Saturday, September 5, 2015

Tired, Hungry and Poor - The Old Frontier

It's gameday, and the sun has risen on another rendition of the Nebraska football soap opera. Tomorrow, after the game against BYU, we'll check back in to analyze whether NU will wallow in shit with the pigs for another 12 months or if we think there's light at the end of the 18-years-and-counting tunnel. Who the fuck knows. Another press of the reset button, another coach with a potentially ill-fitting offensive scheme.

In the meantime, let's start this morning off right - by being negative about something other than Nebraska football -- hopefully before the family awakes and ruins a rare, lucid train of thought:

--The Big Ten still sucks. But hey, it's getting better. Minnesota hung with a highly overrated TCU team and only lost by a touchdown at home. PYB enjoyed seeing former Cornhuskers Aaron Curry and Aaron Green starting for the Horned Frogs. Good job, Bo. Honestly, we're more upset about Curry, who flashed potential while in Lincoln than we are Green -- who couldn't hold Ameer Abdullah's jockstrap and who wasn't even as good as Braylon Heard.

Mediocre Michigan and its hype machine traveled to Utah and lost to a slightly above mediocre Utah and its Mormon Brainwashing outfit. We're just thankful Michigan State was there to defend thy Olde Conference's honor on Friday nite, downing Western Michigan 37-24 in a treacherous road game. Yay.

--Superwoman is a still a pussy. From the "Are You Fucking Kidding Me?" Department, Dwight Howard is caught with a gun in his luggage at the Houston airport? A guy too fucking scared to do battle in the lane during a basketball game feels the need to arm himself while sitting in a First Class seat?  But, as we well know, this guy is dumb enough and self-absorbed enough to pull it off.

--The PGA Tour canceled the Grand Slam of Golf, its contrived off-season event that nobody watches or gives a fuck about because it's football season. Good riddance. The reason: the PGA, an organization run by old white guys, made up of young- to middle-aged white guys and Tiger Woods, and that caters to middle-aged-to-old white guys, had to pretend to act insulted by some comments that Donald Trump made about Mexican immigrants. If they don't like what he said about them, they should hear what he said about the Orientals!

Anyway -- the lesson here: Remember to pretend that it's OK for undocumented immigrants to break the law, get free shit from the United States, crush the economies of multiple states -- especially if they're from Mexico. And, if anyone has the gall to cite the economic and financial repercussions of the aforementioned actions -- feign horror and call that person a racist. Final side note: Trump still claims to be beloved by Hispanics and plans to garner their votes in 2016.

--The NFL is still a week away, but CBS has graced us with their broadcast team lineup for 2015. Led obviously by Jim Nantz and his barely hidden wish for a menage a trois with Tom Brady and Fred Couples, it's a wildly mediocre crew. Phil Simms remains as Nantz's parnter while, fittingly, the duo containing Simms' son, Chrissy, pulls up the rear.

But, if you're lucky or bored enough to tune into that mid-December game between 3-11 Oakland and another equally bad team (do they play Jacksonville this year?) -- you're sure to hear several unintentional laugh-out-loud analyses from Simms himself. #buttocks  Good times!

That's all we have. The Omaha World Herald offered nothing of substance the last three days, unless you wanted to know that Mike Riley is nervous, yet excited. Five players (three scrubs, a well-known but unproven starter, and a potential star tight end who has the production and depth-chart status of a scrub) got suspended. Lincoln is a "Sea of Red" on football Saturdays. Traffic can be a bit rough. Tom Shatel, coming as weak as he does most days, these days, fortunately only made one, vague reference to food in his gameday column.

But, Runzas are awesome. There was rain in Ohio and someone misspelled lightning. Oh -- and the NU volleyball team choked in another five-set match with Texas. Who said things had to change? 

Mediocrity is back. And it's here to stay.

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