Sunday, July 28, 2013

2013 College Football Season Win Totals -- Fearless Predictions, Part II

"Calm like  a bomb."

PYB checks in as promised to finish up our season win total predictions. Fresh off seven three-putts on the greens yesterday and saddled with a bottled-beer (yes, bottled beer on the golf course) headache, here goes:

Oklahoma (8.5) -- OVER -- The only thing potentially keeping us from taking this line is the -155 we'll have to pay. Well, that and the fact that Bob Stoops' offense is always one of the nation's worst inside the ten yard line, the Sooners have a defensive end that couldn't beat out Landry Jones playing quarterback, and that the Sooners lose at least one game they shouldn't every year.

Oklahoma State (9.5) -- UNDER -- Admittedly, we know nothing about the Cowboys. What we do know is that they'll always be the little brother in the trash state of Oklahoma and that their renovated stadium still sucks. They should easily lose four of these games: at West Virginia, Kansas State, TCU, at Iowa State, at Texas Tech, at Texas, Baylor, Oklahoma.

Oregon (11) -- NO BET -- The Duck's have a cushy schedule. Their cheerleaders are hired whores from Las Vegas (very hot whores, mind you). Chip Kelly took flag football to Philadelphia. Too tough to call and the only winning scenario is a perfect season. Well that, and admiring Phil Knight's concubines on television.

Oregon State (8.5) -- NO BET -- How many people in the country care enough or know enough to make this call, besides the 38,000 Beaver fans in the stadium each week? We are, however, willing to bet whether Mike Riley's play sheet is the size of a Cheesecake Factory menu or an airplane wing this season.

Penn State (8) -- NO BET -- PSU starts with four cupcakes as usual. The rest is a mix of good teams and bad. They'll win eight games. They may even come in the back door and get nine.

Pittsburgh (5.5) -- NO BET -- PYB doesn't care enough to research this one, and doesn't even have anything bad to say about the Panthers. The only things they have contributed to college football the last 30 years are that they inspired Penn State's "Shit on Pitt" tee shirts and Larry Fitzgerald. Well, unless you count us getting a few laughs out of Tyler Palko proving he was one of the league's biggest pussies on Monday Night Football  a while back.

Rutgers (6.5) -- NO BET -- See above. Now that Rutgers is a conference rival for Nebraska, can Bo Pinelli please go fucking recruit New Jersey again? Being a hotbed of talent isn't enough for him to recruit a region, it has to be home to a team that NU plays so Mommy can watch junior play on television. Apparently, Pinelli is not a good enough salesman to pitch the tradition, facilities, education that NU can boast. Jesus, he should try selling a product nobody fucking cares about like the rest of us...

South Carolina (9.5) --NO BET -- Five or so loseable games. Tough to call as is. Even tougher when it's likely that quarterback Stephen Garcia will likely be suspended two or three more times in 2013.

USC (9) -- UNDER -- Lots of variables here that make it worth and under bet. The +115 line. New quarterback. Random schedule with many teams that have better coaching and more toughness. Rooting against Lane Kiffin, whose pending meltdown is all the more likely without his father in town to rein him in. Fight on. Bet away.

Stanford (9.5) -- The Cardinal lost 10 starters. The schedule has pitfall possibilities vs. Washington, Utah, UCLA, at Oregon State, Oregon, at USC, Cal and Notre Dame. The juice is a bit high at -135, but sprinkle some cash on this one.

TCU (8) -- UNDER -- The Horned Frogs' quarterback is a fucking train wreck. Apparently, Casey Pachall didn't sign the "No Drugs" letter with Randall Floyd and the rest of the boys. If you don't think TCU loses at least four games from this slate, you're fucking crazy: LSU, at Texas Tech, at Oklahoma, at Oklahoma State, Texas, West Virginia, at Iowa State, at Kansas State and Baylor. Take it at -110.

Tennessee (6) -- NO BET -- Somehow, the Vols are meaningless in the college football landscape. The play five teams in last year's top 10 and six from the top 25. Save your money, save your money! (said in the same voice as the store clerk who Michael Douglas snapped on in "Falling Down.")

