Friday, July 13, 2012

Out of the Cellar

Admittedly, PYB has been uninspired lately -- by a lack of internal drive (aka too much fucking work) and a lack of news. We didn't even have the heart to rip the ESPYs this year.

--This story, however, knocked us out of the chair and into uncontrollable laughter. Isn't a player supposed to be good to garner attention for postseason honors? And please, save the "Steinkuhler should have been an offensive lineman all along" angle.

As for Long, PYB thinks that the Cornhusker offensive line should average fewer than 30 missed assignments per game before any of its members are eligible for an honor of any sort.

--During our absence, NU got a commitment from a "four-star" QB prospect. Two problems: he's white and he has a hitch during certain types of throws. Those are things that don't hurt you in California Catholic high school football, but that will be exposed in Division I. Why does every NU QB commit have a fuckup in his giddyup? Is it that hard to throw like a man?

Also, was Niles Paul on hand for the Elite 11 camp show in the video from Jon Nyatawa's OWH story? This has got to be the worst set of hands in one spot since......any of the last five Nebraska teams....

--Dream Team 1992 or Entitlement Team 2012? Another ESPN-created argument, for lack of anything better to report. Kobe Bryant is a douche but the only killer left in the NBA, so of course he's going to say his team would win -- even though he recanted by saying it'd be different if the 1992 team was in its prime.

But are we supposed to believe that a team without one pure shooter is going to take out the greatest team of all time? A team with Chris Paul at PG is going to beat them? Hell, Paul hasn't had a decent NBA team except for the two lone seasons where he could lob the ball to his center for a dunk -- and we saw how that worked out in the playoffs each time.

A team with the game's biggest choker of all time (Queen James), James Harden and Andre Iguodala? A team currently with just a journeyman center, as opposed to Patrick Ewing and David Robinson? That said, this year's team may have gotten better by the loss of Blake Griffin and his shitty defense to a knee injury and the addition of Anthony Davis. We know Paul will be lost without his near-and-dear lob play to fall back on. Guess he'll have to settle for strutting around like a chicken, pretending he's done something during his career.

If the matchup did ever take place, we'd have just one request: that Christian Laettner have the long-hair-and-headband look that he sported the last two years of his NBA career. Well, that and that he and Griffin could play against each other, so the two biggest pussy studio gangstas in basketball history could flop around and pretend like they wanted to fight for two hours. Moving on.....

--PYB is happy for Ade Dagunduro and his Nigerian teammates. But isn't it sad when the most excitement surrounding the NU basketball program in the last ten years comes when rooting for a player from five years ago to QUALIFY for the Olympics on an also-ran squad?

--Dear Omaha World Herald: Please fix your fucking web site.

--Dear Yahoo! Sports: Quit ruining your web site. We quite using all your competitors' sites years ago due to them all being unreadable and unusable. We're here for good info -- not Macromedia Flash bullshit.

--Steve Stricker is at it again: beating up on also-rans and never-will-bes at the John Deere Classic this week on the PGA Tour. Way to go collect a check, Steve. Feel free to contend in a major one time, and quit beating up on Tom Gillis and Jimmy Walker. Stricker's pathetic ways do have a couple plusses for us: we get to see him cry after a victory and it gave us the chance to dub Eldrick Woods "The Black Steve Stricker", much like Keyshawn Johnson was "The Black Ricky Proehl".

All for now...gotta run!!

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