November Notes

PYB is back after our unexcused absence with some quick hitters this fine morning:

--The win over Michigan State was a nice one. The defense played its best game all season. The offense did what teams need to do to grind out wins consistently in conference play. Hell, even Bill Callahan had that formula down -- for one season, anyway.

But we get the feeling that the win over the Spartans is like that yearly win over Missouri. Sure, they're ranked. Sure, they present a mild challenge. But, in all honesty, it was Missouri. A team with some nice talent but many flaws and a history of meltdowns when the bright lights are on. A win like that is expected.

This year's NU squad will make its bacon in the upcoming weeks, as we all know, with trips to Penn State and Bitchigan. The fact that the offense has been more consistent and that the defense woke up is encouraging. Taylor Martinez will have to keep holding on to the ball and will have to break a few big plays to get wins in both those contests. We shall see.

--Speaking of Martinez, PYB never thought he could become a bigger pussy than he already was. Then he started wearing two gloves. Unless you're Kurt Warner and throw for 400 yards at will, or Dirty Doug Flutie in -22 temps in Buffalo/Canada...there is no excuse.

--Speaking of Martinez, it is sad to see that Ameer Abdullah has recently attended the QB's seminar on ball security. The last two games, Abdullah has had a few bobbles, fumbles and muffs. Not good stuff for your biggest special-teams playmaker at the time where he'll be needed the most to flip the field and win games on the road.

--Barney Cotton. What has happened to his status as annual PYB whipping boy? Well, it's gone away due to the offensive line's encouraging improvement. And let's not call it anything more than that. It's still far from dominating.

But our question is...is it any coincedence the OL can finally open some holes once Cotton outsourced the coaching to John Garrison and Brenden Stai? We say not. Cotton's units have always sucked. And in year one with some real tutelage available, the line can actually block. You do the math.

--Twenty Blackshirts were given out this week by the Pinelli brothers. Jason Peter isn't a fan. We can see his point, when stiffs like Austin Cassidy are wearing the same jersey he wore -- when it actually meant something. No word on whether Peter wore his black jersey while banging crack whores in New York City while he was strung out. We'll work on that story.

--Switching gears...why does Carson Palmer need more receivers for his new team in Oakland? He does just fine throwing balls to the other team and losing games that way.

--Suh going corporate. Ouch.

--Funny that Georgia's administrative process worked at JUST the right speed to suspend its players AFTER the Florida game last Saturday.

--PYB hopes to be back for analysis before the Northwestern game Saturday. However, our travel schedule may prevent that. What do we know about this year's Mildcat team? They're 0-2 in covering for us.

All for now....we can line you up with a sweet Blackshirt jersey like you see here for just $59.95 if you're interested....

Black Saturday

PYB checks in at T-Minus five hours until Nebraska kickoff, as we wonder which Taylorina we'll get today against those nasty Spartans: the shaky little girl or the overconfident teenage boy who tries to do it all and blows the game in the process.....anyway....we thought we'd offer some CFB wagering advice.

Several games look good, and that can mean just one thing: it's Black Saturday 2011. That Saturday where all the games look good, you're sure to win money and by the time 7pm rolls around you've gone 1-8 (with the only winner being the Clemson 2H overs) and you're down $800 and debating going big on Washington over Arizona....enjoy:

Michigan State at Nebraska: Really no clue what will happen here. Take MSU's money line in a couple parlays, though, as it may ease the pain if NU follows course against another Top 15 team. Since 2001 in those games, Nebraska is 1-20. The number we like most is the over at 49.5. MSU throws well, NU doesn't cover anybody. Cha-ching. It will be best to win some money on this 11am kickoff, so when NU loses, you can withstand the pain of eight more hours of action thinking about another lost shot at Cornhusker respectability.

Missouri +10 at Texas aTm: Just a hunch. The Aggies are still overrated by everyone across the country, but have rebounded a bit after back-to-back 2H meltdowns against Okie State and Arkansas. Mizzou has hung tough with everyone except OSU last week. Just decide if you really want your money on Gary Pinkel.

Oklahoma -13.5 at Kansas State: The Sooners blew their chance at the NC last week with an awful home loss. So, since this week's game doesn't really matter, they'll play well. KSU has had some nice wins, for a team of its mediocre stature, but the winning streak is over. To steal a line from a PYB confidante: this is the week that somebody finally figures out how to stop a slow, white guy running the option. Call it 63-20. Side note: A PYB relative, who could be likened to Mush from A Bronx Tale, loves the Sooners in this one.