Texas (9.5) -- NO BET -- Obviously, the Longhorns have progressed from a very soft team, to a bad one, to a mediocre one. They're poorly coached. Their quarterback is below average. But, the schedule is favorable and Texas always wins two games it shouldn't because teams blow games because they don't think they should beat Texas based on name alone (See Nebraska....seven times).

Texas aTm (9.5) -- UNDER!!! -- The schedule is relatively smooth, upon first inspection, outside of Alabama and LSU. However, this bet is based more on the fact that there's an imminent meltdown coming in College Station. Ken Sumlin has done his best to contain it, but it won't be possible. Aggie fans have begun crowing about their great recruiting classes. There are expectations and proclamations about national championships. Jenny Football can't stay out of the bar long enough to not bang sluts on the road, and generally can't keep from acting like a horse's ass while alienating everyone around him. With those kind of expectations, and a program that kowtows to a 19-year-old , the death of Faggie hopes everywhere is certain and a seat on the irrelevant bus awaits. The fact that the sportsbook is paying us +105 to win money is just icing on Johnny's cock for the barfly who licks it off. Take it slow, don't rush it....and before you know it...SPLASH!! (Side note: PYB is conflicted about this song. On one hand, the rhythm, music and some of the lyrics are money. On the other, it's about sucking dick and gulping down Eazy-E's HIV-infested milkshake
, so how good can it be? Either way, it gave us some filler here today!)

UCLA (7.5) -- NO BET -- This can go either way and we have no interest in this bet. What does interest us (read: amaze us), is that a team that beat Nebraska and rolled up 634 yards against the Blackskirts last year is only predicted to win 7.5 games. Well, that, and the fact that NU couldn't stop Bruin QB Brett Hundley to save its life, but the other 11 teams sacked him 49 times. (Yes, we know Nebraska sacked him three times, but anyone who watched the game knows just how clueless Bo's D was that evening.)

Vanderbilt (7) -- NO BET -- Shaka Smart and company won't sneak up on anyone. The schedule has eight loseable games. Brandt Snedeker is the school's most famous alumni (that we can think of offhand, without a Google search). Stay away.

INTERMISSION SIDENOTE WHILE WATCHING ESPN DURING TYPING: Matt Ryan is a pussy and Joe Flacco sucks. Back to our program....

Virginia Tech (8.5) -- NO BET -- We are not betting because we don't care enough. But, we side with the unders. Not because of our knowledge of or faith in the Hokies, but because of their pansy ACC schedule. Beamer Chin Meat and Co. start at Alabama and then wade through eleven more games consisting of cupcakes, turds and 23-20 games aginst fellow faceless conference foes. VT, in case you hadn't heard, blocks lots of punts and brings a lunch pail to its games.

Washington (7.5) -- NO BET -- The schedule looks dicey. The +115 line is mildly attractive, as are the Huskies' late-night kickoffs that can provide bettors with a reason to stay up late on Saturday and feel like dogshit on Sunday until they mix up their first pineapple and vodka. Take a shot here.

Wisconsin (9) -- NO BET -- We see the Badgers, who underwent an offseason coaching change, winning right about nine games. A soft schedule will ensure that. A boring analysis for a boring team with one of the nation's worst uniforms and most overrated stadium traditions. But, if Bo Pinelli and his defense aren't going break it, no need to fix it.

There you have it...hopefully, our dear readers can enjoy this column and line their pockets with a few more bucks because of it. Happy Sunday.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

2013 College Football Season Win Totals -- Fearless Predictions, Part I

PYB awoke this fine morning much earlier than expected. Scanning this year's college football season win totals, we could barely contain ourselves. All aboard the train to straight cash, homies.....


"Said it -- yep. Regret it -- nope."

Alabama (11) -- NO BET -- The Tide's rugged SEC schedule offers three remotely challenging games: opener against Virginia Tech, at aTm two weeks later, and LSU. We lean toward the over at +110, but one slip and it's curtains.

