Cart Before the Horse

--So now we're penciling NU into a BCS bowl if they don't make the B10 title game? This is the same team that lost to Northwestern, at home, nine days ago. Have we not learned the lesson that as soon as you think this squad is in prime position, the famed Pinelli meltdown rears its head. Think Texas Tech, Iowa State, Texas...all in Lincoln.

Anyone banking on 10-2 as a given is like the hopeful boyfriend that keeps taking his slut girlfriend back after her latest foray into another guy's bedroom...only to be disappointed when she lays down for the next hunk she finds at last call. Just remember, wear a condom....and don't forget Penn State has one of the worst 10 offenses in college football. We are thinking the Insight Bowl in Tempe, Ariz. is a lock, since PYB recently left AZ after watching NU blow chances to play a bowl in the Copper State for four straight seasons.

--Enjoy Lee Barfknecth's latest Big 10 ratings, with NU only one slot behind a team it dominated two weeks ago.

--Speaking of Trojans, Doctor Sadler and his bunch try to push their season record to 2-0 tonight in the war zone that is Los Angeles. They also try to make it three consecutive wins in three years over USC. PYB is debating whether we make the call to DirecTV to add Prime Ticket to our package for this one game.....especially considering the 9:30pm CST tip. We did our best to track down the South Dakota game on btn.com, but the streaming service wasn't working.

Sadly, The Bouncer Andre Almeida didn't make the trip out west.....apparently his fatness has caught up to him and this season will be filled with nagging injuries.

--Joe Flacco still sucks.

--Vince Young still sucks.

--Arizona State has lost three of four, as expected, to help us lock down our season unders bet. The latest was a second-half meltdown at Pullman against Washington State, as the soft Sun Devils couldn't handle the cold--once again.

--Herb Sendek's ASU basketball team, though, is a 10-point favorite at home against the Arizona Mildcats tonight. Some things do change. Meanwhile, Tucson doesn't have one sports team to be proud about.

Enjoy your week....PYB

We Are....Co-Conspirators

PYB chimes in after NU racked up a good win over Penn State in University Park/State College/Happy Valley, especially considering the week's events after the nation learned about Jerry Sandusky's going the 'Second Mile' to speak San Franciscan.

The win was good, because it was a conference road win over a team with a good defense. We'll conveniently forget, for now, that the Nittany Lions had the worst offense that Nebraska faced all year and that the Cornhuskers still almost blew the game with its requisite number of stupid and untimely errors.

The win was good, because it keeps NU's slim Big 10-title hopes alive. The win was good, because they didn't lose to one of the supposed superpowers in its new conference. Two more to go. Can the weak-minded Huskers bring their B-minus game two more weeks in a row? That remains to be seen. Let's run through a quick recap of points we want to cover, as we dissect what needs to improve or keep going successfully if NU is to finish 10-2:

--The dropped balls have to stop. With Bo Pinelli ill-advisedly hitching his wagon to Taylor Martinez's arm, converting third downs is critical. Catching the ball helps in those situations. NU had five drops, all costly....Kinnie x 2, Kenny Bell, Quincy Enunwa, Khiry Cooper. The Ghost of Niles Paul lives....

--We all know that no PYB column would be complete without bitching about Martinez for a couple paragraphs. His presence as NU QB still limits the team. His option running is sporadic at best, but his passing has been much better. What is inexplicable is why he is such an awful scrambler. If he could prolong two or three drives per game by bolting the pocket for 10-15 yards, it would be priceless to this offense. Again, his lack of vision and feel for the game hurts the Huskers. Oh well. 28 more starts to go.

--Why do we feel more comfortable with Rex Burkhead under center than Martinez? Is it because he throws like a man? Is it because he's sure-handed (except when Yoshi Hardrick whiffs on his assignment)? Is it because he runs the option like it should be run, makes decisive cuts and positive yards? Is it because we have faith that he will not force the ball into triple coverage. Well...all of the above.

--Instead of hammering Twitter two hours before kickoff, maybe Hardrick should watch extra film and quit missing assignments. He did, however recover the Burkhead fumble that was caused by the missed block. The Big 10 referees, though, did their best impersonation of a Big 12 crew and awarded PSU the ball without seeing who recovered the ball or having any idea where it was. Then, conveniently, the play was deemed unreviewable. The rig was on.

--PYB was impressed that the NU offensive line started opening up holes on the strong PSU front. Most frustrating is the fact that blown assignments are still too frequent and put the team in second and third-and-long situations. Obviously, not optimal for a team with a mediocre QB and butterfingered receivers.

