Sunday, March 8, 2015

Penguin Blowjob

Nebraska football is back, and it's here to stay. Well, maybe not, but the overhyped and overemphasized Spring session has begun, and we're all stuck with trite stories of what may be in 2015 and how some formerly out-of-shape player has 'completely transformed' his physique in two months since the bowl game.

This year's early rendition has Cethan Carter looking absolutely shredded, though nobody would know because Private Pinelli and his brain trust had no use for a 6' 4", 230-pound tight end that was fleet of foot.

In addition to finding this year's man of Creatine, Nebraska media outlets simply must find the upcoming season's leaders! Mentioned so far, cornerback Daniel Davie, just because he is a senior and Greg McMullen, because he's one of the only defensive ends on the roster after the overrated and overinjured Randy Gregory departed for the NFL. That, and the fact that the other defensive end, Class B product Jack Gangwish, is phyiscally overmatched in many cases. And, given the fact that he was stupid enough to document his murder of a raccoon on Twitter, also mentally overmatched.

PYB, as you know, may be a tad hypercritical -- but we believe strongly that a team's leaders should show some sort of initiative on the field. Initiative in breaking away from a block, running, and tackling. Anyone who's watched McMullen closely knows that none of those are high on his priority list.

We've only got a few moments, and apologize for our extended absence. However, we've got a new addition to the PYB family as well as a monstrous Q1 travel schedule, so we don't feel too fucking bad about it. We also needed a few weeks away to build enough internal venom to share with our readers:

--Though NU fans were told they were fucking idiots, we all knew we smelled a turd in Shawn Watson. Joe Ganz confirmed that for us here. Most telling is the fact that Watson got fired by Bo Pelini. Keeping in mind that Pinelli willingly HIRED John Papuchis and Barney Cotton and then kept them, while also letting Tim Beck run his Husker ship and free $3 million salary into an iceberg -- that speaks volumes. We wish Ganz would have also blown the whistle on Beck and his bipolar playcalling.

--PYB will reserve judgment on the Mike Riley era for a couple seasons, but we do like his recruting focus. Maybe we're not much for thinking outside the box, but targeting markets like Houston, Dallas, Atlanta, California, Louisiana and Florida may have been a good idea. So, it seems, was forging a relationship with coaches and players from Nebraska and the surrounding states and treating them with respect. Who knew that using a recruitment formula that worked for a Hall-of-Fame coach for 25 years, along with not being a fucking jerk could be so immediately impactful?

Contrast that to one of Pinelli's recruiting gems, the peculiarly Swedish Kevin Dillman. A kid, complete with hockey hair, who Bo considered his next game-breaking quarterback who was then ruled ineligible to play his last year of Texas high school football. Who Riley then deemed bad enough a commitment that he quickly rescinded the NU offer. Who subsequently signed with North Texas -- as a fucking tight end!!! Stellar 'talent' evaulation by the former staff. More, convoluted drama. Have fun, Penguin Nation...your new coaches will now recruit to a Division II level.

--On to some Nebraska basketball. The story here: Wait until next year...or the next. No reason to read any more stories wondering why Tim Miles' crew can't win games. Obviously, we're no Roy Williams, but if a team does not have a point guard, low-post scoring threat, three-point shooter or a rebounder its chances of success are slim. Even in the shitty Big 14.

Miles signature recruiting class arrives in the fall, with some allegedly top-tier talent (Tai Webster, anyone?). Let's check back in two more years. We'll then know if Pinnacle Bank Arena will be better known going forward as the home of Nebraska basketball or the home of job fairs offering UNL students a better life and $24,000 a year, with an occasional concert featuring your Washed Up Rocker du jour mixed in....

--Speaking of bad coaching, Williams was once again outdueled by Mike Krzyzewski, this time on his home court in Chapel Hill. Duke swept the season series from North Carolina, and Coach K reminded everyone why he has his team ranked 10 spots higher than it should be every season and why Williams is one of the worst floor coaches in the country. This is what UNC, and Kansas before it, gets for handing the keys of top-five programs to a coach who never earned his stripes as a major college head coach elsewhere. (Frank Solich, anyone?)

