Situation Normal: All Fucked Up

PYB returns from holiday travel with a pre-New Year's Day bowl post, mostly of the quick-hit variety. We also celebrate the pending New Year by rejoicing that we aren't going out to celebrate, as the four drinks and 10pm bedtime from last night was just too much and have left us with a huge headache this morning. Let's go:

--On the eve of another bowl bottle-blasting at the hands of a mediocre SEC team with a backup quarterback under center, we celebrate the fact that one of NU's three good defensive players will miss the Gator Bowl. Our sources do tell us, however, that Avery Moss is not leaving the team and was omitted from the bowl roster due to an administrative SNAFU. Remember the good ole' days when players wouldn't miss a down after being charged with felonies? Now a simple dong-shot misdemeanor wears on for more than a year?? Even Nebraska's lawyers have gone to shit. We're fine.

--The Cleveland Cavaliers suspended an injury-prone center averaging eight points and five boards a game. ESPN shit its pants. The Network's ticker went wild, live break-ins, instant analysis abound. Christ.

--Mack Brown gave Texas boosters one more signature effort on his way out the door last night, getting throttled by a far-superior Oregon squad 30-7. (Why didn't Nebraska go get Scott Frost again?) ESPN heralded Brown's class act (his fake, Bobby Bowden, class act). ESPN railed on and on about how great the UT football coaching job is. They told us that Mack's a legend.

He's a legend who won two conference championships in 15 fucking years for a program that has won ONE national championship in the last 43 seasons, despite allegedly having more resources than any other program in the country. Maybe we're wrong... Rick Barnes thinks Brown is a great coach.

--Most amazing part of this Omaha World Herald story about NU linebacker Michael Rose and his father? The fact that the elder Rose was 15 when he had his first son or the fact that Rose references the "fans backlash" like we are all the pieces of shit that are hampering the program's success. Obviously, that attitude comes from one woe-is-me pussy -- Private Bo Pinelli. How the hell is he expected to succeed when he makes a paltry $3 million a year and doesn't have a private jet? We're fine.

--Anyone need more proof that college basketball is watered down? An 'energy guy' can now be an All-American. Michigan's Mitch McGary was a preseason All-American and is now out for the year after back surgery. He was averaging 9.5 points and 8.3 rebounds this year, after racking up 7.5 and 6.3 last season. OK.

--While we're talking about Bitchigan, it was great to see the Wolverine football team follow in the footsteps of Minnesota in repping the Big 10 during bowl season. Despite signing a Top-Five recruiting class every year since 1923, UM took another ass-whipping, this time at the hands of Kansas State. PYB hopes the conference's teams lose every damn bowl game they play in this year, and prove to everyone in Lincoln that signing into a Stone Age conference was the official death knell for their program.

Sadly, KSU reminds us of everything Nebraska no longer has: coaching, heart, fundamentals, ability to improve as a season progresses, player development. Anyone who didn't see this blowout coming either didn't know that Michigan was going to start the left-handed Blaine Gabbert at quarterback or forgot that Go Blue lost to Nebraska, at home.

--Good job, Dwyane Wade. Apparently the Capris that he wore last spring were loose enough that they didn't restrict his sperm count. Apparently, his designer man-purse did not have a condom compartment. On a side note, Princess got hurt last night after bumping into a defender. Writhing in pain on the floor, grimacing afterward like he couldn't believe that another player had the nerve to touch him like that. A quick descent from one of the good ones, to another NBA disgrace.

--Nice tank job, Arizona State! Some things don't change.

--Speaking of tank jobs, "How 'bout them Cowboys!!" PYB was glad to see that Kyle Orton had graduated Magna Cum Laude from the Tony Romo School of Crunch-Time Football. And yesterday, on Black Monday, the other 31 NFL teams rejoiced when Jason Garrett kept his job -- just like college football programs rejoiced every year as Mack Brown somehow stayed employed in Austin.

All we got for now. Happy New Year -- what else could ring in 2014 better than some epic gridiron clashes:? NU vs. Georgia with eight losses between them, two more Big 10/SEC tilts at 11am after everyone's been boozing until 3am, UNLV vs. North Texas, and of course the grand finale to end the evening! Central Florida vs. Baylor! Hell yeah. All fucked up.

Upgrade Strategy

PYB can't resist this morning: Was Nebraska gauging Mack Brown's interest in trying to upgrade from the worst on-field coach in Division I football to the second worst? Only time will tell.

Slippery When Wet

PYB jumps in for a quick report this Sunday evening, mostly glad that we avoided the NFL bloodbath that included nine home underdogs. We avoided most of the carnage, despite taking it up the ass in the Cincinnati at Pittsburgh game tonight...

--Jameis Winston won the Heisman Trophy yesterday. CBS studio announcers kissed his ass, smiling away, even though he may have raped somebody in Tallahassee. Of course, nobody gives a fuck when the most prestigious award in college football is at stake. This an award so prestigious that only the creme de la creme are invited to the award ceremony -- AJ McCarron had to average 223 passing yards a game to garner a ticket to NYC.