We were urged by a reader to watch the play of Mike Caputo this week. Said reader said Caputo had to be the worst center in college football. We won't go quite that far, but in watching the film, we counted six times where he whiffed on his assignment entirely. Obviously not acceptable, especially considering half the time he is just helping one of the guards double a DT.

--It was nice to see Kyler Reed reappear as a weapon on the offense. Funny how utilizing an All-America caliber TE can open things up for the rest of the offense.

--As Reed re-emerged, Ameer Abdullah has vanished as a threat in the kick return game. He did rack up a whopping two yards on two carries, but after a couple misplays on punts in prior weeks, it seems the coaches have turned the freshman into the next Santino Panico--the human fair catch.

--Will NU ever convert a 4th and 1 this year? We would be fine with continually not converting, as long as Tim Beck would dial up a different play just once...

--Defensively, the Blackshirts were as good as they can be. They're fine against one-dimensional offenses. It's when they play good teams that they struggle. The line fought well, considering it's injury problems. Two of the team's three linebackers played great games. LaVonte David, as usual, was excellent. Will Compton continued his development as a solid contributor, and had 13 tackles. Sean Fisher was a day late and three steps slow, as usual. In all seriousness, how can NU not have more than three viable linebackers in its whole rotation?

--The defensive-back play has improved from early on this season, which isn't saying a damn thing considering how bad it was to start. Most disturbing is the fact that all but one of the DBs looks cluless when it comes to making a play on the ball. Penn State's first TD was the result of Andrew Green losing sight of the ball, losing his man and then flailing around helplessly as the receiver pulled in the reception. Too many times, NU's DBs were close enough to get to the ball but weren't looking for it and gave up the catch. Shades of 1988.

--PYB poses a question: What is the role of the DE in Nebraska's defense? They get slower each year. Don't contain plays. Don't make sacks. To us, it looks like they are there to handfight with their blockers for 10 seconds before waddling after the QB as he easily escapes to run for a few yards or complete a pass downfield. Annoying.

--Also annoying is the fact that Austin Cassidy SUCKS but keeps playing. In watching the entire game film, we counted seven major errors and then three more shitty plays that anyone with D-II talent would have made. Three of his errors came on the reverse throwback to PSU QB Matt McGloin. To start, Cassidy overpursued on the reverse action. Then, after finally recognizing it was a trick play, he ran back the other way, only to get burned by McGloin because he looked at the WR with the ball instead of playing McGloin. Finally, as the lob ball arrived to McGloin, Cassidy got spun around and misplayed the ball and allowed a big gain. Just brutal.

--Thankfully, NU escaped with the 17-14 decision despite stepping on its own dick numerous times. Thankfully, McGloin has to be one of the worst white throwing QBs of all time. Thankfully, Penn State's playcalling was overly conservative. Thankfully, Penn State took a page for Michigan State's playbook by continually throwing at Alfonzo Dennard, the only capable NU cornerback. A high school QB could throw jump balls against any of the other three DBs and complete 50% of his passes.

--On a side note, PYB sources said the PSU fans were annoyingly and overly nice. We spotted more mustaches on men under 40 than we have seen since 1983. We also feel compelled to let PSU know that having its band play the White Stripes while the student section hums/sings along for 30 straight minutes isn't cool....especially considering the band itself is terrible. We'd settle for Taking Care of Business instead...possibly....well, probably not....

Anyway, there it is. An unspirited column for a run-of-the-mill win. But at least it's a column. Two more wins needed to make this year mildly successful and to secure a decent bowl. Two more wins, and maybe we'll be happy. But probably not. Well, we're out. NFL action awaits, as does another 11am kickoff next week in Ann Arbor.

Live from the Black House

Guess who's back, back again, with some pigs, tell a friend...PYB has hovered around .500 with our college football prognostications the last few weeks, but our personal portfolio has taken a hit with some ill-advised late Saturday night bets and with the NFL being the NFL. That said, here we go:

Kansas State +5.5 vs. Texas aTm: So is the Faggies' signature win so far this year their win over Baylor or a road win at Texas Tech? Not sure, but they've lost to every good team they've played. Meanwhile, KSU has lost two in a row to top-five caliber teams and is everything aTm is not. Hard-working, overachieving, well-coached. And somehow they're getting 5.5 points at home. Roll with the Mildcats. The money line at +180 is nice too.

Penn State +3.5 vs. Nebraska: Emotions will fuel a mediocre Nittany lion team. Their defense is strong. Nebraska's offense sucks against good teams. The fact that Tim Beck has gone to Andy Reid's dink and dunk passing offense in order to prevent T-Ragedies limits it even further. Actually, we're convinced Bo & Co. has done this just to pump up his QB's completion percentage and deflate media scrutiny surrounding his lack of game.

