Sunday, March 30, 2014

Moon Patrol

PYB jumps in after watching Florida's "star" point guard miss two late free throws and piss away an easy cover for the Gators. It's our third push in the last 24 hours after buying the half point. After a good first week of wagers, this week has been a wash. After 10 days of March Madness, we've accumulated some material:


--We visited San Antonio for Nebraska's first-round debacle against Baylor. The officiating was fucking atrocious. It didn't change the outcome, but it ruined the experience for players, coaches and fans alike. The referees made sure they were the story, which is a damn shame. More of a damn shame than us dropping $800 to watch NU rack up another tournament loss. And we'd do it again tomorrow. Tim Miles knew the game was over once Terran Pettaway got his fourth foul on a bullshit call and was smart not to stick around for the pending carnage.

There was an Erick Strickland sighting, so that was a positive. PYB saw him outside the arena and also five rows from the floor inside, clapping to the Husker fight song, while his mannequin girlfriend sat on her ass and texted the entire time.

We also saw Hank from Breaking Bad. We thought he died last season, but apparently he's alive and well and is a Creighton fan. (See our undercover photo from our shitty $180 seat in the corner.)

--The AT&T Center is a badly outdated facility. The seating configuration of the arena is solid, but the concourses are old, shitty and quite frankly embarrassing for a four-time NBA Champion*. If it weren't for the trophy cases that were missing the four trophies, adorned in faded carpet, the place would be an outright shithole.

The only thing worse than the interior of the arena is the outside. Stuck in no-man's land and bordering the San Antonio 'hood, it is horribly unfriendly to fans. No amenities. No bars. No restaurants. No cabs. When, after begging for a Bloody Mary for 20 minutes at our hotel the morning of the game, we asked if there was anywhere to get a beer before tip, our waitress confidently answered: "Oh yeah, honey, there's a golf course right across the street."

There was no golf course. There was, however, plenty of construction on site to make visitors feel like they were somewhere on the moon -- the shitty part. (See photos courtesy of Juice Diggler.) And, if yo' girl is in need of some stretch pants with the American flag or some Rasta shit on them, you can pick up a pair after the game.

The arena can be plenty loud, especially when filled with 17,000 whining Spurs fans who are cheering at the top of their lungs because they have nothing better to do and know a stray bullet may find them on the trip home after the game. Hence, not all was lost -- we did admittedly enjoy the Riverwalk. We even met the Omaha World Herald's Tom Shatel and shook his hand. We were under the influence of multiple margaritas, and with our untrammeled vision, he appeared to be as well.

--Speaking of home-court advantages and the OWH, Dirk Chatelain has uncovered a secret: home crowds provide an edge to the home team in college basketball! Who knew??!?

--The recent movement for the NCAA to have identical playing floors at every tournament site sucks cock. Idea: let's drain every last fucking ounce of personality out of the tournament and homogenize it into an amorphous piece of shit that cranks out dollars. Yep, let's do it. Kiss my ass. No gaudy paint in Boise? No Knicks logo at MSG? Squint to see the dark blue lettering in the black baseline so you can see where the game is being played. Fuck off.

--PYB channels its inner Chatelain and uncovers previously unknown secrets by telling its readers: Nebraska's women's teams choke every year.

--We can only hope the furor over Philadelphia cutting DeSean Jackson subsides quickly. There's a lot of furor over a one-trick pony receiver, who's scared to go over the middle and whose attitude changes with the wind. Looking at his 2013 stats, they're better than we expected (1300 yards and nine TDs), but the Eagles have always been team over individual and compromising chemistry to keep a baby whose speed will only diminish in upcoming years wouldn't be advisable. Remember, even though Jackson throws Crip signs, he's scared to go over the middle.

--Phil Mickelson has learned to quit -- just like Tiger Woods -- unless one thinks it is coincidence that his withdrawal Saturday at the Valero Texas Open came with Hefty sitting at multiple shots over par, 15 shots off the lead and pondering the joy of playing 27 more holes on a half-brown golf course. Viewers who kept the tournament on (us, because there was not shit else to watch) were instead treated to Andrew Loupe making five to eight practice swings per shot and Matt Kuchar fake smiling and looking 25 years older than his age. Good times.

