Fresno Calling -- Guest Column by The Diggler

PYB wants to thank The Diggler for coming out of the bullpen in our time of need to write this week's recap. We sprinkled his fresh perspectives (you're certainly tired of the usual author) in with some Editor's Notes (italics below). Thanks also to AMG for sending the highlight link (truth be told, I looked in the same location was technically unsavvy enough not to find it). 

Read on:

Let me first start off by saying starting a football game at 9:30pm (10:30 EDT, for the fucking record) is utterly ridiculous and I’m not sure how much we got out of this road trip.  Late game.  Blowout.  Shitty opponent.  Late return time.  Tired players.  Inflated egos.  Etc.  Anyway off to my updates in a random and observational manner:

Touchdown to Westerkamp:

·        Missed it because CBS Sports Network felt compelled to show the end of the Wake Forest v. Utah State game even though Utah State was up by whoever the fuck cares.  More on Wake Forest later in the update.

Ameer Abdullah TD:

·        Dude is a stud and wish he got more than 5 carries a game.

Nebraska D:

·        We are terrible versus high-paced offenses. (Diggler, remember to hyphenate here)

·        Can’t get the signals into the players and if you took a shot for every down we weren’t set and Fresno snapped the ball you would be shit faced by mid Q2.  The loss of Michael Rose’s on field play calling ability is very apparent - something to watch if Nebraska gets to a bowl game and we play something other than boring ass Big Ten teams. (NU is now in the Big 10 and gets to play boring-ass SEC teams at 10am in the rain. At least it's 11am Eastern for us after moving.)

Santos is a moron

·        No fucking clue what he was doing batting the ball out of the end zone.  Bo said he felt it was an incomplete pass which is remarkable considering a first grader knows the ball is dead upon an incompletion. (Maybe he thought he was covering an RB in the flat? Wait, NU LBs don't do that...)

Fresno had a 9 yard punt

·        All you fucking do at practice is practice punting – never understood how this can happen. (NU kickers/punters used to jump on the high-jump mats and pretend to make game-winning catches when we watched practice in college....)

Kenny Bell:

·        Continues to put KCCO on his arm tape.  It should read: “KCFI” – Keep Calm and Fake Injuries. (How is this still a trend? And why is that website so slow? And why do we vacillate between liking Bell and thinking he's kind of a bitch?)

Tommy Armstrong:

·        Throws a hard ball, but needs to put a little more air under it.  Missed a couple easy TDs and completions and all he needs to do is put a little more touch on his passes.  I can only assume he was throwing them perfectly in HS and then the QB wizard Tim Beck fucked him up.

·        Still locking on primary receivers and not progressing via his reads.  Trust your OL and check down if necessary.

Clap Snap:

·        Nebraska doesn’t clap our hands to snap the ball.  Quit doing it immediately – it’s gay. (Ohio State does it, and they're awesome.)

Randy Gregory:

·        Dude is a beast, but does he have a little 2013 Jadeveon Clowney in him?  I think so and frankly I would do the same thing.  “Ummmm play as hard as possible for dipshit Papuchis and risk getting injured or take a few plays off and make millions next year.”  Don’t get me wrong he had some money plays like dropping into coverage, finding gaps during 3^rd down blitzes and is a true difference maker, but something tells me he picks and chooses.

Gangwish:

·        Granted he’s from the daunted LouPlatte Conference in Buffalo County, but kids like this need to be on Nebraska’s roster.  Kid has a motor, looked pretty solid and would tear out his heart not for Pelini but the entire state of Nebraska.  I heard we have a walk-on program and we’re famous for it – maybe we can look at this route. (PYB doesn't know much about the LouPlatte Conference and is not sure how it got mentioned here -- we just know that Ravenna is the historic powerhouse of the group.)

·        Also there are like 2000 Gangwish’s (plural, not possessive, Diggler) in Buffalo County.

Fat Charlie:

·        Kansas has scored like nine points in 20 road games under Weis.  It’s highway robbery how much money that fat fuck is making off of ND and KU, but I guess it serves those two prick institutions right. (Had no clue that Weis was still there. We can name more than 10 My Little Ponies, however.)

