Bowling for Squalors

With a worthless bowl season upon us, and fewer than a handful of good games ahead, PYB provides its commentary on Bowl Season 2012-13. The myriad of pools we've entered does little to make it interesting, and the fact that Nebraska will be annihilated on January 1 lessens our interest even more. Here goes:

Gildan New Mexico Bowl: Wasn't Gildan the activewear that Wal-Mart sold in the 1980s?

Idaho Potato: Somehow, this name has become unremarkable amongst

 the slate of shittier bowls.

SD County Credit Union Poinsettia: Name says it all. Who knew it was POIN-settia and not POINT-settia. Not us until five years ago.

Beef "O" Brady's St. Petersburg: This reminds PYB of someone taking a big, nasty shit.

R+L Carriers New Orleans: There's a bowl game in New Orleans? Bet there's a lot of jambalaya eaten and Pat O'Brien's hurricanes consumed by the fans in attendance....insert other awful cliches here...

MAACO Las Vegas: Perfect sponsor. When thinking of Vegas, we too think of dented cars, white trash, ugly scenery and other vile things.

Little Caesar's Pizza: Last time we ate this pizza (20 years ago), it was so fucking bad they gave you two for the price of one -- every day. The WKU vs CMU matchup this year is likely worse than that pizza.

Military Bowl: A meaningless bowl game, in a professional sports town (Washington DC), in cold weather. Sounds like a recipe for success.

Belk: How does a white-trash department store from the southern United States sponsor a bowl, considering it's lower on the retail shopping chain than Kohl's is? At least we can buy white Jockey t-shirts at Kohl's. Only Texans who think it's still 1988 can benefit from Belk.....guess we've answered our own question.

Bridgepoint Education Holiday: Sponsorship of this game has been passed around more than Alyssa Milano at an ESPYs after party....

AdvoCare V100 Independence: Anyone else driven by the Independence Bowl? PYB did this fall, right after surviving a harrowing experience at the ghetto-assed Whataburger a mile down the road.

Russell Athletic: The rich man's Gildan. We thought Russell went out of business once they quit making sweatpants with elastic at the bottom of the legs.

New Era Pinstripe: Pro town, cold weather, two awful teams rekindling old Big East rivalry. Awesome. Do New Era hats still stick up three inches too high unless you smash them under a dictionary for two weeks? Oh wait, we think the little fags these days like wearing them like that now because they have dirty, shaggy hair and are enormous pussies who don't have any idea how to wear hats -- for baseball, leisure, or otherwise...

Kraft Fight Hunger: What doesn't say blood rivalry like Navy vs. Arizona State in San Francisco?

Buffalo Wild Wings: Worse food: Hooter's or Buffalo WW?

Hyundai Sun: I don't know how they do it down in Juarez, Peedro.....

Chick-fil-A: One of the most laughable names a few years ago is now one of the most established. Chicken minis are legit....

TaxSlayer.com Gator: No clue what TaxSlayer.com is....but we are certain that this bowl would be our favorite if it was the PoonSlayer.com bowl.....

Heart of Dallas: What does this mean? Awful fucking traffic? Poorly designed roads? Dirty streets? Poorly dressed citizens with 1980s hair? Fill us in.

Outback: For the record, you assholes who say Outback is a great steakhouse because: 1. You've never been to a good one or 2. They have a $14.99 deal for a skirt steak and tasteless vegetables can 1. Kiss our ass and 2. Feel free to shell out $150 once in your life for a proper steak dinner. No offense if you can't afford $150, just don't tell us that Outback is edible, then.

Capital One: The Cap One ads of Vikings raping & pillaging on television are fitting, considering the asskicking Nebraska got last year from a mediocre South Carolina squad and the one they're going to get from a soft Georgia team. But hey, we don't "think about stuff."

Rose: College football's most meaningless phenomenon this side of the Heisman Trophy. Nicely painted field in a piece-of-shit stadium between irrelevant teams.

Discover Orange: How the mighty have fallen. Always one of the best games between highly ranked teams that capped New Year's Day....live from the Miami ghetto. Now, Northern Illinois vs. Florida State. Where do we sign up?

Allstate Sugar: Shawn Twatson on the big stage against the overrated Florida Gators.

Tostitos Fiesta: Always pulls a solid matchup. Look what happens when you mix a desireable location with a little corruption. A fucking moneymaker.

AT&T Cotton: aTm vs. OU. Look what they have to do to fill this game.....invite the locals. Apparently, outsiders aren't jumping at the chance to come play golf in 50-degree weather on dead grass....

BBVA Compass: Nothing like playing a bowl game on the same field as the Division III championship game was---a month earlier.

GoDaddy.com: Kent State and Arkansas State play five days after most of the BCS games. Huh? And GoDaddy either needs to get it's semi-nude sponsors to dyke out or quit with the fake sexy theme they throw out each year for the Super Bowl. It's the 2000s, and we see more than your "risque" ads show at an average night at a Scottsdale bar...

Discover BCS National Championship: Can you feel it? That's the excitement of a mid-week bowl game played six days after the rest of the good games between a Notre Dame team that beat BYU by three points and an Alabama team that lost a game. Fuck yeah!

Enjoy the yearly bowl installment, we will make sure to.....in fact, we are rushing out to get a bottle of CIROC right now. Because judging from the commercial we just saw, it's so powerful that it makes Puff Daddy and Jesse from Breaking Bad best of buddies....magic....and stuff.

PYB

Speed Kills

PYB starts out with a good breakdown from the OWH's Sam McKewon. It reminds us all that Barney Cotton, who went largely uncriticized this season because of NU's other glaring problems, is an idiot.

We love to see Nebraska show its current recruiting clout this week: losing a commit from the South, while adding one for Big 16 territory. Tremendous work, coaches. We're sure it'll all be fine if NU can pluck another couple Ohio recruits before signing day.

Pete Carroll ran a fake punt up 30 points in the 4th quarter Sunday. He's a crook and shows why he's making his name as the Lane Kiffin of the NFL.

All we have to say to this is: what the fuck? Kill a teammate, but enjoy the next home game from the sidelines.

That's all we've got. Apologize for the poor formatting -- blogspot was fucked today.

Pin-Sanity

PYB checking in, wishing all our readers a happy holiday season, hoping that you're enjoying the propaganda campaign trying to convince us all that Nebraska stands a chance Jan. 1 against Georgia...

--Here's the latest version, and we're sure that PYB-favorite Jon Nyatawa loved this assignment. We expect the same performance that Private Pinelli and Company blessed us with in last season's Capital One bowl: start out with some early spark, turn the ball over, panic, Taylorina shift into full-meltdown mode.....bottle blasted. Surely, the Dawgs are salivating at the thought of a panicky, fidgety, scatter-armed, pea-brained, error-prone QB coming their way on New Year's Day....

--We've seen and heard it all before...but Bo says his troops are ready to go. They'll be focused and ready to go, he says. Apparently, for the first time in five years.