--Private Pinelli is conducting one-on-one drills for his punt return team? Do we need to comment on this, or is the futility apparent without us doing so?

--FYI: The officials in the Wisconsin vs. Arizona game were horrible. So were the officials at the end of Michigan vs. Tennessee. PYB has seen at least three calls blow this tournament AFTER the referees consulted the video replay -- truly amazing feats.

--Reminder for all you deadbeats: Make sure to sign up for Obamacare if you don't have a fucking job. The deadline is quickly approaching. Or, should we call it Zo-bamacare after the television commercial where Alonzo Mourning goes the playground to tell 10 idiots who are playing pickup basketball that they should probably have insurance if they're going to be playing full-court basketball at the playground?

Of course, the Alpha male tells Zo at the start that he's young and doesn't need that shit, before coming correct when Zo drops a few tidbits of knowledge on his uninformed ass. We couldn't make this stuff up. And, if Zo isn't enough to intimidate you into getting your free shit, Magic Johnson has a spot too -- claiming it's "Magic" to get your health coverage for little to nothing. Is AZT covered for average Joes?

That's all for now. We're going to prematurely eject, as we've got a solo parenting gig going this weekend and need to finish some things prior to a child waking. We just felt the need to publish something for our loyal readers. Hell, if we keep that up, we may turn into John Grisham.

Enjoy your Sunday and the pictorial below. Quick recap....Riverwalk, fan in Satin Husker jacket that we almost gave credit to until seeing a Creighton shirt underneath the jacket (see blue strip protruding from bottom of jacket), the statue of some old-and-likely racist dude at Dallas Love Field appears to have a boner when you look at it from the escalator and the Spurs' trophy-less trophy case with faded carpet. Sorry for the awful formatting -- blogger is not too friendly in this regard....  PYB





Thursday, March 20, 2014

Twilight Sparkling

PYB commences another March Madness today, and for the first time on 20 years, it's not from a bar. Work duties call, and so does a last-minute trip to San Antonio to watch Nebraska play Baylor in Friday's first games. That, followed by Creighton in the second game....and then, if all goes well, multiple margaritas from the Riverwalk. We aren't paying $300 to watch the UNC and Iowa State games, and would likely opt for the margaritas even if the second session was free.

Instead of countless beer glasses, we're surrounded by countless My Little Pony dolls. Onward, as we watch Dayton and Ohio State kick off the festivities and hope for a Flyer upset.

Picks for today's early games....we're just praying for a 4-4 result!

--Wisconsin -13
--Colorado +7
--Florida -21
--Dayton +7
--Michigan State -14
--Cincinnati -3
--BYU +5
--Western Michigan +13

--If you didn't get the chance to listen to this interview with Erick Strickland, carve out 30 minutes to do so. Lots of discussion items: partying w/ Mark Cuban, chasing pussy, coaching college basketball, coaching today's soft and fundamentally unsound players, and his old Mazda 626 which PYB remembers seeing all across campus back in the early 1990s. Good days. Good times.

--Speaking of Ohio State, Nebraska's meltdown against the Suckeyes last week at the Big Ten Conference Tournament was deflating. But, in the long run, meaningless. NU got in the field of 64+4, and if they somehow beat Baylor, it's the best Nebraska team of all time. That's a huge "if", obviously, but the goal is still there to achieve. We're channeling our inner Bo Pinelli with that one. NU basketball is FUCKING FINE.

--The Iowa basketball team capped a late-season slide with one final meltdown in the First Four. Blowing a five-point lead late in the second half, before losing in overtime after being outscored 14-1 in the extra session. Ouch. And the fact that the fabricated play-in games are now dubbed the First Four may just be the death blow to college basketball. Embarrassing.

--At least Kansas will have an excuse for losing early this year.