Are rape allegations true? Who knows. Lots of football groupies invade every college down. Lots of dumb football players think they can plow whatever or whomever they want. Lots of money on the line. Bad combo.

What we were wondering, as the announcers smiled away, is if they were thinking what we were thinking while watching: Did this chick ride his cock willingly or was he holding her down, drugged, while busting a nut on her face. A teammate testified that he saw Winston get a blow job with his hands placed on his hips, before trying to get sloppy seconds and video tape the encounter like he'd done in the past. What odd behavior--by Winston, we mean. Lay on the bed and grab some tit while getting head like a normal guy. Wait, never mind. Either way, more proof why the Heisman itself is a complete farce.

Suck me, beautiful. Suck me, beautiful. Beatiful would have applied had he picked the hot one. Alas, he picked the one on the left.

--We heard Vaseline by Stone Temple Pilots at the gym Friday. We thought about how we never really liked the song when it came out 15+ years ago. We then though about how it would be the best song out if released today. That's depressing. While on this topic, we realized also that there is nothing better than hearing a great Bad Religion song on the radio at an unexpected moment. That said, there's nothing worse than a bad Bad Religion song.

--PYB doesn't watch much Nebraska volleyball. But when we do, it's the same thing every time in big matches. Choking. Overwhelmed by the moment. Outclassed on the front line. Rolling over to Texas just like the NU football team. Depressing.

--Tony Romo dropped another turd for the ages today against Green Bay, as the Dallas Cowgirls continue to do their best to gift the NFC East to the Philadelphia Eagles.

--Nebraska's annual post-season football awards make about much sense as one of its weekly gameplans. Ameer Abdullah won the Team MVP award but didn't win the Offensive MVP award. Huh?

All we got. Not much happening in the sports world. PYB will be off to celebrate a 40th birthday this week, then back around the Holidays. We may or may not surface. We'll damn sure be in to recap the Husker bowl game, maybe even by early afternoon on January 1, 2014, following the 8am Gator Bowl kickoff. Big Ten rules.

Paying $3.7 million for Bo Pinelli and Tim Beck, in case you forgot. We're fine.

Ancient Hawkeye Secret

PYB apologizes for a travel-induced delay on our final post of the 2013 regular season. We promise some good insight. Some good thoughts. Some reader contributions. Like Private Bo Pinelli, we offer no guarantee of organization, planning or attention to detail. If you fuckers don't like it, then fucking fire us. Let's go:

--Iowa started its offensive onslaught with its ancient Hawkeye secret of power run and throwing to a tight end. First series went as such: gains of 5, 4, 1, 3, 10, loss, 10. Nebraska couldn't figure it out. They're fine.

--NU ran the first-ever flea flicker play to set up a 12-yard crossing route. Kenny Bell gained 25 yards.

--Nebraska Offensive Coordinator Tim Beck continued his streak of running a jet sweep to a completely random player that we all wish would get more touches (Quincy Enunwa this time) on his team's first series, only to put it in his pocket for the rest of the afternoon (or should we say morning?).

--After six offensive plays, Nebraska had racked up a penalty and thrown an interception. After eight plays, NU had thrown two interceptions.

--Iowa 'exploded' to score 38 points. Thanks to a bevy of Husker boners, four Hawkeye touchdown drives totaled 129 yards.

--The Hawkeyes clearly entered the game with (GASP!), a defensive game plan. Stop NU running back Ameer Abdullah, and bait Beck into calling 40 pass plays. It was apparent to everyone but Pinelli and Beck, apparently, as NU ended up throwing 37 passes and its quarterback got shelled by blitzes in the second half.

--NU had blown its second timeout by the 12:50 mark of the second quarter. FYI.

--The ABC announcers referenced a 'rare' Enunwa dropped ball. If rare means one per game, then yes, that would be accurate. Enunwa dropped two against Iowa, one being a long pass attempt that effectively ended NU's chances at being Heroes in 2013.

--Speaking of clutch plays, Abdullah put the ball on the carpet at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME imaginable yet again. In two seasons, his fumbles have killed his team's chances against: UCLA, Georgia, UCLA, Minnesota, Michigan State and Iowa. Ouch.

--PYB particularly enjoyed the first-half series that NU started on its own one-yard line: quarterback sneak, bomb with a dropped Hawkeye interception, pass thrown away over the chain link fence behind the NU bench on third down (a first from what we remember). Shank punt. Iowa ball inside Husker territory. Good times.

--Vincent Valentine showed some promise, collecting a tackle for loss and a sack. We're sure he'll immerse himself in James Dobson's offseason program and be too fat and slow to do anything well in 2014.

--ABC's sideline reporter Quint Kessenich, as well as the studio announcers, made fun of Nebraska's clock 'management' near halftime. We're fine.