NU's defense sucks against all teams. Its defensive line is banged up. The players are mentally weak. Not a good cocktail for this shitstorm. Take PSU at +145, and if NU wins, you're still happy (if you're a Cornhusker fan). Throw it in a parlay with Kansas State's Mildkittens.....it's paying just over 5:1.

Oregon +3 at Stanford: We love Stanford, but we think they aren't used to the limelight and games with as much pressure as this. The evil of Nike money prevails, as the Ducks beat the Cardinal and fuck our season unders bet on Oregon.

Wisconsin -27.5 at Minnesota: The Badgers destroy bad teams. That's what they do in order to try to fill that hollow spot in their heart that comes from not being able to win a big game----ever. Hammer time.

Maryland +20.5 vs. Notre Dame: Too many points here. The Irish join Nebraska and aTm as one of the most overrated teams in the eyes of Vegas.

All for now....as we wonder.....were protests in the 1970s as embarrassing as the ones now? Was it just the nerds who protested, like it is now? Enjoy your Saturday....PYB...

Bono Plays Volleyball?

Friday Foray

--While watching VT vs. GT last night, PYB posed the question: Would it be an NCAA violation of NU sent T-Vagic to next summer's Georgia Tech Quarterback Camp to teach him how to run the option?

--Putting this link together with the game film, the 'safety who peeked too long' was none other than Austin Cassidy. How many games does he get to tank before riding the pine? Playing D-III talent in D-I games doesn't work.

--Way to go Huskers! Awesome job getting that 3.0 team GPA! More proof Cassidy & Sean Fisher should be walking to class amongst the rest of the student body--not losing games at Memorial Stadium. If they are so smart, why are they constantly out of position? Keep speed on the field, the team GPA at 2.2 and trophies stocked in the case. The rest of the student body is on campus to actually study and can make up for 30 classroom dunces who can run a 4.4 40.

--While watching the Raiders and Chargers last night, it's nice that Norv Turner and Philip Rivers saved San Diego fans the heartache this year by sucking in November instead of January and missing the playoffs altogether.

--Tom Osborne says NU fans in "Happy Valley" shouldn't wear red. Are NU fans part of the story somehow? We thought the scandal was about Joe Paterno allowing kids to get rammed in the ass on his watch without reporting it? We didn't think it was about a bunch of Husker nerds who always think the world is watching them. PYB was hoping for a forfeit by PSU--we're dead certain that a team that can't tackle the Northwestern Mildcats at home won't be able to gangster up in this situation.

--The quick and preferred solution to the Jerry Sandusky case is two bullets to the back of the head. Jesus, look at the guy's teeth....if that doesn't say "I like young boys" we don't know what does....

--Speaking of sexual deviants, Tiger Woods flew to Australia early (President's Cup later this month) to try to get a win against watered-down competition. If he does win, at least he can say he deserves the trophy....unlike like his spot on the Cup team--despite what team puppeteer Fred Couples and his lackey USA teammates are saying publicly.

--Nebraska's basketball team starts its season Friday against South Dakota. And NO, Bo Pinelli will not be delivering the pre-game speech. We are predicting a 14-16 finish in the inaugural B10 season. Brutal schedule, new PG (regardless of how many props he's gotten, marginal athleticism. Hope we are wrong. We are, however, very impressed with the non-conference slate: URI, Oregon, Wake, Creighton and TCU. We'd rather see 14-16 against a brutal schedule than a falsely inflated 19-9 against 300+ RPI teams.

--According to the cutline on this link, NU lost 25-28 to Northwestern last Saturday? Is this fucking volleyball?? By the way, NU fans should always 'brace for the worst' at Penn State. Loudmouth, belligerent, East Coast drunks are never easy to deal with....especially when there are 100,000 of them and when they all hearken back to when the program was good---1986. If PYB had one wish, it's that we could smack the dirty Pennsylvania/Maryland accent out of all their mouths.

--Finally, PYB recommends the ESPN Films documentary, "Unguarded", about basketball-star-turned-junkie Chris Herren. Unlike most of this ESPN series, which is overdone and overly dramatic, this one is great. A fun look back at Herren's talent and an intense recap of his 14+ years as a drug addict, as he speaks to different groups along the way. If you watched Catching Hell about Steve Bartman, this one is the exact opposite. ESPN may have just covered this because Herren played for the Celtics, but either way, a must-watch in our book.

