Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Let Them Eat Cock

As promised, PYB follows up this weekend's post by covering some of the latest news concerning our favorite topics and/or targets. Here we go:

Queen James -- Suggested that Kevin Durant should leave Oklahoma City after the OKC newspaper wrote one disparaging headline about this season's MVP. James, of course, is selling Durant short by assuming that KD has the same run-for-the-hills mentality he does. Judging by Durant's MVP acceptance speech alone, it's quite apparent that there's much more heart inside that body than the Queen's shell.

Superwoman -- Dwight Howard made a playoff exit in just five games, losing to the underdog Portland Trailblazers. Anyone surprised? Howard is still a liability to his team late in the fourth quarter.

Chris Paul -- The league's alleged pre-eminent point guard showed his true playoff mettle last night, throwing the ball away with an inexplicable cross-court back-court pass, and then fouling Russell Westbrook on a three-point attempt, and then losing the ball on the game's final possession when he balked at an open 14-foot pull-up jumper to help his team seal a come-from-ahead loss after leading by 13 points with four minutes remaining. Stellar series of plays.

Charles Barkley called both Paul and Westbrook "dum-dums" and said coaches are taking an unfair amount of heat for players who are consistently blowing games in crunch time with poor decision making. Translation: no fundamentals or basketball IQ due to lack of coaching/proper training in their developmental years.

Unlike some players (Howard), Paul at least was accountable in a post-game press conference. Doc Rivers melted down in his press conference, saying his team was robbed. Perhaps Doc should spend $350,000 on Luke Ridnour to run his team in the last two minutes next season instead of whining about his superstar pissing the game away. Perhaps the Clippers can raise that extra dough by asking for $350k more when selling the team away from Donald Sterling.

Sterling, by the way, had a classic, demented rant during his interview with Anderson Cooper. Despite all the nonsensical thoughts, his thoughts on Magic Johnson's credibility being questioned due to him banging every slut across the country and getting "the AIDS" were partially funny and largely accurate. Magic did his best to dismiss Sterling's painful barb and did a poor job of it. Moving on....

NBA Officials -- Blew the foul/possession call at the end of last night's game when Matt Barnes fouled Reggie Jackson, the officials didn't call it but then awarded the ball to Oklahoma City when it clearly should have gone to Los Angeles. Two thoughts: Paul should have earned his millions and avoided this situation entirely and since when does a player have to be touched to garner a foul call?

In fact, the NBA knows its official are so fucking bad, that it created a rule stating that if a defender hits an opponent's hand and makes the ball go out of bounds, that the ball goes back to the offensive team. Never mind the foul call. Inside the NBA on TNT showed the excerpt from the rulebook this morning. Christ....

The NFL Draft -- It happened. Losers rejoiced and dressed up in full gameday mode. The NFL pushed the event into May (while blaming it on the Rockettes) to grab more cash and added player introductions as if it was Game 7 of the NBA finals. Experts heralded Cleveland's selection of Jenny Football, conveniently forgetting that much faster (Michael Vick), bigger (Vince Young), and smarter/mature (Robert Griffin - ) mobile quarterbacks have been quickly pounded into submission by the league's defenders. Nobody runs from the NFL -- especially on the painted concrete come late September in Ohio. Just ask Colt McCoy, another Texas-bred midget.

T-Ragic -- Taylor Martinez signed a free-agent contract with the Philadelphia Eagles, likely just to torment us for a few more months. If all goes as expected, he'll be cut by August 10. Tom Shatel offered his analysis in the Omaha World Herald, forgetting three things:

  • NFL return specialists must have moves to avoid tacklers to be successful
  • NFL players who fumble twice a season are considered fumble-prone. Martinez fumbles 3-5 times a game.
  • NFL players must actually earn their playing time

The Big Ten -- Extended its streak of not having a player selected in the Top 10 of the NFL draft to seven. None since 2008. Maybe Maryland and Rutgers have some good players in their pipelines. Bo Pinelli says the conference is fine.

Bo Pinelli -- Nebraska had just three players drafted last week. All three are borderline NFL talents. We're fine. (Our analysis: Stanley Jean-Baptiste doesn't have the fluidity to succeed at corner in the NFL. Hopefully, we're wrong. Spencer Long will wash out quickly. Quincy Enunwa will last several years due to his physicality -- perhaps on special teams. His lack of top-end speed will be his biggest detractor.)

ESPN -- The World Wide Leader invaded Michael Sam's privacy, putting him on camera for the nation to watch him shed tears of joy after being drafted in the final round, shove cake down his boyfriend's throat, then trade kisses with said boyfriend. Unfair to Sam, turning him into a sad sideshow -- aka The Amazing Gay Football player -- step right up, folks. Unfair to viewers to have to absorb such pathetic television. Nobody wants to see this tired act at a wedding, much less the NFL Draft. Those wanting that treatment can flip the television to the Soap Opera network and watch Melrose Place reruns.

Draft Analysts -- Unbeknownst to PYB, AJ McCarron, Logan Thomas and Aaron Murray are "big-name" quarterbacks. You read it here. McCarron Tweeted that he now will play with a chip on his shoulder....if you think his 220 yards a game in college were a big deal, just wait until he racks up 190 yards a game and three interceptions during the NFL preseason now that he's pissed off!

Nebraska Football -- In a harsh reminder of how far the program has fallen, Husker Nation is overreacting to the potential loss of knuckleheaded Josh Banderas due to bike theft. Now, we see just how stupid he is and why he was too dumb to stay on the field last season. Dismiss him and move on.

What happened to the good times, when true talents came to Lincoln and committed real crimes like attempted murder, discharge of a firearm, and sexual assault? So $1699 of bikes split two ways is about $800 a man when split equally throughout this complex crime ring. Didn't need the money, it's just a hobby.

No more questions....

PYB

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Giddy Up

PYB promises a triumphant return in the near future, as there is plenty to cover. A first-round NBA-playoff flameout by our favorite pansy, Dwight Howard. The NFL draft, complete with wedding cake. And more.

In the meantime, we'll settle for a photo that we snapped while on vacation. ESPN made this rather unfortunate pairing of anchor Sara Walsh and a Kentucky Derby hopeful last Saturday. Let's just say that both creatures share six beautiful legs and leave it at that...