--Private Pinelli went Private Pyle at the 7:46 mark of the third quarter, and checked in with another meltdown for the ages. Following a 'chickenshit' call in which another one of his overmatched linebackers tackled the 6'5" Iowa tight end in pass coverage, Pinelli complained that the throw was uncatchable. Amazingly, the officials did not change their call.

Pinelli swung his gay-ass hat toward the official who stood more than 50 yards from where the initial flag was thrown. Unsportsmanlike penalty. Thirty total penalty yards in one play. Luckily, the Hawkeyes dropped a touchdown pass, and had to settle for a field goal to make the game 17-10.

--So, Nebraska at that point had dodged a huge bullet. Time to regroup (even though halftime would have been a good time to do so like most teams), right? NU began its next drive, trailing by just a touchdown, at 6:04 of the third quarter. Abdullah rushed for seven yards on first down. Nice start! So, obviously, any good offensive play caller dials up a read option so  his 260-pound quarterback can keep it for no gain, then follows that up with a dropback pass so said quarterback can get rocked by another Iowa blitz. (Remember the Hawkeye plan? Stop Abdullah and make the quarterback throw too many times and then pressure him? Yeah, some teams stick to their plans -- or at least have one that lasts longer than one drive.)

--Turns out, all of us are fucking stupid. By not really trying to gain the first down on second and third downs, Pinelli was setting Kirk Ferentz up. Just like Frank Solich (and Pinelli against UCLA), he was waiting until fourth down to spring his trap, with a fake punt from his own 32-yard line. Of course! Let's call a backbreaking fake punt for a team that can't even line up correctly on a regular basis. Makes perfect sense.

If 91,000 people have ever collectively shit their pants at once, this was the time. How in the FUCK does anyone making $3 million call that play at that time? Shit, anyone playing a football video game would know this is a bad idea and would do so only if they were ready to quit playing and go to the bar. Same applies here.

In typical fashion, Pinelli blamed his players for lack of execution -- this time his team "missed a block" even though replays show that two Iowa defenders had the play sniffed out from the start. A couple days later, the excuse was that NU punter Sam Foltz had missed the crease. So, a punter who can't even punt well is supposed to hit holes like a running back?

--In typical fashion, NU rolled over and let Iowa score on the first play following the turnover. 24-10 Hawkeyes.

--Nebraska didn't give up, as it never does against the shitty teams it loses to or barely beats. Enunwa scored to cut the gap to 24-17. NU got the ball back. Abdullah fumbled the ball on the first play due to a crushing hit (translation: one guy was dragging him down and another guy finished the tackle from behind). Abdullah faked injury. Iowa scored two plays later. Corey Cooper looked pathetic in trying to stop a ball carrier for the second straight week. Game fucking over. Another lost season complete.

--NU's best hit of the game, unsurprisingly came from a wide receiver. This time, Brandon Reilly lit up an Iowa defender on a crackback block.

--Most embarrassing was the fact that Iowa physically dominated Nebraska. Mind you, that's not a compliment to Iowa but an indictment of NU and it's lack of physical toughness and conditioning. Happens every game. This time, the following players were injured or slow to get off the turf and limp to the sideline (these are just the ones we noticed, so the list may be incomplete. Players listed twice got 'hurt' twice.):

• Michael Rose
• Cooper
• Jake Long
• Ron Kellogg III
• Abdullah
• Kellogg III
• Jason Ankrah
• Taariq Allen
• Abdullah
• Avery Moss.

--Jordan Westerkamp returned two punts for five yards. Hidden in that already-embarrassing statistic is the fact that he let one punt bounce at the 20-yard line after posting up at the 15-yard line before the kick. He fair caught another at his own three-yard line. He also let another bounce at the 40-yard line after lining up at the 36. If that's not the calling card of a well-coached team, PYB doesn't know what is.

--NU is 118th (out of 123) in the country in turnover margin, 111th in turnovers lost, 121st in punt returns, 76th in penalties per game, and 80th in penalty yardage per game. In short, Nebraska sucks in any category that indicates a team is well coached and/or organized.

After another four-loss season, PYB must digress and hand the microphone off to some others. We can only say the same thing so many different ways. A few of our favorites:

--From an anonymous Facebook friend:
"I promise this is my last Husker rant: The ESPN announcers are completely misconstruing why the Husker fans have issues with Pelini. It isn't that we expect a national title next year and we aren't happy with 9 wins. It is that we are so ridiculously sloppy, and we continually shoot ourselves in the foot over and over again. What we expect is our coach to actually improve the team from game to... game, year to year. Here is what we can't take: 148 turnovers in four years; failing to get lined up properly; not having enough men on the field; having to call timeouts to get the proper personnel on the field; basically giving up on special teams; running out of bounds when you are trying to kill the clock. What we want is a coach who pays attention to and fixes these issues. And just so they know, we have as much talent as many teams who are in the top ten right now so quit saying that it is a recruiting issue. Although, our coaches did whiff on all of out DT prospects for the last two years, which is why we are starting freshmen, and that is their fault also." 