--The Nebraska volleyball team logged its yearly choke job to a more athletic team. They are the Kansas Jayhawks of women's volleyball.

--No recruiting season would be complete without Pinelli venturing in to Ohio to steal a lightly regarded recruit from Big East also-rans and Big Ten cellar dwellers. He didn't disappoint us this year. Faced with the daunting prospect of replacing Porky Meredith, a defensive end so fat and ineffective that he was moved to defensive tackle mid-season, Pinelli snatched this gem from the clutches of West Virginia, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Purdue and Indiana.

After further analysis, PYB thinks he'll do just fine after gaining 35 pounds of fat in the next 18 months. That should allow him to be ready to play pattycake with offensive linemen, let the play pass him by and waddle behind the action just like the DEs before him. We're fine.

--Switching gears to the NFL: The Texans and Falcons both exposed as frauds in Week 14. It was just a matter of time.

--Bobby Petrino gets another job....huh?

Gotta run for now....we're going to go plow a co-worker, crash a car and quit on our teammates at the office in hopes of getting a better job.....

PYB

Rickie Fatler

Seed of Rickie rears his head again....

Pic of the Day -- Blake Street Edition

Courtesy of Mouse, following the Denver Broncos win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday...

Checkered Past

Fool's gold. PYB has been saying it for weeks, as NU racked up meaningless wins against poor competition. We thought once Private Pinelli and the Cornhuskers played a good team, they'd take a bottle blasting for the ages. Turns out, they played a mediocre team without a quarterback and took it straight up the ass.

Where the fuck, exactly, would someone start dissecting this atrocity in Indianapolis? And how many times can we re-invent the wheel by describing how shitty Taylor Martinez is, pointing out the myriad of major coaching gaffes and lamenting the lack of speed and talent on a lifeless Nebraska Blackskirt defense?

70-31. At least Texas Tech and Kansas were Top-15 teams when they broke the 70 mark against NU. Now, everyone gets a shot....the same way every fraternity member got a shot at the house slut. If it's fucking inevitable, just sit back and enjoy it. Enjoy the fact that maybe the Pinelli Era is one game closer to an end and that Taylorina is one start closer to starting his career as a Canadian Football league backup. (As a side note: if Coach Bro doesn't open a legitimate quarterback competition next fall, then he should be fired on the spot.)

So, that said, we couldn't devise a way to make sense of last night's abortion. And we damn sure aren't watching that game again. Watching a second time is for analyzing what went right and what went wrong. It's not for watching a band of quitters let a pedestrian offense and its running backs waltz untouched into the end zone time after time after time after time after time after time after time after time after time after time. That's ten times, to be exact. A team that finds it acceptable to put forth that pathetic a performance doesn't deserve cogent, coherent analysis. So, we decided to just go down our list of Twitter rants and expound accordingly.

S&M, let the beatings begin....

--Last night's Big 16 Championship Game started off in amateurish fashion, with the end zone lettering adorned in 18-point Helvetica and thousands of empty seats apparent throughout the arena.

--Wisconsin raced right down the field on the opening possesion, after winning the coin toss and opting to take the football instead of deferring to the second half. This should have been a red flag on its own, as the Badgers were so confident they were going to kick the shit out of NU that they didn't care about getting the second-half kickoff.

--As UW scored its first touchdown on a 56-yard reverse that made Sean Fisher look like he was nailed to the turf, it's apparent that Fisher has a 4.0 GPA and a 5.0 40-yard dash time.

--We were glad to see the Blackshirts' big-game missed-tackle form rear its head after a few weeks in the closet. We hadn't see such horrible pursuit angles and open-field tackling since the Ohio State game. At least against UCLA and the Buckeyes, there were mobile quarterbacks making the task tougher. Last nite, just a statuesque non-factor calling the signals.

--After falling behind 7-0, PYB predicted a Taylorina turnover within three plays. We were too generous. After one offensive play for NU, T Vag racked up an interception, UW ran it back for six and it was 14-0 Badgers. Game over.

--On the ensuing kickoff, Ameer Abdullah showed us all why he should have been taken off kick and punt returns two months ago, when he dropped the ball in the endzone. On his following attempt, he tried to catch the ball with him arms above his head. Holy shit, apparently the "Special-teams-by-committee" coaching is not working after all. Hard to fathom.

--After three early completions to the tight ends, Tim Beck made sure to break out his "I'm too scared to attack in a big game unless we're down 28 points so let's go sideways" passing game.

--PYB loves that NU still can't figure out how to blitz a defender from closer than 15 yards from the line of scrimmage.

--People expected Wisconsin to exploit Nebraska's soft interior on the defensive line. So they ran outside -- about 50 times. Everyone noticed it except Privates Pinelli and Papadapolis. As was the case in 2011 and in the first half of the 2012 game, Bert Bielema was playing chess and Bo was playing checkers.

--Rex Burkhead carried the team to victory last week against Iowa. He looked great early on Saturday, so naturally, he got 11 carries. After falling behind 14-0 early and having a vulnerable defense, who wouldn't decide to strap their chances to a notoriously shaky quarterback and a hurry-up offense. Trying to slow the bleeding and build momentum with the running game would be much too risky.

--Frank Solich called in during the first half, and said he loved the Huskers' mettle in big games. He also chimed in on the SEC championship game between Alabama and Georgia, and said he loved Mark Richt's clock management on the final drive.

--NU got fooled by a QB throwback play that developed as quickly as a glacier. Eric Martin jogged behind the play.

--Kenny Bell absolutely annihilated a Badger defender. It was the best hit we've seen by a Cornhusker since Mike Rucker's punt-return hit against Kansas State years ago. The referees called Bell's hit a penalty. It was the worst call ever, and another in the long line of calls that makes fans wonder about the future of football. Didn't all the pussies enroll in soccer at age 10, while the ones with balls got their first helmet and shoulder pads?

--PYB was criticized on Twitter for blaming the team's "slow" start on Martinez. It wasn't his fault, the critics said. Taylorina fumbled the ball away to Wisconsin on the next play. Pinelli is glad Martinez is his quarterback. The rest of Husker Nation is not.

--Since when did Nebraska's strength program mean making guys fat instead of muscular and explosive? How 'bout that Big 16 Smashmouth culture?

--Taylorina got his leg swept on one of Wisconsin's six sacks, reminding us all of Dutch and Johnny Lawrence. "You're the best, Taylorina! You're the best!"

--Taylorina also got body slammed on another sack. None of his teammates did shit about it. So much for the code of protecting your quarterback at all costs.

--Tommie Frazier listed his Rose Bowl tickets on craigslist.com early in the third quarter.

--Jon Vedral called and loved the Huskers' adjustments to Wisconsin's run-game nuances and loved the team's tackling.

--Beck waited until Nebraska was behind 49-10 before using the Diamond formation for the first time. It gained 12 yards.

--Why does Pinelli insist on allowing Beck to try to force the issue when Nebraska gets way behind and is clearly going to take a dick in the ass? Can't they taking a 42-17 beating in stride rather than continuing to turn the ball over and take an entire broomstick up the butt on national television?