We hope to return with our wager selections before kickoff....enjoy your Friday...PYB

Brains Over Blockheads

As PYB looked back on what can generously be called the debacle against Northwestern last Saturday, not one play stood out in our mind as being mildly remarkable. The only thing close was the backbreaking 81-yard Mildcat TD pass after Ciante Evans was burned for the umpteenth time this season. But by that point, we'd been numbed so badly by Nebraska's lackluster play that nothing came as a surprise.

Not the missed tackles. Not the countless blown coverages. Not the missed blocks, untimely fumbles, or the dropped passes. And certainly not the lack of desire shown by the Cornhuskers in another game as a heavy favorite. Chalk this one up with mystifying no-shows against South Dakota State, Kansas, and Texas. Chalk it up as the fifth straight season with a home loss to an unranked team.

After returning from travel and watching the Bo Pinelli Show, a few more plays stood out....even though most the ones of NU getting dominated by a team with a losing record had been deleted by the puppets at HuskerVision. Let's go down our checklist, in a feeble attempt to keep this rant focused:

1. What struck us as most embarrassing after the loss was Carl Pinelli not being man enough to speak to the media after taking an ass-kicking from the team that Barney Cotton surely now calls "the real NU". First of all, the Mildcats beat Nebraska fair and square. The least an outmatched defensive coordinator can do is answer the tough questions and give credit to his opponent.

Worse yet, what kind of example does it set for his players? When the going gets tough, and you're used to being a bully to get your way, just quit and shirk your responsibilities as a coach and a "leader". Or, maybe it wasn't a bad attitude and Carl was just late for a hot date with a booster's wife.

2. The annoying trend of last-minute injuries cropping up and claiming a starter continued, as Chase Rome didn't play. Stanley Jean-Baptiste fell victim to the pre-game injury bug the week prior. Why can't the Pinellis just release injury info in a timely fashion during the week like everyone else in the world except Bill Belichik? It didn't seem to give opponents an unfair advantage when NU used to rack up titles....but now this all must be shrouded in secrecy so NU can preserve its best shot at an 8-4 record? Please.

3. Taylorina Martinez threw for nearly 300 yards on 28-for-37 passing. However, he rarely threw downfield. Even when Martinez is hot, if you're relying on him to string together 15-play drives with his arm, you're cooking a recipe for disaster. More importantly, the fact that he is a god-awful option runner and misses read after read and open chunks of yardage is a killer. It limits the offense severely. His knack for taking a five-yard loss when it should be a no gain, is lethal to scoring drives. So, once again, Bo's insistence on hitching the Husker wagon to Martinez is paying negative returns for NU. Only 29 more starts to go.....

4. Speaking of disasters, let's get to Tim Beck's play calling. To the uneducated fan (which is everyone not from Youngstown, Ohio), it looked as if Beck thought that NU started the Northwestern game with the same 24-3 lead it held at the end of the Michigan State game. We wish someone had told him that to play keep away and ball control successfully, that your team must have the lead.

Beck's plan included ZERO aggressiveness, didn't even attempt to stretch the field and put little emphasis on actually scoring until late in the third quarter. In short, he didn't respect his opponent and relied on them to roll over and play dead just because the Spartans came to Lincoln the week before and pissed it down their legs in another big game. Surely, Northwestern would fear the MIGHTY FUCKING HUSKERS and their 280 rushing yards a game. Not so.

5. While we're covering disasters, let's talk about an abortion--Bo Pinelli's clock management. As Pat Fitzgerald's team sapped the life out of NU with its final, 13-play scoring drive, Bo did not deem it necessary to use his timeouts to give the Huskers more time to stage a comeback after the Wildcats' inevitable TD. In doing so, he let at least a minute of game clock expire. If that wasn't enough of a kick to the nuts, he did call one timeout after letting 35 SECONDS surpass after the play. Amateur stuff. Embarrassing.

Sure--a comeback was unlikely...but $3 million coaches are paid that much to give their teams the best chance to win at all times. Efficient clock management should be a given--perhaps Pinelli could start playing EA College Football online and learn this lesson from eighth-graders across America. Nebraska did end up scoring, and had it gotten the onside kick, having 58 seconds instead of 18 seconds just may have been helpful.

6. After watching the film, it was surprising that NU got two early turnovers from the Wildcats and was moving the ball decently. However, they didn't close drives with TDs and gave the ball back twice. The perfect recipe for an upset...just ask Paul Rhoads.

7. Kenny Bell and Brandon Kinnie dropped passes. Par for the course. Quincy Enunwa had a costly fumble. All fine examples of NU players NOT making plays and costing the team dearly. A new Husker steps up each week.