--Speaking of bad coaching, Nebraska baseball is still digging out of the hole that Mike Anderson dug for it. From outhouse to College World Series in three years, and back to the outhouse because nobody fucking cared enough to get rid of him? How that happened, we'll never know.....but if the 'leaders' at the NU Athletic Department allowed it to happen to the football program....the unrivaled cash cow....anything can happen.

This year's version of the team seems to have some fight, some decent arms, but little offense. They've been game competitors against some strong competition thus far but stymied by poor run production. Perhaps the bats still are still sleeping -- we'll know more in a few weeks. But at least the team once again has a leader -- and some balls. A one-run loss on Friday to No. 14 Texas A&M was solid. We'll see how their weekend finale against No. 7 LSU goes.

--Apparently, the new baseball hasn't translated to an offensive renaissance. For NU, at least. We'll see how the numbers look when teams get off the diet of cupcake non-conference pitching and complete a full season.

That's all we've got for now! Tiger's still a quitter. Queen James got kicked in the nuts by the overrated, ball-hogging James Harden, who proved why he'll never win shit with one cheap shot. Corey Cooper was 'shocked' that he didn't get invited to the NFL combine (LOL). The Blackshirts, mostly by subtraction, are back. Those casting the new Straight Outta Compton movie might have picked a Mexican guy to play Eazy-E.

And Private Bo Pinelli ran back to his hometown, the only place where high school bullies end up being relevant when everything shakes out.

Fuck you Youngstown, it's a new era in Lincoln...


Sunday, January 11, 2015

Thinkin' of a Master Plan

PYB checks in to wish its loyal readers a happy 2015 and share some random thoughts.

--Let's start with the first, and thankfully last, game of the Barney Cotton Era in Lincoln. Nebraska had a chance to beat a mildly good USC team, but blew it. It was a fitting snapshot of the flashes of hope followed by befuddling ineptitude that characterized the Mark Bo Pinelli regime:

--Sloppy play, complete with untimely penalties.
--51 pass attempts
--515 yards allowed
--Three yards per rush attempt
--Horrendous play calling, blowing a chance to win on the final series (Translation: Ameer Abdullah didn't get the ball).

All in all, another shoulda, coulda, woulda. NU had the talent and speed to match the Trojans, but couldn't maximize opportunities and lost. Another 9-4 season. Let's move on.

--Nice to see Nebraska's new staff recruiting in Dallas, a hotbed of football talent that Pinelli and his band of Keystone Kops somehow ignored. Apparently, the formula of finding players in Texas, Florida and California and then getting them on the field is good enough for good college football teams but not those with coaches obsessed with the Rust Belt. Such a formula also helps programs keep more than five linebackers on their rosters.

--University of Nebraska-Lincoln administration fucked Avery Moss. In a pathetic display, Nebraska's Interim Title IX "Administrator" hid behind excuses and buzzwords (risk) and delayed a decision on the matter and ultimately refused to reinstate him. So....the university somehow screwed up the decision, after having a year to determine Moss's fate, and then finally issued a verdict less than a week before the semester began and left the kid no time to sort through other college options and make a wise decision? Unreal, indeed. The whole situation is baffling and makes PYB ponder yet again if there's a real leadership problem on the Lincoln campus.

And, let's be clear. If UNL decides not to have dong swingers on campus, we'd be fine with that. Make the decision right away. Dragging heels and then playing God with a young person's future is horrifying. Moss was "too risky" to bring back now, after completing his required counseling during his suspension, but wasn't "too risky" 12 months earlier before completing said rehabilitation. Lies. Title IX is a fucking joke and the fact that there is a person with a title that starts with Title IX is a bigger farce.

Anyway, sign this petition. Not because it should be OK for someone to whip out his crank on campus, but because our state institutions should act with expediency and respect if they're truly about the betterment of their people. And those making six-figure salaries need to be held accountable.

Surely, it's too little, too late, but UNL should be forced to reinstate Moss and live with any bad public relations ramifications that it brought on with its reckless business practices. Nice job, Arturo, by not allowing him to stick it out in Lincoln, you provided the icing on the cake with one final capper for the long list of indecent
embarrassments during Pinelli's tenure.

--For those of you that have been busy, we'd like to take this opportunity to tell you that the Big 10 is now awesome at football because its teams went 5-5 in bowl games. Teams lost by an average margin of 15 points to Louisiana Tech, Tennessee, USC, Missouri and Stanford.

