The BBD

In honor of PYB's first-ever viewing of the classic 1980s tit flick, Harbodies, we give you the famous BBD. Bigger, Better Deal. It's what all the beach sluts wanted in 1984 and what everyone is chasing in 2012. The BBD, of course, means different things to different people:

--Ron Brown's BBD is eradicating gay people from the globe. Brown seems to be a nice guy, but totally delusional. Ron...it's 2012 and Jesus Christ ain't walking through that door any time soon....

--PYB's BBD is having the next point-shaving slimeball drop us a phone call before he decides to throw a college hoops game. Will Auburn get away unscathed like it did after the Cam Newton sham?

--Nebraska basketball's BBD is a coach not named Ken Sadler. Tom Osborne axed the affable Sadler yesterday in a gut-wrenching, tear-filled press conference. Nebraska needs to seriously pursue a black head coach, if a qualified fit is available. It's high time to refocus the program. However, the early mention of UAB's Mike Davis does not sit well with us. Davis was last seen being a complete disaster at Indiana.

We feel as badly as anyone about Sadler's dismissal, because he didn't trash a Top 10 program like Rat Solich or Mike Anderson. But he couldn't have seriously been surprised with the firing. Some leeway can be given for NU's most recent disastrous season, due to injuries. However, Sadler was losing four starters from the current squad, had no point guard waiting in the wings, and his only two centers had chronic injuries that made a return to the court questionable at best. That said, the only other time we remember seeing Osborne near tears is when Brook Berringer died.

Good luck, Doc. Hopefully we see you at SMU soon.

--The Kansas Jayhawks' BBD is not choking in March for once. KU was dominated by Baylor last night in the Big 12 tournament semifinal. We expect another premature exit in the NCAA Tournament next week.

--The New York Knicks' BBD is ridding themselves of Cancerous Carmelo Anthony, who has turned Linsanity on its side and put the team back on track to be a sub-.500 unit. PYB laughs as it hears black players and commentators trash Lin's game after he puts up 20+ points and 10+ assists, saying that Fat Baron Davis needs to be the starting PG in NYC. What a joke. Davis is the laziest, fattest (Eddy Curry lost weight), most overpaid player in the league and misses 60% of his team's games each and every year.

Fat Number 85 has NEVER won and never will. He is so fat he wears a back brace like Office Depot employees do when they lift a box of computer paper off the shelf for you. Any support for him as starting PG can be discounted as jealousy and groupthink. NYK, on a four-game slide after losing last night in Milwaukee, has a couple more days to trade Anthony or the D'Antoni ship will sink again and for good.


--Speaking of cancerous Knicks, JR Smith's BBD is a fat, pale, disgusting ass.

All for now, as we chase our BBD for this weekend--a few college hoops winners as we watch the end of the conference tournament action and await the real tournament next week.

PS--Hardbodies 2 is absolutely awful. Fewer tits, no good lines, no good! Hence, its 2.3-star rating on IMDB.com.

$$ Song of the Day

Repeating Doomed History

It's Monday. Another work week is on hand. Nothing has changed, or will change. And, in case you were wondering, the same can be said for some of PYB's favorite targets:

--New Nebraska defensive coordinator John Papuchis has jumped aboard the excuse train, blaming his defensive line's abhorrent play on the infamous "two-gap scheme." Well, if your secondary sucks, then based on the description in the link above, you'd better change something to help apply pressure on the other team.

--Bo Pinelli blessed all us non-Ohioans with some knowledge this weekend in the Lincoln Urinal-Star. Link here. Quick recaps is as follows: It's "asinine" to says that his players are affected by his sideline meltdowns, even though they get their asses kicked for two quarters after every one of the tirades. And the average fan is too stupid to critique his team, since the average fan didn't play the game.

Total denial. Total arrogance. Those who don't learn from their mistakes will repeat them, especially hard-headed high-school bullies. The fact that he's riding Taylor Martinez straight into the shitter is proof of that.

