Sunday, February 23, 2014

Local Yokels

Returning from another inexcusable unexcused two-week absence, PYB gets right to it with a random collection of thoughts that is scattershot enough to make Taylorina Martinez blush. Lots has happened since our last installment. Let's get to it:

--The Olympics happened. A different twist on figure skating aired nightly on NBC. Between those events, NBC mixed in a couple fabricated sports (short-track speed skating, 25 varieties of snowboarding). And shockingly, another American team laid an egg after proclaiming itself the tournament's best team two days prior (hockey). Can't wait another four years for more great theater...

Admittedly, we do like watching the bobsled, and the four-man competition is airing now. The only downside is listening to NBC analyst John Morgan, because if you did, you'd think no team without Russia painted on its sled has ever had a good run. "He's only .25 seconds ahead of the current leaders...NOT GOOD ENOUGH..." How can people be so negative??

--It's been almost three weeks since the Nebraska football team signed its latest recruiting class. Sadly, we forgot to extend accolades to Husker Head Coach Bo Pinelli, as he stayed true to his commitment to improve his efforts in Texas by scouring Dallas for more players and signing a placekicker whose brother played at Nebraska in the 1990s. Legacies are always great program additions, especially if they're white and named Davis, Pelini, Solich, or Cotton (Sam and Ben, not Kenzo, the Nebraska 100m dash state record holder and son of former NU safety Curtis). 

Let's remember, though, that this was a team effort. It takes all staff members rowing in unison, working toward a common goal. You think it's easy signing the sixth best recruiting class in the Big Ten? Think again. It takes stars like John Garrison to lead that team. Stars like Garrison to identify recruiting hotbeds like Chicago and St. Louis, because they're within a direct flight of Omaha on Southwest Airlines. No mention was made of the direct flights available from Eppley Airfield to Dallas, Houston, Newark, Atlanta or Phoenix. 

It takes stars like Barney Cotton to get an offensive lineman from Las Vegas to visit NU's summer camp, while forgetting about Southern California. Stars like Pinelli to identify good Italian food while failing to identify difference-making football players. And while you're railing on about how great it is to drive to recruit regional players, sign a decent player from Omaha for once. Please (See picture courtesy of Mr. Chaffey).

We are fucking FINE!

--Is anyone else ready to admit that college basketball is nearly dead? If the fact that the country's top-ranked team lost at home to a 7-19 Boston College team doesn't do the trick, the fact that the Syracuse Orangemen wore orange jerseys and navy shorts like it was a junior high school's B Team should. If neither of those do, the fact that "Top Ten" Michigan State was dominated at home a day earlier by Nebraska should.

--As college hoops circles the drain, it is comforting to see that certain traditions in the sport will always remain in place. Duke was gifted another win last night, this time given the benefit of an atrocious charge call against Syracuse. Jim Boeheim went fucking nuts, and rightfully so. Media fuckfaces were dismayed at the coach's reaction, as Boeheim's two subsequent technical fouls "took away any chance the Orangemen had to win." 

Fuckers, did you see the charge call? If you don't think the referees would have coddled the Blue Devils the last fifteen seconds to ensure another Cameron Indoor home win, then you haven't watched college basketball the last 30 years. It's the only thing more guaranteed than Kansas getting all the calls at home throughout the season, running up scores on overmatched teams in Lawrence and then flaming out on the first weekend of the NCAA tournament every March. 

The most refreshing thing was seeing Boeheim, a veteran coach unworried about his future in the game, refuse to suck the corporate dick in the postgame press conference and describing the play as the "worst call of the year." Great stuff.

--Switching gears and moving to golf. Golf isn't really happening lately, because Tiger Woods isn't playing. Apparently, PGA Tour events don't pay enough for him to appear, Riviera has too many trees and requires accuracy and good putting and the embarrassment of getting drilled by another World #64 at the WGC Match Play was too much to bear. On a side note, Rickie Fatler cut her hair and looks even more like Strawberry Shortcake and her poofy hat.

--NFL players can't say the N-word anymore without being flagged for 15 yards. So, that obviously begs the question about whether the NFL is an EEO. Does "Honkey" garner 15 yards as well? 10 yards? 5 yards? How about Beaner? Fag? Cocksucker? Pussy? Bitch? Please tell, because we could go on all day.

--Barry Bonds is a Spring Training instructor. Did he bring his own phlebotomist to teach proper injection techniques?

--For the record, PYB was not making a dig at Nebraska's accomplishment of beating Michigan State last Sunday. Great win for Tim Miles' squad and even better than they followed up by bottle blasting Penn State Thursday. Hopefully, they can keep the momentum moving by handling Purdue today in Lincoln. 

That said, it doesn't change the fact that college hoops is watered down. Hell, Nebraska can reap the benefits -- as proven this year -- as it has the chance to finish in the middle of the Big Ten standings and ahead of traditional powers like Indiana, Purdue and Illinois. Either those teams don't have enough private jets to recruit good players, or mediocrity has allowed teams like Wichita State to crack the top five in the national rankings and Creighton to live near the top of the Big East once they joined and the three best programs left the conference.

It's the same phenomenon that took hold of college football the last 15 years. Missouri in the top five to end this past season. Oregon, Stanford, Central Florida, Baylor and Louisville in the top 15. Duke, Vanderbilt and Nebraska in the top 25. Moving on....

Either way, we'll roll with the opportunity for NU to make an NIT tournament again. We love that Miles told the Nebraska fans that they fucking suck and don't make any noise. (A coach telling his fans they get a B or B- as a grade means D+ or C- at best......same as a drunken college student tells the fat chick in his room at 2 a.m. that she's as hot as any other girl at the party that night. Same as Big 12 coaches calling Frank Solich a great coach in every press conference after they outwitted The Rat for another easy win.)

Finally, we'll take a shot at one of our favorite targets -- Queen James. Her Highness has been under the radar lately, but showed just how little he understands about winning. Guess that happens when the NBA Marketing Machine lets its star players stack teams in the name of money and because the player can't win based on their own will and determination.

The Queen campaigned for the Dallas Cowboys to draft Johnny Manziel in April, one breath after supporting Tony Romo and then called Dallas a "winning franchise." Confused? So were we, given that the Cowgirls' records have been 8-8, 8-8, 8-8 and 6-10 the last four seasons and that the team hasn't had a playoff victory since 1995. PYB is a Witness to stupidity.

 We're out of here. Hopefully for less than two weeks, but we've been sucking that corporate dick and working seven days a week and blog time is hard to come by. Enjoy your Sunday. PYB.

No comments:

Post a Comment