--While we're talking about excuse makers and fundamentally unsound players, Superwoman is missing games with a mild ankle strain.

--While we're talking about excuse makers, Tiger Woods is missing the Bay Hill (now dubbed the Arnold Palmer Invitational) event this week. It must really sting since he only enters events that he's won multiple times or that pay him $2 million to appear. But, if anyone can come back to win an event in which he is not even entered, it's Tiger Woods!! He's back and we're sure he'll be more than ready to win the Masters now!

--And before we get out of here...this is why Steve Smith is not soft and why he's on of our favorites.

Enjoy the Madness......PYB

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Dead Hot Sweatshop

PYB provides a quick postscript to last evening's post, as we regrettably forgot to inform our readers that Nike sucks. After never seeing in it the 30 years prior, we saw two NBA players blow through shoes in the same week. Manu Ge-no-ba-lee and Andrew Bogut.

We've experienced these plastic pieces of shit first hand. After wearing a pair (briefly) for pickup games, our ankles and achilles have never been the same.

Nike needs to hire better quality control engineers to torture the kids in its Asian factories. Either that, or forget about cavity-back drivers, shutter its disastrous golf division, get back to basics and quit charging $129.00 for glorified aqua socks.

If you don't believe us, let an Oakland Raider fan confirm it for you. WTF, bro.


Saturday, March 8, 2014

Skate or Die

PYB prepares for a Saturday night with no family and no commitments, as we watch the ESPN hype machine overhype tonight's Duke-North Carolina with an hour-long pregame show hyping this clash of titans with just 14 losses between them this season and a nine point spread.

Duke Vitale has said twice in 15 minutes that "Nothing is finer, than Duke and Carolina." (that rhymes, get it?) Tony Romo is in attendance, wearing a Duke shirt, despite playing at Eastern Illinois. We knew he was full of shit. And we are full of guilt for going two weeks without a post. Onward....as we do a Spring Cleaning of our coffers of saved material:

Since it's Spring. Birds are chirping, Tiger Woods is finishing as an also-ran at every PGA tournament, and every Cornhusker football player has completely transformed his body into pure muscle in the two months since the season ended in January. And, in case you wondered, Nebraska started spring practice today and is still fine. AMG offered Exhibit A of NU's fineness, pointing out that at this year's NFL Combine:

Nebraska had 3 invitees. Other schools with the same or more:

Western Kentucky (3)
Utah St. (4)
Utah (5)
Fresno St. (4)
Colorado St. (3)
Boston College (5)
Boise St. (3)
Ball St. (3)

Sounds like the same schools NU competes with for players.

Bloomsburg (never heard of) in the highly regarded Pennsylvania St. conference has 2

We're fine.

p.s. For context Alabama has 12

--Next, Private Bo Pinelli made it known today that Jamal Turner is taking snaps at quarterback. Great. After wasting 75% of Turner's career and turning him into a fragile version of Miles Austin, the NU brain trust thinks it a good idea to move him to quarterback when the team has two other viable options at the position for the first time in at least five years. OK. PYB is just pissed that a guy from the Dallas area is in the Husker program. Don't need guys who aren't in the Big Ten's viewing region. Their Moms can't see them play every week.

--Then, Taylor Martinez lied about  his 40-yard-dash time from this week's NFL Pro Day in Lincoln, confusing a 4.28 time with a 4.6 time -- no biggie. This before he guaranteed he could play receiver at the next level and referencing all his haters. And stuff. T Vag, don't go away mad. T Vag, just go away.

--Finally, a reminder of where it all went wrong. Frank Solich. Not Bill Callahan. The Rat had one too many GHB-A-Ritas and crashed the Nebraska football program into a tree. Danny Woodhead...nah, said The Rat, "We're fine." (Just weed past the 15 paragraphs on Creighton basketball and the link describing anal sex with young boys in Happy Valley.)

--Wichita State improved its record to 33-0 today in the Missouri Valley Conference Tournament. It's funny that a team could go 34-0 entering the NCAA Tournament and lose in the first round. Or is it the third round by the time the Final 64 start playing? Watered. Down. Basketball.

