The T-Ragically Hip

Such limited time and such limited motivation. PYB awakes later than normal this Sunday, trying to summon the juice to write about another Big Ten snoozer. Another game spent flipping between the other college football contests, because watching NU fatten up on the worst team in the worst major conference was unwatchable. Let's do it:

--PYB is sad today. Sad that Tommy Armstrong had a bad game, throwing three interceptions while going 6/18. Sad that he looked slow afoot. His accuracy and decision making waned as the game went on and Offensive Coordinator Tim Beck refused to set him up with easy targets. Also keep in mind, his receivers did not help him a bit dropping at least three passes that would have added 120-140 yards to his total.

Hence, it didn't happen and now those with selective memory are proclaiming that it's obvious that T-Ragic will ascend back to his throne on the shitter once he returns from his stubbed toe. Never mind that everyone's favorite Vag has chalked up games like this for four years running, while only gaining a tighter grasp on the starting position.

That said, Armstrong's poor game should make it even more apparent to the coaches how the rest of the season should proceed. Keep starting Armstrong. See if it was a one-game anomaly and if he'll learn from the experience. Man? Or mouse, like Taylor Martinez, and stuff?

Concentrate on running the damn ball. Scrap the long bombs on 3rd & 4. Delete the fade passes, unless Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson or Randy Moss transfers to NU during the off week. Work a tight end into the middle of the field for a security blanket. Play smart, possession football while minimizing a young defense's exposure.

OR, just try to empty the damn playbook every single fucking game, get good at nothing, beat the shitty teams 44-7 when you should have beaten them 69-0, re-anoint Martinez as the starter upon his return and then get bottle blasted the next time you play a mediocre team on national television.

--Ameer Abdullah had another solid game while navigating the six-inch crabgrass at Ross-Ade Stadium. A game that top-tier running backs should have in conference road contests. Imani Cross looked bad, but not as bad as last week, but still seemed to be sinking further into a pool of quicksand with each step. Terrell Newby was in and out, and his performance was hard to assess. King Frazier got a couple carries and looked intriguingly impressive as he always does.

--Quincy Enunwa looked like he may be the best Nebraska receiver. Jamal Turner reminded us why he has yet to become the playmaker we all thought he would be two years ago. Beck reminded us why he drives us fucking crazy, calling Enunwa's number on a 40-yard pass play over the middle one play after Enunwa's awesome, jumping, spinning 50-yard run past multiple defenders. This, from the same offensive coordinator whose running backs leave the game after every single run over 10 yards.

--NU lost its best offensive lineman, most likely for the season, on a brutal blindside hit. If Spencer Long didn't tear multiple knee ligaments on that one, we'll be shocked.

--Stanley Jean-Baptiste was ejected on the worst targeting call we've seen to date, along with the worst post-tackle muscle flex in the history of football. The one time Bo Pinelli should have snapped into a sideline tirade, he was surprisingly calm. One PYB follower asked: Is he auditioning for another job?

--The defense got fat on another first-game, immobile quarterback playing for one of the nation's worst teams. Fans and scribes alike commiserated when the shutout was lost by a shockingly stupid breakdown late in the game, pretending like a goose egg  against an awful team would mean anything a month from now.

Haven't we all learned the last few years? The defense gets exposed by the one early-season opponent with a pulse, only to lull us to sleep for the next four to six weeks as it feasts on cupcakes, before melting down against the next slightly-above-average offense it plays?

Ohio State, Michigan until Denard Robinson got hurt and Wisconsin in 2012, Wisconsin, Ohio State until Braxton Miller got hurt, Northwestern and Michigan in 2011, Texas Tech in 2009. We forget Private Pinelli's history and are doomed to repeat it.

--Josh Mitchell continued the new Husker tradition of faking an injury after a horrible play.

--Randy Gregory harassed the Boilermakers. We hope he can do the same consistently against better competition.

--Aaron Curry looks like he will be a stud in a couple years. Muscular, athletic, quick. Surely, James Dobson will fatten him up so he quits making impressive plays.

--The punt return game continues to rack up fair catch after fair catch, while not even attempting to rush the punter.

--Purdue attempted the worst fake punt we have seen to date, opting for the reverse followed by a pass deep inside its own territory. This call made the ones that Frank Solich made against Ole Miss and that Pinelli made versus UCLA this year look solid in comparison.

So, a win is a win -- they say. But to us, it feels like a tree falling in the falls with nobody around. Didn't it really happen? Did it matter? Check in with us after November 9, when NU travels to Ann Arbor. We're hip to this game, and we're sure our readers are too.

If the Cornhuskers lose to a disappointing Michigan team, they'll be back at square one. If NU wins, they'll likely get the honor of getting scalped by Ohio State in the Big Ten title game while the nation watches. Good times.

What happened to the good times? What happened to the good times?