Sunday, August 23, 2015

Breakable

As football season fast approaches, and fans and analysts exaggerate preseason performances, PYB sends morning greetings from Charlotte -- a place filled with enough idiots to fill an entire weekend protesting a hung jury because they didn't like the 'verdict.' Let's forget about the fact that there was no 'verdict' and video shows the 'victim' charging a police officer - and move halfway across the country, where things are much rosier, at least for now:
  • The Nebraska football team lost its only proven offensive playmaker for six to eight weeks. Good start. Of course, the Omaha World Herald's Sam McKewon says this injury could 'linger' longer. Apparently, he moonlights as both a football coach AND a doctor when not pontificating as a sportswriter.
  • The NU coaching staff has rediscovered the screen pass, now that it has RBs capable of executing such a complex play. Roy Helu, Rex Burkhead and Ameer Abdullah obviously weren't up to the task, since they were only good enough to rush for 1000 yards without any blocks and play in the NFL. PYB hopes someone can teach Tommy Armstrong to turn his feet toward the running backs during these plays. Considering his new position coach was Eli Manning's former mentor, that's entirely debatable.
  • The staff also plans to throw passes to its tight ends -- in particular the one that is 6'4", 230 pounds and runs well. NU's former $3 million a year coach couldn't find a way. Let's hope this group can.
  • The new defense will allow the front seven to chase ball carriers without being reprimanded for playing "outside the system." It will, however, put more pressure on the cornerbacks and safeties. Considering the fact that Bo Pinelli chided Lavonte David for not being in the 'right place' for a full season and that NU's secondary has been suspect for five seasons, these are good things. (Side note: David couldn't fully grasp Private Pinelli's 'system' but recently signed a $50 million contract and has been an NFL All-Pro linebacker for two straight seasons.)
Moving outside of Lincoln:
  • Tiger is back. Playing third-tier events in a pathetic attempt to make the pathetic FedEx Cup playoffs. Fans are blessed with mediocre golf, an ugly golf course, a DL3-in-the-Top Five sighting and six hours of talk about whether a win in Greensboro will be all Woods needs as a springboard to surpass the record for most career major wins. Yay. 
  • The NFL has painted its 50-yard lines yellow. Annoying. It's in honor of Super Bowl 50, but only being done in the preseason. Even more annoying.
  • NFL analysts continue to rave about the Philadelphia Eagles preseason performance, apparently forgetting that the team has four third-team quarterbacks vying for its starting spot. Last night against Baltimore, Mark Sanchez threw 20 passes to amass 118 yards. Continuing in the USC Trojan NFL tradition, Matt Barkley threw 14 to gain 86. Tim Tebow threw five for 13 yards, while apparently forgetting his Jump Pass days and missing the opportunity to miss a wide-open receiver in the endzone. For his efforts, though, he did earn a headline for that feat. Finally, Sam Bradford 'looked sharp' while racking up 35 yards and a touchdown in five attempts and survived a 'low' tackle around the waist from Terrell Suggs, who was apparently taking a break from bullying people at pickup basketball tournaments to beat up on one of the biggest China dolls in the NFL. Crystal Chandelier would be proud.
  • Lost in the menagerie of Philly numbers above was the fact that Joe Flacco had 23 yards on seven passes and two interceptions. Don't forget, of course, that he 'can make all the throws' and has a 'big arm.'
  • PYB would like to know what makes one versatile enough to the the "Lebron of the NFL?" Adrian Peterson says he's more deserving of the moniker than Jamaal Charles. If Peterson is counting his ability to Spermanate his way to seven bastard kids, then he gets the nod. Go away.
All this preseason hyperbole and bullshit has reminded us that the NFL is now the WWE and that college football is on its way to being the same. Wake us on September 5 when we really have something to get Riled Up about.

PYB

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Rumors of a Demise...

PYB is back. Our six-month maternity leave is over -- almost. Before going full throttle, we decided to ease back into the game with some easy preseason thoughts. We missed so much, but missed so little. Queen James failed again. Tiger IS(n't) back. Tiger shot an 85. The media still hinged on every broken swing. America pretended to care about soccer -- women's soccer. Tom Shatel referenced eating food in every single column.

And the Chicago Cubs are 11 games over .500 -- in July -- yet still 8.5 games out of first place and barely in wild-card contention. As Bo Pinelli always said, wait until next year.