--Speaking of watered down and college basketball, it was nice to see a few fisticuffs after the UVU-NMSU game, but this was nothing compared to the chair-swinging brawl in 1990 following a North Carolina A&T and North Carolina Central game. Unfortunately, we couldn't find the video -- just this watered down link.

--As always, we'll end on a high note. PYB sends major kudos to Tim Miles and his NU basketball team. Coaching, it turns out, does matter. And so does adjusting mid-game and/or mid-season, being nice to people and marketing a positive persona to the locals. Mind-blowing concepts.

Following an upset win at Michigan State followed by unrealistic expectations by uneducated NU fans and an inevitable loss at Illinois, Miles & Co. bounced back for a grind-it-out home win against Northwestern and a great road win at Indiana on Wednesday. 

All that sets up a huge home game tomorrow against Wisconsin. Win, and the Huskers are in the NCAA Tournament for the first time in 15 years. No way a team that goes 11-7 in the Rugged Big 14 gets denied a bid. That said, the Badgers are fucking filthy. When you expect them to win, they score 35 points and lose by 25. Root against them, and they'll win by 20. It's just too bad that the game isn't nationally relevant, since they fold every time in that scenario. Just like the Wisconsin football team.

During the NU-IU game, we realized that as much as joining the Big Ten killed Nebraska's football program, it may have resurrected its hopes at being a legitimate basketball entity. Two ships passing in the night.

That's all we have. We'll sign off for now, as we hope that NU fans know how to cheer tomorrow and don't go into their patented coma once the first sign of adversity aries and as we ponder two questions: 

1. How could any man in his right mind, who did not attend Duke, wear Blue Devil gear and pretend to be a Blue Devil fan?

2. What percent of the sports world knows that Roy Williams is an awful coach and when will the UNC administration realize he's the Mack Brown of college basketball?

Enjoy your weekend. PYB


Sunday, February 23, 2014

Local Yokels

Returning from another inexcusable unexcused two-week absence, PYB gets right to it with a random collection of thoughts that is scattershot enough to make Taylorina Martinez blush. Lots has happened since our last installment. Let's get to it:

--The Olympics happened. A different twist on figure skating aired nightly on NBC. Between those events, NBC mixed in a couple fabricated sports (short-track speed skating, 25 varieties of snowboarding). And shockingly, another American team laid an egg after proclaiming itself the tournament's best team two days prior (hockey). Can't wait another four years for more great theater...

Admittedly, we do like watching the bobsled, and the four-man competition is airing now. The only downside is listening to NBC analyst John Morgan, because if you did, you'd think no team without Russia painted on its sled has ever had a good run. "He's only .25 seconds ahead of the current leaders...NOT GOOD ENOUGH..." How can people be so negative??

--It's been almost three weeks since the Nebraska football team signed its latest recruiting class. Sadly, we forgot to extend accolades to Husker Head Coach Bo Pinelli, as he stayed true to his commitment to improve his efforts in Texas by scouring Dallas for more players and signing a placekicker whose brother played at Nebraska in the 1990s. Legacies are always great program additions, especially if they're white and named Davis, Pelini, Solich, or Cotton (Sam and Ben, not Kenzo, the Nebraska 100m dash state record holder and son of former NU safety Curtis). 

Let's remember, though, that this was a team effort. It takes all staff members rowing in unison, working toward a common goal. You think it's easy signing the sixth best recruiting class in the Big Ten? Think again. It takes stars like John Garrison to lead that team. Stars like Garrison to identify recruiting hotbeds like Chicago and St. Louis, because they're within a direct flight of Omaha on Southwest Airlines. No mention was made of the direct flights available from Eppley Airfield to Dallas, Houston, Newark, Atlanta or Phoenix. 