--T Vagic ruined any comeback hopes NU had by lobbing a rainbow into the flat early in the third quarter, allowing a Badger defender to lope under the ball and return it for six points. Great pocket presence. Great football IQ.

--Dan Marino and Bernie Kosar were more mobile in the pocket than Martinez. Marino may have a lower IQ, though.

--Barney Cotton's unit was finally exposed as another fraudulent group.

At some point in the third quarter, we quit watching. We've seen this movie before, probably more times than we've seen The Shawshank Redemption on TNT. NU starts timidly. NU gets behind. NU exacerbates the problem with untimely turnover. NU gets further behind. NU panics. Bo gets mad. Taylor the Elf gets jittery in the pocket and makes more turnovers. NU quits. Bo points the thumb.

Most shocking was the lack of difference makers on the Nebraska defense. Outside of occasional solid efforts by Will Compton and Ciante Evans, NU has nobody capable of making a play against a high-powered offense. Evans himself got mauled by Montee Ball -- the same guy who got his ass beat on the streets of Madison this summer.

The offense has its moments, but as we've said for two years, until a QB change is made, nothing will improve. Wasted will be the talents of the Burkheads, Abdullahs, Heards, Bells, Reeds and Turners.

NU loses 29 seniors, most of them shitty. Are we supposed to be comforted by Pinelli's past recruiting catches and his future pipeline into the heart of the Rust Belt's Catholic schools? Please forgive us if we're not sold.

It's quite apparent that a school with as many natural disadvantages as NU can't turn over coaches every five years. Just ask Bo about those disadvantages, he whines about them every February. The last thing PYB wants is to have to start from square one for the third time since 2003. If Private Pinelli can't prevent shellackings like last night's in the near future and forever, it will be a very necessary evil.

So, strap on your Husker hat for one more game. Another visit to the flavorless Capital One bowl, against an SEC opponent that will be much better than the South Carolina squad that throttled NU last season in the same game. Wisconsin's lead-footed defense made T Vagic sweat like a whore in church. One can only imagine what the LSU defense would do to that wimp. Tiger Bait.

For now, we wonder how long NU will piss into the wind with the carnival act that is Private Pinelli.

"Private Pinelli, your pending promotion to Corporal is hereby: DENIED."

KG = SG

PYB is glad to see its favorite studio gangster, Kevin Garnett, now taking protection from Rajon Rondo. Nice to see a little feistiness in the NBA for once, but we're certain Rondo, Garnett and Bugs Pierce don't want any part of Gerald Wallace, Popeye Jones and Reggie Evans. Shit, they couldn't even stay within 15 points of Jay Z's BKN Nets during the actual game.

Great call, by the way, by Ian Eagle. He accurately called out Garnett for bullying the former NJN over the years. Question is, will he get a fine for flopping on this play? Wasn't even touched.

What's in Your Wallet?

PYB chimes in on Nebraska's impressive victory over Iowa Friday in Iowa City, after skipping a week of analysis following the win over Minnesota. We didn't deem the win over the Gophers worthy of a recap, with the only notable occurrence being Bo Pinelli's butchering of the clock and a final scoring chance in the first half.

Today, we offer a quarterly report of quick hitters. Not much detail one can expound on, in an event-less Big 16 game. But here goes anyway:

Quarter 1

--Tim Beck's red-zone playcalling continues to be horrendous. NU took the ball right down the field on an eight-minute drive to open the game, before predictably settling for a field goal. On a day where the temperature was 40 and it was windy, and where the television announcers pretended the game was being played inside the Arctic Circle, they needed to score seven points and KO the voluntarily moribund Hawkeyes from the jump.

--Braylon Heard made a cameo appearance, got the Huskers right down the field, got pulled as usual. Drive stalled. Nice personnel management.

--The Cornhusker defense was getting gashed on inside runs early, as its pedestrian base defense showed little fire early. Had the Iowa offense shown any desire to score by taking advantage of Porky Meredith and Sean Fisher being on the field, it could have spelled doom for NU.

Quarter 2
--Predictably, Ameer Abdullah fumbled another punt return. He should have been relieved of those duties eight weeks ago but was back deep again yesterday with 25 mile-per-hour winds swirling through Kinnick Stadium.

--Predictably, given those 25-mph winds, Tim Beck felt it the right time to dust off the lateral passing game.

--Predictably, T Vagic had two fumbles in the second quarter. Both were of the "I'm-not-paying-attention-because-I'm-stupid variety."

--Predictably, Nebraska's turnover margin by halftime was -2 and should have been -3 if not for a dropped interception after Taylorina forced a ball into triple coverage.

--One play after the should-be interception, T Vag got happy feet in the pocket and got sacked. The Big-Game Blues were definitely setting in for NU.

--Predictably, and luckily for Nebraska, Kirk Ferentz pulled a page from the Pinelli Journal of Clock Management and fucked up Iowa's shot at scoring late in the half and to go up by two possessions.

Quarter 3
--Unpredictably, Rex Burkhead came in to start the second half at I-Back.

--Predictably, he was a stabilizing force and pretty much won the game for his team by being the first one to show some balls on the road.

--Mark Pelini came in for the injured Justin Jackson at center and promptly whiffed on two assignments.

--Beck showed no verticality the entire game, choosing the "we hope to win by running sideways" offense instead. Vertical doesn't necessarily mean going deep 15 times. It means moving forward.

--Ron Brown's running back rotations are shit, with players being pulled mid-drive every game just as they're getting rhythms going.

--Glad to see the Diamond Formation used Friday, especially since it averages 15 yards per play. As stated multiple times here at PYB, it should be used a minimum of 15 times per game....unless, of course, one thinks it a bad idea to have Heard, Abdullah and Burkhead on the field at the same time.

--The NU defense failed to make a crucial stop on Iowa to end the third quarter, which would have forced the Hawks to punt into the wind. We're pretty certain the thought never occurred to anyone on the Husker sideline.

Quarter 4
--Nebraska set a Pinelli-Era record, by waiting until 12:28 in the fourth quarter to burn a defensive timeout.

--With Burkhead, pushing piles of 10 players forward for four to eight yards on numerous plays, Tim Beck thought it a good idea to go to the air on two separate, and equally crucial, third-down-and-short situations. Please quit trying to show us how smart you are. We know you're a fucking genius because you're from Youngstown. Just give the fucking ball to Rex Burkhead, and keep your brain and Taylorina out of the equation when the game's on the line.

--Diamond Formation sighting in Q4. 15 yards gained.

--PYB found it humorous, that on NU's final offensive possession, T Vagic showed his wiles by snapping the ball with 15 seconds remaining on the play clock. The ensuing possession, with Iowa trying for the go-ahead score and less than two minutes remaining in the game, Captain Kirk and Company couldn't get the ball snapped with more than 12 seconds left on the play clock. Guess several million dollars a year can't buy what it used to. Shit, $49.95 and a couple weeks of Madden '94 bought us better clock management skills than either of these coaches possess.