Wins over a flawed Alabama team, a defenseless Baylor team that went brain dead in the final five minutes, a shaky Auburn squad, a mediocre-as-usual Boston College that missed an extra point in overtime and a North Carolina team that gave up 70 points to East Carolina has the league trending up and on the way to elite status. Just ask any loser who roots for his favorite team's conference during Bowl Season.

--John Harbaugh is delusional if he really believes that Joe Flacco is the NFL's best quaterback. Surely, he realizes that Flacco is in the running with Eli Manning and Trent Dilfer as worst quarterback to win a Super Bowl. And, we all saw what happened last night when Ray Rice, Ray Lewis and Ed Reed weren't there and Flacco was forced to make a game-winning play. Didn't happen and the Ravens blew two 14-point leads. It's also tougher when the NFL isn't rigging games to help Lewis and Reed end their careers on a positive note.

--Kobe Bryant is a nerd, and his fake tough guy act in practice this season proved it -- again. "Soft like Charmin" For real? Anyway, his analysis of the skill differences between European and American players was spot on. This was not an instance of him being a bitter prick.

This was him telling the truth, and the NBA surely hated it. For all his flaws, at least Bryant has a game that is fundamentally sound. His stomach must turn when watching Queen James (did you really think we'd talk about the NBA without taking a shot at Her Highness?) and Carmelo Anthony run the dribble-for-22-seconds-and-chuck-it-up offense. The Cavaliers are currently hovering around .500, as James has found it harder to win without stacking his team with multiple multi-year All Stars. Anthony's Knicks have dropped 15 straight, and he's sitting on the bench nursing a sore knee. Bryant knows its best to force 40 shots a game in the framework of the triple-post offense.

--If you're bored and need to kill time until today's NFL games, PYB would like to present this video as a refresher course showing why Michael Jordan makes all the aforementioned NBA 'stars' look like scrubs. And before we hear the 'different era' and 'today's player is more athletic' claims, let's make sure to note the defenders on this video include Dumars, Rodman, Byron Scott, Drexler, Bird, Starks, Kevin Johnson and David Robinson.

Sunday duties call......gotta run. Thanks for reading.


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

The Reason for the Treason

PYB bides its time this rainy, soggy Christmas Eve, counting the minutes until we deem it appropriate to crack the first cocktail of the afternoon. The sleep-inducing Popeye's Bahamas Bowl isn't sparking a festive mood -- the lone highlight being play-by-play announcer Steve Levy joking that Dr. Lou and Mark May shared a hotel room during their Bahamian adventure. In the meantime, we'll wrap up a few loose ends before wrapping up a few final gifts:

--Regrettably, we failed to bring this up when it happened a couple weeks back....BUT, did anyone else find it fitting/humorous/ironic that Queen James hosted the future Queen of England at an NBA game during her United States visit? Did anyone else find it embarrassing that the three most important people that USA had to offer as hosts were James, Jay-Z and Beyonce? Editors addition: Did anyone else find it humorous that the yellow-toothed Brits seethed at the fact that James didn't show proper respect and actually touched the queen-in-waiting? 

Note to England: You lost the Revolutionary War. Monarchies are no longer legitimate governments. Slavery is no longer legal.

--Tiger Woods has turned over a new leaf. In addition to former champion golfer, Navy SEAL and coulda-been NFL cornerback, he is now elevating friends to professional golf success. Hopefully, Arjun Atwal is close enough to Woods to get a popsicle offer.

Anyway, PYB sees this story as a diversion to the fact that he went T-Last in a fabricated PGA Tour event at his home course. In true drama queen fashion, Woods faked sickness after an opening-round 77 so everyone could laud his warrior status for breaking 80 the next three days straight. Hank Haney followed this up oozing praise....surely, Major success will follow in 2015...

--Tim Miles' Nebraska basketball team continues to scuffle through December, losing in a predictable host-team ambush in Hawaii before fending off Loyola Marymount by scoring 50 points in an overtime game last night. Hey, last season was a great run for a team that got hot. But, for a team without a legitimate 35-minute-a-game point guard and absolutely no inside offensive presence, ups and downs (and more downs) are inevitable -- especially when the element of surprise is no longer in play.

