in the next few weeks, but your team is still undefeated! Don't despair just yet -- there will be plenty of time to be depressed between mid-October and August 2015.

--Jamal Turner's career at Nebraska is likely done. It was sad to see the lethal combination of bad coaching and a poor work ethic/bad attitude/low IQ (not sure which?) derail a promising career the last four years, but it was probably best to put a bullet in that one before it fizzled the rest of the way this season and gave NU fans another reason to doubt (hate) the current coaching staff.

--Anyone heard this before? "Other team ran slants and things we didn't expect and we didn't adjust." Who would have ever thought an underdog would come into Memorial Stadium and try some new defensive wrinkles to stay in the game? Unheard of! Could a Bo Pinelli team just ONCE be prepared to handle something new or ADJUST at halftime? Could it happen by accident just ONCE? Do they have a plan other than to scrap everything and throw deep every down when Plan A misfires? Sure doesn't look that way after seven years of the same shit.

--Was that NU safety Corey Cooper trying to make a tackle on McNeese State's final touchdown or a cardboard cutout put in place and made to look like Corey Cooper? Phil Bland called in after the game to say he loved the effort.

--As for the defense as a whole, it was the usual suspect areas:


  • Missed tackles
  • Defensive ends blowing containment
  • Defensive ends covering running backs on deep routes
  • Failing to cover pass routes in the flats
  • Lack of playmakers forcing turnovers


--Will the Cotton family please just go away?

--De'Mornay Pierson-El looked good as a punt returner. He gained positive yardage. He looked capable of breaking open for a score at some point this season. He was chided by Bo Pinelli for not fair catching enough punts. We're fine.
Nebraska coach Bo Pelini liked what he saw from Pierson-El, at least for the most part.“I’m going to have to teach him a little bit about what a fair catch is like he did on the last one,” Pelini said. 
--The Omaha World Herald's Dirk Chatelain chimes in with a gem here. He claims that NU fans' lack of exposure to the rest of the country is the reason for their eternal, unrewarded optimism. Make no mind of the fact that almost every game is televised and there is now something called the World Wide Web that allows people to read newspapers from almost any city in the country.

Well, it's either that or the fact that 95% of the fans only know what local sportswriters write about in the newspaper. So, since most of them are either polishing the coaches' knobs to make sure they can still get into practice for a trite, cliched quote and the others are writing every year about how Player X 'completely transformed' his body in the two months between the bowl game and spring practice, then the local media outlets are primarily responsible for the hype.

Remember, the OWH created its own radio show. It publishes almost-weekly recruiting updates. Chatelain then scoffs at the fans for 'believing the hype.' This, from a writer who just told us all that he's teaching a sports writing class at UNL this semester. Mixed messages, anyone? Dirk, it's time to appreciate your readership -- they do, after all, pay your $40,000 salary -- a generous sum for someone whose only positive contribution to his newspaper is his blog entries. The overly syrupy, try-too-hard features are embarrassing and impossible to swallow. Give us more like @JonNyatawa any day.....

--Should we all rejoice that the NCAA dropped the sanctions against Penn State's football team? Apparently so, says Tom Shatel. One of the Nittany Lion coaches just fucked a few young boys in the ass. Repeatedly. Year after year. While nobody reported it to authorities. And you're saying PSU shouldn't be able to play in a bowl game as a reward for another 6-6 season? Ludicrous!! Unacceptable! Preposterous!

Moving on.....and taking a short break from NU to discuss the NFL's first weekend:

--Could there be a worse collection of starting quarterbacks for an opening day? When Philip Rivers and Carson Palmer are considered some of the most solid options, that's a problem. Also starting under center were:


  • Derek Anderson
  • Josh McCown
  • Matt Cassel
  • Shaun Hill
  • Brian Hoyer
  • Derek Carr
  • Geno Smith
  • Joe Flacco
  • EJ Manuel
  • Ryan Fitzpatrick (Texans fans were actually excited that Houston traded for Ryan Mallett)
  • Jake Locker
  • Alex Smith

--Ray Rice. PYB is sure you've all seen the 'newly released' video by now. Our questions:


  • What changed? Are there different levels of striking a woman? Mete out your punishment, NFL, and stick to your guns. Either he deserved the two-game suspension or the 'indefinite' type before, and after. 
  • Are we supposed to believe that the NFL didn't see this video before yesterday? We've been trying to book hotel rooms in Phoenix for a work event for five weeks but can't because the NFL has booked all the rooms at almost every decent hotel during Super Bowl weekend already. And the league can't access a run-of-the-mill security tape from a casino for several months?
  • Can't Rice pull something hotter than his then-fiancee and now wife? Shame on you, Ray!
Now, back to our beloved Cornhuskers:

--Like we said, don't despair just yet. NU's wide receivers are going to sharpen their route running. It's alllllll good! Open up that playbook and throw 50 times a game! Private Pinelli said he was disgusted at the lack of detail in the passing game last week against McNeese's Cowboys. SMH.