--Thanks to Hayden Hagen and Murph for sending this our way, as they know how much we love the dominance that Cameron Meredith displays on the gridiron each week. Two suggestions: rather than hanging out at the bar finger-painting and finger-blasting your girlfriend, perhaps hit the weight room so you can shed at least one block this season AND if third down is so fucking important please feel free to make a play on one of those downs against a team not named Chattanooga.

Meredith doesn't want to brag, but he's pretty artistic. His favorite painting is one that even PYB has heard of. He's also a budding foodie---his favorite restaurant is Pizza Hut.

--Is this a picture of the 2012 Nebraska Girls State Basketball Tournament, or the 1982 tournament? Judging by the hair, we're going with 1982.

--Tiger Woods has his BEST EVER final round on Sunday with a 62 (media conveniently forgets it's a par 70) and ties Tom Gillis for second place. But, no matter how much NBC hoped and campaigned for it, a Rory McIlroy meltdown was not meant to be. The Irishman coolly navigated the annoyingly overhyped Bear Trap for a two-shot win and snagged the world's No. 1 ranking in the process.

--Finally, thanks to Ken Sadler and his boys for winning us some cash on Saturday. Despite making 13 threes against Minnesota, NU found a way to lose by the needed 9.5 points. Brandon Ubel made ESPN's Top 10 plays for getting dunked on. And Sadler has one more game at the helm, as NU takes on Purdue Thursday evening.

We think it's funny that this year's team can finally make free throws and finally has had some highlight dunks (for which the awful Nebraska fans hardly cheered after complaining about the lack of dunks in recent years) but can't win a game.

PYB looks forward to the beginning of March Madness this week, as the legitimate conferences start their tournaments. Enjoy.

PS--Sportswriters who try to guess NCAA basketball tourney seeds and matchups and regions ahead of time are losers. The pointless activity ranks right up there with mock NFL drafts and October college football bowl projections. Give it a rest.

Frosting on the Beater

--LeQueen James and the Miami Heat cost PYB money last night in Utah. Her Highness is taking some heat for passing up a potential game-winning shot and passing to a wide-open Udonis Haslem. We have no problem with the play. Those who don't know basketball are raving about this one, however. Rather than forcing a bad shot, he did what MJ did when he finally learned that he had to rely on teammates to win rings. That said, his pass in the All-Star game's waning moments was a bitch move---no doubt about it. Eddie Johnson agrees.

--Former Denver Bronco and Okie State Cowboy Perrish Cox was acquitted on sexual assault charges. No biggie. But while scanning this story, as we do with most sports-turned-police-blotter items, we did double and triple-takes and are pretty sure they said the alleged victim (a woman) was said to have sex with Cox's girlfriend (also a woman). Now THIS is the part of the story that needs further investigation and reporting! Another sexual assault allegation...ho hum. Girl-on-girl action, baby mamas, DNA testing....let's hear it.

--The Omaha World-Herald's Dork Chatelain published the results of his very scientific, 128-person poll. Three times as many loser Nebraska fans would rather win a Big 10 football title than have its basketball team go to the Sweet 16. If that doesn't tell you how far the football program has fallen, nothing will. Aspiring to win a horrible football conference over being a Top 25 basketball team? Wow. Oh well, at least NU can still recruit cement-footed Ohio stiffs over speed demons from Texas and Florida, while also trying to secede from the rest of the college baseball union and any hopes of another College World Series appearance...ever. The Big 10 is turning out to be beneficial only in the accounting ledger. On the field, complete fucking nightmare.


--On an aside, if NU does go to play Southern Miss in New Orleans in 2013, we might violate our policy of not traveling to road games and our other policy of not attending another game in person until Taylorina Martinez is no longer the starting QB. At least in the Big Urinal, we could ease the pain of having to watch NU's tired lounge act for three hours and embarrassing fan base in person for 48 hours by keeping our BAC over .15 for the entire time. Any town that doesn't flinch when being swamped with both 'Bama and LSU fans in January and fat chicks flopping their tits everywhere for a week in February can certainly handle a few Husker Dorks in non-authentic Richman Gordman football jerseys for two days.