Arizona (7.5) -- NO BET -- You'd think 7.5 would be a safe play for a squad that opens with Northern Arizona, UNLV and UTSA. However, many road games loom and U of A is U of A. Bear Down and forget about this one the same way the nation forgets that this program exists until its fans riot once every seven years.

Arizona St. (8) -- UNDER -- Speaking of meaningless Pac 10 programs, lock the unders in here at a relatively inexpensive -110. Four or more losses are guaranteed out of the following games (and if not, at least you have a reason to stay up to watch the late games and drink a few more beers): Wisconsin, at Stanford, USC, Notre Dame (in Dallas. WTF?), at Washington State, Oregon State, at UCLA, Arizona. As ASU fans throw up the shocker for the television cameras, their team will be taking it up the ass on field, and we'll be making money.

Auburn (6.5) -- NO BET -- Is Cameron Newton coming back? If not, we're not betting. We will, however, bet on consecutive games that Gene Cheezdik will wear his white UA hybrid fleece/mock turtleneck/zip-up/straight jacket. Wait....he got axed and we can't root against this possum-faced prick? Now, we're really not betting.

Baylor (8) -- NO BET -- We will bet that the shelf-life of the Bears' relevancy is under 1.5 more seasons.

Boise State (10) -- NO BET -- Something tells us that this is the year the Broncos lose a few more games than normal, but if you think we're going through all of the Mountain West team profiles at 5:15 am you're fucking nuts. They do play a team called UTM, who we had no clue was Tennessee-Martin until we clicked on the link. Moving on...

Clemson (9.5) -- UNDER -- The Tigers are one of the nation's most athletic, and mercurial, teams every year. Every year, they kick an overrated team's ass. Last year, they went 11-2. This year, the schedule is relatively friendly. So, let's call it 7-5 and an under on the +105 odds. ESPN will be jerking off to Dabo Swinney's wild interviews. We'll be counting our cash.

Florida (8.5) -- UNDER -- Do the Gators plan to field an offense this year? If anyone knows, please drop us a line, as the +110 line is tantalizing. Looks like seven loseable games, so fill us in. We tried to watch some SEC games last year, but always kept flipping back to the Medicus infomercials...

Florida State (10) -- UNDER -- Has anyone told the news media that it is no longer 1993? Free Shoes U is a perennial press darling and perennial underachiever. Blessed with a cupcake schedule, the Noles play just two teams that were rated last season. Even with a line of -125 we'll get a minimum of two and likely three or more losses. The main tests are at Boston College, at Clemson, at Florida. Either way, it will be fun to root against them and watch ESPN's announcers recoil in horror when they realize FSU can't field a decent team even though it resides in the nation's most fertile recruiting ground.

Georgia (9.5) -- UNDER!!! -- This is the Straight Cash Homie! pick of the year for 2013. Lock it down. If you think Clemson could fuck up a wet dream and FSU is soft, Georgia takes the cake! PYB has never seen a shittier 12-win team than the one that Nebraska played last year in whatever bowl that was last year. We'll rely on Steve Spurrier for our next joke, which can be read here. Back on topic, we'll get three losses from: at Clemson, South Carolina (see previous sentence), LSU, at Tennessee, at Vandy, at Florida, at Auburn, at Georgia Tech (the option is tough to stop if you only have one week to prepare for it). Unders are +115, so jump on it now. Straight cash!

Georgia Tech (8) -- NO BET -- Can't bet this one. The option is tough if you only have one week to prepare for it. GT is the classic no-win bet. Take the Jackets and they'll get blasted by UNC 42-6. Bet a top five team against them at -3 and watch them dismantle said team 52-20. Save yourself the misery.

Iowa (5.5) -- NO BET --  PYB about shit when we saw a total this low. We really shit when we saw the Hawkeyes open with Northern Illinois, Missouri State, Iowa State, Western Michigan and Minnesota and realized we still can't take the overs. Give them four wins on those first five, and then they'll likely be underdogs in every remaining game with the possible exception of at Purdue. America Needs Farmers, and Iowa needs a new coach. Preferably, one who tries to matriculate his offense into the end zone.