Well, that's all we got. NU travels to Indy to take on a Wisconsin team with nary a QB and a running game that has gotten better as the year wore on. A power running game that makes its money on the inside, where the Blackshirt defense is soft and got softer as Baker Steinkuhler is doubtful to play next week. If UW can expose that soft underbelly, trouble will be on the horizon.

Still, the Badgers are no UCLA. Will Private Pinelli and Taylorina be able to handle the bright lights? There's no reason they shouldn't score 35 points against the cement-footed Wisconsin defense. If Beck stays out of his own way and relies on Burkhead, Abdullah, Kenny Bell, Jamal Turner, Heard and Kyler Reed, a victory is likely. If he turns the game into a high-school type showcase for pea-brained Taylor Martinez, all bets are off. Add to that a twist of special-teams calamity, an NU trademark, and it's curtains for certain.

The choice is there: a shot at a 12-2 record and a Rose Bowl trophy, or another date with a middle-of-the-pack SEC team in a faceless bowl somewhere in the middle of Florida. Show some progress by winning a conference championship and a major bowl game, or wallow in more nothingness by failing to seize a golden opportunity. Point one finger skyward after a victory, or point the thumb.

Will Private Pinelli finally become a Corporal on Saturday? That's uncertain. But with the cheaters (Ohio State) and molesters (Penn State) out of the picture this year, what is certain is that he'll never have a better chance to earn that promotion.

Nittany Loins

In honor of Penn State, PYB comes in the back door for a quick rewind on the Cornhusker / Nittany Lion matchup last week. Hopefully, remembering this 'classic' battle of Titans will get your juices flowing for today's clash versus Minnesota. In no particular order, here are our observations:

--For the first time in almost two years, Nebraska's defense seems to be able to develop control of the game, sustain momentum and get the crowd involved. Is it improvement, or the fact that they've played mostly horrible offenses the last several weeks? Most likely, it's both. Still, when Justin Blatchford is seen within three yards of a ball carrier, and actually making tackles, something has improved.

--Memorial Stadium crowds seem to be consistenly louder than they have been in years. Most likely, fans have come to grips with the fact that they'll need to be shitfaced to watch another NU game and the alcohol has freed their normally stoic personalities a bit.

--Baker Steinkuhler has come on the last couple games....in a "I fucked around for 3.5 years like Kyle Vanden Bosch before closing out with a good run" kind of way. Maybe he finally converted his garage to a weight room and got serious about football.

--Taylorina Martinez actually ran hard. Of course, it came with the requisite momentum-crushing fumble, but it was progress nonetheless.

--Before dubbing Nebraska the "Cardiac" anythings...let's keep in mind all of the recent comebacks came against teams with inept offenses. Harder to come back against good teams, especially when giving up 63 points.

--Cause for concern on defense: the Nittany Lions gashing the Blackshirts' interior with simple run plays on a consistent basis.

--Another cause for concern: the continued clusterfucks that take place before the snap when the defense is on the field. Three blown timeouts in one half and continued calamities in the second stanza.

--Our biggest takeaway from Private Pinelli's first-half blowup with Daimion Stafford....Paging First Impression Orthodontics: can you donate some braces in honor of the upcoming holiday season?

--In a surprising development, Thad Randle got hurt.

--In another surprising development, Thad Randle was on the field later in the game.

--T Vagic won the PYB award for Worst and Most Embarrassing Pump Fake in the history of football--a two-handed version that looked like a Broadway musical dance move. AIDS, AIDS AIDS! Everyone's got AIDS!

--Braylon Heard had three straight carries for 25 yards, then was pulled out of the game and didn't play again. As soon as he was removed, the drive stalled. Stellar.

--Tim Beck's red-zone playcalling is atrocious. We landed on the moon.

--Imani Cross is overrated, though it seems fans and media alike are falling in love with him because he has big arms and can get one yard a carry on the goal line. Sweet.

--PYB favorite Sean McDonough, like Husker fans have for three seasons now, called for Kyler Reed right before the snap on his 56-yard pass reception. Caught!

--As we watch Taylorina get overconfident against poor teams, we're willing to bet our next paycheck that his recent rash of underhanded, panic-fueled passes (a la Brett Favre) will rear its head again and cost the Cornhuskers dearly somewhere over the next three weeks.

--Too many times, Andrew Green and Stanley Jean-Baptiste are liabilities at cornerback, looking completely befuddled when they're required to make a play on the ball.

--Two more defensive personal fouls--the calling card of an undiscplined team and one-way tickets to a loss against teams better than Penn State.

--College football instant replay is a joke. Always has been. The number of blown calls is simply stupifying.

--Matt McGloin is a whiny bitch and was a whiny bitch before whining about not getting the goal-line review to go the Lions' way.

--After 'storming' back to take a 29-23 lead, NU had good field position and a chance to close out the game. In true form, the gained -4 yards in three plays and nearly fumbled on third down.

All we got...enjoy your Saturday...PYB.

Gone Fishin'

PYB is on vacation this weekend but hopes to have our analysis of the thrilling Penn State victory up next week. We will have to watch the tape so we can see just how clutch the players and coaches are as they turn the ball over and butcher clock management for a solid 60 minutes.

Gross Pointe Mismanagement

PYB awakes on this fine Election Day 2012, not sure if we're more excited about the fact that our great nation has two tremendous presidential candidates to choose from or that the Nebraska football team FINALLY has a CLUTCH quarterback after many years without one. We'll decide by day's end on that one, as the nation's voters decides our course for the next for years -- a Muslim who has dazed supporters with a good personality and free shit or a Mormon with the personality of a cardboard box.

--Taylor Martinez is clutch. We'll put him right up there with Michael Jordan as far as delivering in crunch time. Seriously, what about 160 yards passing and three back-breaking interceptions doesn't scream All-American? What's more -- his heroics have come against completely mediocre teams that have dropped game-clinching interceptions and nullified game winning interceptions returns with stupid penalties. PYB must admit, however, that he is fucking lucky. Lucky to beat both Northwestern and Michigan State on the road after awful three-quarter performances.

Perhaps he looks like a leprechaun for a reason. Anyone that can throw three picks and get away with a backhanded shovel pass across traffic and then not lose a fumble after fumbling and then trying to later scoop the ball up and run with it instead of just jumping on the fucking thing must have a horseshoe up his ass -- and stuff. In fact, that play alone says it all about Taylorina -- he's amazingly lucky and amazingly stupid.

--PYB loves the nuggets Tom Shatel gave us today:

1. Ron Brown is incredulous that fans expected him to use Braylon Heard or Imani Cross against the Spartans Saturday. Cross is no good, so we're not concerned as much about that. But Heard has shown great potential this season and got zero plays. We're not buying the shit about him being an "inside runner." He's adept at bouncing it outside too. Either way, what's wrong with the Diamond formation that utilized three backs at once? Was averaging 12 yards a play too successful for Tim Beck to use over the long term?