On to it:

Nobody can stop DeSean Jackson. Except the six teams that held him under 50 yards last year and the three others that held him under 90 yards. And Robert Griffin III. R! G! 3!

Taking a page from Terrells Suggs' playbook, the Morris brothers are in trouble in Phoenix. Neither likes to set foot inside the lane on a basketball court. They're not afraid, of course, to cheap shot a former mentor along with a few other guys in a parking lot. 

Apparently, James Harden is considering a $200 million dollar shoe deal with Adidas. PYB thought fat people preferred Rockports? Considering Adidas' 20-year rut, Rockports may be more fashion forward.

Arian Foster got hurt in Week 1 -- of the preseason. He can go back to doing what he does best -- arguing with fans on Twitter while pretending to be an intellectual.

Jadeveon Clowney's bust of a career took another wrong turn, to no fault of his own. when his dad tried to off someone in a Rock Hill, SC, bar. Chili Bean Morgan (not Clowney) let a few rounds slip when Pork Chop was trippin'. Hopefully, none of you have been to Rock Hill.

That's all we have -- a trip to the driving range before returning to the course. And like Tiger Woods, we're about ready to turn a corner and contend for majors once again.

For now, off for another exciting day as a corporate hack. But, as a wise man once said after conquering a crappy Pac 10 team with his predecessor's players on a December night in San Diego: PYB is back -- and we're here to stay!

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Penguin Blowjob

Nebraska football is back, and it's here to stay. Well, maybe not, but the overhyped and overemphasized Spring session has begun, and we're all stuck with trite stories of what may be in 2015 and how some formerly out-of-shape player has 'completely transformed' his physique in two months since the bowl game.

This year's early rendition has Cethan Carter looking absolutely shredded, though nobody would know because Private Pinelli and his brain trust had no use for a 6' 4", 230-pound tight end that was fleet of foot.

In addition to finding this year's man of Creatine, Nebraska media outlets simply must find the upcoming season's leaders! Mentioned so far, cornerback Daniel Davie, just because he is a senior and Greg McMullen, because he's one of the only defensive ends on the roster after the overrated and overinjured Randy Gregory departed for the NFL. That, and the fact that the other defensive end, Class B product Jack Gangwish, is phyiscally overmatched in many cases. And, given the fact that he was stupid enough to document his murder of a raccoon on Twitter, also mentally overmatched.

PYB, as you know, may be a tad hypercritical -- but we believe strongly that a team's leaders should show some sort of initiative on the field. Initiative in breaking away from a block, running, and tackling. Anyone who's watched McMullen closely knows that none of those are high on his priority list.

We've only got a few moments, and apologize for our extended absence. However, we've got a new addition to the PYB family as well as a monstrous Q1 travel schedule, so we don't feel too fucking bad about it. We also needed a few weeks away to build enough internal venom to share with our readers:

--Though NU fans were told they were fucking idiots, we all knew we smelled a turd in Shawn Watson. Joe Ganz confirmed that for us here. Most telling is the fact that Watson got fired by Bo Pelini. Keeping in mind that Pinelli willingly HIRED John Papuchis and Barney Cotton and then kept them, while also letting Tim Beck run his Husker ship and free $3 million salary into an iceberg -- that speaks volumes. We wish Ganz would have also blown the whistle on Beck and his bipolar playcalling.

--PYB will reserve judgment on the Mike Riley era for a couple seasons, but we do like his recruting focus. Maybe we're not much for thinking outside the box, but targeting markets like Houston, Dallas, Atlanta, California, Louisiana and Florida may have been a good idea. So, it seems, was forging a relationship with coaches and players from Nebraska and the surrounding states and treating them with respect. Who knew that using a recruitment formula that worked for a Hall-of-Fame coach for 25 years, along with not being a fucking jerk could be so immediately impactful?


Contrast that to one of Pinelli's recruiting gems, the peculiarly Swedish Kevin Dillman. A kid, complete with hockey hair, who Bo considered his next game-breaking quarterback who was then ruled ineligible to play his last year of Texas high school football. Who Riley then deemed bad enough a commitment that he quickly rescinded the NU offer. Who subsequently signed with North Texas -- as a fucking tight end!!! Stellar 'talent' evaulation by the former staff. More, convoluted drama. Have fun, Penguin Nation...your new coaches will now recruit to a Division II level.

--On to some Nebraska basketball. The story here: Wait until next year...or the next. No reason to read any more stories wondering why Tim Miles' crew can't win games. Obviously, we're no Roy Williams, but if a team does not have a point guard, low-post scoring threat, three-point shooter or a rebounder its chances of success are slim. Even in the shitty Big 14.