Kansas State (8) -- NO BET -- The Mildcats lost their QB, so we aren't taking the over. But we damn sure aren't betting against Bill Snyder, and we really can't fucking believe we just typed that.

Louisville (10.5) -- UNDER -- We thought a team whose offense is led by Shawn Twatson would be a sure lock at under 10.5. Until we looked at the Cardinals' schedule. The aforementioned Bill Snyder would be proud of this slate. We're still betting it, with tremendous value at +135, we can't resist the potential glory of making fun of the fans on television who realize their hopes of a national title shot were hijacked by a horrid fourth-quarter's worth of playcalling by Twatson himself. Book it.

LSU (8.5) -- NO BET -- Do they have a QB who can throw it more than 10 yards downfield? How many players are suspended? The Tiger teams all run together in our heads. Must be all those 6-3 halftime scores.

Miami (8.5) -- NO BET -- Quick, tell us one meaningful thing about ACC football....

Michigan (8.5) -- UNDECIDED -- Let us get this straight. Bitchigan opens with Central Michigan, Notre Dame, Akron and UConn. The Wolverines are the favorite to win their Big Ten division, whichever one it is. Brady Hoke, per ESPN, is the nation's second-best coach behind Urban Meyer (despite his bacon-necked white undershirts). UM is again a recruiting juggernaut. And the line is fucking 8.5? Can we get four losses out of games against the Irish, at Penn State, at Michigan State, Nebraska, at Northwestern, at Iowa and Ohio State? Possibly...probably....what the fuck...take the UNDERS!

Ole Miss (8) -- UNDER -- The Rebels will disappoint fans after a fluke season last year, where they went 7-6. Under is -115 and Mississippi (who is filed under the "O" (for Ole) section of Yahoo! Sports, by the way) has games at Vandy, at Texas, at Alabama, at Auburn, vs. aTm, vs. LSU, vs. Arkansas, vs. Mizzou, and at Mississippi State. After they lose the opener to Shaka Smart and his boys in Nashville then get annihilated in the next two road games, the Colonel's boys will be demoralized and we'll be rich, bitch.

Mississippi State (5.5) -- NO BET -- Betting one team from this state is enough for one year.

Missouri (6) -- NO BET -- The Tigers should easily sweep their first four games, but could lose the next four -- easily. They'd then need three more wins out of games vs. Tennessee, at Kentucky, at Ole Miss and vs. aTm. Leave it alone, as Mizzou is still trying to recover from losing Blaine Gabbert and his 3.3 yards per pass attempt. Coupled with a move to the speed-laced SEC, and that's a deadly cocktail.

Nebraska (9.5) -- OVER -- Fucking A. The always negative PYB makes its first overs pick (EVEN) on the team it hatchets the other 364 days of the year. Yeah, that's right. The offense fumbles. A lot. The defense sucks donkey dick. The coaching is suspect. The quarterback is a pussy. And now the Big 10 is banning targeting. Well, look at the schedule. It's a joke. NU is likely to start 7-1 (should be 8-0 but the Huskers will start reading their own press clippings after dominating a bunch of shitty teams and piss the bed against a bad team). Call it 7-2 after a bottle blasting in Ann Arbor, as NOBODY beats Brady Hoke in the Big House. We're then betting Pinelli & Co. can handle Michigan State, Penn State and Iowa, miss the Big 10 title game, and then lose a bowl game to an overrated SEC team after committing five silly turnovers. Yep, that's our team...

NC State (7.5) -- NO BET -- Anyone that bets this and lives outside of North Carolina has a problem.

Notre Dame (9) -- UNDER -- The Irish lost their good QB and have eight loseable games. The only thing preventing bettors from getting paid on this is the scary -150 line and the fact that NBC rigs games for Touchdown Jesus (pronounced Hay-soos). They also lost Manti Te'o. That's gay.

