Hoops Jones

This is rich. Allegedly Dwight Howard is requiring the Orlando Magic to win the NBA championship for him to return in 2011-12. That's funny, as PYB seems to remember him riding the bench in numerous critical playoff situations due to his career free throw percentage being 59 percent. Throw in the fact that his pool of low-post moves is shallower than a California coke slut, and he's not much for helping the Magic meet his ridiculous demands.

Now Orlando has brought in the mercurial Agent Zero to save the day. It couldn't be Howard's problem to solve, must be the role players' problem. So jettison Rashard Lewis and bring in Gilbert Arenas. Howard is not even in the top 30 on most fantasy basketball draft boards and he's dropping win or walk decrees? We all know today's pampered pussy athlete just 'deserves' a ring. To quote George McFly, it is his density.

Look at poor Larry Fitzgerald in Arizona. He racked up huge numbers thanks to Kurt Warner's accuracy and the Cardinals' lack of a running game, despite the fact that he doesn't have blazing speed. Warner knew how to get it to Fitzgerald short over the middle and on deep jump balls. Now, with the Cards struggling to find Warner's replacement, it's "they better find a QB quick or Larry is gone. He wants that ring."

Why don't we just get it over with, and if a player is really good, just give him a a certain number of rings based on how good he is and then we wouldn't have to waste time playing the games. And we wouldn't have to hear these pussy-assed millionaires whine like school girls. Everybody wins.

--In its first game without Christian Standhardinger, the Nebraska basketball team racked up its seventh straight win by blasting Eastern Washington 72-42 (attendance 5276). PYB won't be able to offer much analysis, since the game wasn't televised. But as we're certainly disappointed (but not surprised) to see Standhardinger go, it could be for the best.

Not because NU couldn't use his talents, but because it may force Doc Sadler to pare down his rotation to a reasonable, effective number. Last night, there were 10 in that rotation before a few more players got garbage time. If NU could somehow find a way to expel Brandon Ubel from that group, we'd have something. Statistics for this romp aren't even important, except for Nebraska's four for 18 shooting from three-point land.

What is important is the fact that Huskers held its overmatched opponent to 21 percent from the field and 42 points. Lance Jeter and Brian Diaz had good games, and Toney McCray and Caleb Walker chipped in as well. The main question is whether they'll be able to translate this production to the Big 12 slate. We won't know that until January, and won't get any more clues as the Huskers' final three non-conference games are a joke. A bad joke.....read Grambling, North Dakota and Savannah State.

Speaking of jokes, if NU executive associate athletic director (huh?) Marc Boehm believes this propaganda he is selling he is not a smart man. Supposedly, NU officials are "mystified" about why the students don't come to games. He thinks that winning will solve the horrible attendance. Actually, what would solve it is creating a fun game day environment. Fun does not mean using the awful HuskerVision to have Runza Rex the dinosaur sing to all the little kids in the audience. It does not mean having three fat, pasty nerds wearing wacky outfits jumping up and down like they're Cameron Crazies before tiring out because they're 25 pounds overweight and the score is 3-2 with 13:42 remaining.

Fun means scheduling some real competition. Fun means going up against the best teams in the country, cheering your ass off for two hours, and seeing how your team stacks up against the Top 25. PYB says NU fans would rather be blown out by 20 points by a great team than beat Savannah State by 35. That way, you know where the program stands, how far it is from being where it needs to be and what it is going to take to get there.

Nebraska volleyball does this very thing. So does Gonzaga. Look at the Zags' non-conference slate so far this season: at Kansas State, at Marquette, Illinois, at Washington State, at Notre Dame and at Baylor. Gonzaga suffered some early blowouts, then a near miss at Notre Dame....and low and behold, they won at Baylor (in Dallas) yesterday. It's better to have tried and lost than to not have tried at all. If it is all about making budget, then cancel the whole fucking program and you're guaranteed not to lose money.

So let's take stock. Despite all the naysayers (most notably the OWH's Dirk Chatelain on a late evening Twitter rant), Nebraska is 9-2. The Big 12 schedule will tell us all we need to know. A 6-10 record would probably be called a success, and 8-8 would be a miracle. We can wait to see those results, before mailing in another season and calling for Doc's head.

But for NU athletic department officials to claim they have no understanding as to why the crowds are sparse and uninspired is disingenuous. To blame it on the economy and NU not winning is pathetic, and to not do anything about it is despicable. They can't control recruiting or the coaching, but they can impact the game environment. They can influence the schedule.

But, just like at most companies, finger-pointing outmatches taking action. Media, fans, coaches, ADs and marketing staff all have been eager to attribute the blame to those nasty outside forces. Nobody has has the gall to reach inside, make the tough decisions and make the changes that are needed. It could get worse before it gets better, but how much worse could it really get? Maybe quite a bit if NU's administration is as clueless as it sounds.

This is a job for someone willing to take a risk (not in most Nebraskans' makeup), someone willing to tell the truth even if it will piss people off, someone willing to make a difference. Sounds like a job for PYB.

--Co-defensive coordinator at Indiana. Huh? They need two buffoons for this job? Two coaches to absorb the latest round of 42-17 beatings? Good luck, Mr. Ekeler. Do you still have that Gold Medal??

Early rumor has Doug Colman as a possible replacement. A personal PYB favorite since Colman saved our hide from a severe beating once during a pickup basketball game at the campus recreation center. Seems former Husker Darren Williams was pissed that the scrub team full of white guys was pounding his team and not afraid to talk right back at him. Somehow, this pissed him off to the point of near-violence, so thanks to Colman for the assistance.

--Finally, how has PJ Smith been the mouthpiece for the Blackshirts this week in talking about dominating Jake Locker & Washington? The guy hasn't played in two months after getting benched for missing tackles and assigments but is talking like he's Ronnie Lott. Amazing.