Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Touchdown Boys

"It's funny that you say that, because uh, like a dog--he's loyal to his bone."

PYB does a quick touchdown between August travel to report what we have learned on our summer vacation:

1. Nebraska's football team will display an offense that is equal to its 1983 unit. Minus, of course, the Heisman-winning I-Back, the NFL's top draft pick, and one of the top two quarterbacks in school history.

2. NU's defense will be much better than in 2012, because.....well because they have some young guys who nobody has seen play that will have to play after they didn't play last season because they either weren't good enough to beat out the terrible seniors or because Coach Bo Pinelli was too loyal to those terrible seniors to bench them.

3. The way to get young players, who struggled to find playing time due to 'not grasping the defensive game plan,' is to 'get more multiple.' It is always a sound plan, in any line of business, to add more complexity when students/employees aren't grasping the basics.

4. Super Cool Beez (or is it Beas) ain't super smart. Any other NBA teams in the market for a player who can average 17 points and 1 rebound a game, shoot 39% from the field and rack up one marijuana-related transgression every 15 months? PYB may be naïve, but we'd think that Beez could manage to elude the police while holding three joints when truckloads of weed roll through Phoenix undetected each day.

5. Tiger Woods is a great father, because he paraded his son out on the 18th hole last week during a shameless PR stunt for the ages.

6. Tiger Woods is the OBVIOUS favorite to win this week's PGA Championship, because....well because.......he last won a major more than five years ago and because he racked up yet another win in a made-for-television, limited-field event last week on a course where he feels comfortable and has won seven times before. Got it. If one didn't know anything about golf and judged by ESPN's coverage alone, he may think that Woods was alone in a one-man field.

7. The Dallas Morning News handicapped players' chances this week at Oak Hill. Henrik Stenson was the favorite, because he is such a clutch player as witnessed during last month's Scottish and British Opens. Woods, obviously, was a close second because he hasn't won a major in five years, as noted, and can't keep driver in play.

Hunter Mahan, Luke Donald and Lee Westwood were all in the top 10, because they are great Sunday closers. Phil Mickelson, after winning the major tournament least-suited for his game, trailed the lead pack of contenders. The only note by his name stated that "he had to keep driver in play." Apparently, driver is no issue for Woods and the author did not watch any Golf Channel coverage that reported that Mickelson had decided to go without a driver in his bag this week. PYB works 50 hour a week at a full-time job and knows this, but some fuckface golf beat reporter does not?

8. Like we said, unders on aTm. Hopefully, some of you bought your tickets before the sportsbooks took the line off the board after Jenny Football's latest flare-up.

Got to run....we will try to check in periodically in what will turn out to be a whirlwind of an August.

"It goes one for the treble, two for the bass......she's got nut all over her face!"

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