Ohio State (10.5) -- NO BET -- The fact that the Suckeyes are -165 to go over this year proves that nobody, and that means NOBODY, beats Urban FUCKING Meyer. Go away already. We'll certainly see a couple of Buckeye Blowouts, as Meyer's squad DOMINATES Buffalo 20-12 at the Horseshoe, before Braxton Miller shows us all why he's a Heisman Trophy candidate by holding off a GREAT Cal Bears team 20-17 in Berkeley. In fact, we'd hammer the unders if the schedule was not such a joke. The only two contests of note are at Cal (as mentioned) and at Michigan. Brent Musburger will be cumming in his coffee.
Christ.

That's all for now....look for installment two tomorrow....the family has risen and we've got a tee time.....PYB

Friday, July 26, 2013

Chica Mi Tipo

It's Friday night, and there's going to be another chick on my tip....but it won't be you baby...

PYB dives in with some random thought from the week, as those who wear Scarlet and Cream-colored glasses beat the drum louder and louder as college football season nears:

--Phil Mickelson won his first British Open Sunday. It was the major he was least likely to ever win, but he did it with some uncharacteristically steady par putting and a torrid finish on the last five holes. He's now one win from the career Grand Slam. Naturally, Yahoo! Sports thought it was a the perfect story for the next day's sidebar on its front page. Tiger Woods' demise, of course, was the lead story. Makes sense, the fact that he hasn't contended in a major in five years was earth-shattering.

--Bo Pinelli doesn't like the Big 10's new rule on "targeting." Considering his defense's performances the last few years, it's doubtful he'll have to worry about any of his Blackskirts being ejected for hitting someone too fiercely. Don't beli aeve us? Just read this story, where the only Nebraska football player mentioned in connection wth vicious hit was a wide receiver.

--Mike Marrow is not on Nebraska's roster for 2013. Wait...so you're telling us that this fatass, who couldn't finish a two-yard run or lead block for shit, didn't earn his scholarship by his own merits and was just a throw-in to get his daddy to Lincoln? Barney Cotton shudders at the thought.

--NU's football team has an awesome offense. Its defense is going to be much better because a bunch of young guys who couldn't beat out awful older guys are going to be playing. We've played this game before. In fact, we've played it about 13 times since 2001.

If you ignore the fact that same offense has led the nation in fumbles three straight seasons and the defense can't stop a soul, things are looking bright for the Huskers.

--Can Johnny Stanton just save us the time in reading 57 stories about his lack of playing time and transfer already?

--On a rare political note: STOP RACIAL PROFILING NOW!

That's all we have....PYB is off to the Great White North next week and may be MIA. Enjoy your weekend.

Friday, July 19, 2013

What Happened to Dignity?

We don't see it on ESPN TV. Notice below. Two pictures from the BBC broadcast of today's British Open, listing Martin Laird ahead of Tiger Woods. The two golfers are tied, but Laird has completed more holes so he is listed first. The BBC maintains the integrity of the game.

ESPN lists Woods first. ESPN believes it is above upholding the integrity of the game, which precedes the Network by several hundred years. ESPN = whores.





My Kind of Town, Chicago Isn't

Bad ass, comin' once again I'ma shock ya, Don't try to step, cuz I'm the rocka....

PYB drops in on this fine Friday, typing while jamming in some British Open viewing before the leeches at work start calling. Here's to some random morning thoughts:

--Is Jordan Spieth wearing the same pants that he did at the Steve Stricker Invitational last week at Quad Cities? We knew Longhorns were bad dressers, but that would be a bit much.

--Tiger Woods has it rough. He is the only professional golfer who has to battle wind, dust, sand, insects, camera clicks, long rough, short rough and bad breaks on greens. We wish him our best this weekend.

--Does anyone else get as big a kick out of this picture as we do (the one of the douche with his 'girl')? We found this one on a Big Ten Network replay last week....and laughed our collective asses off watching him express his fucking dismay at Nebraska's performance early against the game against Wisconsin in Lincoln. (Think: three fumbles in the first six offensive plays and an early 20-3 deficit). The saddest part is that this guy is repping his tailgate lot. Lot 20, motherfucker. Now tell us the score of any game before 2010. If we could only provide the video here...it was priceless.