The policy violation is possible for a few reasons: cheap flights, excess hotel award points, never having been to NO and the fact that NU MAY have a chance to win this game since it's at a neutral site. We're sure Jeff Jamrog will fuck this up, however. He's already hedging by making excuses here.

--Some rough and tumble action in Houston last night, featuring a player twisting his ankle by stepping on a cameraman and Patrick Patterson taking a frightening spill at the 2:06 mark of this video. Fuck that.

--MLB adds a one-game knockout round? What a waste of time and money. Six months of regular season monotony can ride on three hours and nine more innings? If you're going to do it, make it at least a three-game series. Even the best baseball teams lose 40 percent of the time. Dominant teams lose 33 percent of the time. But this is Bud Selig, and it's a good idea for him. Remember, this is the dolt that pushed and passed the change giving World Series home-field advantage to the league that wins the MLB All Star Game. So, in theory, a team that went 162-0 could lose out on home field advantage to a shitty wild-card team that went 81-81. Worst fucking idea ever. Joke.

--Speaking of bad baseball teams, Nebraska lost to mighty West Virginia in Minneapolis Friday and fell to 4-4 on the season.

--Finally, speaking of Minneapolis, PYB would like extend its best wishes to Ken Sadler, as he coaches what is likely to be his last game as Nebraska basketball coach today at Minnesota. Doc's always done it the right way, and couldn't make icing out of the pile of shit Barry Collier gave him. We've always said NU would never get a better coach to come to Lincoln. We'll see if that holds true. With Tom Osborne in charge of the hire, we're not expecting much.

Either way, we're most concerned with whether we should bet the Golden Gophers -9.5. NU is beat up physically and mentally and can't score, especially with its only good player (Bo Spencer) hobbled. Minnesota is riding a six-game losing streak of its own and has lost seven of eight games. They beat NU 69-61 in the last game they didn't lose--a month ago. Will the Huskers provide Doc one last-gasp of joy, or will they take their bottle blasting like good road 'dogs while the Gophers make a final push to the NIT? We'll find out at 11:30 am CST, while we're on the golf course. Should we even DVR this nightmare?

All for now, enjoy the weekend....

PGA Q School

--Corey Raymond is leaving Nebraska after one year. Who cares? Results on the field were spotty this year. Obviously, the were some young DBs in the mix, but most disappointing was the fact that even the veteran players looked lost this past season. Let's see what the next coach brings. Early word has Jim White and Jeff Porter as the leading candidates to replace Raymond. Bo Pinellis LOVES the fact that both have strong teaching backgrounds.

--PYB likes how OWH writers omit key facts when expressing the horror of the Nebraska basketball team's latest blowout loss. First, Lee Barfknecht fails to even mention that the team has no center when describing the team's five-game losing streak earlier this year. Now, Dirk Chatelain whines about NU not scoring more than 20 points until late in the game at Michigan State---while not mentioning that NU has no center and that its only good player was out with an injury in that game. Sure, it's ugly. But it's no surprise.

Ken Sadler is done. He's a lame duck coach. Not sure what the point is of hammering home the obvious. It's not like he ruined a program like Frank Solich or Mike Anderson. And it's not like he lacks class, professional consistency and organizational skills like Pinelli.

Just sit back and rake in some profits with your local bookie and worry about being good again in 2017 when NU fires & re-hires its next coach.

Stop Snitchin'

--Uh oh, Carmelo's back....Though the New York Times is surprisingly patient this morning.

--Funny how NBA never-done-shit players like Deron Williams and Jason Terry have taken their shots at Jeremy Lin. Terry, who has to be jealous because his game is garbage outside of an occasional hot streak from three-point range and riding Dirk Nowitzki's coattails to a championship.