It takes stars like Barney Cotton to get an offensive lineman from Las Vegas to visit NU's summer camp, while forgetting about Southern California. Stars like Pinelli to identify good Italian food while failing to identify difference-making football players. And while you're railing on about how great it is to drive to recruit regional players, sign a decent player from Omaha for once. Please (See picture courtesy of Mr. Chaffey).

We are fucking FINE!

--Is anyone else ready to admit that college basketball is nearly dead? If the fact that the country's top-ranked team lost at home to a 7-19 Boston College team doesn't do the trick, the fact that the Syracuse Orangemen wore orange jerseys and navy shorts like it was a junior high school's B Team should. If neither of those do, the fact that "Top Ten" Michigan State was dominated at home a day earlier by Nebraska should.

--As college hoops circles the drain, it is comforting to see that certain traditions in the sport will always remain in place. Duke was gifted another win last night, this time given the benefit of an atrocious charge call against Syracuse. Jim Boeheim went fucking nuts, and rightfully so. Media fuckfaces were dismayed at the coach's reaction, as Boeheim's two subsequent technical fouls "took away any chance the Orangemen had to win." 

Fuckers, did you see the charge call? If you don't think the referees would have coddled the Blue Devils the last fifteen seconds to ensure another Cameron Indoor home win, then you haven't watched college basketball the last 30 years. It's the only thing more guaranteed than Kansas getting all the calls at home throughout the season, running up scores on overmatched teams in Lawrence and then flaming out on the first weekend of the NCAA tournament every March. 

The most refreshing thing was seeing Boeheim, a veteran coach unworried about his future in the game, refuse to suck the corporate dick in the postgame press conference and describing the play as the "worst call of the year." Great stuff.

--Switching gears and moving to golf. Golf isn't really happening lately, because Tiger Woods isn't playing. Apparently, PGA Tour events don't pay enough for him to appear, Riviera has too many trees and requires accuracy and good putting and the embarrassment of getting drilled by another World #64 at the WGC Match Play was too much to bear. On a side note, Rickie Fatler cut her hair and looks even more like Strawberry Shortcake and her poofy hat.

--NFL players can't say the N-word anymore without being flagged for 15 yards. So, that obviously begs the question about whether the NFL is an EEO. Does "Honkey" garner 15 yards as well? 10 yards? 5 yards? How about Beaner? Fag? Cocksucker? Pussy? Bitch? Please tell, because we could go on all day.

--Barry Bonds is a Spring Training instructor. Did he bring his own phlebotomist to teach proper injection techniques?

--For the record, PYB was not making a dig at Nebraska's accomplishment of beating Michigan State last Sunday. Great win for Tim Miles' squad and even better than they followed up by bottle blasting Penn State Thursday. Hopefully, they can keep the momentum moving by handling Purdue today in Lincoln. 

That said, it doesn't change the fact that college hoops is watered down. Hell, Nebraska can reap the benefits -- as proven this year -- as it has the chance to finish in the middle of the Big Ten standings and ahead of traditional powers like Indiana, Purdue and Illinois. Either those teams don't have enough private jets to recruit good players, or mediocrity has allowed teams like Wichita State to crack the top five in the national rankings and Creighton to live near the top of the Big East once they joined and the three best programs left the conference.

It's the same phenomenon that took hold of college football the last 15 years. Missouri in the top five to end this past season. Oregon, Stanford, Central Florida, Baylor and Louisville in the top 15. Duke, Vanderbilt and Nebraska in the top 25. Moving on....

Either way, we'll roll with the opportunity for NU to make an NIT tournament again. We love that Miles told the Nebraska fans that they fucking suck and don't make any noise. (A coach telling his fans they get a B or B- as a grade means D+ or C- at best......same as a drunken college student tells the fat chick in his room at 2 a.m. that she's as hot as any other girl at the party that night. Same as Big 12 coaches calling Frank Solich a great coach in every press conference after they outwitted The Rat for another easy win.)

Finally, we'll take a shot at one of our favorite targets -- Queen James. Her Highness has been under the radar lately, but showed just how little he understands about winning. Guess that happens when the NBA Marketing Machine lets its star players stack teams in the name of money and because the player can't win based on their own will and determination.