--PYB offers a bonus picture today, courtesy of AMG, to go along with the omaha.com articles declaring how awesome the new turf at Memorial Stadium is because it looks like freshly mown (is it mowed or mown? we don't know we're just busy mowin' box) grass. Same shitty paint job. Block N, dated/gaudy endzone lettering.

The cement floor picture better represents the state of the program as we approach 2013. Same offensive problems, worse defense. Need we say more?

--Fuck Chi Town, the Bay Area and back down.....we'd rather watch NU but the beatdown on Wyoming in Lincoln. Fans would hate to visit Chicago in September and would prefer to shoehorn a ninth game against a team that is probably worse (likely worse) than Northern Illinois into the schedule. At least Nebraska will still get the chance to play the Huskies four times in six years in Lincoln in the future. That sounds pretty fun.

--According to omaha.com, Thad Randle will be an important player for Nebraska. Until he gets hurt after six plays, every game. This feature, by the way, is one of the worst we have ever seen. The countdown profiles contain little information that even a casual fan wouldn't already know and could be typed up in five minutes by a high school sophomore.

--From the overtly ridiculous department: Maybe Israel can teach Amare Stoudemire how to defend? Apparently, a black guy who was born in Florida has "Hebrew roots."

--And, as we exit stage left, another from the same department: During yesterday's opening round of the British Open (PYB refuses to call it "The Open", because there are many fucking "Opens"), ESPN had a timer counting down the seconds to Woods' tee time. So fucking stupid that it received a laugh from our spouse. Production meeting quote: "Guys, I have it....Let's put a timer on the bottom of the screen for a guy who hasn't won a major in five years and hasn't been close this year either." Book it, just make sure it doesnt interfere with the Jenny Football ticker.

Gotta run, enjoy your weekend. PYB

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Hyperbolic Chamber

Omaha has finished hosting another third-tier sports event, and the city has already begun exaggerating its place on the national sports map:
--This Omaha World Herald headline said that the city "awed" the USGA. The quotes in the article make no mention of awe, being awesome or anything being totally awesome.

--OWH columnist Dirk Chatelain continued the self-congratulating, giving the tournament almost all As. The only non-A letter grades were the fault of the players and Mother Nature, of course:
1. The Omaha Country Club got an A-, despite its green, dark green and brown greens. Or should we call them the "famous OCC greens" like Chatelain does. Famous to whom, is the question.

2. The galleries were the some of the biggest ever, except for when the US Senior Open was played in Des Moines -- in a city half Omaha's size -- a few years back. Obviously, a nicely done and well-attended event. But let's please be realistic.

3. All of the above points, of course, are hair-splitting propositions. Dirk finished with a flourish, stating that after last week's success at OCC, that Omaha has proven itself ready to host "any major tournament short of the US Open or PGA Championship." That leaves the Masters and the British Open. PYB is admittedly negative in its thinking, but we are very doubtful that Augusta National and/or the R&A would allow their tournaments to move to Nebraska.

--Finally, we give credit to friend of the blog, Scum P, who cared for the bunkers at OCC last week. Congrats on a job well done, and well deserved for someone who brings excitement and passion to work every day. We should all be so lucky. Next time around, they should let him manage the greens.

On to other topics, as we race toward another work day:

--Jenny Football is self-destructing before our eyes, and the Canadian Football League looms closer each day. 'Bama is coming, Jenny....  'Bama is coming.....minus the fake mustache....

--Kevin Gregg was a piece of shit for the Chicago Cubs in 2009, blowing seven of 30 save attempts and costing his team countless other games. Amazingly, the team brough him on again in 2013. PYB didn't pay it much mind, because of the team's numerous other woes. Gregg actually performed well.

Until, of course, the Cubs scratched and clawed toward .500 and a level of respectability given its roster holes and had a chance to take three of four games from first-place St. Louis. Now, he's botched three of his last eight appearances, his ERA has skyrocketed....and he's a popular figure in trade talks. Go figure, and good riddance.

All for now....we gotta go to work..... Can you feel it? That's the palpable excitement that the sports world feels as the ESPYs near closer by the minute.....