Williams is a supposed all-everything point guard, but never did shit in Utah before fleeing and now has his New Jersey Nets humming along in fourth place in the Atlantic Division with a 10-24 record. That's 6.5 games behind Lin's New York Knicks, who are 8-2 in their last 10.....compared to 2-8 for Williams' Nets. Just Lin, Baby.

Why is it that non-black player, after tasting success, has to undergo the questions of being a "system player" and constant treatment as a sideshow more than a legitimate NBA star? Bottom line, is that these guys can play and that the 'establishment' is jealous of them due to their unorthodox backgrounds. Steve Nash, Lin, JJ Barea, David Lee, et. al.

Dear JET.....just remember that most Mavs fans wanted your ass gone before the Miami Heat decided to piss away the title and allow you to assume Kenny Smith's position as Court Jester.

--The debate rages on: Greg Oden or Kevin Durant? Durant had 51 on Sunday night, Oden has had a total of 51 surgeries and published crank shots.

--The Omaha World Herald's Tom Shatel had three weeks to publish this column and will have several weeks more this spring. Pissing on Ken Sadler after a nice win over Illinois was bad form.

--MLB spring training starts soon! Who cares!? A week of practice before teams play 35 meaningless games with no-name players followed by 162 more games after that! Can't wait.

Yellow Journalism

--Nice job by the Devils at ESPN. No idea how anyone even gets close to clicking on 'Submit' on this headline. Considering how the outfit in Bristol is more of a hype machine than a journalistic enterprise, perhaps we shouldn't be that surprised.

--Interesting twist to the latest Josh Hamilton "relapse." Local sports radio has covered it too, and examined the possibility that he wasn't drinking after all but that they ran with the original story to cover up the fact that he was boning a slut in the bathroom. Money can't buy class!

--Some things never change. Referees (99.9%) are fucking idiots. And Googs is still money! This is the first we've seen of him since he was slamming a beer and smoking a cig at San Felipe in Scottsdale a few years back. We still think he and Chris Corchiani could play, given today's watered-down state of college hoops.

--Nice hire, TO.....just kidding....a monkey would be better than Mike Anderson. Hopefully, the Huskers can steal one today from the might 'Zags....

--PYB has to give credit to Nebraska's basketball team for its 80-57 bottle blasting of Illinois yesterday. As we predicted, one team quit. It wasn't Nebraska, and you have to admire Ken Sadler and his players for showing up and playing for pride and refusing to get their asses kicked again on national television. It's too rare in major college sports these days. NU could have easily scored 90 points yesterday, as it shot over 50% from the field and three-point range, but Sadler gracefully called off the dogs. The roller-coaster ride will continue--extreme highs when shots fall and depressing lows when they don't.

The same can't be said for the Illini, who didn't respond to Bruce Weber's desperate motivational tactics from earlier in the week. It was a dangerous move for any coach, even if he turned to be correct. His pussy big man Meyers Leonard was sobbing uncontrollably on the bench, and a teammate next to him finally felt compelled to console him after minutes of awkward, under-shirt bawling. The web site with this link also actually discussed the sophomore's NBA draft stock......considering he couldn't score double figures against the center-less Huskers and cried like a baby, we don't see a bright future for him in the Association.

That's all we have for now.....off to the golf course.....back in time to see if Hefty can snare his second-straight win today at Riviera. Meanwhile, Tiger bangs broads and putts on Bermuda greens back in Florida, prepping for the rugged Bear Trap in a couple weeks.

PS: Can someone resurrect Whitney Houston, so we don't have to hear any of this shit on television anymore. Especially, the most ridiculous tributes---like this. Never thought I'd be begging to hear "Black Hole Sun" again. Let's spend more time honoring people who did the right things, instead of crackheads, pill poppers, dope fiends and glue sniffers.

PYB