Armstrong is completing more than 50% of his passes in two games. Far from great, but not bad considering he's not a pure dropback passer and his coaches saddle him with a pass game that is needlessly intricate and overdone. He could easily be at 60%, and much more effective, with the proper use of play-action and running back/tight end involvement. But, who the fuck are we to comment on such matters?

That said, we're done. We've been all over the board, but why should we be held to any level of decorum? We do this shit pro bono due to our love of the Cornhuskers and our hate of the decay we've seen since 1998. If the coaches can't manage to do it for several million dollars a year, we feel no need to do it for free.

A duel in dirty Fresno awaits, and PYB has called for a loss in Lettuce Land for months. That said, the Bulldogs are fucking awful and have given up 50+ points in each of their first two games. Will Pinelli, Beck and company show up with a purpose, make good calls, take the game by the balls and slit the throat of a lesser opponent? Or, will they flounder like a fish out of water -- turn the ball over, commit stupid penalties, and miss assignments and tackles -- and forget to slam the door on another also ran?

Doing so invites disaster, and another sad autumn in Lincoln. A sad autumn where NU fans root only to make a Top 10 moment on SportsCenter. We're quite certain that Pinelli wants no part of, and could not survive, another one of those....

All for now -- PYB

Monday, September 1, 2014

Throwing in the Owl

PYB chimes in with our first installment of the 2014 season, with little idea of what to say. Do we laud Nebraska's 55-7 blasting of Florida Atlantic, though it means little? Do we nitpick? We'll opt, instead, to keep it short and sweet and grade it "Incomplete" until such an effort it reproduced against a worthy competitor -- and then another. Anyway, as you enjoy your Labor Day holiday, here goes:

--Nebraska's basketball team received a commitment from a Top 100 point guard. Seems like great news, given last season's success and the other recent additions to the program. We can temper that all with the fact that Fran Fraschilla said Tai Webster would have been a Top 50 recruit had he played in the United States in high school.

--Wisconsin choked against LSU. Wisconsin still has never done anything meaningful in football. Jump around.

--Baylor debuted last night against SMU, winning 45-0 and playing for the first time in its new stadium. It looks like a toilet seat. And don't let the aerials fool you -- the surrounding area is a nasty combination of a dilapidated interstate and a dirty river -- and a 9.5-foot statue
of Robert Griffin....R!! G!!! 3!!!!

OK, we've had a few moments to collect our thoughts and are prepared to make a statement on Saturday's NU game:

--Nebraska racked up 784 yards, and Tom Shatel said it's no time to give the offense a nickname but then tried to. He lauded all the unit's playmakers and then provided little detail on said playmakers.

--Tommy Armstrong looked proficient when passing. Will those receivers still be wide open against good competition?

--Armstrong looked deft enough on his feet to make long runs when they were there and to convert first downs in short-yardage situations. Does he have the vision to do the same throughout the season?

--Ameer Abdullah amazed and amassed more than 200 yards. Can he overcome the fumbling issue that has been the only bugaboo in his career and that has cost NU three wins in two seasons?

--Kenny Bell had 116 yards receiving and only feigned injury after a bad play once. Can he keep his slightly bitchy attitude under wraps when times get tough? Are his days as a punt returner over before they began (three career returns, two fumbles)?

--Jordan Westerkamp had the "Catch of the Year." Just ask ESPN and every Nebraska fan. If that's the best catch we get to see in college football this season, it will be a pathetic season.

--Demornay Pierson-El returned two punts for 14 yards. Has NU found its full-time specialist? The answer, should be an unequivocal "FUCK YES." If you don't think PYB is qualified to make that call, use the numbers. No fumbles and a seven-yard average. Case closed.

--Randy Gregory hurt his knee on the first defensive series. Is this injury serious? Will it linger on throughout the season? Will the details of the injury be released or shrouded in secrecy for two months? Private Bo Pinelli said the defensive end if  "probably day-to-day."