Miles signature recruiting class arrives in the fall, with some allegedly top-tier talent (Tai Webster, anyone?). Let's check back in two more years. We'll then know if Pinnacle Bank Arena will be better known going forward as the home of Nebraska basketball or the home of job fairs offering UNL students a better life and $24,000 a year, with an occasional concert featuring your Washed Up Rocker du jour mixed in....

--Speaking of bad coaching, Williams was once again outdueled by Mike Krzyzewski, this time on his home court in Chapel Hill. Duke swept the season series from North Carolina, and Coach K reminded everyone why he has his team ranked 10 spots higher than it should be every season and why Williams is one of the worst floor coaches in the country. This is what UNC, and Kansas before it, gets for handing the keys of top-five programs to a coach who never earned his stripes as a major college head coach elsewhere. (Frank Solich, anyone?)

--Speaking of bad coaching, Nebraska baseball is still digging out of the hole that Mike Anderson dug for it. From outhouse to College World Series in three years, and back to the outhouse because nobody fucking cared enough to get rid of him? How that happened, we'll never know.....but if the 'leaders' at the NU Athletic Department allowed it to happen to the football program....the unrivaled cash cow....anything can happen.

This year's version of the team seems to have some fight, some decent arms, but little offense. They've been game competitors against some strong competition thus far but stymied by poor run production. Perhaps the bats still are still sleeping -- we'll know more in a few weeks. But at least the team once again has a leader -- and some balls. A one-run loss on Friday to No. 14 Texas A&M was solid. We'll see how their weekend finale against No. 7 LSU goes.

--Apparently, the new baseball hasn't translated to an offensive renaissance. For NU, at least. We'll see how the numbers look when teams get off the diet of cupcake non-conference pitching and complete a full season.

That's all we've got for now! Tiger's still a quitter. Queen James got kicked in the nuts by the overrated, ball-hogging James Harden, who proved why he'll never win shit with one cheap shot. Corey Cooper was 'shocked' that he didn't get invited to the NFL combine (LOL). The Blackshirts, mostly by subtraction, are back. Those casting the new Straight Outta Compton movie might have picked a Mexican guy to play Eazy-E.

And Private Bo Pinelli ran back to his hometown, the only place where high school bullies end up being relevant when everything shakes out.

Fuck you Youngstown, it's a new era in Lincoln...

PYB

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Thinkin' of a Master Plan

PYB checks in to wish its loyal readers a happy 2015 and share some random thoughts.

--Let's start with the first, and thankfully last, game of the Barney Cotton Era in Lincoln. Nebraska had a chance to beat a mildly good USC team, but blew it. It was a fitting snapshot of the flashes of hope followed by befuddling ineptitude that characterized the Mark Bo Pinelli regime:

--Sloppy play, complete with untimely penalties.
--51 pass attempts
--515 yards allowed
--Three yards per rush attempt
--Horrendous play calling, blowing a chance to win on the final series (Translation: Ameer Abdullah didn't get the ball).

All in all, another shoulda, coulda, woulda. NU had the talent and speed to match the Trojans, but couldn't maximize opportunities and lost. Another 9-4 season. Let's move on.

--Nice to see Nebraska's new staff recruiting in Dallas, a hotbed of football talent that Pinelli and his band of Keystone Kops somehow ignored. Apparently, the formula of finding players in Texas, Florida and California and then getting them on the field is good enough for good college football teams but not those with coaches obsessed with the Rust Belt. Such a formula also helps programs keep more than five linebackers on their rosters.

--University of Nebraska-Lincoln administration fucked Avery Moss. In a pathetic display, Nebraska's Interim Title IX "Administrator" hid behind excuses and buzzwords (risk) and delayed a decision on the matter and ultimately refused to reinstate him. So....the university somehow screwed up the decision, after having a year to determine Moss's fate, and then finally issued a verdict less than a week before the semester began and left the kid no time to sort through other college options and make a wise decision? Unreal, indeed. The whole situation is baffling and makes PYB ponder yet again if there's a real leadership problem on the Lincoln campus.

And, let's be clear. If UNL decides not to have dong swingers on campus, we'd be fine with that. Make the decision right away. Dragging heels and then playing God with a young person's future is horrifying. Moss was "too risky" to bring back now, after completing his required counseling during his suspension, but wasn't "too risky" 12 months earlier before completing said rehabilitation. Lies. Title IX is a fucking joke and the fact that there is a person with a title that starts with Title IX is a bigger farce.