The Queen campaigned for the Dallas Cowboys to draft Johnny Manziel in April, one breath after supporting Tony Romo and then called Dallas a "winning franchise." Confused? So were we, given that the Cowgirls' records have been 8-8, 8-8, 8-8 and 6-10 the last four seasons and that the team hasn't had a playoff victory since 1995. PYB is a Witness to stupidity.

 We're out of here. Hopefully for less than two weeks, but we've been sucking that corporate dick and working seven days a week and blog time is hard to come by. Enjoy your Sunday. PYB.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Give a Stray a Bone

PYB wishes everyone a happy Sunday afternoon, as we once again feel cheated by the sham that is the Olympics. Let's skip showing the good events and instead jam 15 types of figure skating down the public's throat every evening for two weeks, sprinkle in some Women's Biathlon, and top it off with all the XTreme Snowboard events that the IOC added so that the US of A could win more than 20 medals over the fortnight in stray-dog infested Sochi. Let's get to it:

--We had the fortunate opportunity last night to watch a college basketball game at the newly renovated, raucous Moody Coliseum in Dallas, as SMU bottle blasted Cincinnati 76-55. The Mustangs were able to match the Bearcats' physicality and keep them off the offensive glass. This was especially important, as Cincy shot a woeful 35% from the field, including a 4/24 performance from three point range, and SMU rendered the Bearcats' throw-up-a-brick-and-tip-it-back-in offense useless.

It's safe to say two things: Cincinnati is likely the worst seventh-ranked college basketball team of all time, and Head Coach Mick Cronin was in way over his head trying to match coaching chops with SMU's Larry Brown.

With the game out of hand late, the Bearcats dropped multiple hard (flagrant) fouls on Mustang starters, who were somehow still on the floor with a 20-point lead. Who said Brown had forgotten his Kansas Jayhawk roots from the mid-1980s? Either way, the entertainment value of the $14 ticket was tremendous, with the hot dogs being solid, beer being sold and the only downside being having to watch the SEC-like douchebag students prance around like they're God's gift to Sperry and bad haircuts.

--Carlos Marmol completed his tenure with the Chicago Cubs in 2013, after 7.5 disappointing seasons. Is it safe to say that after signing with Miami this week, he'll become one of the game's most dominant closers? Control problems have haunted Marmol from day one, but with the stuff Cub fans remember him having (remember, WGN only shows about three games a year anymore), he's sure to have 45+ saves in 2014.

--Everyone ready for the Marcus Smart debate to rage on for hours tomorrow, then days, then weeks? The only thing certain is that the fat fuck in the stands in Lubbock is a loser, and we wish that Smart would have knocked him out. Fear not, Marcus, Metta World Artest says it will all work out. He was once "just out the hood" of Queensbridge (a fictitious city) but lived to succeed. And, after all, Kobe Bryant raped a girl and rebounded to regain his NBA icon status.

--In case you were wondering, Phil Mickelson putts just as poorly with two gloves on as he does with none.

--Since Tiger's Wood has fallen from winning majors to not winning anything and collecting only appearance fee checks, ESPN has had to resort to stalking his niece's achievements in Australia. Apparently, she wants to be "Just Like Tiger Woods", filling all the divots in the neighborhood, don't think about them three foot putts, cover your tracks when you're bangin' them sluts!

--Tim Miles and the NU basketball team got its first road win of the season at Northwestern on Saturday, rebounding from an awful first half for a 53-49 win. Let the NIT quest begin -- again. And let the guessing on which easy win the squad will soon tank begin as well. Either way, the loss of Deverell Biggs hasn't meant a thing as Benny Parker has added a dimension as a true point guard willing to facilitate the team's scorers and play consistent defense. Best of luck the rest of the way...

That's all we have right now. Slow time in the sports world, other than Pete Carroll being a fucking crook and winning a Super Bowl. And national signing day happening last week. And Bo Pinelli being pleased as punch with his 2014 class. 