2. Exciting news: NU gets to get bottle blasted by Oklahoma nine years from now. Can't wait.

3. Great joke about 'Bama vs. Kansas City. We don't hear that one every season.

4. "My wife won't let me gamble." Grow some balls, Tom.

--We tried reading this feel-good story, but the author's butchering of the high school's name (Queens Creek instead of Queen Creek) made it impossible. Is it that hard to fact check?

--Spin City: More on how Cameron Meredith got so fat that they have to move him to defensive tackle. Defensive line coach allegedly had to teach him how to battle "600 pounds of double teams." We already know he's well-versed at battling five pounds of baby back ribs.

Well, we're off to travel for work.....not much else to say....our time is crunched and criticisms abbreviated, because ESPN2 sucks and didn't record the NU vs. MSU game on the proper channel. It's easier to see just how back Nebraska's coaching and game management is on DVR.

Anyway, enjoy four more years of Socialism. If you're lazy and shortsighted, or rich and trying to help 'change' the world, then this Bud's for you.... FYI, the Democrats are -360 in Vegas right now.

Crown Royal

PYB strides into another Saturday with anticipation, giddy about watching Taylorina Martinez become the GOAT as far as Nebraska quarterbacks are concerned while wondering of the Cornhuskers can handle prosperity during a road matchup against Michigan State in East Lansing...

--Amazingly, Martinez has racked up enough yardage to outpace any of his NU predecessors but has yet to win a big game. Guess that's what happens when recruiting suffers so badly that Bo Pinelli and his crew has to rely on a scatter-armed, hare-brained QB to lead the team. His coronation as Queen of Husker Football will be a sight to behold.

--Speaking of losers, it's nice to see Dwight Howard is making an immediate impact in Los Angeles, where the Lakers are on pace to go 0-82. So far, his wristband collection outnumbers his LA win collection by at least four.

--Speaking of queens, LeBron James and the "reigning' NBA champions did all they could but weren't able to manage to stay within 20 of the Amare Stoudemire-less New York Knicks on Friday.

--Apparently, the Lincoln Urinal's Steve Sipple does have some good insights on college football. Maybe he should get someone to write them down for him all the time.

--Looks like just a matter of time before PYB's long-held prediction comes true: the Chicago Cubs' Carlos Marmol will become MLB's greatest closer -- once he's traded. There's no doubt he'll be the second coming of Mariano Rivera immediately after leaving the Windy City. See: Dennis Eckersley and countless other ex-Cubs for proof that this will come true.

--Reading the Omaha World Herald this week, it's apparent that the Nebraska football team is awesome once again. Beating a Michigan team without Denard Robinson proved that NU finally got over the hump, as the public apparently learned nothing from the 2011 game against Ohio State.

We shall see if the Cornhuskers can handle the Big Ten's "big stage" today. But we're not forgetting NU's road performances so far this season -- atrocious efforts at UCLA and Ohio State and an error-filled last-minute win at Northwestern....

We'll see you on the flip side tomorrow.....

Nerves of Steal

PYB drops a rewind after watching a DVR rewind of Nebraska's momentous 23-9 win over Bitchigan Saturday in Lincoln. In honor of Tim Beck's herky jerky playcalling, we'll jump all over the board with our down-the-line observations:

--Another "big game" at Memorial Stadium started inauspiciously, as Taariq Allen's right knee got treated much like South Carolina's Marcus Lattimore's did earlier in the day.

--David Santos looks like a good linebacker -- one that can tackle AND stay within two yards of receivers in coverage. He led NU with 10 tackles against the Wolverines. Maybe we should temper our enthusiasm, however, considering Sean Fisher had seven tackles. Fisher is a 4.0 student in pre-med, in case you didn't know.

--The first-half pass rush (translation: when Denard Robinson was in the game) was pathetic. NU's front four used its patented pattycake technique, one time giving Robinson TEN (we counted) seconds of unmolested pocket time, before relinquishing four-yard scramble on 3rd and 3.

--Ameer Abdullah had a solid game, rushing for 104 yards. Where the FUCK was Braylon Heard? Zero plays despite averaging 7.3 yards per carry this season.

--Ameer Adbullah needs to either get the green light to return punts again or be benched for someone the coaches trust to make plays. The Santino Panico Act won't cut it.

--As if the "Clap & Snap" wasn't annoying enough to watch as Ohio State bottle blasted the Cornhuskers......now Private Pinelli has adopted it as his own and has Taylorina Martinez doing so. Another infusion from the state of Ohio, as NU molts into an irrelevant Big 10 dinosaur right in front of our eyes.

--Starting center Justin Jackson sucks. We counted at least five horrible plays on his part, highlighted by a drive-killing personal foul and a holding call that negated a 15-yard penalty against Michigan.

--The quick screen pass to Jamal Turner was a nice play and gained 10 yards. We are really happy that he only gets one touch per game. We are even happier that he was wide open for a touchdown, but lost the ball in the lights because T Vagic threw it three yards behind him.

--PYB has never been so bored watching NU games. The Big Ten is just so bad that watching one's own team become a mind-numbing experience. True to form, the first quarter ended with the score 0-0.

--Private Pinelli should send a thank you note to the Michigan coaching staff, who has deeemed it a good idea to try to meld Denard Robinson into a pocket passer -- much like Beck has done with Martinez at NU.

--Nebraska used its first defensive timeout at the 10:01 mark of the second quarter -- surely a record for Pinelli in a "big game".

--Thankfully, for the Cornhuskers, Robinson left the game for good with 3:52 remaining in the second quarter and Michigan on NU's eight-yard line. At that point, the studio-gangster Blackshirts showed up to kick sand in the face of freshman fuck Russell Bellomy. Michigan failed to scored a TD on the drive, when Bellomy missed an open receiver and had to settle for a field goal to make the score 7-6 NU.

--Nebraska's brain trust followed up Michigan's scoring drive by butchering a chancle to increase its lead before halftime. NU started the next drive with 2:38 left in the first half, and moved the ball to midfield with 1:30 remaining after a couple nice Abdullah rushes. Instead of pushing the ball downfield, where even an interception deep in UM territory would have been meaningless, T Vagic racked up an illegal substitution penalty and then fumbled the ball away at his own 45-yard line on the very next play. Pure idiocy, consistent with Beck's horrendous late-half strategy over the last 19 games.

--The referees were atrocious (both ways), and brought back memories of the Big 12's pathetic officiating. Let's recap, so we can take a short break from trashing Nebraska's latest JV performance:

1. Ruling Roy Roundtree's long first-quarter catch as a completion, when the ball clearly hit the ground.
2. Calling Ciante Evans for a personal foul the very next play after slight contact out of bounds.
3. Personal foul on JP Smith for "targeting" the UM receiver, despite the fact he was falling with the ball.
4. Personal foul against UM when a defender barely brushed Taylorina one yard out of bounds.
5. Personal foul on Josh Mitchell for using his shoulder to break up reception attempt
6. Tacking on an unsportsmanlike call against Pinelli on the same play, when he had the gall to object.
7. Pass interference in the endzone against Andrew Green, when he didn't touch the receiver.
8. Pass interference against Michigan's defender, when he didn't touch Kenny Bell while in coverage.

