Thursday, September 26, 2013

Panic at the Disco

PYB remembers when sitting through a college football Saturday when Nebraska was idle was unbearable. Now, we rejoice, as it spares us the misery of watching a program flail in despair on its way down the drain. Let's hit a few bullet points from the South Dakota State contest, as we refuse to do a full writeup on a game against a I-AA opponent (the same may apply to the October 5 game against Illinois):

-NU's Blackskirts unimpressed the nation yet again, this time getting torched for more than 200 rushing yards by the Jackrabbits' Zach Zenner. The unit sported a vast collection of blown assignments and missed tackles, as the defensive line failed to produce any sort of push yet again. Coach Bo Pinelli claimed after the game that he's in the business of fixing defenses. Did he just decide to start this week? We believe it would have been prudent to begin the repair process two years ago.

--The offense moved with rhythm, regardless of who was playing quarterback. It looked sharp. Avoided many, but not all, of the usual mistakes. Given, a lot of that can be contributed to SDSU's shitty defense, but it was clear to anyone who paid attention that both Tommy Armstrong and Ron Kellogg would be better leaders for the unit. Intelligence, leadership, organzation. We believe the aforementioned qualities are all good ones for a quarterback to possess.

--We found it funny that ESPN's Mitch Sherman and the OWH's Tom Shatel made a a point of telling us in their Sunday columns that there was no quarterback controversy. Were these pre-emptive strikes so that they didn't enrage Private Pinelli and would be allowed into future press conferences? Looking back, this may be a case of pattern ass-kissing....

 At least Dirk Chatelain had the balls to call Taylor Martinez what he is--a finished product who will get no better. Hell, he was a finished product two years ago (PYB knew, you all knew it) and should have never played another down after throwing away the Big 12 Championship game against Oklahoma. 

No controversy? How could anyone say there is no controversy? Martinez offers ZERO upside, as we've covered ad nauseum here at PYB. But as long as the coaches handcuff the NU program by starting him, we'll keep listing reasons why he should be on the bench. Can't run (supposedly hurt). Can't pass unless it's a meaningless game and/or situation. Can't lead. Not smart. Mistake prone. Can't read defenses on runs or passes.

--It was quite obvious, from watching the post-game press conference, that Martinez's two backups are better prepared for the job than he. The below attributes came to mind while watching them speak, while we ponder how much worse things could actually get by starting a freshman with potential as opposed to a lame-duck duck-thrower:
  • Presence
  • Poise
  • Leadership
  • Charisma
  • Insight
  • Thoughtfulness
  • Intelligence
  • Engaging
  • Self-awareness (owning up to mistakes)
Is Martinez required, as a 22-year-old college student, to have any of the above? No. Should he have some, or all of them, to start at quarterback for one of the nation's best football programs of all time? Yes, and stuff.

--Ameer Abdullah, as much as we love his running style and toughness, is a fumbler. He coughed another
one up with the game tied 14-14, and luckily the Jackoffrabbits had to settle for a field goal after driving to the one-yard line before pulling a Nebraska and penalizing themselves backward 20 yards. Abdullah has proven, after losing two games last year and putting the capper on this year's UCLA debacle, that he can't be trusted with the ball. Next man up. Oh wait, Taylor Martinez has led the nation in fumbles four straight years? Never mind, start that man next week and give him a blue ribbon!

--Anyone else concerned that NU is close to having pissed away 75% of the careers of Bell and Jamal Turner. Best depth of skill players in Lincoln in 30 years, and nothing to show for it. Sounds like Boulder in the 1990s.

So, what is a fan to do during the off week? Enjoy a Saturday without the stress of watching this shit show. Pretend to be a good father, husband or boyfriend. Or watch all the other watered-down college football on television.

Meanwhile, the Cornhuskers are doing what they've told us they've done many times before. Going back to basics. Learning to protect the football. Looking for one-game, permanent starters in the defensive backfield. (side note: scroll to the bottom of that last link to see prototype LEGO hair on randy Gregory. The fake Eazy-E from the Fuck Wit' Dre Day video would be very proud). And seeking pardons for 40-year old crimes. Will LP do the same in 2035?

So many questions. So few answers. Time to head to work and finish off another week in Mudville, as the treadmill in Lincoln keeps running without a captain.

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