Is it truly day-to-day with #4? The defensive #4, that is. Is there anything more JV than both the team's star quarterback and star defensive player wearing the same jersey number? When discussing Gregory in the post-game press conference, Pinelli said:

“He probably could have went back in the game,” Pelini said, “but we decided not to.”
Could Bo Pinelli get a firmer grasp on the English language than he does on fashion? For a coach who leans on academic all-conference statistics every season after not winning anything on the field, one would think he'd know better than using 'could have went.' We digress....

--Outside of butchering the final drive of the first half (clock management) and his obsession with fade passes inside the five yard line, Tim Beck had a decent game. Can he repeat that effort and find ways to get the ball in open space to Terrell Newby, et. al.? Against good teams? Can he not panic when trailing by one score in the third quarter?

There you have it....a beautiful sunny day in Lincoln. Lots of post-game sunshine after a massive offensive onslaught. The defense appeared solid, albeit against a backup quarterback. Results look good on paper, but are still inconclusive and left us with a lot more questions (see above), than answers.

After finishing a three-year stretch in Dallas and moving to Charlotte, we're primed to spend Labor Day on the lake, and are signing off with this admittedly uninspired and cursory effort. We know media outlets are prone to make snap judgments after each and every game (Kirk Herbstreit was naming his four playoff teams by Saturday evening), but we'll resist the urge to crown any asses just yet.

Win at Fresno (the Bulldogs lost 52-13 against USC so PYB is sure they'll give a Herculean effort against NU in two weeks) and in Lincoln against Miami, and we'll talk.

For now, we take stock and get ready to go through the motions for a morning kickoff against McNeese State. Tremendous. At least we have golf's FedEx Cup to keep us excited in the meantime -- we can only imagine what the event has in store after today's epic battle between Russell Henley and Billy Horschel sets the stage.

We'll be just fine.

PYB

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Urge Overkill

PYB will be all over the board this morning, trying to get warmed up and shake the rust off following our extended layoff(s). It's that time of year -- where overkill reigns. When everyone thinks that this is their year. When nerds act like they like football a little too much for it to be believable.

The same guys who act giddy about a fucking NFL preseason game or getting to see tape of drills from Minnesota Vikings camp will be too pussywhipped to watch regular-season action by week three and will miss their favorite college team's Saturday game to watch his kid play soccer. Losers.

On with it:

--Starting with a random thought, we say that once your casino brand comes to Sioux City, your casino brand is dead. Or -- maybe driving two hours to see a fucking guitar that somebody signed after touching one time is still cool and we're missing the boat and sucking in stale cigarette smoke and paying $15.99 for a cheese quesadilla that sat out too long is good entertainment?

--Speaking of things that have lived, died and moved on. Add college football to that list. Can Nike stick to trying to ruin golf instead? Anyone seen their golf shirts this year during PGA coverage? Anyone remember this?

--Speaking of overkill, Nebraska has lost three starters in less than a week of spring training. We'll call it four by including Avery Moss, whose infamous dong shot has cost Nebraska the chance to play 2014 with probably the best pair of defensive ends in the country. It may be for the best, though, as we don't have to watch NU coaches find a way to not pressure opposing quarterbacks while opting to not blitz and keeping extra defensive backs in no-man's land doing nothing. We're fine.

Back to the lecture at hand -- one of those lost starters couldn't learn the playbook enough to play but was supposed to be the Blackshirts' savior. Another showed up late last season and looked good just because he wasn't fucking up every other down. Michael Rose's loss is the most damaging, mostly in the fact that NU needs about 15 linebackers to fill the rotation since that said rotation is changed every game for the first eight games as Private Bo Pinelli searches for his new, permanent, temporary starters on a weekly basis.

That said, we're calling all the man love on Twitter, Instagram and "Social Media" (a top five bullshit fucking catch-all term currently) overkill. We're also calling media outlets simply quoting "social media" and calling it journalism overkill, or more accurately laziness. It's almost as bad as calling a television reporter a "journalist." I love you bro! No I love you more! No wonder these guys are so mentally weak they lose four games a year. Oh well, at least Nebraska fans will have an excuse after the team loses at Fresno, despite gaining 485 yards and turning the ball over in the red zone four times.

--Alright, maybe we're being too negative already. Let's be positive. The Huskers just got a commitment from a wide receiver who's already been slated as a 'possession receiver' and, if we're reading this link correctly, is going to battle for playing time on his high school team this season. Fuck. Yes.