PYB

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T .........

PYB's better half has left town with the laptop, so we're stuck with composing via iPad. Hence, a short post:

1. Alfonzo Dennard -- what the fuck? Enjoy more jail time. Hopefully an NFL career still awaits on the other side. Given New England's current PR nightmare, it may be elsewhere. Cincinnati awaits....

2. US Senior Open -- The Omaha Country Club greens look horrible on television.

3. John Deere -- it is Steve Stricker week in Silvis, Ill.  Feel free to compete against top-level professionals...or compete at the final round of a major. Or to not withdraw from the next major, like he just did for next week's British Open! Of course, the Deere is Stricker's Super Bowl, as he beats up on B-listers and battles home state hero Zach Johnson for the title. It is of course natural to have a letdown afer such a big week, especially when one's game is way too soft to win at Muirfield.

4. Players that we irrationally like less once they remove their hats to show their bald spots: Stricker, Tiger Woods, Zach Johnson, Mike Weir, Stewart Cink, Scott McCarron, Jeff Sluman....likely missing many others!

All for now, our eyes are shot! PYB

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

That's All, Folks

---The good stuff always happens while we are on vacation. PYB of course received a flood of e-mails, texts and tweets about Porky Meredith's brush with the law in Lincoln. That is, if you consider breaking someone's face a minor scrape. The alleged occurrence prompted the following thoughts for us:


1. How does punching someone hard enough to fracture his orbital and jaw bones translate to misdemeanor assault? It's especially mystifying, since Alfonzo Dennard's mid-melee punch to one of LPD's Finest was considered a felony worthy of jail time. OK, we know hitting a cop holds more weight than punching a peacemaker during an after-hours bar brawl--but still.

2. The location of the brawl, according to Google maps, is within two blocks of late-night fatass favorite Lazarri's Pizza. Coincedence?

3. There's the requisite: had he hit anyone that hard during his four years as a Blackskirt, he may have been a decent defensive end...or tackle...or whatever he had oozed into by the end of his career. The team photo on the above omaha.com link is pathetically unaware. Present yourself as a fat, long-haired slob when playing for one of the nation's supposedly elite football teams.

4. What impact, if any, will this have on Meredith's future professional career? Surely, this won't go unnoticed by the Omaha Beef front office. That said, can a pork product play for the beef? Things to ponder at night...

All in all, it was a perfect way for him to end his tenure in Lincoln. Cam You Feel It? That's the feeling of "Da Process" at work...

---Then, of course, Superwoman fled Los Angeles and headed to Houston, where she can be a big fish in a pond that nobody talks about. Perfect fit. Average 20ppg, 10 rpg and 2 bpg in anonymity, while nobody across the country can see you play and realize how hollow the numbers are, thus maintaining paper tiger status as an elite player who deserves elite money....

A loyal PYB reader said it best, so we'll plagiarize him: "He is SOOOO annoying. Stupid for Houston--paying $22 mil for a dude who has no rings, got a coach fired, a shaky back/shoulder, shoots 50% from the free throw line, and pouts. Omer Asik had a solid year, which I didn't even realize. Basically similiar. Josh Smith would have been a better option."

--Finally, this is a picture of a guy who just doesn't get it. Not a capital crime. Just stupidity. The shelf life of a run-oriented QB in the NFL is short enough without self-inflicting wounds -- just ask Michael Vick and Vince Young. And...would you want to piss off the 49ers fan base? Judging by this video, the answer is no...but if you look real closely, you can see Joe Montana in the background at the outset...watch out, Gangsta Bitchz on the loose....

And this video begs the unrelated question of: Is there a bigger trash term than "Yeah Buddy..."? Every scum in the fucking universe uses this to exclaim delight. Delight that they're watching to fat trolls beat the shit out of each other, delight that they just scored some premium alcohol and some discount cigarettes, delight that it's Monday night and that they're off work from the night shift at the factory the next two evenings....

Fuck me...we'll use that to express dismay...

That's all we have for now...gotta run...duty calls....PYB