--From Bruce Lietzke during last night's Big 10 Championship game:
"What's sad is that we dominated Michigan State, but if we were in this game we would be behind by 28 points already."

--From NU Kicker Mauro Bondi on Twitter after Michigan State beat Ohio State (since deleted):
"Does this mean we get to go to a shittier bowl game?"

--From Jacque:
"The MAC is better than the Big 10."

--From Shane:
"Do the players supporting Bo know they're brainwashed?"

--From Mouse (apologies on the formatting):

2008 – 4 Losses 
Virginia Tech (unranked) @ home 30-35 Missouri (ranked #4) @ home 17-52 – embarrassing loss Texas Tech (ranked #7) @ Lubbock 31-37 – impressive loss Oklahoma (ranked #4) @ Norman 28-62 – embarrassing loss Most “impressive” win – bowl game vs Clemson (unranked) 26-21 Season End Ranking - Unranked

2009 – 4 losses 

Virginia tech (ranked #13) @ Blacksburg – competitive loss Texas Tech (unranked) @ home 10-31 – embarrassing loss Iowa State (unranked) @ home 7-9 – embarrassing loss Texas (ranked #3) @ Big 12 game – impressive loss Most “impressive” win - @ Missouri (ranked #24) 27-12 Season End Ranking - #14 One of Bo’s best seasons with the help of the best defensive player in Nebraska history.

2010 – 4 losses 

Texas (unranked) @ home 13-20 – competitive loss Texas A&M (ranked #18) @ College Station – competitive loss Oklahoma (ranked #10) @ Big 12 game – competitive loss Washington (unranked) @ bowl game 7-19 – embarrassing loss Most “impressive” win - @ home against Missouri (ranked #7) 31-17 Season End Ranking - #20 Maybe Bo’s best season with wins agains Mizzou and #17 OK State in Stillwater. Then he went on to lose three of his last four games, including Washington, who they defeated 56-21 earlier in the season. Complete collapse.

2011 – 4 losses 

Wisconsin (ranked #7) @ Madison 17-48 – embarrassing loss Northwestern (unranked) @ Lincoln 25-28 – embarrassing loss Michigan (ranked #20) @ Ann Arbor 17-45 – embarrassing loss Sour Carolina (ranked #10) @ Bowl Game 13-30 Most “impressive” win - @ home against Michigan State (ranked #9) 24-3 Season End Ranking - #24

2012 – 4 losses 

UCLA (unranked) @ Pasadena 30-36 Ohio State (ranked #12) @ Columbus 38-63 – embarrassing loss Wisconsin (unranked) @ Big 10 game 31-70 – embarrassing loss Georgia (ranked #6) @ bowl game 31-45 Most “impressive” win – @ home against Michigan (ranked #20) Season End Ranking - #25

2013 – 4 losses 

UCLA (ranked #16) @ Lincoln 21-41 – embarrassing loss Minnesota (unranked) @ Minneapolis 23-34 – embarrassing loss Michigan State (ranked #14) @ Lincoln 28-41 Iowa (unranked) @ Lincoln 17-38 – embarrassing loss Most impressive win - @ Michigan (unranked) 17-13 Season End Ranking – unranked

Of Bo’s 24 losses in the past six seasons, 13 of them most definitely fall in that “embarrassing” category, and I’m probably being generous on some of them. And 8 of those 13 have come in the past three seasons. This clearly shows a steady decline. Recruiting has clearly been lacking, which is evidenced by the fact how things have regressed since Bo lost the talent he was left with. Callahan was an awful football coach, but at least he brought in players. Since no one else wants to read between the lines, I did it for you. Hope this helps….GBR.

That's about all we have. Another depressing installment in 2013. A shittier bowl game will be confirmed tonight, one day after watching Duke, Missouri and Michigan State play in their conference title games. Hell, Duke only gave up 38 points to Florida State, not 70 to Wisconsin.

All the aforementioned shortcomings indict the absolute core of a football program: strength, conditioning, speed, coaching, organization, intelligence and discipline. Yet, NU Athletic Director Shawn Eichorst followed up one day after a 21-POINT HOME LOSS TO IOWA by supporting the great job Pinelli has done in Lincoln, with the 'battling through injuries' quote being a familiar but pathetic crutch.

Our only question is: Did Eichorst make the Three Million Dollar man pay the $10,000 fine the Big 10 threw Nebraska's way? A conference-to-school fine like that is the first that PYB remembers in 35+ years and a new, more embarrassing low for a university and football program that is rich in tradition. With Private Pinelli still at the helm, new rock bottoms are on the way. Enjoy.