Oklahoma State -14 vs. Baylor: The country has already forgotten RG III. Well, ESPN has quit talking about him. Anyway, Baylor is going back to being Baylor. And the over/under....it's set at a mere 81 points.

Penn State -5 vs. Illinois: The Zooker cashed in yet another season. Penn State is terrible. Somehow they Jedi Mind trick Illinois into thinking it's 1986 again.

Texas Tech -14.5 vs. Iowa State: Letdown game alert. However, ISU has crawled under the rock where it belongs, and dropped four straight B12 games. The last two on the road were by 23 and 35 points. TT will run up the score to prove last week wasn't a fluke and to move up the rankings until they play another good team and lose.

Wisconsin -7.5 at Ohio State: As long as the Badgers don't fold after last week's tank job, this should be easy. They're better than the MSU team that beat them and OSU isn't very good. Load up.

Stanford -7.5 at USC: Andrew Luck is unreal, despite what this fatass says. USC is OK, not great, and hasn't seen an offense like this.

Washington -4 vs. Arizona: Neither team can play any defense. 'Zona rode the emotions of their new, interim coach last game against UCLA for a blowout win. This line screams "Vegas setup." We've picked a lot of favorites thus far and this seems like an easy one. We'll have to gauge the success of the aforementioned picks before deciding on this game. Should it be Black Saturday, we'll go with the underdog Mildcats and watch Huskys roll, 55-7.


There you have it. Enjoy the action. Win some money.

Beating a Dead Horse

Anyone who didn't think Taylor Martinez was a loser before shouldn't have any doubt now. This quote says it all. It doesn't matter if we lose to Michigan State? Even if NU was 0-7, it would matter. It's a matter of pride, wanting to win and not play bitch to a second-fiddle program from East Lansing that has never won shit. Never got it, never will. Only ~30 more starts with this pussy at the helm....enjoy.

Anyway, little T-Vagic has a chance to prove us wrong with a good performance, but he'll have to do it more than once to make us believe. And that, we all know, is very unlikely.

The most annoying part of this week's pre-game hype is writers who are predicting NU's bowl slots should it lose and saying the Capital One Bowl is a 'nice' option. No, it's a terrible option somehow made OK by subpar Cornhusker performances. A 7 a.m. kickoff on New Year's Day from boring Orlando. We'll pass. That, and a brutal Cotton Bowl game played on dead grass are all you generally need to remind you how hungover you are. But hey, at least they took time to design a cutting-edge logo for the game.

OK, Theo. Now win.

All for now..PYB apologizes for the spotty entries lately. The Minnesota win didn't deserve analysis--except for the fact that the Pinelli Crew butchered a rare and the last chance to get Brion Carnes some work. Duh. We'll be back later this week.

Looking Back

A top five quote from NU football history, courtesy of Mike Rozier. "They kept talkin' shit, and we kept scorin'". Thanks to the Omaha World-Herald's Jon Nyatawa for some rare footage we'd never seen.

Not sure what the dirtiest part of the Metrodome is: The horrible turf? The filthy numbers on the outfield wall in the endzone? Or the fact that the grounds crew put the yard numbers on the brown turf in chalk?

While we were at it, found more awesome highlights from the 1994 Nebraska-Colorado game--hands down the loudest game we witnessed at Memorial Stadium. So many awesome things in just a few minutes of this clip: the fact that the rankings were called "The Bowl Coalition", Kordell Stewart choking from his first play forward, Darin Erstad as a sophomore punter, Barron Miles--likely in the Top Five of all-time underrated Huskers--almost blocking a punt, Tommie Frazier weighing about 85 pounds less than he does today, Lawrence Phillips soon-to-be-wasted combination of power, speed and jukes, Tom Osborne dissecting the CU defense by using (GASP!) the tight end over and over and over, the fact the Brook Berringer was a better option runner than T-Vagic, a cameo by Rashan Salaam...Heisman winner turned NFL washout and prodigious pothead, Eric Alford starring in the game and then being outed years later as a child molester (as an aside, we remember him as the stoned guy at the corner of the bar from the mid-90s), the shovel pass to another top five underrated Husker, Abdul Muhammad, Michael Westbrook (before he beat down Washington Redskin teammate Stephen Davis), Tyrone Williams (before or after he shot at a moving car in Lincoln's rough streets), Rae Carruth! (before he murdered his pregnant baby momma!) and--AGAIN--the crowd being loud as hell for one fleeting week.