Anyway, sign this petition. Not because it should be OK for someone to whip out his crank on campus, but because our state institutions should act with expediency and respect if they're truly about the betterment of their people. And those making six-figure salaries need to be held accountable.

Surely, it's too little, too late, but UNL should be forced to reinstate Moss and live with any bad public relations ramifications that it brought on with its reckless business practices. Nice job, Arturo, by not allowing him to stick it out in Lincoln, you provided the icing on the cake with one final capper for the long list of indecent
embarrassments during Pinelli's tenure.

--For those of you that have been busy, we'd like to take this opportunity to tell you that the Big 10 is now awesome at football because its teams went 5-5 in bowl games. Teams lost by an average margin of 15 points to Louisiana Tech, Tennessee, USC, Missouri and Stanford.

Wins over a flawed Alabama team, a defenseless Baylor team that went brain dead in the final five minutes, a shaky Auburn squad, a mediocre-as-usual Boston College that missed an extra point in overtime and a North Carolina team that gave up 70 points to East Carolina has the league trending up and on the way to elite status. Just ask any loser who roots for his favorite team's conference during Bowl Season.

--John Harbaugh is delusional if he really believes that Joe Flacco is the NFL's best quaterback. Surely, he realizes that Flacco is in the running with Eli Manning and Trent Dilfer as worst quarterback to win a Super Bowl. And, we all saw what happened last night when Ray Rice, Ray Lewis and Ed Reed weren't there and Flacco was forced to make a game-winning play. Didn't happen and the Ravens blew two 14-point leads. It's also tougher when the NFL isn't rigging games to help Lewis and Reed end their careers on a positive note.

--Kobe Bryant is a nerd, and his fake tough guy act in practice this season proved it -- again. "Soft like Charmin" For real? Anyway, his analysis of the skill differences between European and American players was spot on. This was not an instance of him being a bitter prick.

This was him telling the truth, and the NBA surely hated it. For all his flaws, at least Bryant has a game that is fundamentally sound. His stomach must turn when watching Queen James (did you really think we'd talk about the NBA without taking a shot at Her Highness?) and Carmelo Anthony run the dribble-for-22-seconds-and-chuck-it-up offense. The Cavaliers are currently hovering around .500, as James has found it harder to win without stacking his team with multiple multi-year All Stars. Anthony's Knicks have dropped 15 straight, and he's sitting on the bench nursing a sore knee. Bryant knows its best to force 40 shots a game in the framework of the triple-post offense.

--If you're bored and need to kill time until today's NFL games, PYB would like to present this video as a refresher course showing why Michael Jordan makes all the aforementioned NBA 'stars' look like scrubs. And before we hear the 'different era' and 'today's player is more athletic' claims, let's make sure to note the defenders on this video include Dumars, Rodman, Byron Scott, Drexler, Bird, Starks, Kevin Johnson and David Robinson.

Sunday duties call......gotta run. Thanks for reading.

PYB

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

The Reason for the Treason

PYB bides its time this rainy, soggy Christmas Eve, counting the minutes until we deem it appropriate to crack the first cocktail of the afternoon. The sleep-inducing Popeye's Bahamas Bowl isn't sparking a festive mood -- the lone highlight being play-by-play announcer Steve Levy joking that Dr. Lou and Mark May shared a hotel room during their Bahamian adventure. In the meantime, we'll wrap up a few loose ends before wrapping up a few final gifts:

--Regrettably, we failed to bring this up when it happened a couple weeks back....BUT, did anyone else find it fitting/humorous/ironic that Queen James hosted the future Queen of England at an NBA game during her United States visit? Did anyone else find it embarrassing that the three most important people that USA had to offer as hosts were James, Jay-Z and Beyonce? Editors addition: Did anyone else find it humorous that the yellow-toothed Brits seethed at the fact that James didn't show proper respect and actually touched the queen-in-waiting? 

Note to England: You lost the Revolutionary War. Monarchies are no longer legitimate governments. Slavery is no longer legal.

--Tiger Woods has turned over a new leaf. In addition to former champion golfer, Navy SEAL and coulda-been NFL cornerback, he is now elevating friends to professional golf success. Hopefully, Arjun Atwal is close enough to Woods to get a popsicle offer.