PYB

You Cannot Be Serious

Nebraska beat Penn State Saturday in Happy Valley 23-20. Cornhusker fans and local media outlets rejoiced. Apparently, another nearly blown victory was more proof positive that 'something special is going on in Lincoln.' The Omaha World Herald's Tom Shatel said so, just like he did two weeks ago. Apparently, he forgot that Nebraska pissed the bed last week and got blasted by a mediocre Michigan State team.

Steve Sipple, Lincoln Urinal-Star columnist and renowned NU athletic department mouthpiece, said so. (Who can blame Sipple? If we wrote at the level of a ninth grader and stayed employed, we'd be loathe to upset that apple cart too.)

The only thing special about
yesterday's victory was just how fantastically Private Pinelli's crew botched another opportunity to take home an easy road win. Only a crew this poorly managed can manage to turn 14-point wins into overtime 'thrillers.' Only teams this devoid of fundamentals and instincts can turn should-be 45-3 romps into 27-13 Buckeye Blowouts. Only teams without a leader can turn down-to-the-wire games against other so-so teams into 21-point losses or outright disasters.

So for everyone painting a Rosy -- or Wild Wing -- picture, save it. In the words of the great Johnny Mac -- You cannot be fucking serious! Answer these questions:

1. Is Nebraska a well-managed football team? We offer the following items as proof that the answer is a resounding 'No.'

--Offensive coordinator Tim Beck continues to ruin Tommy Armstrong's confidence, with a bevy of shitty play calls and poorly designed strategies. They even pulled the "Roy Helu" on Armstrong yesterday, convincing him he was hurt enough to sit out, despite the fact that he jogged off the field without any sort of a limp after his last play in the first quarter.

--On NU's first offensive series, Ameer Abdullah broke a 24-yard run. Obviously, he tapped out of the game. Strength and conditioning, anyone? Imani Cross stayed in the rest of the series, even on 3rd-and-4. Drive over.

--After backup Ron Kellogg III came into the game with seconds left in the opening period, Beck called 34 pass plays. Those plays averaged 5.5 yards per attempt. Hello, Blaine Gabbert. PYB thinks it's safe to assume that both a freshman quarterback and his walk-on backup could use some easy throws to build confidence and create a rhythm.

The most glaring example: 3rd-and-3 from his own 24. Kellogg standing in the shotgun at his own 19. Seven step drop. Hold the ball three counts too long. Fumble. PSU recovers at NU's 8. Scores easily. Instead of leading 14-6 early in the second half, NU trails on the road 13-7. Luckily, Kenny Bell hadn't dropped any balls yet and was healthy enough to return the ensuing kickoff 99 yards for a touchdown.

In another shockingly positive development, NU's tight ends did catch two balls for 19 yards. Sadly, all of their targets were outside the numbers on the field. How about using the middle of the field with tight ends? Seems to work for every other team in college football.

--Punt returns. Nebraska tallied exactly zero yards on its returns. They went as follows:

• Minus three yards before Jordan Westerkamp took a knee when he got scared.
• Fair catch on knees.
• Four players halfheartedly rush, zero yard return.
• Penn State dropped the snap, and NU still barely got a finger on the kick.
• Fair catch.
• No return, ball not fielded.
• Fair catch, Westerkamp fell on his ass.
• Fair catch from a knee.
• Fair catch, let the ball hit the ground, no return.
• Fair catch.

Do we need to expand on just how bad the above list is, considering Big 10 football is terrible and is all about field position every damn game? At least Penn State's kickoff coverage was bad as usual and gifted NU an important touchdown. Somehow, Nebraska uses its starting running back and wide receiver (despite the fact that they're both allegedly battling injuries) to return kickoffs but then uses a punt returner who has no chance to make a play with the ball. Most amazingly, Private Pinelli continues to overlook a phase of the game that many times means 14 points and countless yards.

--Turnover margin. Nebraska began yesterday's game ranked last in the conference and added another -1 to that. Sound familiar?

--Beck used the Wildcat formation for the first time all season yesterday. Remember, the formation that was so successful with Rex Burkhead for the last few seasons but was horribly underused? Well, it hadn't been worthy of usage until yesterday -- on the goal line. Unfamiliar formation. Unfamiliar situation. Fumble on the goal line. Blown opportunity at a touchdown. Familiar result.

2. Does NU consistently capitalize on its opportunities during games? Yesterday's results were indicative of the pattern we've witnessed during the Youngstown era:

• Blocked punt. Ball at midfield. Wildcat formation for the first time all season on Penn State's goal line. Abdullah: Another back-breaking fumble.
• Ciante Evans interception at midfield. Drive stalls. Field goal.
• First and goal at the two-yard line with a chance to take a lead late in the fourth quarter. Cross in at running back. Stuffed on first down. False start. Two Kellogg runs sandwiching a blown timeout. No touches for Abdullah. Field goal ties game.