--ESPN2 produced a subpar broadcast. Mark Jones continued his two decades' of shoddy work, calling Nebraska safety PJ Smith, "JP", at least five times. The sideline reporter added nothing to the game, except for making us all wonder why she mixed a green hat, blue scarf and black & white plaid gloves in her Winter ensemble. Brock Huard put the other two stiffs on his shoulders, giving solid commentary all game, while reminding us that he's a hell of a lot better in the broadcast booth than he was on the football field.

--Taylorina followed up his ignominious first-half finish by fucking up the beginning of the third-quarter. Ninety seconds in, he missed a wide-open Kenny Bell deep in Michigan territory. One play later, he decided to commit the cardinal quarterbacking sin of throwing back across the field and racked up a senseless INT. Luckily, UM's offense had been neutered by Robinson's nerve injury in the second quarter and couldn't capitalize on the blunder.

--PYB urges Pinelli to save this game tape. Blitzing the opposing QB works, even if it is just a 155-pound freshman weakling.

--Bellomy was so bad that NU's defense intercepted him three times. The first came on a fortunate carom that JP Smith corraled and returned to the four-yard line instead of to the endzone because he was not fleet enough to outrun the white Wolverine QB.

Never fear, T Magic was here and brought Tim Beck with him. They Dynamic Duo dialed up a sloppy QB run up the middle, followed by a pathetic two-yard out miss to fat Mike Marrow, followed by the biggest copout call in all of football -- the goal line fade route! Martinez threw three yards behind Turner, who lost the ball in the lights. The only coach with a pass to run this play is the Detroit Lions' offensive coordinator, since he has Calvin Johnson. Any other coach who calls it is just telling the public he has no idea how to beat the defense for a touchdown. Another chance to KO the opponent missed. Field goal. 10-6. Amateur hour at its finest.

--NU blew its next opportunity to put the game out of reach, starting inside Michigan territory and working the ball down to a first and 10 from the eleven yard line. One poorly designed screen play and two bad passes towards Kyler Reed later, the Huskers settled for yet another field goal and a 16-6 advantage. It was a textbook lesson on how to pull defeat from the jaws of victory when playing a good team -- or even a mediocre team like Michigan when its starting quarterback is healthy.

--Damon Stafford, as Mark Jones called him, even got an interception. To make sure the Cornhuskers didn't blow anybody out, Stafford leapt up for the ball and fell straight to the ground. Never mind the fact that there wasn't a Wolverine within 15 yards and a long return was imminent.

--Our friends at Daake Design got some much-deserved publicity, as ABC showed an extended shot of the Heisman room that DD designed for the NU Athletic Department. We tried our best to forget that Eric Crouch occupied one of the podiums and that Tommie Frazier did not.

--Porky Meredith managed to get outrun by the lead-footed Bellomy, proving -- again -- that he belongs at defensive tackle....at Nebraska Wesleyan.

--Abdullah topped off the win with a rushing touchdown to make the score 23-9, and Pinelli promptly took the air out of the ball. Rather than pushing for another touchdown or two, to pay the Wolverines back for running up the score last year, he pulled a Frank Solich and ran the clock out for a pedestrian 14-point win.

So, Husker fans, rejoice! There's fool's gold in them there hills! NU played a team so crippled after losing its best player that the Huskers' normal stumbles, bumbles, blunders and boners didn't hurt them as much as usual. The defense got fat by feasting on a freshman quarterback. The offensive coordinator's lack of identity was quite apparent, but irrelevant this Saturday, as Bitchigan had no bullets left in the chamber.

On, Nebraska. On toward that contrived Rose Bowl goal. On to a battle next week in East Lansing against a fading Michigan State team with a defense too stout for Ms. Tee Magic. On to the national rankings once again.

On, Husker fans, as you watch for four more weeks to see if NU can navigate this minefield of mediocrity without tripping over itself. It's the fool's gold standard. The new, lowered bar in Lincoln. A bar so low that this team might just belly flop over it and into a berth in Indianapolis. Oh, my my. Oh, hell yes.

Pic of the Day -- October 27

One for the Thumb

 “For a second there, I felt like I was watching the film, a replay of last year’s game (against Northwestern).

Hello, Bo Pinelli. Welcome to the club. Welcome to our world, where we've watched your teams for five years, only to see the same missteps, mismanagements and misfortunes game after game after game.

Pinelli and his bumbling Cornhuskers tallied another fools-gold win Saturday in Evanston, as they beat the real NU 29-28. The late-game comeback, the second in three games against a pedestrian team that dropped the game into Nebraska's collective lap, will surely have blind Husker fans exalting their team's heart.

Reveling in a win over Northwestern (yes, Northwestern), they'll surely dismiss the realists as 'haters', only to recoil in horror the next time NU is slaughtered by 30 points against a team that is smart enough to utilize its mobile quarterback and that can hang on to one of several gifted interceptions.

Northwestern did neither yesterday, and Private Pinelli's troops live to fight another day.

Let's get to it:

--We will refrain from documenting all the boners individually. The Omaha World-Herald did a fine job of that this morning. Here. Here. Here. And here. But, they're worth noting as a whole.

Quarterback:
 Taylor Martinez racked up 342 yards passing. Remember, this is the same player who eclipsed 350 passing yards as a freshman against an atrocious Oklahoma State defense. We know he's capable of doing this against bad defenses. This is especially so against teams that drop easy interceptions on multiple occasions. That doesn't happen against top-tier conference teams, even in this year's Big 10. Try it against Michigan next week, and it'll be another 25-point loss

Regardless of the gaudy statistics, Taylorina was at her best in other facets of the game. Misread zone plays, missed receivers, incompletions jammed into triple coverage and a horrible pocket presence. Ignore it if you want now, believe us the next time he's playing against a defense with a pulse.

Offensive Line:
Two penalties for linemen not being on the line of scrimmage. That's not high school stuff. That's junior high stuff. Barney Cotton has gotten a free pass this season, due to all of NU's other catastrophes. But the senseless penalties are again on the rise, and his unit's spotty run blocking forces offensive coordinator Tim Beck to rely too heavily on the pass.

Relying on the pass is not a ticket to victory, when your quarterback is a poor decision maker, your offensive tackles routinely whiff on their assignments and your center is prone to being driven back 10 yards by the opposing defensive linemen.

Running Back:
Rex Burkhead's career at NU is ending in disastrous fashion. Husker coaches should have had the guts to shut him down and redshirt him after the initial injury. Ameer Adullah is a worthy back, but has a fumbling problem on rushing attempts and while fielding punts. Braylon Heard has looked very good, and gets one touch Saturday. Makes sense.