And, when your worthless walk-on dunks in pregame warmups and gets a technical foul, it may just be a sign that it's not going to be your season. PYB is not sure how that can happen.

A 'down' year may be for the best, as Miles builds depth with a highly acclaimed recruiting class. If Terran Petteway stays another year (the NBA draft is only two rounds), and some current big men develop and/or get healthy, 2015-16 may be a more realistic breakthrough season. You know, just like every season in the Taylor Martinez/Bo Pinelli Era was supposed to be.

--"If he wasn't such a jackass, he might have had a chance." PYB heard these words at a small-town Nebraska fitness center less than an hour after Pinelli got axed. Sometimes, the simplest of phrases in the simplest of places bring the most clarity to a supposedly complex situation.

Nebraskans were always smart enough to know that their beloved team would never be perfect. They were also smart enough stakeholders to know that Pinelli, their CEO, had no plan to pull off the road to nowhere and merge on to the highway to success. They expected the state's most highly paid employee to have such goals and a strategy to achieve them . For that, he resented them. For that, he disrespected the very assets that would have made him a king in Nebraska. He was a jackass.

Still, there were Nebraskans that supported him to the fullest. Loyal to a fault, ready to accept whatever was thrown on their doorstep. These are the same Nebraskans who buy the same shitty couch that every Midwestern furniture store peddles to them for $999 year after year. Hard as a rock, but it must be fucking awesome because it's in my basement AND is has a flip-down armrest with a drink holder in the console. Critical thinking be damned, roll with the status quo as the pages on the calendar change and results stay the same.

While we're stuck using analogies, we'll toss out another bad marriage comparison. NU and its fans were stuck in a joyless union for at least the last four years. The game against Iowa was the last hurrah, like a doomed couple trying to spice things up with a special night out. Instead, they got into a fight on the way to dinner (first half and early second half). Then, after a couple cocktails, all was forgotten, good times were remembered, and they fucked each others' brains out (late second half). She even gave him a second round of pussy and kick-started it with a blow job. (Punt return TD & OT win.)

After waking up that morning, the hate returned. The pussy (Eichorst) faxed the divorce papers, and the husband (Bo Mark) told everyone that the pussy was being a cunt as he tried to curry favor with his friends (players) one last time. They laughed, like good friends do, regardless of how little they may have cared. All in all, a pathetic, wasteful exercise that embarrassed a proud fan base, a proud state and a proud tradition yet again.

Pinelli acted as if making $3 million a year was his birthright and that no modicum of respect toward his constituents was required. He overestimated his own value and pretended to have no idea that his tenure in Lincoln further diluted Nebraska football's brand. But the venom he spewed at anyone with the gall to question his faulted methods told us he knew better. He knew he couldn't cut it as a head coach and forced his boss's hand. Then, one last time, he played the "Poor Me" routine

Too many expectations. Too few private jets.  The excuses kept flowing. Those that mattered quit caring.

Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas....


Sunday, December 21, 2014

The Motherfuckin' Product

PYB wishes Happy Holidays to all you cunts and pussies out there -- especially you cunts and pussies who have more education than an Ohio factory worker. We realize that a lot has happened since our last installment, as soap operas run daily. Our desire to let the dust settle on the Private Mark Pinelli era, along with a busy year's end at work, is the latest bad excuse we'll use for falling behind. Either way, we're here now, so let's get to it. Many of our favorite targets have given us new reasons to take shots at them.

--Private Pinelli, in a lesson of irony, called his boss a pencil-pushing cunt, then whined to his former players for 30-minutes about how tough he had it at NU. Too much pressure at my $3 million-a-year job, in a state where the average salary is $42,000. Too much pressure to not get destroyed by any better-than-terrible team when something was on the line. And we use the term 'something' very loosely, as it means staying in the running for winning half of the worst conference in major college football.

It wasn't my fault, he said. It wasn't YOUR fault he told the players, for allowing 408 yards to a back who gained fewer than 50 yards against Western Illinois. It was a pussy lawyer's fault because he didn't come to see you at practice enough and was too busy running a $75-million-dollar business to consistently tell the coach how great he was for winning nine games a year when any coach in America (and probably many bus drivers) could get seven wins with the combination of NU's facilities and pathetic list of opponents. Don't believe us? Then rely on this complex mathematical formula for proof: FAU + McNeese + Fresno + Illinois + Purdue + Rutgers = 6.