3. Does Nebraska play smart football?

• Four fumbles Saturday. Two lost. Two inside its own 15-yard line. One giving up an easy touchdown and the other on its own one-yard line when all NU really needed to do was run clock.
• Seven penalties for 54 yards.
• Corey Cooper lets a receiver run right past him for a touchdown, supposedly because he didn't want to hit him close to the sideline and get a 15-yard penalty.
• Sam Burtch ruins a 62-yard touchdown run with a meaningless block five yards behind the play. And YES, we know it was an awful fucking call but well-coached teams with smart coaches and smart players don't give stupid officials any opportunity to take over a game with an awful fucking call. We all know that if officials get the opportunity to impact a game at the worst possible time, they will. Leave it alone.
• On its final drive in regulation, Nebraska was fortunate to convert a first down on a pass interference call after being pinned deep in its own territory. Just like last week against Michigan State, Beck was too dumb or too proud to leave well-enough alone, force Penn State to use all of its timeouts, punt, and go to overtime. Still in a precarious position, but with the Lions having just one timeout remaining and just over a minute to go, the sequence went as follows:
• Pass. Abdullah runs out of bounds.
• Kellogg forces pass between two PSU defenders in zone coverage. Near interception
• False start.
• Droppped screen pass
• Holding
• Now it's really time to get the fuck outta Dodge, riiiiight?? Nope!
• 2nd-and-25. Abdullah goes out of bounds to stop the clock once more. Penn State keeps last timeout and is looking at getting the ball near midfield with a timeout left and needing only a field goal to win.
• 3rd-and-20. THROW the fucking ball ONE MORE TIME!!!! Even BTN color announcer Chuck Long nearly blew his load at this point.
• 4th-and-20. Punt and luckily PSU coach Bill O'Brien pulled a Pinelli and decided not to field the punt and let the clock expire instead of trying to set up a game-winning field goal drive. Dumb and Dumber.
• On its winning 'drive' in overtime, Nebraska gained five yards on first down. On second down, Diamond formation with Cross, Abdullah and Terrell Newby. What does any smart play caller do? Of course -- hand it to the worst of the three! (Cross) No gain, but with the ball in the middle of the field, all is still well. What does any smart play caller do at this point? OF COURSE -- throw a four-yard pattern that was dangerously close to an interception. Had NU even caught the damn thing, it would have created a bad angle for the NU placekicker. This really happened.
• Alas, Nebraska kicked the game-winning field goal -- twice. No game would be complete without one final error for the day. This time it was a false start on a field goal, forcing Pat Smith to make a 42-yard kick in swirling winds after he'd just kicked one from 37. Luckily, in a rare glint of clutch play from Nebraska, Smith booted the second attempt right down the cock and sealed the result. 

So, let's take stock. NU won, despite all its injuries and in spite of itself, to move to 8-3. Apologists point to what heart the team must have to beat all the bad teams on its schedule while losing to any that are mediocre or better. PYB did take away some positives:

• The defense, despite being pushed around to the tune of 149 yards by a slow running back, can now at least follow assignments.
• Penn State dropped three key passes, all on third downs where receivers would have made first downs
• No matter what NU would have done to embarrass itself Saturday, it couldn't have topped the fact that PSU had a male cheerleader tiptoeing around midfield at halftime twirling flaming batons. 
• The young defensive tackles look like up-and-comers
• The defensive backs are decent, for the most part.
• The offensive line is Nebraska's best in 15 years, despite a myriad of injuries. John Garrison took over most of the teaching duties from Barney Cotton before the season. Coincedence? Paging Sherlock Holmes...
• NU may have the best running back in the Big 10. If he could just quit fumbling at the worst possible moment, that would be swell. UCLA in 2012 and 2013. Georgia in 2012. Minnesota in 2013. Penn State in 2013. 
• No Taylor Martinez. It's amazing what a team can do, even without a great starting quarterback, without a pussy like T-Ragic at the epicenter of the dysfunction. Despite all the team's warts, we'll root for a team with a chance. A team with Martinez taking the snaps has no chance at all. NU fans saying T-Vag haters "didn't know what they had until it was gone" are either stupid or dishonest.

Does PYB look for reasons to nitpick every Nebraska performance? No, and yes. We don't nitpick for sport. We do so, because with today's watered-down state of college football, teams can't win on talent alone. Teams must maximize every opportunity and competitive advantage. An opportunity lost is one that will bite you in the ass by the fourth quarter.

If excellence ceases to be the goal, all direction is lost and a fan base becomes happy with eking out a win against a bad team just because it has a big stadium. Private Pinelli's 3M System: Missed Opportunities, Mismanagement and Mistakes can turn just enough solid road wins into nail-biters and just enough close wins into bad losses to get him fired. 

For another week, a Nebraska fan base can see what it wants to see instead of seeing the obvious truth. It can use a narrow win against a bad team from a bad conference without a good win all season as a convenient smokescreen to commend another subpar coaching effort. Or it can root for the best from this flawed bunch, while demanding better from future teams. Teams that are organized, effiicient, and well-coached.