Receiver:

A continued bright spot. This group would be unstoppable if Nebraska had an accurate, smart quarterback who could read defenses. Kyler Reed's fumble was disappointing, but it's part of a Pinelli team's DNA. Kenny Bell was his usual self. Quincy Enunwa had a breakout game, despite talking a lot of shit given that he hasn't done shit over the long haul. Jamal Turner looks ready to explode into a game-changing player, so of course touches the ball three times. Check that, it would have been four if T Vagic hadn't missed him in the end zone in the first quarter.

Defense:

Hand out the Blackshirts! Or so goes the line of fans who believe a victory over Northwestern means that Nebraska is beginning its run at the Roses. Northwestern's best game is an 11-point loss to Penn State. The Mildcats gave up 41 points to Syracuse and own a resume only slightly better than Wisconsin's. Opposing coach Pat Fitzgerald somehow forgot to use Kain Colter, who shredded Nebraska last year in Lincoln.

Apologists say that the 'Skirts only gave up 221 yards, if you discount the 80-yard touchdown run they gave up. Huh? The run that put the team down two scores doesn't really count, when trying to make a case for how well the defense played? Got it.

Anyway, we also noticed the following:

--Porky Meredith moved to defensive tackle, because he sucks at defensive end and fat players belong at defensive tackle.

--Daimion Stafford continues to be a liability too often. Missed assignments are the norm, and he added a stupid personal foul penalty yesterday that cost the team a turnover.

--Stanley Jean-Baptiste talks a lot of shit as well, for a player who apparently learned his technique from Erwin Swiney and looks lost any time he tries to make a play on the ball. Actually, the entire secondary's continued poor play on long passes is concerning.

--No pass rush. As always.

Coaching:
--There is no doubt that the aforementioned errors are due to coaching. Misalignments, sideline penalties, three lost fumbles, two special teams drops, a shanked punt. Each of those offenses alone will get a team bottle blasted on the road. Put two, much less all, of those ingredients together and the fact that NU won yesterday is nothing short of amazing.

In the end, the players are the ones making the miscues above. However, the biggest error that hasn't been mentioned is the fact that Private Pinelli opted to go for two points after a touchdown, with Nebraska trailing by five -- in the THIRD QUARTER! Amateur hour at its best. Another case of a kid playing Madden 2012 knowing more about game management than a head football coach making $3 million a year.

Had Northwestern's last-second, 53-yard field goal not sailed wide right, Pinelli's gaffe would have cost his team the game. Just an amazing fact in its own right, made even more amazing because nobody has mentioned it thus far.

So, there it is, another shredding of a Nebraska win. Sure, we're happy that the team found a way to win, but this dysfunctional group has too many problems to count. Problems that have existed from day one under Pinelli and continue to exist. We know a solution can't be close, because they don't get better -- only worse.

The formula is in place -- beat some patsies, get overrated and overhyped, get blasted when playing a good team. Justify it. Go back to square one. Beat another patsy. Repeat.

For $3 million a year, don't we all deserve more? Or do we get to keep watching the same replay that Bo Pinelli finally noticed yesterday?

It's time for him to 'point the thumb' and figure it out, or it's time for him to use that thumb to hitchhike out of the Star City for good.

Hurtin' for a Skirtin'

PYB chimes in early Saturday, ambivalent to the day's plans, as work commitments take us to a better college football game and a better conference. We'll be in the stadium as Texas Tech visits TCU, missing another Cornhusker debacle. This time, in Evanston. Would we rather be watching....Yes. Do we need to see this movie again? Hell no.

--Anyway, the Omaha World-Herald's Tom Shatel said it well today.....

--Heard this all before. If you want to waste five minutes reading crap you've read 1000 times about this Nebraska team, here you go.... Our heart goes out to the poor sportswriter who is charged with penning this story each week. Word has it the team is "angry and purposeful." If the players suck, doesn't matter how pissed they are...were they not pissed against UCLA and Ohio State?

--Here's the OWH's breakdown of the game. PYB's key factor to watch: the coaching matchup. We still have vivid memories of 2011, as Pat Fitzgerald coached circles around Private Pinelli. Sure, it's a not too uncommon occurrence, but the intelligence disparity was on full display a year ago.

--Our call on what the score SHOULD be, if NU had good coaching and reliable players: Nebraska 49 Northwestern 17. Our call on what the score WILL be, due to bad coaching, mostly bad players, and a turnover-heavy QB: Northwestern 41 Nebraska 25.

This team does what it does....turn 14-point victories into three-score losses. South Carolina. UCLA. Don't despair, though, those are the good days. The bad days are when NU turns coin-flip games into all-out bottle blastings....Michigan, Wisconsin, Ohio State. Enjoy!

--Assistant coach Terry Joseph says NU needs to force more turnovers. He's right. Too bad the Blackskirts lost the only three good players they had after last season. So, his wish won't come true for at least another 10 months.

--Finally, we chuckle after doing a little test run on the huskerboard.com forums. We've already been called out for knowing nothing about football for hammering T Vagic's horrid play and read that he's primed for a "Heisman run" in 2013. The thought that anyone could still be that delusional is mind numbing.

That's all we got for now. Hopefully, we're wrong with our pre-game prognostications. But, we know we aren't -- too much past proof. Too many bad players. Too much inane coaching. Book it.

Enjoy your weekend.....PYB

Uncle Taylor

PYB would like to thank the Omaha World-Herald's Jon Nyatawa, as he replied to a Twitter request that asked him to further dissect some statistics he'd published earlier this week. We had asked him to sort Taylorina Martinez's passing stats by weeding out the games against inept teams, leaving just games against UCLA, Wisconsin, and Ohio State. Of course, these teams are marginal in their own right, but are obviously a notch above the Idaho States of the world:

Throws of < 10 yards: 67%. This proves what we already know. Tim Beck likes going sideways with meaningless passes against better defenses, even if it means giving Ohio State seven free points to start the game by telegraphing a seven-yard out pattern.

Throws of 10-25 yards: 39%. These are the throws that would be meaningful to success in close games. Passes that would move the chains and keep better teams off balance. As you can see, a mere 31% under T Vagic's season-long goal of 70%.

Throws of > 25 yards: 80% (4/5). A couple meaningful gains, and the rest garbage-time desperation passes. Irrelevant, for the most part.

Completion percentage on 1st and 2nd downs: 67%. When Beck can dink and dunk for three or four yards, trying to sugar-coat Martinez's numbers.

Completion percentage on 3rd down: A very unsurprising 30%. When the money is on the line, Martinez is terrible. Always has been, always will be.

This will never change and is why Taylorina should have been jettisoned two years ago. None of this really matters, though, Nebraska can still make the Rose Bowl.

PYB again thanks Mr. Nyatawa for the time spent on this and for providing us solid sportswriting without the ego shown by some of his OWH counterparts. We urge PYB readers to send  him thanks as well at @JonNyatawa as you have time....

Joker, Joker.....Joker!!