Don't blame Pinelli, dear readers. This was his destiny in just another fatalistic meathead saga. The same one we all saw when Back to the Future came out in 1985. Meathead in charge at the beginning, when brute force worked. At the end, when brains, tact and savvy were required. meathead waxed the car. Obviously, our friends at Cardinal Mooney didn't teach evolution. Adapt or die.....or run home to the only place where high school bullies are relevant 28 years after graduation.

It wasn't Private Mark's fault for a litany of other reasons, as you listen to him fake concern for his players' well being. Let me tell you motherfuckers that I care about you, but nobody else does. At the same time, let me provide you all a life lesson that will serve you well after graduation -- fuck authority and fuck anyone with more education than you. Considering Pelini put fewer and fewer players into the NFL as Bill Callahan's pipeline dried up, that's a bad lesson.

These kids will need to know how to thrive using intelligence and soft skills, at a real workplace and not a locker room. Excuses don't work. Instead, they're the battered spouses who somehow convince themselves they still love their husband and that he's a good man. The 40-point losses are the bruises that tell the rest of the world otherwise. A drastic comparison, yes. But, manipulating 20-year-old college kids to serve a personal agenda is another form of abuse with serious consequences. Mindfucking them to think that one blowhard bully is more righteous and more important than a 135-year-old university with a long track record of class is pathetic.

Perhaps Pinelli did believe his smoke-and-mirrors, four-loss product was good enough for Nebraska.
After all, he learned it as a player at Ohio State. During his diatribe, he played the victim card once more and told NU players how he toughed it out and stayed in Columbus after Earl Bruce was fired following a 6-4-1 season. What a warrior, Mark was! Considering that he was a white safety for a bad team in a bad conference, his other Division I options were likely limited.

Pinelli's persistence paid off, as his final three seasons in Columbus went: 5-6-1, 8-4, and 7-4-1. Given the fact that these were considered successful seasons for the Buckeyes for 25 years, it's not Bo Mark's fault that he took that losing attitude with him.

As NU fans, it's time to take some blame ourselves. We didn't heed the warning signs in 2007. Private Pinelli accosting Bill Snyder for having the nerve to dismantle his shitty defense wasn't 'fire in the belly.' In fact, it's fitting that this 45-second clip shows his defense being blown off the ball, missing tackles and blowing coverages.

Pinelli melting down and berating an official against Michigan State wasn't competitiveness. These were both ineptitude surfacing like a rotten corpse in a stagnant pond. Nebraska, in the end, ignored those instances in a rush to fix a pathetic defensive team.

Tom Osborne misjudged the shifting college football landscape, and underestimated the need for a business leader as head coach. An executive who knew how to pull the right levers in hiring, motivation, and decision making. Considering the Frank Solich disaster, he made his second straight bad hire for his beloved football program. Seventeen years later, we're all stuck on this hamster wheel, scurrying away as the rest of college football goes on outside the cage.

Shawn Eichorst, it's now your turn. You made your play, the predictable 180-degree hire of Mike Riley -- whose aura strikes us somewhere between the teacher we read that he is and the overly friendly weirdo at church that nobody wants to talk to. It's your turn to prove that you're a silent-but-strong leader and not a recluse.

Your turn to fill the stands, to keep the faux riche coming to Lincoln in their North Face sweater vests to pump money through the program's veins -- one shitty toolshed (aka Champion's Club) beer at a time. It's not a football program, it's a brand. A product. A shitty product at this point. Starting next August, it's your motherfuckin' product....

And somewhere, in a dark Youngstown film room that is likely less-featured, but more comfortable to him than the one he had in Lincoln, Private Pinelli cues up one of his favorite movie scenes. He nods his head in agreement. Bo, it's not your fault. Bo it's not your fault. Bo, it's not your fault.......