Whether that fan base will demand better or conveniently forget the past, remains unanswered. Whether Pinelli and his staff can deliver better than their current poorly-managed product, remains doubtful.

PYB

Happy Ending Valley?

PYB awakes this Saturday in a puzzled state. Puzzled by the fact that Nebraska is a two-point underdog to a terrible Penn State team that it should beat by 21 points but to whom it will most likely lose. Puzzled by the fact that the city of Dallas has two sources of pride: the stupid fake cowboy outside the Texas State Fair and the fact that J Edgar Hoover took a projectile to the throat 50 years ago -- perhaps we're confused on that one.

Puzzled by our trip to the gym, as we watched double-barrel action in the men's shitters at the gym take place while washing our hands....complete with one party violently blowing ass while leaning forward to tie his shoes while the other navigated his cell phone as it lay on the dirty stall floors. Disgusting. Amazing. Mostly horrifying. Puzzled finally by the woman who banged out 45 minutes on the treadmill in front of us, only to take the elevator down the one floor to ground level. Whatever. Let's drop in with a quick pre-game post:

--We finally watched the Nebraska-Michigan replay last night. Good win. Horribly inefficient, as always, as offensive coordinator Tim Beck couldn't get out of his own way. Develop a good rhythm with runs and option. Good gain on first down. Long bomb for no reason on second down. Third-and-long remaining. Mystifying.

--Why is Terrell Newby taking repeated blame for 'dropping a pitch' from Tommy Armstrong? It was badly off target. The rest of the turnovers against Michigan State were Armstrong's fault, with Beck partly to blame for an awful play call on the interception. Inefficiency is thy name. We expect more of the same today but hope we're wrong.

--Is Nebraska basketball coach Tim Miles on the hot seat after consecutive losses in South Carolina? How many bandwagon fans have cancelled their season tickets and Final Four reservations?

--PYB met Cornhusker legend Mike Brown last week after the NU loss to Michigan State. Sadly, we were concentrating more on staying upright after seven hours of self-medicating -- which is an obvious necessity when watching Nebraska play -- especially during a trademark meltdown. We'd have loved to have been more coherent, so we could have grilled him about what is wrong with Private Pinelli's Huskers. Either way, it was one of the few pleasant turns on another Nebraska season on the road to nowhere.

--Derrick Rose with another possible ACL tear last night. Bad news for NBA fans, who need more gamers like Rose who aren't about the bullshit lifestyle that defines many league 'stars.' Good news for ESPN, who can parlay this into another 15 months of 'news' stories.

--Is anyone else as excited as we are for this announcement? Can't wait to hear the future of a 5-foot-10 NFL quarterback prospect....

That's all we've got for now. Lot's of interesting, but not necessarily good, games today. Baylor at Okie State. Oklahoma at Kansas State. ASU at UCLA. MSU at Northwestern. Michigan at Iowa. aTm at LSU. BYU at Notre Lame. Mizzou at Ole Miss.

If the fact that College Gameday's set is in Stillwater today doesn't tell fans all they need to know about the state of college football, nothing does. We'll see you on the flip side tomorrow.....and hope by that time we're fully clear from media reports celebrating the heroic deeds of another Kennedy crook...

"Nebraska's back, and we're here to stay..."

System on the Down

PYB got close to Memorial Stadium in Lincoln Saturday, as we visited the Cornhusker State for a weekend with friends at a pregame tailgate. We had a free ticket offered our way an hour before kickoff. We knew better than to accept.

During all the back and forth chatter that goes along with each Nebraska football season, fans debate whether or not Head Coach Bo Pinelli has a signature win during his tenure. It’s a pointless back-and-forth, but if we must answer, the answer is no.

What he does have, however, is a full series of signature losses. Losses so bad that they're all of the worst, piss-the-bed variety. From opening kickoff to final gun, his teams have come out scared. Sloppy. Disorganized. Plug the leak in the dike with one finger, and another leak springs up elsewhere. As a friend of ours eloquently stated when we discussed it Sunday morning: “He’s about out of fucking fingers.”

What we learned on our fall vacation and from another horrible loss, this time to an overrated Michigan State team, is that the problems aren’t chance occurrences. They’re systemic. They start from the rotten core of the NU football program. Because as we’ve seen, the actors in this tired play change, but the director, and the horrible-yet-predictable outcome stay the same.

Let’s continue on today with a free-form flow of ideas as they occur to us. We’re on an airplane without WiFi access, so can’t refer to the internet to statistically back another post-mortem. At this point, any numbers outside of wins and losses don't mean much.

--Three turnovers in the first ten minutes of the game. Five total. The piss-the-bed feeling on Saturday was the same as when NU came out and laid eggs against a bad Texas team in 2010 and an even worse Iowa State team in 2009. It was immediate. It was repeated. It was fucking embarrassing.

