Sunday, March 8, 2015

Penguin Blowjob

Nebraska football is back, and it's here to stay. Well, maybe not, but the overhyped and overemphasized Spring session has begun, and we're all stuck with trite stories of what may be in 2015 and how some formerly out-of-shape player has 'completely transformed' his physique in two months since the bowl game.

This year's early rendition has Cethan Carter looking absolutely shredded, though nobody would know because Private Pinelli and his brain trust had no use for a 6' 4", 230-pound tight end that was fleet of foot.

In addition to finding this year's man of Creatine, Nebraska media outlets simply must find the upcoming season's leaders! Mentioned so far, cornerback Daniel Davie, just because he is a senior and Greg McMullen, because he's one of the only defensive ends on the roster after the overrated and overinjured Randy Gregory departed for the NFL. That, and the fact that the other defensive end, Class B product Jack Gangwish, is phyiscally overmatched in many cases. And, given the fact that he was stupid enough to document his murder of a raccoon on Twitter, also mentally overmatched.

PYB, as you know, may be a tad hypercritical -- but we believe strongly that a team's leaders should show some sort of initiative on the field. Initiative in breaking away from a block, running, and tackling. Anyone who's watched McMullen closely knows that none of those are high on his priority list.

We've only got a few moments, and apologize for our extended absence. However, we've got a new addition to the PYB family as well as a monstrous Q1 travel schedule, so we don't feel too fucking bad about it. We also needed a few weeks away to build enough internal venom to share with our readers:

--Though NU fans were told they were fucking idiots, we all knew we smelled a turd in Shawn Watson. Joe Ganz confirmed that for us here. Most telling is the fact that Watson got fired by Bo Pelini. Keeping in mind that Pinelli willingly HIRED John Papuchis and Barney Cotton and then kept them, while also letting Tim Beck run his Husker ship and free $3 million salary into an iceberg -- that speaks volumes. We wish Ganz would have also blown the whistle on Beck and his bipolar playcalling.

--PYB will reserve judgment on the Mike Riley era for a couple seasons, but we do like his recruting focus. Maybe we're not much for thinking outside the box, but targeting markets like Houston, Dallas, Atlanta, California, Louisiana and Florida may have been a good idea. So, it seems, was forging a relationship with coaches and players from Nebraska and the surrounding states and treating them with respect. Who knew that using a recruitment formula that worked for a Hall-of-Fame coach for 25 years, along with not being a fucking jerk could be so immediately impactful?

Contrast that to one of Pinelli's recruiting gems, the peculiarly Swedish Kevin Dillman. A kid, complete with hockey hair, who Bo considered his next game-breaking quarterback who was then ruled ineligible to play his last year of Texas high school football. Who Riley then deemed bad enough a commitment that he quickly rescinded the NU offer. Who subsequently signed with North Texas -- as a fucking tight end!!! Stellar 'talent' evaulation by the former staff. More, convoluted drama. Have fun, Penguin Nation...your new coaches will now recruit to a Division II level.

--On to some Nebraska basketball. The story here: Wait until next year...or the next. No reason to read any more stories wondering why Tim Miles' crew can't win games. Obviously, we're no Roy Williams, but if a team does not have a point guard, low-post scoring threat, three-point shooter or a rebounder its chances of success are slim. Even in the shitty Big 14.

Miles signature recruiting class arrives in the fall, with some allegedly top-tier talent (Tai Webster, anyone?). Let's check back in two more years. We'll then know if Pinnacle Bank Arena will be better known going forward as the home of Nebraska basketball or the home of job fairs offering UNL students a better life and $24,000 a year, with an occasional concert featuring your Washed Up Rocker du jour mixed in....

--Speaking of bad coaching, Williams was once again outdueled by Mike Krzyzewski, this time on his home court in Chapel Hill. Duke swept the season series from North Carolina, and Coach K reminded everyone why he has his team ranked 10 spots higher than it should be every season and why Williams is one of the worst floor coaches in the country. This is what UNC, and Kansas before it, gets for handing the keys of top-five programs to a coach who never earned his stripes as a major college head coach elsewhere. (Frank Solich, anyone?)

--Speaking of bad coaching, Nebraska baseball is still digging out of the hole that Mike Anderson dug for it. From outhouse to College World Series in three years, and back to the outhouse because nobody fucking cared enough to get rid of him? How that happened, we'll never know.....but if the 'leaders' at the NU Athletic Department allowed it to happen to the football program....the unrivaled cash cow....anything can happen.

This year's version of the team seems to have some fight, some decent arms, but little offense. They've been game competitors against some strong competition thus far but stymied by poor run production. Perhaps the bats still are still sleeping -- we'll know more in a few weeks. But at least the team once again has a leader -- and some balls. A one-run loss on Friday to No. 14 Texas A&M was solid. We'll see how their weekend finale against No. 7 LSU goes.

--Apparently, the new baseball hasn't translated to an offensive renaissance. For NU, at least. We'll see how the numbers look when teams get off the diet of cupcake non-conference pitching and complete a full season.

That's all we've got for now! Tiger's still a quitter. Queen James got kicked in the nuts by the overrated, ball-hogging James Harden, who proved why he'll never win shit with one cheap shot. Corey Cooper was 'shocked' that he didn't get invited to the NFL combine (LOL). The Blackshirts, mostly by subtraction, are back. Those casting the new Straight Outta Compton movie might have picked a Mexican guy to play Eazy-E.

And Private Bo Pinelli ran back to his hometown, the only place where high school bullies end up being relevant when everything shakes out.

Fuck you Youngstown, it's a new era in Lincoln...