PYB drops some bye week tidbits, while chewing on the fact that Indiana played Ohio State to within three points. While watching countless mediocre teams, almost all of which have a quarterback better than Nebraska, we were left wondering why the Cornhuskers can't at least be average in this watered-down age of college sports.

--One reason: No speed. The Big Ten made NU irrelevant, as the brain trust in Lincoln got suckered into thinking it needed to bulk up and slow down. In two games combined versus the Buckeyes, while Braxton Miller was healthy, Bo Pinelli's squad was outscored 90-44.

--Another reason: fat players, also with no speed. We wondered how not more than a couple current Huskers show one ounce of muscle tone. We found some answers at Porky Meredith's twitter page, @camyoufeelit , where nearly every posted picture was of -- you guessed it -- food. Of course, it wasn't protein shakes, fruits, vegetables and the like....it was pizzas, pastas, carbs, fats -- the fuel of portly toads everywhere.

--Mack Brown continued his stranglehold on the title of the NCAA's most overpaid coach after taking his annual bottle blasting at the hands of Oklahoma. 63-21 this time around. 36-2 at halftime. Bo Pinelli still has some work to do if he's going to catch the Texas head coach.

--Kansas State: just win, baby. The Mildcats continue to do everything it takes to win...and everything loser teams like Nebraska can't and won't. KSU could be the worst top-five team ever, but one must admire the efficiency and focus they demonstrate each week.

--Did we say worst top five team ever? Maybe second worst, once the Notre Dame Fighting Irish leap into that group after their 'amazing' goal-line stand and victory over Stanford. Cardinal fans can cry all they want about the replay that wasn't, but their coach's last-minute playcalling was the reason for the loss. Frank Solich and Bob Stoops loved the calls, but the rest of the country watched in horror as the final series unfolded. We have just one final wish: ND vs. Alabama in the BCS title game with Tommy Rees starting at quarterback.

--So much for Geno Smith's Heisman. Does Matt Barkley take the lead in that race after leading his USC Trojans to a HUGE, 10-point win over Washington?

--Ohio State held off Indiana, 52-49. Good job, Coach Pinelli! Three MILLION dollars a year for a coach who fields a team that is 22 points worse than Indiana...in football. That might earn the NU hoops coach a raise, but that's way too many zeroes in the paycheck of a boneheaded buffoon who hasn't learned a thing after five seasons as a head coach.

In true fashion, ESPN raved about Miller, Urban and the Suckeyes and failed to mention that they beat Indiana by just three. Another Ohio State 'blowout' inked in the annals of Buckeye lore.

--Glad to see aTm hang on for a two-point win over Lousiana Tech, 59-57. The way the Aggie players were standing around and missing tackles in the second half, we though Private Pinelli had taken command in College Station.

--Nice job, Missouri. Have fun in the SEC.

--PYB sadly has had to take in another lost football season in Lincoln and was bracing for another worthless basketball season. That was, until Friday. We feel so much better about NU's chances on the court this winter.....

-Finally, a little preview of what awaits Nebraska in Evanston next Saturday. A Northwestern team that dominated them last year, and a coach that plays chess in comparison to Pinelli's game of checkers. PYB may have to miss the contest due to a work engagement at another college football game -- and we're not broken up about it.

Do we really need to see Pat Fitzgerald, savvy on the field and off (executing a strategy and engaging the media instead of bullying), run circles around the Blackskirts and their 'leader?' No.

Crown his ass, Private Pinelli.

Another Loser Anthem

Taylorina Martinez is a sniveling cunt. Having been covered 100 times on PYB, any analysis of his play would be redundant. He threw three interceptions, handed Ohio State 14 free points and tallied countless other strategic and game-management errors. Another tank job completed.

Still, this moron holds strong to his cluelessly arrogant ways, stating that the offense played "pretty well" because it racked up 38 points. Forget that 38 should have been 59. PYB was laughed out of the room Saturday night, when making the claim that we'd take Zac Lee over T Vagic right now. Ninety minutes later, we had a little more support from those who had laughed.

Martinez should never play another down at Nebraska. After another big-game failure, he's gone back to the company line that the game didn't really matter -- all goals are still in sight. The game wasn't that important....god forbid the team show some pride and beat a perfectly beatable rival on the road. If at first you don't succeed, create a new, watered-down goal to sell to the public. Aim lower, then fuck that up too.

“We all know that we can still go to the Big Ten championship and still play in the Rose Bowl,” quarterback Taylor Martinez said. “So this game really didn’t matter a lot. But we lost. Too bad that we lost. We could have won. But we can still go to the Rose Bowl.”


Can't wait until the next bad loss to see what leveling of aspirations Martinez and Bo Pinelli have in store for us all.....PYB offers this link....from our Wisconsin recap last year. Besides the only three good players NU had on defense being gone, has anything at all changed?

We thought about a dozen different ways to shed new light on this shit show in Lincoln. Couldn't add anything new. And this team doesn't deserve the effort. Just look at the bitch-assed expression on Taylorina's face in the above photo, which came after yet another game-tanking gaffe. The same look you get from a kid who looks to daddy in the stands every time things don't go his way.

This is a guy who's stupid. A guy who's scared to play under any sort of pressure or versus any opponent that hovers at .500 or above. A guy, still, who is cocky as fuck and gives insolent answers to the media despite being one of the worst QBs in NU history. A guy, who will somehow go down as a four-year starter, casting loads of shame on a once-proud program. A guy, who will be a four year starter who will spraypaint his name all over the Nebraska record book, and back that up by not being able to beat one above-average team the entire time. Fuck him.

As for Bo Pinelli.....Frank Solich called and wants his Rat-in-the-headlights face back. Who wouldn't take Scott Frost as head coach right now? Who doesn't think that Joe Ganz would be better at calling plays than Tim Beck? Surely he knows that he wouldn't have to use all 1000 plays in his repertoire come hell or high water.

The more PYB thinks about it, and to risk sounding like a xenophobic Nebraska bluehair, the more we think that NU needs a Cornhusker at head coach. Now, and always. There are too many traditions, caveats and unique aspects to the job that must be done a certain way to succeed in Lincoln.

Given the limited local recruiting base, a coach must know how to mix in the right number of skill players from out of state with foot soldiers from Nebraska. He must be committed to giving Nebraska an offensive and defensive identity -- one that will highlight the attributes of the aforementioned mix of speed and slow and get the best players on the field in less than 2.5 seasons.

One that will work in the elements and against all teams -- shitty Big 10 teams and good teams if NU ever earns a decent bowl trip again. Savvy enough to gain support of the stodgy fan base, while being able to incorporate a new flavor that will make Nebraska a viable brand for the next 25 years. Bullheaded, obtuse and arrogant won't get it done.

Easy job....no. Would hundreds of coaches kill to have it, without bitching that NU doesn't keeps a private jet? Yes. But with each added bottle blasting on national television, that number certainly dwindles.

Help Wanted: Desired characteristics include: Gentleman. Scholar. Innovator. Motivator. Leader.

Hell, we'd settle for one of those......right now, we're stuck on stupid.

PYB