8. During his show, Pelini seemed miffed with his defense as he lamented all the blown assignments and bad tackles. Evans, Daimion Stafford, and Sean Fisher stood out this week. Injuries to the D-Line have piled up, and can't help any, but the continued missteps in zone coverages turn eight-yard gains into 80-yards game losers. Are players not listening to Bo's message any longer, or are they just too stupid and untalented to apply the theories?

9. Rex Burkhead looked tired. He fumbled. He played hard as always, but Beck did him no favors by giving him 35 carries against MSU considering the game was in hand early and NU has a stable of young backs who could have ligthened the load. Especially considering the stretch of tough games head. So, because the freshmen backs all fumbled a couple times earlier in the season, they get no more reps in key moments even though Taylorina can fumble 23 times with impunity?

10. The pass rush still stucks. It is apparent (to all of us not from Youngstown) that it ain't getting better any time this year. Would it be too hard to blitz a DB once in a while...preferably a black guy who has a chance of getting to the QB.....and preferably we would like to see the blitzer start closer than 15 yards behind the line of scrimmage. This gives him a better chance of getting to the QB before he passes the ball.

Well...that's all we got. Sorry for the long layoff...rugged travel and work schedule. We PROMISE to be back for Saturday, to offer a preview of the epic game against the Penn State Packers. Nebraska took it up the ass on Saturday, countless helpless boys took it up the ass in Happy Valley the last 20 years...PYB thinks it's time to return the favor to JoePa as he makes his shameful departure from the college football landscape. The best he can hope for is to leave the field Saturday with an empty diaper.

"Be careful of these things, that you use....because you could get arrested, for sex abuse...."

All for now...PYB

Tell Me How My Ass Tastes

As PYB flies off to AZ for the weekend, we offer some notes on various topics:

--A nice collection of college football information, courtesy of Yahoo! and the eighth grader who designed the page.

--A few prognostications:

Texas Tech +14 at Texas: Tech might make you regret this pick within two minutes of kickoff, like they did last week at home against Iowa State. But this is a hunch game -- TT ready to bounce back and Texas isn't very good.

Nebraska -17.5 vs. Northwestern: If the defense proves last week wasn't a fluke, the offense should be able to fall into enough points to cover this.

Oklahoma -14 vs. Texas aTm: We see this being another bottle blasting, like the one the Sooners handed out in Manhattan last week. aTm can't stop anybody, and OU's speed on defense should neutralize the Aggies enough to make 14 an easy number.

Stanford -20.5 at Oregon State: This is a 50/50 pick that we'll decide on after the early games. The Cardinal spent a lot of energy last week vs. USC, but Oregon State sucks.

Arizona -3.5 vs. Utah: Utah has proven they will never be contenders in a major conference. Arizona has a good offense and has shown signs of life after completing a brutal early-season stretch that culminated in Mike Stoops' firing. We like this one a lot. That said, Arizona 20, Utah 17.

Wake Forest +14 vs. Notre Dame: Vegas is giving ND too much credit considering what its done this season and Wake's home performances so far.

Missouri -2.5 at Baylor: Baylor is finished. We'd promote this one more highly if Gary Pinkel wasn't Mizzou's coach.

Oregon -16.5 at Washington: This line seems low, and after enough beers, it should be fun to bet on regardless of the result. PYB will just have to decide whether it will lift its betting ban on the Ducks, after they screwed us twice by a half point by going for two points after a TD -- for no reason...in the first half.....F U.

--An interesting link here, showing us all again that ">Shaq O'Neal is a drama queen, Kobe Bryant is a douche, and Derek Fisher was always a hard-working warrior who knew how to earn respect through actions and not words & media hype. Interesting how the NBA 'code' includes covering for teammates who cheat on their wives and rape locals at health spas.

--Speaking of drama queens, Erin Andrews always in the middle of something. This one takes the cake, however. Just get it over with and lay down for Playboy before you lose what's left of your hotness. PYB has never shared the nation's over-amazement with Andrews and once we saw the peeping tom video, it was confirmed her body was average at best. That, coupled with the fact that her voice drops an octave each year while she spews facts nobody cares about, makes her days at the top limited.

--Finally, in case you were wondering, Tony Barnhart is still a short-sighted, SEC-blinded idiot. He was irrelevant 15 years ago when he claimed any team from his beloved SEC would destroy Nebraska, even after the Cornhuskers put consistently major bottle blastings on the likes of Tennessee (twice) and Florida. How is he still employed? It's not like CBS still counts on the college football map, given that its coverage each week lasts about 15 minutes and that the clueless Tim Brando anchors its studio show.

All for now...enjoy the weekend....PYB