Also of note is the number of home-grown role players that NU had from Omaha that actually had talent and were glad to contribute in any way possible: Clester Johnson, Reggie Baul, Tony Veland, Damon Benning, Clinton Childs etc. What the hell happened to Omaha high school football?

--PYB wonders what the effort at Minnesota will be like today? A good effort that builds on the overhyped comeback against a bad Buckeye team? Or a turd that has become a trademark of Pinelli against bad teams: Kansas, South Dakota State or whichever school it was, Texas, Iowa State, et. al.

--Is it official that college football is more watered down than a strip club cocktail when Oklahoma State is ranked in the top five?

All we have for now. The highlights above will likely be better than anything you see in today's NU-Gopher game. Enjoy.

PYB

Violence in Lebanon

This is awesome. And then the players take a cue from the crowd of 12,000 degenerates in Tucson and start fighting because neither team can play football worth a shit. Then the smallest player on UCLA has to be restrained from beating the shit out of all the 325-pound Mildcats donned in pads and helmets. It would be different if he was In Da Club, we surmise....

The game left us with only one question: Why didn't we bet big on 'Zona?

Delusions of Mediocrity

PYB was going to take the day off. That was until we woke up at 350 am and then read the Omaha World Herald's overblown and overdone mid-season report card of the Nebraska football season. It lists Austin Cassidy as the "Standout" of the secondary. No wonder nobody signed this article as its author? Cassidy? Who blew the OU game last year. Cassidy? Who stands in cement every game while receivers run past and around him for TDs before he even moves. Nice cop out with the "coach on the field" line. Seems we hear that about every shitty QB at Alabama and Ohio State who can't throw for more than 140 yards a game despite being surrounded by talent and speed. Wonders never cease.

How about Alfonzo Dennard, now finally healthy, who locked down his side of the field all game against Ohio State and provided the secondary's ONLY good moment of the season thus far? Oh yeah, and he's All-America caliber while Cassidy shouldn't be on the field in Lincoln.

--Sorry Scum Devils, still not ready for prime time. Never will be. The Quacks, pretenders in their own right, used a second half roll to stymie Arizona State and set up a match with Stanford for the Pac-12's top dog status. Our teaser with ASU at +20.5 was still good, though.

--Look at this nerd. Came to Lincoln and tried the ice cream. Awesome. Wonder if he experienced Lincoln's divine Italian food at the Olive Garden? Or the coldest beer in town at Barry's? Or the authentic Mexican food at Carlos O'Kelly's? Jeezus....

--This is going to be trouble for NU and its Poor Man's Denard Robinson.

American Idle

PYB hates Saturdays when Nebraska is IDLE, or what is now referred to as a bye week. A bye week, even though there is no tournament taking place. Technically, it's idle, if you ever watched Jim Lampley read down the scores on Saturday afternoons before tickers existed and the only way a person got the finals on the day's upsets was watching ABC or listening to a shitty radio with bad reception.

Sure, there are a ton of other college games. But without a stake in the game for your team, there's no fire or anticipation to the day. Time to golf and gamble, and sure that's great...it's just not the same. Anyway, we hate it. So on that end, here some more things we hate from our "Shit We Hate" department.

--People who call us guy or pal.....as in "Hey, guy..." F- you, douche.

--People who bring their own pillows on airplanes

--People who close the window shade on airplanes so we can't see out

--Fuckers that lean their seats back on airplanes

--Realtors (Average IQ of 50, but are still cocky)

--Mortgage brokers

--The drooling idiots who sit in model homes and call themselves 'sales people'

--People who spray shit all over public toilets and leave it

--Dirtbags who walk around locker room toilets and urinals in bare feet

--People who drop three-inch-long pubes all over public bathrooms/showers

--Those who sit naked on locker room benches, with their nuts rubbing all over

--Those who shave naked at gyms and flop their crank all over the sink area

--Iceberg lettuce

--Cocky high school graduates. The ones who could never get into college and act like it doesn't faze them because they make $85,000 a year and have 2 Wave Runners

--Baseball fans that boo intentional walks

--People who bring outside food onto airplanes that smell up the entire cabin

--People who don't say anything when wanting to get to the seat on the other side of you on a Southwest flight. This is general admission, motherfucker, and I don't read minds.

