Sunday, February 9, 2014

Give a Stray a Bone

PYB wishes everyone a happy Sunday afternoon, as we once again feel cheated by the sham that is the Olympics. Let's skip showing the good events and instead jam 15 types of figure skating down the public's throat every evening for two weeks, sprinkle in some Women's Biathlon, and top it off with all the XTreme Snowboard events that the IOC added so that the US of A could win more than 20 medals over the fortnight in stray-dog infested Sochi. Let's get to it:

--We had the fortunate opportunity last night to watch a college basketball game at the newly renovated, raucous Moody Coliseum in Dallas, as SMU bottle blasted Cincinnati 76-55. The Mustangs were able to match the Bearcats' physicality and keep them off the offensive glass. This was especially important, as Cincy shot a woeful 35% from the field, including a 4/24 performance from three point range, and SMU rendered the Bearcats' throw-up-a-brick-and-tip-it-back-in offense useless.

It's safe to say two things: Cincinnati is likely the worst seventh-ranked college basketball team of all time, and Head Coach Mick Cronin was in way over his head trying to match coaching chops with SMU's Larry Brown.

With the game out of hand late, the Bearcats dropped multiple hard (flagrant) fouls on Mustang starters, who were somehow still on the floor with a 20-point lead. Who said Brown had forgotten his Kansas Jayhawk roots from the mid-1980s? Either way, the entertainment value of the $14 ticket was tremendous, with the hot dogs being solid, beer being sold and the only downside being having to watch the SEC-like douchebag students prance around like they're God's gift to Sperry and bad haircuts.

--Carlos Marmol completed his tenure with the Chicago Cubs in 2013, after 7.5 disappointing seasons. Is it safe to say that after signing with Miami this week, he'll become one of the game's most dominant closers? Control problems have haunted Marmol from day one, but with the stuff Cub fans remember him having (remember, WGN only shows about three games a year anymore), he's sure to have 45+ saves in 2014.

--Everyone ready for the Marcus Smart debate to rage on for hours tomorrow, then days, then weeks? The only thing certain is that the fat fuck in the stands in Lubbock is a loser, and we wish that Smart would have knocked him out. Fear not, Marcus, Metta World Artest says it will all work out. He was once "just out the hood" of Queensbridge (a fictitious city) but lived to succeed. And, after all, Kobe Bryant raped a girl and rebounded to regain his NBA icon status.

--In case you were wondering, Phil Mickelson putts just as poorly with two gloves on as he does with none.

--Since Tiger's Wood has fallen from winning majors to not winning anything and collecting only appearance fee checks, ESPN has had to resort to stalking his niece's achievements in Australia. Apparently, she wants to be "Just Like Tiger Woods", filling all the divots in the neighborhood, don't think about them three foot putts, cover your tracks when you're bangin' them sluts!

--Tim Miles and the NU basketball team got its first road win of the season at Northwestern on Saturday, rebounding from an awful first half for a 53-49 win. Let the NIT quest begin -- again. And let the guessing on which easy win the squad will soon tank begin as well. Either way, the loss of Deverell Biggs hasn't meant a thing as Benny Parker has added a dimension as a true point guard willing to facilitate the team's scorers and play consistent defense. Best of luck the rest of the way...

That's all we have right now. Slow time in the sports world, other than Pete Carroll being a fucking crook and winning a Super Bowl. And national signing day happening last week. And Bo Pinelli being pleased as punch with his 2014 class. 

Haven't you heard? He's funny now, his latest recruits are awesome, and we are fucking fine because in three more years NU will be getting $10 million more per year of its Big 10 revenue share so that it can add a few hundred seats to Memorial Mausoleum and pay for more private jets to ace Air Force and Troy out for two-star fullback recruits. 

Have a fine week......PYB

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