1^st and 10:

·        “Pass!  Pass!  Pass!” – Tim Beck (This line reminded us of the Ratt lyric, "Dance, Dance, Dance..." which reminded us of how stellar they were and still are. Upon an iTunes search, we found they have a new(er) greatest hits collection from 2007 and will buy it today. Also, a college friend of ours had breakfast next to them in the late 1990s at Perkins following a show at the Royal Grove in Lincoln. Then years later, their drummer drove for the trucking company we worked for and wore a co-worker of mine out because he had to get home to Los Angeles every weekend to make his gigs).

Put Them Away!

·        Nebraska is undoubtedly the worst team at putting teams away and I challenge you to remind me of the last time Bo put someone away in a defiant manner.  If you can remember a game please e-mail PYB.

“F you Kalu!”

·        Granted he didn’t say this, but leave it to Bo to completely rip the ass

of a true freshman in his third game when his entire defense appeared to be out of sync.  I keep hearing that Bo has tough love for the kids he likes and see promise in, but good lord man let off the gas once in a while.

·        Kalu does look to be a good one – somewhat Eric Haag in nature and feel for the game.

I once kicked a 25 yard FG in intramurals

·        This is the first thought that raced through my head when the Fresno kicker missed his attempt by 20 yards.  Also if you’re wondering I went straight Tom Dempsey with my approach and kick – dead fucking center.

“I'm going to have to teach him a little bit about what a fair catch is like he did on the last one.” – Pinelli

·        Yes this was the quote one week earlier when speaking about De'Mornay Pierson-El – Nebraska’s new dynamic punt returner.  The kid is a stud and you can see that he has a perfect feel for the punt return - when to be patient, hit the hole, hit the edge and turn it up.  He’s a true freshman so the staff has plenty of time to fuck him up. (Can we change it from Pierson to Pehrson?)

Subliminal TV Ad

·        I knew the Budweiser wasn’t talking so loud that I starting seeing shit on my TV so I went through the painstaking process if trying to figure out my remote and go frame by frame.  After a few attempts sure enough I saw it – a half second subliminal ad from some weird scam prevention company.  How do they run these during programming and how is this allowed?  Also, why has it always been so hard to use the frame by frame function on your remote?  Ever since the famous Basic Instinct scene with Sharon Stone’s beav I have been trying to figure it out.  (I liked fucking Johnny....)

Fresno WR Joshua Harper

·        His dad won two NCs for Nebraska?  Check

·        Athletic WR from CA?  Check

·        No offer from Nebraska?  Double fucking check. 

·        Shoot me?  Check. (You're fine)

Cockrell and Newby

·        Byerson Cockrell looks solid and our continued success of recruiting JUCO DBs continues.

·        Marcus Newby – not sure he knows what he’s doing when on the field, but him rushing the QB is fun to watch.  Kid is fast, strong and looks solid.  Not sure what else he can do, but he actually looks like a true DE as opposed to our regular formula of 6’3” 325 lbs. (And runs a 5.4 40....breakdown!)

Halftime Observations:

·        Earlier in the update we referenced Wake Forest and we did that for a reason.  That reason being that Nebraska offered our head coaching position to Jim Grobe.  Jim Grobe…… JIM FUCKING GROBE.  If that wasn’t bad enough Houston Nutt is on this two-bit CBS Network and he also was offered our head coaching position.  Houston Nutt.  Houston Nutt.  HOUSTON FUCKING NUTT.  This POS is now begging for the SMU job and makes your realize how far these coaches have fallen along with our program.  I guess it’s not a coincidence that all three are appearing on CBS Sports Network within 2 hours of each other.

Imani Cross

·        Looked pretty fast and pulled away from DBs – PYB is still unsure of his talent. (Why do his feet look like size 22s when he runs fast?)

Holy Shit!  A Tight End!!!

·        We threw twice to TEs and they scored touchdowns.  What a noble fucking concept.

Backups:

·        Good to see them get some playing time including Fyfe who apparently wants to put up 90 on teams because he continues to throw on every play.  Frankly I love it and hope he’s calling audibles left and right to avoid Beck’s shitty play calling.

Thanks for reading.....see you after Miami....for better or for worse....PYB