--Tommy Armstrong had another turnover-laden game. A bad pitch to Terrell Newby (who comes in for one play on every opening drive and is not heard from again) started the festivities. A poor decision on a 2^nd-and-1 pass play resulted in an interception. Why, you ask, was Offensive Coordinator Tim Beck throwing a two-yard pass on 2^nd-and-1 when Ameer Abdullah was slicing through the Spartan defense up to that point and Beck had been crowing all week about taking deep shots against MSU’s press coverage. We have no clue, and we’re certain he doesn’t either.

 

Either way, Beck does Armstrong no favors while trying to develop a freshman quarterback with less than half a season under his belt. Despite its early mistakes, NU was still in the game and trailed just 13-7 with a chance to head to the locker room. Instead of kneeling the ball and then punting, Beck ran a quarterback draw—a play he usually favors on game-deciding 3^rd-and-long situations. Inexplicable.

Armstrong fumbled again. 20-7. Holy shit. A guy who makes $800,000 a year can’t see what every fan across the country can see needs to happen? Take a breath. Thank your lucky stars. Get to the locker room. Regroup. Hope to play a cleaner second half. Stop the madness.

Also, how about mixing a tight end into the game plan? Even better, add a few patterns where the tight end goes over the middle of the field.  Diamond formation. Rollout passes. Option pass. Play action. Instead of throwing deep on every 2^nd and 3^rd-and-long play, take a few yards and keep a young quarterback in manageable conversion situations.

After four years of Taylor Martinez, PYB would think Beck would have learned that getting a mistake-prone quarterback to play Hero Ball does not work. Build a young player’s confidence slowly but surely. We’re not ready to give up on Armstrong this early, but if Beck continues to refuse to protect his players and keeps setting them up to fail it won’t be long before TA's days as starting quarterback are over.

--Private Bo Pinelli was his normal, reactive self Saturday. He failed to challenge a crucial first-half spot that gave the Spartan offense a first down, when it was clear the referees gave MSU at least an extra yard-and-a-half. Hell, if the brain trust in the press box can’t understand they need to kneel the ball before halftime, can we expect them to grasp advance concepts like instant replay? Tech-MOL-ogy….what is it? Either way, the Spartans continued on to score a touchdown. Seven charity points, courtesy of Youngstown.

--Speaking of wasteful, Jordan Westerkamp fumbled another punt return. What, exactly, does he bring to the table in this role? He sways around like he’s on roller skates before fair-catching damn near every ball. Lose the ha-ha mustache and play some fucking football.

Nebraska continues to lose huge yardage in the punt game and refuses to try to impact games on special teams, and nobody seems to think anything of it. This is a level of negligence that is unfathomable for a Division I college football coach.

--Abdullah ran for more than five yards a carry. And his team lost. At least it wasn’t nine yards a carry, like the Minnesota loss. Sadly, his stellar season may end up as one of the quietest, underappreciated and wasted in Nebraska history.

--PYB has heard some folks say NU could have used Martinez yesterday and would have likely won with him. That’s laughable. A quarterback who lost at Minnesota when his running back averaged nine yards an attempt is going to beat one of the nation’s best defenses when he can’t run, pass or manage a game?

--Thad Randle got hurt.

--The Big Ten is a pathetic menagerie of shitty football teams. Instead of playing its own brand of football when joining the conference, NU tried to be more like its fellow Legends and Leaders. They got fatter and slower and have fallen to the middle of the pack, behind such stalwarts as Michigan State and Wisconsin, and ahead of pigs like Illinois and Indiana. Circling the drain….

Need we go on? Coaches couldn’t explain the most recent Husker turd. Sadly, fans could believe another unbelievable meltdown was happening in front of their eyes. If they’re like us, they’re too tired to fight anymore. Let Pinelli and his merry band of Buckeyes sink or swim. Right now, they’re wearing a lead vest that they designed for themselves. It’s apparent that nothing has changed for the better. Mistakes of all sorts arise at the worst possible time, every time. Players lose confidence. Players don’t get better. Many times, they get worse. The program gets false confidence by beating a couple awful teams in a row and somehow gets local media to spew propaganda heralding NU's return to relevance. The next week, another on-air meltdown ensues.

By no means does PYB want Nebraska to have to undergo another brutal coaching turnover, but Pinelli has produced teams with the same warts year after year, while offering no proof improvement is likely. Will he be back on the sidelines in Lincoln next year? In the next few weeks, that’s a decision that much richer, but not smarter, men than us will have to make. 

But we do know that any organization needs a vision and an ultimate goal, with a clear, step-by-step process to get there and a leader powerful enough to drive it. Exactly where the Nebraska football team stands in Pinelli's process is anybody's guess.

For now, we'll all suffer the pain of another horribly mismanaged loss and another wasted season on the Plains.