Sunday, November 30, 2014

A Tale of Two Shitty Teams

PYB sends greetings from the nation's capital of fuzzy shower mats -- Nebraska. Laziness, mixed in with some vacation-time travel/drinking/November golfing, had prevented our posting an Iowa-game recap to this point. Given today's big news that Private Bo Pinelli had been dishonorably discharged from Husker Nation after seven mediocre seasons at the helm, we'll have more later this week as time allows.

But, since we took the time at 5 a.m. this morning to watch the Husker-Hawkeye-Hero pillow fight once more, we'll post those comments here and let the dust settle on the Bo Madness before chiming in on that topic. We will say that Friday's contest was one more installment of Pinelli's rattletrap rickshaw on the road to nowhere, and that the feelgood win was the final public exhibit leading to his eventual undoing. Let's get to the big-picture topics of the week:

--Nebraska started the Iowa week with a laundry list of injuries. Some usual suspects (Kenny Bell, Randy Gregory) and some newcomers (Mark Pinelli, Corey Cooper, Alonzo Moore, Zach Sterup). Then, of course, some mid-game additions (Ryne Reeves, Tommy Armstrong). What, we ask, is behind all the constant injuries? Poor conditioning? General softness? Bad luck? Tougher opponents? Who knows, but somewhere Thad Randle sits and says, "SMH."

--Matt Millen, despite being a horrible NFL general manager, called a nice game and provided some insightful, impartial analysis. The only point that we called into question was when he said Armstrong had improved between the start of the season and the end.

--Greg McMullen, who credited Bo Pelini as the reason he left Ohio for Nebraska, was awful. He did it all Friday. Got blown off the ball. Played patty cake with pass-blocking linemen. Jogged while pursuing plays. Got shredded for his lack of effort by former NU players' tweets. Watch the tape -- sickening at best.

--Maliek Collins had another good game and cemented himself as one of the handful of playmakers on the NU roster. Is it any coincidence that Nebraska's most impactful defensive lineman came pre-trained as a state champion wrestler and likely didn't require a ton of coaching in that regard?

--Racist NU fans got their wish, as Ryker Fyfe made a two-play appearance after an Armstrong injury. His one pass attempt was nowhere close. Armstrong returned the next drive.

--Iowa turned the ball over four times in the first half, and NU turned it into seven total points in the first 30 minutes. Under Pelini, that was a Husker specialty -- turning potential 14-0 leads into ties or deficits.

--The Hawkeyes' first touchdown came on a poorly called and executed 3rd & 12 pass play. Tim Beck dialed up deep routes for all three receivers, despite having a poor offensive line. Armstrong held the ball for one, two, three counts too long. Ball tipped. Interception. Touchdown.

--Sam Foltz caused one first-half turnover, with a tackle after his punt. He also lobbied for a Hawkeye game ball by recording his weekly shanked punt and also dropping a punt snap that led to an Iowa touchdown return by Nebraska native Drew Ott. Add Foltz's gaffes to a missed Drew Brown field goal, and the kicking game was pretty shaky.

--Iowa quarterback Jake Rudock worked for his game ball as well, accommodating the Cornhuskers by missing several open receivers during the game -- most notably a wide open receiver in the third quarter. Had they connected, Iowa would have taken a 31-14 lead and likely won the game.

--Sam Cotton dropped his weekly pass.

--NU actually used tight end Cethan Carter -- twice. Once on a 34-yard pass in the two-minute drill that helped cut Iowa's lead to 10-7 right before half. The other was on NU's game-tying drive at the end of regulation, on a hot read by Armstrong, no less. Baby steps.

--Mack Brown forgot Ameer Abdullah's name and had to be reminded of it by ABC's John Saunders. Seems the former Texas football coach is as bad in the middle of halftime updates as he was in the middle of games.

--With two game-changing punt returns, De'Mornay Pierson-El cemented himself as one of the best NU playmakers in 20 years. We have trouble naming a consistently better one -- especially at souch a young age...let's hope the new Nebraska braintrust maximizes his potential the next three seasons.

--Private Pinelli's Blackskirts gave us the worst of times. They gave us the best of times. On Friday and all season. After a rocky start, the unit controlled the game the rest of the way. This, a week after giving up 133 yards to a molasses-slow Minnesota quarterback and two weeks after giving up 408 to Melvin Gordon.