--Free airport WiFi that NEVER works

--Cheap dress shoes

--Cheap dress pants

--Cheap dress belts

--Reversible belts

--Belt buckles that are so heavy when you undo them to take a piss the whole belt comes out of the loops and nearly plunges into the urinal

--Stoners that act like they're cooler than you because they know more about drugs than you do

--People who are so stupid they use apostrophe s when trying to denote something plural (apparently, this covers 95% of the U.S. population) Example: Taylor Martinez blew the game with three interception's

--Top 40 music

--R&B music

--DJs (any of the pricks that ruin weddings or radio stations. It's really not that great that it's Friday, or that you made it past Humpday and it's not that fucking bad that it's Monday morning either.

--People who stroke In & Out Burger like it's the greatest thing ever. It's OK. It's fine. It's not great.

--Slide shows on web pages with links that move up or down with each click so that you have to search for it with your mouse on every picture rather than just enjoying the god damn slide show.

--The scumbag live version of Eric Clapton's "Cocaine" with all the white trash clapping in the background and going apesh1t every time he says the word cocaine like they're being rebellious for listening to the song and knowing what cocaine is.

--Bands that you love ruining every song at their live shows by extending them from a kickass 2:30 to a nine-minute, overdone, watered-down travesty.

--When referring to somebody being a good person, saying "He's good people." Awful

--Public restrooms that don't give the paper towel option. Just the blow dryer that doesn't work.

--LOL, SMH, FML, LMFAO.....F U

--FM radio morning shows.

--Politics

--Andy Dick

--People who wish every one of their 555 Facebook friends a happy birthday on their wall. If you really liked them and weren't just trying to show everyone else what a great person you are, you would send them a private message, e-mail, birthday card or would have picked up the fucking phone and called them.

--David Spade

--Bermuda grass

--Crab grass

--Fans in bathrooms. They are loud and don't work. The fan's main purpose is to cover up the sounds of someone taking a dump and not exhausting the noxioius fumes.

--Chris Berman announcing the Masters and U.S. Open golf tournaments

--Tim McCarver

--Johnny Miller. Well, sometimes. Now he's so old and delusional that the self-proclaimed "Greatest Iron Player Ever" (with one major title) is good for some laughs.

--The fact that Monday Night Football sucks these days.

--Mesa, AZ

--Tucson, AZ

--Plano, TX

--Omaha (no offense, of course, to all our great friends that grew up and live there. It's not you, it's us. We promise)

--Dirty cities (Not to be confused with being old & having character. see above)

--Werner Enterprises (Ditto on the no offense thing)

--Playing golf when the course is not green

--Playing golf when trees are leafless

--Slow golfers

--Reality-show sluts confusing themselves with actresses

--Tiger Woods (as a person. complete fake)

--Lebron James (not as a person, just as a self-proclaimed "Icon")

--Karl Malone

--Kobe Bryant

--Eric Crouch

--Blaine Gabbert

--Tyler Gabbert

--The BCS (and the fact it fucking ruined New Year's Day)

--Ben Rapelisberger

--Any golf cart that is not Club Car (ie, Yamaha and EZ-Go)

--Gas golf carts

--PF Chang's (and the fact everyone creams over it)

--Chinese food

--Lettuce wraps

--Dark meat chicken

--The way food looks in advertisements with non-professional photography

--MSG (not the Garden, the shitty preservative in Asian food)

--ESPN

--Conference realignment

--Mark May

--Tony Barnhart

--Colin Montgomerie (In the 1990s, now he's just a has-been joke)

--Municipal golf courses

--The Lincoln Journal Star

--The fact that Nebraska never has cool gear for fans to wear to represent the team.

--The stupid, fat "Iron N" logo that the University of Nebraska insists on using over the classic, helmet N. Embrace tradition and realize the 1980s ended 22 years ago.

--The fact that Bill Byrne dropped the name Cornhuskers for 'Huskers. Hello, it's Nebraska, it's an agricultural state. That's your identity. Embrace it. You can't change it.

--The N/Huskers logo

--The fact that Nebraska football hasn't been nationally relevant since 2001 and may never be again.

--UNO

--Creighton

--People who try to equate the amount they spent on their education with getting a quality education and being intelligent. "You wasted $150k on an education you coulda got for $1.50 in late charges from the public library."

--People who say we're too negative.

All for now....feel free to send us the Shit You Hate....enjoy your BYE week.