Sunday, November 20, 2016

Boring is the New Exciting

PYB fell asleep Saturday during the second half of Nebraska's 28-7 victory over Maryland. It was the first time we remember such an occurrence, regardless of the Husker's grand level of futility over the last 20 years or our blood-alcohol content during that same span. A team that used to drive us to taking that first sip of booze by the 10-minute mark of the first quarter and that warranted weekly venom-laced blog posts has sedated us with a REM-inducing nine-win season.

So, gone are the days of wild, minute-by-minute swings. Gone are the days where PYB was racked with guilt for not writing enough about the recent season, as other commitments clawed away at our free time.

Here are the days where everyone knows NU's capabilities (beating crappy-to-mediocre teams by
~10 points) and limitations (losing to all the good teams). Less emotion. More realism. More acceptance. More cupcakes, disguised as major-college programs, on the schedule. 

Until Head Coach Mike Riley flushes the remainder of Private Pinelli's recruiting turds from the pipes in Lincoln, nothing is changing. For now, we'll enjoy the good and shrug our shoulders at all the rest.

On with it:

-NU's special teams have been a disaster all year. Every time Bruce Read's units find a new way to fuck up, Twitter teems with stale references to his salary and job status. Apparently, Nebraska nerds are appalled by his $450,000 yearly earnings but are less concerned with the millions the University shells out to Pinelli.

Either way, it's a verified fucking train wreck. Yesterday, placekicker Drew Brown left after one play with a concussion. The field goal unit had just 10 men lined up later in the game, leading to a blocked attempt. Punter Caleb Lightbourn, thrust unfairly into this year's starting role, booted one ball 54 yards and the next 27. It's been that way all year, as has Read's knack of making De'Mornay Pierson-El a non factor. Better luck next year, Bruce.

-Nebraska played its second consecutive game without a turnover for the first time since 2003. Suck on that statistic for a while. Fuck you, Taylor Martinez. Boring can indeed be exciting.

-Maryland is one of the worst five teams PYB has seen play Nebraska in 20 years. Starting their fourth-string quarterback, the Terrapins had no chance to beat a team that started Ryker Fyfe in place of Tommy Armstrong. That's the same Fyfe that committed five turnovers against a ridiculously bad Purdue team in 2015 and who looked like a high-school player against an average (at best) Ohio State team two weeks ago. Let's hope NU fans temper their enthusiasm and don't start talking about Big 14 West titles anytime soon.

-Maurtice Rose-Ivey made a sure tackle for the first time in a long time. PYB noted it on Twitter. His daddy got mad and replied with a YouTube link to a three-minute video highlighting MRI's 2013 game against Iowa. OK.

-Speaking of the Hawkeyes' and their looming post-Thanksgiving showdown with the Huskers..... It should be a stalemate for the ages. Iowa quarterback C.J. Beathard airs it out for 157 yards a game. Racks up six yards every time he drops back to pass, and is successful 58% of the time he tries to do that.

Nebraska has an offensive line that can't block and below-average running backs. Its top two quarterbacks complete 53 and 49 percent of their passes, respectively. The likely starter, with the 49 percent rage, averages five yards per pass attempt and runs backward more than he does forward.

Sprinkle in some cold weather and dead grass, and Christmas will have come early on the Plains.

Let's finish up with a few non-Nebraska football hits:

Queen James: Took her Bitch Rating into the stratosphere, by whining about Phil Jackson calling James' troupe of cronies a 'posse.' So, a term that's been willingly used for 30 years by those with 100 times more heart and business acumen than QJ now qualifies a racist insult because an old White guy said it. PYB is glad Delonte West fucked James' mom.

Ohio State dismantled 3-7 Michigan State Saturday, 17-16.  Buckeye Blowouts rule.

Finally, we'll touch on the Charlie Strong situation in Texas. Nebraska fans, let your hatred for all things Longhorn melt away. Sure, Texas ruined the Big 12, but NU was too weak to stand up to them off the field and too weak-minded to beat them on it. That's Nebraska's fault.

What is Texas' fault is that it still constantly overrates its place in the college-football food chain. UT hasn't been shit for 40+ years, except for a few years centering around Vince Young. Caught up in all that is Strong, who by all indications is a stand up man stuck in the midst of a myopic program in a state full of racist pieces of shit. Bad cocktail.

As the Longhorns capped off their overtime loss to Kansas last night, media sharks were abound, stating that Strong had to be finished in Austin. You think so? Give the man a break. Let the bigwig boosters swing the axe and bring in the next savior, only to find themselves in the same stance five years from now.

PYB's bet is that Strong will be standing tall, and that the Longhorns will be stuck in the mud with the pigs.

All for now. Happy Thanksgiving.

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