--We've seen this movie before. Bread-and-butter looks great vs. bad teams early. Hit panic button vs. good teams and attempt to turn run-first QB into a dropback passer who is required to make five reads on every attempt. Rotten Tomatoes rates this: Bad times and an 8-4 star rating after 12 games. Can NU trade Tim Beck to Azusa Pacific for Drake Martinez and defensive back to be named later? By the way, we got a kick out of this link -- where the possibility of Martinez heading to San Diego State did little to inspire its fan base.

--Switching gears to golf. Dustin Johnson is a cokehead. Par for the course for guys who are engaged to sluts. Can we talk about him being an accessory to murder yet, or do we still have to talk about how far he hits the golf ball? Can we talk about his DUI in 2009? Or just his bowed left wrist during his backswing and how he can dunk a basketball off two feet?

--Sticking to golf. Valhalla looks good on television this week. Golf 'purists' are probably pissed since the course isn't brown. Rory McIlroy is looking dominant again. Phil Mickelson eagled 18 on Friday to pull within three of McIlroy's lead and nine-under. Young guns Jason Day and Rickie Fowler are also in the hunt.

And, of course, the story is all about Tiger's Wood missing the cut. Or, shall we quote ESPN and say -- "the game's biggest draw." The Worldwide Leader is pissed it has nothing to talk about and has now started hammering the "will Tom Watson still pick Woods for the Ryder Cup team" angle.

--Speaking of overkill, which television spot will be driven into the ground more over the weekend? The Omega advertisement with McIlroy where the song says "you be in da hall of fame and everyone gonna know yo' name." Making golf cool, see, if a nerdy Irish kid with an unfortunate afro wears an expensive watch, hits golf shots over Dubai and does it to hip hoppish music -- he cool.

Or the Matt Lionhart, Brian Bosworth, Heath Shuler going back to college spot for Dish Network? (Side note: Dish Network is worse than any of these guys were in the NFL). That said, it's a tight race at this point.....

--Kevin Durant was mentally exhausted from losing in the Western Conference finals more than two months ago and quit the national squad. We'd like it more if he just told us he quit because they're prepping for a meaningless tournament and he wants some couch time. And if he thinks playing hoops and being rich is taxing, he should try pounding 250 e-mails a day during the week, trying to mix in a blog post once in a while and then trying to play 18 holes once a week while using less than 25% of your vacation days because your co-workers are too fucking lame to cover while you're gone. A fucking grind. The team replaced him with Rudy Gay.

--Speaking of gays, Michael Sam played for the Rams last night. ESPN is already getting all the mileage that it can out of the story -- time is precious before Sam gets cut or becomes a non-factor. Make sure to use your show pony while you can! Apparently, recording a "QB Hit" is now worthy of reporting.

That's all we have. The golf course beckons. Happy birthday to AMG -- one of our most strident supporters. We know our recent absence has let you down.

PYB still owes its readers our yearly college football over/under post -- but we can't guarantee anything this year -- as work has us on the move again. After finishing a three-year stretch in Dallas, we're now on to Norph Carolina and hope that we re-enter present day life after being stuck in 1991 with Cowboy fans who still think Larry Bird is walking through that door. Wish us luck.

Thanks for reading.....PYB.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Cargo Beep! Beep!

PYB checks in, with our weekend already made yesterday, when we woke up to this exchange between Phil Mickelson and his caddie. Certainly, we enjoyed it. Certainly, we're looking forward to a two-tee start in bad weather Saturday and Dustin Johnson's inevitable 77. The only question is, at what point during his meltdown do the announcers herald his success despite coming back from supplying someone with a gun that was used in a murder without spelling it out directly? Should be good fun!

videoWe've been gone a long time, and our previous claim of being 'back and here to stay' was as empty as Bo Pinelli's proclamation at the Holiday Bowl a few years ago. Lots to cover, so here goes:

-How many pair of cargo shorts does $3 million a year buy? A lot, apparently. If a Division I head football coach must insist on wearing cargo shorts in this day and age, is using an iron or at least some wrinkle releaser too much to ask?

-PYB enjoys the television spot for this product, endorsed by elite athletes -- a retired women's soccer player, a bass fisherman and a generic construction worker. Couldn't Mia get Noarm Garciapopup to join in the fun?

-For all you fellow golf nerds out there, we enjoyed this read. See, we're not all doom and gloom.

