Assume the Position

PYB jumps right in with some quick thoughts after a week on the shelf:

--Aaron Hernandez, if this timeline is accurate, is one of the dumbest criminals of all time. Amateurs like us cannot count on one hand the number of catastrophic blunders he made. A guy can't get away with a good murder these days...those text messages fuck it up every time. Should make for good television in upcoming months. Maybe Hernandez just tried a bit too hard to be a gangsta like other Boston area-star Kevin Garnett, who leaves his beefs on the court with two or four other grown men between him and his target. Who knows...but we can see the IQ points flowing from his cranium in photos like this one... "Yeah you did it, you're a gangsta and I have to admit it..."

Most importantly, with both TEs in New England questionable for much different reasons, who is Tom Brady going to target this season? Maybe a late trade for Ben Cotton is in the offing...

--Speaking of terrible, the recently unveiled Nebraska football alternate uniforms qualify. "Let's go with black jerseys and then......white pants." Huh? Then throw in some out-of-place red and make it 100% apparent that nobody at the athletic department could make a decision and/or wanted to face the wrath of 500,000 80-year-olds bitching that red was left out. In the end, the uniforms came out looking like a bastardized & modernized Penn State ensemble, sans priest collar....wait....we may be confused....

Different can be good. Poorly done is embarrassing. At least the game vs. UCLA is at 11am and nobody across the country will be watching. Just build a new practice facility, or something, and all will be forgiven.

--Is Doc Rivers really that good a coach? Doubtful, as it's easier to win when you get a buffet of Rondo/Garnett/Pierce/Allen thrown in your lap. If he can teach Chris Paul to be a man, Blake Griffin a post move and the Clippers how to play in the half court, we'll give him his due.

--Here's to hoping the Crimson Tide defense comes ready to play on Sept. 14 and tears Jenny Football to pieces. Enough about this clown already. PYB hasn't seen more hype about a player who hasn't won shit since the last SportsCenter. College athletes who complain about universities making money off their likeness/ability/performance can also kiss our collective ass. They're getting a free education, valued at a minimum of $50-100,000, that the other 25,000 students on campus are not. If future NFL washouts don't get the premise that a solid education is a ticket to the rest of their lives, that's not everyone else's fault.

--This article expressed horror in the fact that 27 NFL players have been arrested since the Super Bowl. 32 teams. ~60 players per team. Roughly 1900 total players. That is 1.4% of the NFL population. Given the background, age and intelligence of football players in general...that's not too bad.

--Off the subject, but who else hates the asshole at the gym who goes into hysterical coughing fits every 45-60 seconds when on the treadmill/stairmaster/elliptical machine next to you? Always a male, older than 45, generally with headphones and likely smells like shit as well. Absolutely unbearable....

--Can somebody tell Mitch Albom that the Q-Tip hairdo is no longer en vogue and that hairspray is available for his next television appearance? We couldn't find an image that rivaled how bad his hair was last Sunday, but you get the picture....

--Guess we are all wet, and Pitbull is actually awesome. Still hard to believe we read this article in a real-life newspaper....

--It's summer time, and time to work on the golf game. Just read here. Nothing like working on your T-Shots, then going to the store afterward and buying a T-Bone for dinner. Top it off with some off-season highlight viewing of T-Magic, and life doesn't get any better. Just make sure not to get any A-1 on your cargo shorts!!

That's all we have today.....so please just remember the moral of the story....When life gives you lemons and someone pisses you off, set up an execution a mile from your house....