Anyway, PYB sees this story as a diversion to the fact that he went T-Last in a fabricated PGA Tour event at his home course. In true drama queen fashion, Woods faked sickness after an opening-round 77 so everyone could laud his warrior status for breaking 80 the next three days straight. Hank Haney followed this up oozing praise....surely, Major success will follow in 2015...

--Tim Miles' Nebraska basketball team continues to scuffle through December, losing in a predictable host-team ambush in Hawaii before fending off Loyola Marymount by scoring 50 points in an overtime game last night. Hey, last season was a great run for a team that got hot. But, for a team without a legitimate 35-minute-a-game point guard and absolutely no inside offensive presence, ups and downs (and more downs) are inevitable -- especially when the element of surprise is no longer in play.

And, when your worthless walk-on dunks in pregame warmups and gets a technical foul, it may just be a sign that it's not going to be your season. PYB is not sure how that can happen.

A 'down' year may be for the best, as Miles builds depth with a highly acclaimed recruiting class. If Terran Petteway stays another year (the NBA draft is only two rounds), and some current big men develop and/or get healthy, 2015-16 may be a more realistic breakthrough season. You know, just like every season in the Taylor Martinez/Bo Pinelli Era was supposed to be.

--"If he wasn't such a jackass, he might have had a chance." PYB heard these words at a small-town Nebraska fitness center less than an hour after Pinelli got axed. Sometimes, the simplest of phrases in the simplest of places bring the most clarity to a supposedly complex situation.

Nebraskans were always smart enough to know that their beloved team would never be perfect. They were also smart enough stakeholders to know that Pinelli, their CEO, had no plan to pull off the road to nowhere and merge on to the highway to success. They expected the state's most highly paid employee to have such goals and a strategy to achieve them . For that, he resented them. For that, he disrespected the very assets that would have made him a king in Nebraska. He was a jackass.

Still, there were Nebraskans that supported him to the fullest. Loyal to a fault, ready to accept whatever was thrown on their doorstep. These are the same Nebraskans who buy the same shitty couch that every Midwestern furniture store peddles to them for $999 year after year. Hard as a rock, but it must be fucking awesome because it's in my basement AND is has a flip-down armrest with a drink holder in the console. Critical thinking be damned, roll with the status quo as the pages on the calendar change and results stay the same.

While we're stuck using analogies, we'll toss out another bad marriage comparison. NU and its fans were stuck in a joyless union for at least the last four years. The game against Iowa was the last hurrah, like a doomed couple trying to spice things up with a special night out. Instead, they got into a fight on the way to dinner (first half and early second half). Then, after a couple cocktails, all was forgotten, good times were remembered, and they fucked each others' brains out (late second half). She even gave him a second round of pussy and kick-started it with a blow job. (Punt return TD & OT win.)

After waking up that morning, the hate returned. The pussy (Eichorst) faxed the divorce papers, and the husband (Bo Mark) told everyone that the pussy was being a cunt as he tried to curry favor with his friends (players) one last time. They laughed, like good friends do, regardless of how little they may have cared. All in all, a pathetic, wasteful exercise that embarrassed a proud fan base, a proud state and a proud tradition yet again.

Pinelli acted as if making $3 million a year was his birthright and that no modicum of respect toward his constituents was required. He overestimated his own value and pretended to have no idea that his tenure in Lincoln further diluted Nebraska football's brand. But the venom he spewed at anyone with the gall to question his faulted methods told us he knew better. He knew he couldn't cut it as a head coach and forced his boss's hand. Then, one last time, he played the "Poor Me" routine

Too many expectations. Too few private jets.  The excuses kept flowing. Those that mattered quit caring.

Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas....

PYB

Sunday, December 21, 2014

The Motherfuckin' Product

PYB wishes Happy Holidays to all you cunts and pussies out there -- especially you cunts and pussies who have more education than an Ohio factory worker. We realize that a lot has happened since our last installment, as soap operas run daily. Our desire to let the dust settle on the Private Mark Pinelli era, along with a busy year's end at work, is the latest bad excuse we'll use for falling behind. Either way, we're here now, so let's get to it. Many of our favorite targets have given us new reasons to take shots at them.

--Private Pinelli, in a lesson of irony, called his boss a pencil-pushing cunt, then whined to his former players for 30-minutes about how tough he had it at NU. Too much pressure at my $3 million-a-year job, in a state where the average salary is $42,000. Too much pressure to not get destroyed by any better-than-terrible team when something was on the line. And we use the term 'something' very loosely, as it means staying in the running for winning half of the worst conference in major college football.

