Sunday, June 2, 2013

Guns (and Roses) Up

PYB chimes in straight from Lubbock, Tex., with some random thoughts this fine Sunday morning:

--Let's start with the NBA, where Chris Paul is still a self-centered pussy who can't accept that she's been a playoff flop during her career. This time, she's upset about taking the blame for coach Vinny del Negro's firing. Paul will be 39-years-old and decrepit by the time she sheds the coach killer label, just like Jason Kidd was. Maybe Paul will just have to use those dreamy long lashes for other purposes in Los Angeles.

--Or, on second thought, maybe the Clippers are just a Dwight Howard signing away from dominating the league? We see no possible chemistry issues in that scenario.

--Grant Hill retired on television last night. That's gay.

--During our road trip this weekend, we were blessed with a Chevy Cruze as a rental car as well as XM Radio. The station was set to ESPN Radio when we got in, and lets just say we learned an awful lot:

  • Lebron James has the best basketball IQ of any player in NBA history.
  • James knows how to push the limits of the Miami Heat's offensive system like nobody else does. Huh?
  • The Queen actually teaches Miami's coaches things about basketball every day.
  • Heat teammates better be ready at all times, because James invented a new play called the "no-look pass." Fucking pioneer, he is.
  • Tiger Woods shooting 79 at the Memorial is worthy of the lead in ESPN's golf coverage and shot-by-shot recap from Tom Rinaldi. (TGC's Brandel Chamblee predicted Woods would take control of the tournament on Friday by probably shooting 66 or 67.....but shot 74. Guess not.) Tiger is back!
--Moving on, we will admit that we were strangely fixated on the Nebraska softball game last night. Trailing Florida 6-4 in the bottom of the seventh inning, PYB predicted that an embarrassing play would end the final stanza. Instead of the final Cornhusker hitting trickling weakly back to the pitcher then bawling for ten minutes, she lined a shot to the outfield, which was caught, which was followed by the NU runner scoring from third, which was followed by the runner from first advancing to second, which was followed by the runner from second advancing to third then inexplicably trying to score when the ball was 15 feet from home, which was followed by her getting caught in a rundown, which was followed by her getting tagged out, which was followed by her stumbling face first over the plate, which was followed by the ball popping out of the Florida third-baseperson's glove which was following by the she-thing umpire going crazy and calling the NU runner safe. Extra innings. What a game! (Side note: this finish was much less embarrassing than the one we saw years ago where the outfielder stumbled, fell over, crashed into the plastic temporary fence, knocked it over, got stuck in it and allowed the batter to score the winning run on an inside-the-park home run.....five seconds after my roommate predicted an embarrassing play was sure to happen next. True story.)

--Anyway, we're pretty certain that the television announcer called Nebraska's coach, Rhonda Revelle, "Ron Revelle" at one point. Understandable. This is the same Revelle who called our college dorm room after we had sent a letter to the NU Softball office complaining about them blasting Bonnie Tyler at 9am on gamedays following nights that we had been out until 4am. She contended they never turned on the music until 11am, which was complete bullshit -- but we appreciated the follow-up call nonetheless. To this day, Tobiiiiiin Echooooo Haaaaaaaawk rings through our ears.....

--Finally, PYB became confused last night wondering who was more confused: the softball fans who were 'throwing the bones' after NU scored a run or Nebraska's offensive football players who do the same after scoring a touchdown?? Someone, please stop this madness.

--aTm golfers are sad they lost a chance at the NCAA national championship because one of their teammates was penalized for slow play. Stupid system, but hit the fucking ball! Unless your last name is Woods, you have no right to be slow.

--Thanks for the tip on this story from one of our AZ correspondents. Is it safe to say if one is going to talk shit about tipping a stripper with coins that one should at least have a grasp on the English language and know the difference between your and you're? Why didn't he insert said coins into the slot? Was he on Sniffer's Row? We just wanted to use the term Sniffer's Row in print.

That's all we have for now, time to shower and head out to Lubbock International to catch a flight. Security lines could be long, with all the fans departing after the wild Guns & Roses show last night. (Side note: tonight, they're in Kansas City, where the oodles of scums there will be aglow with delight. But isn't that a long-ass drive for one day?)

We're on the Night Train.....PYB

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