-It's that ESPY time of year, reminding us why this is the worst time of year for sports and why ESPN is a fraud. Evidence of such (if a network creating its own awards show and presenting awards for non-achievements wasn't enough proof for us all):

  • Running Linda Cohn out in an evening dress with her fake jugs flopping out of her dress.
  • Presenting the USMNT (yes, the nation's soccer team has an abbreviation, apparently) and award for Best Moment for its win over Ghana. Subsequent meltdowns and lackluster 1-1-1 World Cup record ignored, of course. Not sure why this was a great moment, other than the fact it made ESPN a lot of money when it convinced a lot of people to sit in half-empty sports bars at odd hours and pretend they like soccer.
  • Giving Michael Sam an award for being gay. Whatever -- if he's OK being their show pony, then I guess we have to be. Just answer one question for us: Is it courageous to be gay, or are people born that way, or does it depend which point one is trying to make at a particular time?
  • Queen James - Ah, Queen James.....we'll get there shortly.


-Even though the doldrums of June and July are the worst time of the sports year, we do have four days of The Open Championship to bridge a few days of the gap between the NBA and college football seasons. That's not the British Open, mind you, we had to change that a while ago as Americans assimilate to whatever the Euros do and apparently the US Open, Malaysian Open, Canadian Open and French Open don't count. Either way, a few of our favorite moments this year:

  • The Tiger Woods featured group live feed. If anyone can win a major without a golf game, it's Tiger Woods!
  • Woods' "Jesus Christ" moment on the 18th hole on Thursday was just more proof of how he's still a fucking asshole. Still the only golfer on tour who has to fight camera clicks, wind, bugs, sand and shirts that are too tight. Poor guy.
  • ESPN reminding us that Tiger is "Chasing Jack" and gracing us all with a Woods countdown clock before his Friday tee time. Regarding that 'chase', Woods has been running in place for 6+ years.
  • American announcers overusing British golf terms in part of that whole assimilation bit. Remember, it's a game, not a match. Player A is at level par, he's not even. Also, don't forget wagering on a 'game' is legal in the UK and they all threw a few pounds on their favorite for the week. Whatever, with the proliferation of online gambling sites, so did the rest of us.
  • Scott Van Pelt trying too hard to sound like an insider by using terms he hears from the players. Flags that are whipping in the wind are 'starched.' Yada yada....we get it nerd. You're at all the cool events, and we aren't.
  • Ryan Moore is wearing golf shoes. We can't wait for his fat ass to blow his chance to win.
  • Sergio Garcia's pants are too tight, as always. How painful will it be to watch him putt away another chance at a major?
  • Peter Alliss called out Rickie Fowler's poor hat selections yesterday. Time to man up, Rickie. Or should that be Rick now, as he blossoms from boy to man like one Rick Schroder did in the 1990s?

-Queen James. PYB has no venom this time. It's sad, actually, running home for no good reason after getting waxed by the San Antonio Spurs last month in the NBA Finals. Random thoughts, however:

  • Cleveland wasn't good enough for Her Highness three summers ago, but is now?
  • She's stacking her team team again like an insecure little girl at the YMCA. This year's target - Kevin Love. Two questions: so people will flock to play with the Queen in Cleveland this year but James couldn't convince anyone to do so in 2011? That, and people were initially recoiling in horror when the Cavaliers were considering including Andrew Wiggins in a deal for Love. Let's see, a player who averaged 17 points a game for a Kansas team that flamed out in the second round of the NCAAs or an NBA All-Star who averaged 26 points and 12 rebounds a game last year, knows how to play the professional game and is willing to come in and play the good soldier to get out of Minnesota and gravy train a title. Hmm.....
  • James couldn't win with Wade and Bosh and Allen. No biggie, hit the reset button. WITNESS or COWARD? Welcome to 2014, where the NBA is now the equivalent of an AAU summer league.
  • PYB has been told that it's a money thing? Lebron wanted a max deal. Because a few million a year really matters given his endorsements are estimated to be $53 million a year by Forbes.
  • ESPN: Like my journalism professors always said: When there's no news -- create a story.
  • In a related side note: Carmelo Anthony's potential free agency and subsequent resigning with NYK was highly anticipated for no good reason. Alas, 10 more years of hearing how he's the game's best pure scorer because he can't win a thing because he's a shitty teammate.
  • Second related side note: Chris Bosh to the Rockets. One would think toiling in anonymity in Houston would be perfect for a non-Alpha male like bosh. Question: Is there room for two Tin Men in the Rockets' front court and is it a bad thing that Dwight Howard may have to learn toughness from Bosh? Possibly the first big-man duo to average 40 points and 20 rebounds a game and go 37-45.