The consistency of this defensive inconsistency and the wide variance in the team's ability to function at an acceptable killed Pelini in the end. It was a game-by-game, half-by-half, drive-by-drive proposition. Not good enough for a $3 million defensive guru.

--PYB was happy with the end result, a 37-34 win. PYB was sad after Beck played for overtime with an uninspired combination of playcalling and clock management on NU's set of downs with goal to go. Letting seven seconds expire after second down before calling timeout with 20 seconds remaining was sloppy at best.

Calling timeout with 12 seconds to go after a bad third-down play call and before the tying field goal was unacceptable, as it forced NU to kickoff one more time and risk losing before actually forcing overtime. High school shit. Shit we saw countless times under the Pinelli regime.

Luckily, like Nebraska, Iowa was error prone and had fewer playmakers. Nebraska had five. Iowa had zero. Luckily, Iowa pulled a Nebraska and started its overtime possession with a false start. Luckily, offensive coordinator Greg Davis went brain dead after Iowa got inside the ten and forced his squad to kick a field goal.

And finally, in one last stroke of luck, Bell provided NU fans with one last taste of excitement. Bell, questionable all week with a questionable head injury, caught a long third-quarter touchdown and the game winner to boot.

He left Husker Nation with one last taste of the feelgood drug he sells. Big plays that temporarily cover larger, team-wide flaws. He's like a woman in that regard. Talks too much at times. Whines. Let's everyone know how underappreciated she is and how unfair life is. Makes fans wonder if all the effort is worth it.

But, when times are good, and she feels up to it and gives us the pussy -- nothing feels better and a magic elixir of nostalgia helps us temporarily
forget the realities that paralyze Nebraska's hopes of winning big again.

Nothing felt better Friday, and NU fans reveled toward a warm holiday weekend and 80-degree temperatures. Sunday, cold reality reappeared in the form of Pelini's pink slip, and Cornhuskers across the country braced for another winter of uncertainty. And hope. Onward....

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Up in Smoke

PYB went to the first half of Nebraska's football game against Minnesota last Saturday. We witnessed a far-from-perfect but almost opportunistic half of football from the Huskers, as they racked up 21-7 lead. Due to logistical reasons, we had to leave at halftime.

By the time we got parked in front of a television to watch the game's end, the Gophers were on their way to pounding a more-talented-but-soft-as-hell opponent into the ground. On its final offensive series, as Tommy Armstrong led NU's rattletrap offense down the field with as much efficiency as Cheech & Chong's SS, we all knew the end result.

So when a Minnesota defender stole the ball from DeMornay Pierson-El, we weren't surprised. Then, when Nebraska's Blackskirts let a Gopher running back drag them nine yards for a game-clinching first down, we didn't bat an eye and another game, week and season were up in smoke in Lincoln.

There's no need for in-depth analysis here. But, for the sake of tradition, here's what we saw:

--NU fans did their part. Filled the stadium. Provided a generally positive attitude. Cheered pretty loudly for a poorly coached, heartless team.

--Nebraska can't run block or pass block. We listened to Offensive Line Coach John Garrison Monday night on the radio, and he admitted the unit has struggled with both techniques and with penalties. He was honest -- something too rare in this staff. It was refreshing. But, any time a coach is so freely admitting that about his squad 11 games into the season, PYB would say that team is effectively fucked.

--PYB had Minnesota +10 points. Easy money. We were just sad that no money line was published and that we forgot to bet the second half while departing the game.

--The 'Skirts had no answer for Minnesota quarterback Mitch Leidner and his zone read play. He ran 22 times for 133 yards. He ran about as fast as Garrett Gilbert did for Texas in 2010. Two glaring concerns here: Gilbert lost his job the next year to Case McCoy and David Ash and that $3 million Bo Pinelli was outcoached by Mack Brown. Ouch.

--As recent history has told us, every time NU squawks about is rankings or mentions its chances at playing in postseason game of meaning, it shits the bed in the worst way. This year was no different, following the bottle blasting it took from a mediocre Wisconsin team (barely beat Iowa and lost to Northwestern) and the pounding it took from a pedestrian Minnesota team -- at home.

--Nebraska fans couldn't make Armstrong the scapegoat this week, while clamoring for the white guy backup. The sophomore was 13/19 for 223 yards with no turnovers but got sacked four times.