It wasn't my fault, he said. It wasn't YOUR fault he told the players, for allowing 408 yards to a back who gained fewer than 50 yards against Western Illinois. It was a pussy lawyer's fault because he didn't come to see you at practice enough and was too busy running a $75-million-dollar business to consistently tell the coach how great he was for winning nine games a year when any coach in America (and probably many bus drivers) could get seven wins with the combination of NU's facilities and pathetic list of opponents. Don't believe us? Then rely on this complex mathematical formula for proof: FAU + McNeese + Fresno + Illinois + Purdue + Rutgers = 6.

Don't blame Pinelli, dear readers. This was his destiny in just another fatalistic meathead saga. The same one we all saw when Back to the Future came out in 1985. Meathead in charge at the beginning, when brute force worked. At the end, when brains, tact and savvy were required. meathead waxed the car. Obviously, our friends at Cardinal Mooney didn't teach evolution. Adapt or die.....or run home to the only place where high school bullies are relevant 28 years after graduation.

It wasn't Private Mark's fault for a litany of other reasons, as you listen to him fake concern for his players' well being. Let me tell you motherfuckers that I care about you, but nobody else does. At the same time, let me provide you all a life lesson that will serve you well after graduation -- fuck authority and fuck anyone with more education than you. Considering Pelini put fewer and fewer players into the NFL as Bill Callahan's pipeline dried up, that's a bad lesson.

These kids will need to know how to thrive using intelligence and soft skills, at a real workplace and not a locker room. Excuses don't work. Instead, they're the battered spouses who somehow convince themselves they still love their husband and that he's a good man. The 40-point losses are the bruises that tell the rest of the world otherwise. A drastic comparison, yes. But, manipulating 20-year-old college kids to serve a personal agenda is another form of abuse with serious consequences. Mindfucking them to think that one blowhard bully is more righteous and more important than a 135-year-old university with a long track record of class is pathetic.

Perhaps Pinelli did believe his smoke-and-mirrors, four-loss product was good enough for Nebraska.
After all, he learned it as a player at Ohio State. During his diatribe, he played the victim card once more and told NU players how he toughed it out and stayed in Columbus after Earl Bruce was fired following a 6-4-1 season. What a warrior, Mark was! Considering that he was a white safety for a bad team in a bad conference, his other Division I options were likely limited.

Pinelli's persistence paid off, as his final three seasons in Columbus went: 5-6-1, 8-4, and 7-4-1. Given the fact that these were considered successful seasons for the Buckeyes for 25 years, it's not Bo Mark's fault that he took that losing attitude with him.

As NU fans, it's time to take some blame ourselves. We didn't heed the warning signs in 2007. Private Pinelli accosting Bill Snyder for having the nerve to dismantle his shitty defense wasn't 'fire in the belly.' In fact, it's fitting that this 45-second clip shows his defense being blown off the ball, missing tackles and blowing coverages.

Pinelli melting down and berating an official against Michigan State wasn't competitiveness. These were both ineptitude surfacing like a rotten corpse in a stagnant pond. Nebraska, in the end, ignored those instances in a rush to fix a pathetic defensive team.

Tom Osborne misjudged the shifting college football landscape, and underestimated the need for a business leader as head coach. An executive who knew how to pull the right levers in hiring, motivation, and decision making. Considering the Frank Solich disaster, he made his second straight bad hire for his beloved football program. Seventeen years later, we're all stuck on this hamster wheel, scurrying away as the rest of college football goes on outside the cage.

Shawn Eichorst, it's now your turn. You made your play, the predictable 180-degree hire of Mike Riley -- whose aura strikes us somewhere between the teacher we read that he is and the overly friendly weirdo at church that nobody wants to talk to. It's your turn to prove that you're a silent-but-strong leader and not a recluse.

Your turn to fill the stands, to keep the faux riche coming to Lincoln in their North Face sweater vests to pump money through the program's veins -- one shitty toolshed (aka Champion's Club) beer at a time. It's not a football program, it's a brand. A product. A shitty product at this point. Starting next August, it's your motherfuckin' product....

And somewhere, in a dark Youngstown film room that is likely less-featured, but more comfortable to him than the one he had in Lincoln, Private Pinelli cues up one of his favorite movie scenes. He nods his head in agreement. Bo, it's not your fault. Bo it's not your fault. Bo, it's not your fault.......