That's all we have for now. Enjoy your Open Championship -- we'll try to chime in with more thoughts yet this weekend. Right now, Andy North is telling us how the wet rough at Hoylake is tougher than "US Open rough" even though the US Open doesn't have rough anymore. That said, just remember, if anyone can come back from 12 shots back despite being years outside his prime and saddled with a failing, steroid-battered body -- it's Tiger Woods.

Jesus Fucking Christ guys, haven't you learned anything?!!

--PYB

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Pussy Control

PYB is back.....and we're here to stay. So many of our favorite targets teed us up with easy opportunities this fine Sunday. Let's go:

-In addition to being a shitty basketball coach, Roy Williams is now exposed as a crook yet feigned surprise when Rashad McCants sang like a canary. Academic fraud -- no biggie.

-Drake Martinez quit before he got started in Lincoln because he needed a fresh start. Too bad his older brother didn't have the same gene. Anyway, everyone wins in this one and Chico State likely gets the backup third-down back it covets.

-Queen James. Cramps. Do we need to elaborate?

-And Horace Grant went on record with this before the Queen's Midol Moment. 72-10.

-PYB watched SportsCenter a couple weeks ago. One of the anchors had no idea who Ernest Givins was -- and admitted it on air. Tells you all you need to know about ESPN being a valid entity. A Google search also reveals rumors that Givins is/was gay -- can't believe the Worldwide Leader hasn't run that topic into the ground already.

-Watched the Bad Boys '30 For 30' last week. Watching the cheap shots and hard fouls that was mildly entertaining, especially when some that didn't even warrant an ejection would be grounds for a multi-game suspension and Congressional hearing today. However, acting like the Bad Boy craze swept the nation, when it was merely David Stern's bridge between the Bird/Magic era and the Jordan era, was a bit much. The two-hour episode should have been cut to 60 minutes, and Isiah Thomas is still a joke. (as if his walking off the court before the game against Chicago was over and running the CBA into the ground weren't proof enough)

-Finally, part of our recent backlog has been failure to watch the replay of the Nebraska football spring game. We finally got to it last week. Those of you who haven't seen it will be glad to know little has changed. Outside of a stray cat and a few grabass games/drills, the game was boring as always
and NU still has the same warts as always. Those of you who appreciate our glass-half-empty analysis, read on:


  • Tim Beck soldiered on with his Square Peg, Round Hole Offense -- dropping Tommy Armstrong back into the pocket time after time and forcing the young quarterback to make quick reads and force passes into tight spots over the middle of the field. Solid plan -- well, until Armstrong's first attempt was one of three interceptions thrown by NU QBs on the day. All over the middle. Hmmm.....
  • Ryker Fyfe is Nebraska's best passer. If NU insists on turning Armstrong into the next Ron Powlus, Bo Pinelli may as well sit  him now in favor of Fyfe, who will throw for 400 yards a game against bad teams before being entirely overwhelmed by any decent defense.
  • Byerson Cockrell looked good in coverage a few times. Hopefully, he doesn't go the way of Ciante Evans and get worse by the season.
  • The second-team defense ran on to the field late and gave up an easy touchdown. The process is definitely in place...
  • Will Shields made a cameo as a sideline reporter, and it was uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable of the turn-the-head and talk to somebody as loud as possible variety.
  • Pinelli ran the team through punt coverage drills, and the performance was awful. There were no live punts, however. Make sense for a team that has been absolutely pathetic in the return game for years. We're fine.
  • Imani Cross missed an easy block in pass protection. Great attribute for a 260-pound running back. He fooled many into thinking he's a Division I talent by making some big runs in garbage time.
  • Johnny Stanton debuted. He throws like shit, just like he did in high school. He engineered a false start on 3rd & 1 on his first series. Sounds like four-year starting QB material to Coach Pinelli....
  • The DJ blared the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Hello, 1991. But fear not, Husker fans, there will be a new guy running the tunes in the fall. Can't wait.
  • In one of the grabass moments, cheerleaders called plays for the offense. How cute. Unsurprisingly, they were less predictable than Beck's regular-season play calls. Either way, PYB says a team with so many executional flaws needs every repetition it can get in lieu of family-friendly novelty acts. The Lincoln Saltdogs play across the highway.
  • Zack Darlington was overwhelmed. He'll never play a down in Lincoln, green jersey or not.
  • NU finished the game by failing to score on a possession starting inside the ten yard line. The drive culminated with a 21-yard field goal, which accented a missed extra point earlier in the day. The kicking game is fine.

All we got. On to enjoy our Sunday. Enjoy yours. PYB