--NU ran for 4.6 yards a carry, but still lost to Minnesota -- at home.

--Nebraska's offensive drives went as follows:

First Half

Second Half
Field Goal

How's that for halftime adjustments?

--Following the game, Pinelli had no answers except that Tim Beck's drive-killing, deep pass call in the fourth quarter was OK. Second and 1 is a "waste down", see. The rest of us fucksticks just aren't football-savvy enough to know that. That's fine, if your quarterback is Aaron Rodgers, you have a good offensive line and your best receiver is healthy.

NU has none of the three. NU is not good enough to waste a down against any team. The fact that its coaches are the only ones not in touch with that fact is appalling. The fact they don't realize the result of their frivolous actions is embarrassing. The fact that Pinelli has expressed no strategy to get from bad to better is mortifying.

That's all we have Re: Minnesota. Been there. Watched that. Let's look forward, instead, to NU's epic battle against Iowa tomorrow:

--Iowa is favored by just one point. Load up on the Hawkeyes. Iowa sucks, but at least plays with some balls. It's sad that NU is going to rack up its second consecutive loss to a team that does not try to score in many games.

--Nice recruiting, Huskers. Maybe Pinelli & Co. were too busy signing zone-read stoppers to chase a home-state, starting-caliber defensive lineman.

--PYB hopes that these two warriors can manage to suit up Friday. Kenny Bell is suffering from a head injury. Replays show his head barely hit the turf, and his niece and elevator full of friends told us postgame that he did not have a concussion. Unfortunately, the NU offense has struggled more than usual in the multiple times Bell has left games early this season. We thought Bell only came up lame after dropped passes. This time it was after a 73-yard reception. Things really are devolving in Husker Nation.

Randy Gregory contracted an 'illness' after laying over the dogpile on a one-yard Minnesota touchdown run. Early reports say it's been that tough-to-shake case of NFL Draftitis. Paging Mr. Clowney....

--One last chance for Beck to come up with a real game plan this season. He found an identity against Miami, then threw it on the ground and pissed on it for the next eight games. One last chance, also, for Pinelli and Papuchis to rise to the occasion and slow down a bad offense.

But, we kid noone. They won't do it. We'll watch. We'll hide our eyes in shame. We'll watch NU slide one game closer to a .500 long-term Big 10 record. We'll get the same post-game answers we've gotten for seven years. We'll still be fine.

That's the joint,
That's the jam, 
Turn that shit up, 
Play it again....

Happy Thanksgiving.


Saturday, November 22, 2014

Hitting the Wall

PYB ventures off to Lincoln today for some pre-game tailgating. Still undecided on whether we actually attend the game, we ponder the below:

--Minnesota runs the ball well. Nebraska is terrible at defense. How is NU a 10-point favorite?

--To be fair, after looking at a preseason poster, the Blackskirts are playing this entire season without Charles Jackson, Michael Rose and Leroy Alexander because of injury. Aaron Curry also chose to leave to a better program in TCU right before the season started. Either way, that's four starters that aren't there to miss tackles and blow assignments. Tough to overcome.

--Straight from the "Are You Shitting Me Department": DeMornay Pierson-El has five total targets in the last three games. Considering he's one of two offensive playmakers NU has (and the other one has been injured), PYB thinks an 'offensive genius' would find a way to get him the ball more.

--After too many recent puff pieces, Tom Shatel hits the mark in today's Omaha World Herald. It's all 'big picture stuff.'

--Jay Gruden will likely get axed as the Washington Redskins by the end of this season, but we love that he keeps calling out his pussy-assed quarterback. R! G!! 3!!! By the way, why is Redskins insenstive but Chiefs is not?

--While we're talking about pussy-assed superstars and historically bad teams from Washington. Queen James took her talents and her new court to DC last night and got smashed by the always-lethal John Wall/Bradley Beal combination.

Blame the coach for not understanding the game. Blame Kyrie Irving for not playing point guard well enough while having his new small forward dominate the ball. But it was the Queen who stacked her team. Who shot 8/21. Who ran back home with her tail between her legs. Not so easy to produce without two top-tier All-Stars in Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade.

That's all we have. Just a few quick shots at most of our favorite targets. Time to shower and run to the Star City -- for better or likely for worse.