Haven't you heard? He's funny now, his latest recruits are awesome, and we are fucking fine because in three more years NU will be getting $10 million more per year of its Big 10 revenue share so that it can add a few hundred seats to Memorial Mausoleum and pay for more private jets to ace Air Force and Troy out for two-star fullback recruits. 

Have a fine week......PYB


Saturday, January 25, 2014

Tick Tock, Nine-Inch Cock

PYB checking in this Saturday, sad that there's no football this weekend for the first time since August. Sadder yet that next week's Super Bowl will be a letdown without a quarterback as superb as Joe Flacco under center. If you don't believe us, just look at the Baltimore Ravens' record in their post-championship season -- not just any quarterback can do it all over again and lead his squad to an 8-8 campaign. Onward:

--It's Spring -- almost. Birds are chirping during golf coverage in warmer climes. Shallow people from California are telling us that it's 80 degrees year-round in Orange County. Don't forget, it's Orange Fucking County, which apparently lacks city names, town names or any fucking municipalities at all.

Anyhow, Spring means the start of golf season. It means Tiger's Wood trying to add more titles to his collection, at courses where he's already won multiple times -- usually in limited-field events. It means Woods, on the downside of career, trailing the game's brightest young star by nine shots after two rounds and making the cut by just two shots. No need to cover Jordan Spieth, apparently. And, of course, it means ESPN's ticker leading with Woods' name and the fact he ONLY trails by nine. Ditto for espn.com.

Relax, PYB, if ANYONE can come back from nine down it's a washed-up pervert who last won a major title six years ago! He's fine. Lesson learned. We also learned yesterday that the North Course at Torrey Pines is more difficult than the South Course -- we'd forgotten the first 600 times we'd been told.

--Kill a friend while driving drunk. Test positive for weed between the time of the fatal accident and the trial. Get just 180 days in jail. Damn, it feels good to be a Cowboy...

--PYB is an avid Nebraska basketball fan. PYB has seen many awful performances and probably more late-game meltdowns over the last 30+ years. None were worse than the one we watched Thursday night when NU visited Penn State, complete with its too-short nets. Apparently, the PSU purchasing department had to cut corners after paying toward the Jerry Sandusky Molestation Fund.

Anyhow, we watched in horror the final two minutes, as Deverell Biggs twice tried to split two pressing Nittany Lion defenders. Shockingly, he turned the ball over twice. We all know the best way to beat a zone press is to weave through it while dribbling.

The only thing more horrifying was watching a player (Walter Pitchford) who we've seen throw up just as many airballs from three-point range as we have seen him make, heave up a three pointer early in the shot clock. NU Coach Tim Miles agreed, but was tactful in his analysis. This year's team could win a few more games, but if the team's point guards don't do better than their 7:4 assist-to-turnover ratio from Thursday, they won't.

--Memorial Stadium is getting WiFi. Yay! Nebraska is back!! PYB remembers when fans couldn't understand a word the public address announcer said, but fans didn't care because NU was kicking the shit out of somebody. Guess we've fallen behind the times, and a home WWW means more than a home W. Either way, NU's next pussy quarterback will have better reception when calling his Daddy after rolling an ankle or tweeting about the next huge win over 3-6 Purdue. Fuck off.

--Don't worry, NU is still FINE. The Huskers got a commitment from their top offensive line recruit yesterday, after losing their top recruit to Kansas State earlier in the week. Rumors had it that Terrell Clinkscales wasn't going to qualify academically. True or not, the fact is that NU football fell off the map after agreeing to overly strict academic standards when joining the Big 12. So, what would any smart administration do to rectify that? Join a conference with stricter standards than the Big 12! Of course!! How the fuck did we not think of that!!

Don't worry, NU's newest assistant coach it hot on the recruiting trail and already battling powerhouses like Air Force, Yale, Harvard and Georgia Southern for the Huskers' next quarterback! You think it's easy replacing Academic All-Big 10 players every year?? Think again.

That's all we've got. Enjoy the weekend.

PYB