Assume the Position

PYB jumps right in with some quick thoughts after a week on the shelf:

--Aaron Hernandez, if this timeline is accurate, is one of the dumbest criminals of all time. Amateurs like us cannot count on one hand the number of catastrophic blunders he made. A guy can't get away with a good murder these days...those text messages fuck it up every time. Should make for good television in upcoming months. Maybe Hernandez just tried a bit too hard to be a gangsta like other Boston area-star Kevin Garnett, who leaves his beefs on the court with two or four other grown men between him and his target. Who knows...but we can see the IQ points flowing from his cranium in photos like this one... "Yeah you did it, you're a gangsta and I have to admit it..."

Most importantly, with both TEs in New England questionable for much different reasons, who is Tom Brady going to target this season? Maybe a late trade for Ben Cotton is in the offing...

--Speaking of terrible, the recently unveiled Nebraska football alternate uniforms qualify. "Let's go with black jerseys and then......white pants." Huh? Then throw in some out-of-place red and make it 100% apparent that nobody at the athletic department could make a decision and/or wanted to face the wrath of 500,000 80-year-olds bitching that red was left out. In the end, the uniforms came out looking like a bastardized & modernized Penn State ensemble, sans priest collar....wait....we may be confused....

Different can be good. Poorly done is embarrassing. At least the game vs. UCLA is at 11am and nobody across the country will be watching. Just build a new practice facility, or something, and all will be forgiven.

--Is Doc Rivers really that good a coach? Doubtful, as it's easier to win when you get a buffet of Rondo/Garnett/Pierce/Allen thrown in your lap. If he can teach Chris Paul to be a man, Blake Griffin a post move and the Clippers how to play in the half court, we'll give him his due.

--Here's to hoping the Crimson Tide defense comes ready to play on Sept. 14 and tears Jenny Football to pieces. Enough about this clown already. PYB hasn't seen more hype about a player who hasn't won shit since the last SportsCenter. College athletes who complain about universities making money off their likeness/ability/performance can also kiss our collective ass. They're getting a free education, valued at a minimum of $50-100,000, that the other 25,000 students on campus are not. If future NFL washouts don't get the premise that a solid education is a ticket to the rest of their lives, that's not everyone else's fault.

--This article expressed horror in the fact that 27 NFL players have been arrested since the Super Bowl. 32 teams. ~60 players per team. Roughly 1900 total players. That is 1.4% of the NFL population. Given the background, age and intelligence of football players in general...that's not too bad.

--Off the subject, but who else hates the asshole at the gym who goes into hysterical coughing fits every 45-60 seconds when on the treadmill/stairmaster/elliptical machine next to you? Always a male, older than 45, generally with headphones and likely smells like shit as well. Absolutely unbearable....

--Can somebody tell Mitch Albom that the Q-Tip hairdo is no longer en vogue and that hairspray is available for his next television appearance? We couldn't find an image that rivaled how bad his hair was last Sunday, but you get the picture....

--Guess we are all wet, and Pitbull is actually awesome. Still hard to believe we read this article in a real-life newspaper....

--It's summer time, and time to work on the golf game. Just read here. Nothing like working on your T-Shots, then going to the store afterward and buying a T-Bone for dinner. Top it off with some off-season highlight viewing of T-Magic, and life doesn't get any better. Just make sure not to get any A-1 on your cargo shorts!!

That's all we have today.....so please just remember the moral of the story....When life gives you lemons and someone pisses you off, set up an execution a mile from your house....

St*r Power

PYB is compelled to jump in with an evening post, after digesting last night's Game 6 NBA finals contest between San Antonio and Miami. The beat don't stop until the break of dawn...

--First, a side note: Phil Mickelson broke our fucking hearts again. He wasted our weekends. He made us spend Father's Day pretending we were good family men while watching every shot out of the corner of our eyes. He flailed, he double bogeyed, he double bogeyed, he eagled, but in the end, he couldn't help himself. Couldn't help from pushing the envelope by hitting too much club off of several tees and missing fairways. Couldn't help butchering a 121-yard par 3 and making bogey. Too many mistakes. Wrong tournament for mistakes. Hello, second place.

--Last nights Spurs-Heat game was exciting. It was well played, by today's standards. The crowd was loud (and of course fucking annoying since it was Miami). The Spurs jumped out to a big lead. Miami came back. The Spurs countered. Then, we learned what we thought we knew. LeQueen James' career will always be marked with a big fucking asterisk.

We said this two years ago, when he ran for cover on South Beach, taking shelter under the All-Star wings of Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. He took the easy way out. He tanked against the Mavericks in 2011. He got his title in 2012. Anyone who knew the game knew it didn't mean a thing.

Fast forward to 2013, when Wade and Bosh were floundering against powerhouses Chicago and Indiana, and ESPN was dubbing LQJ, "The Man." The man who was just a couple more rings away from holding court with Air Jordan. We knew better, but relented that another title was a certainty. What we saw last night confirmed what we knew all along. The Queen turns yellow in crunch time. Always has, always will. A quick rewind takes us back to last night:

--As time wound down, we remarked to ourselves how LQJ's poor shot selection, poor decision making, poor ball distribution and key turnovers looked eerily similar to the 2011 Finals -- when the Heat could have easily swept Dallas had James known when to drive, when to kick, when to shoot and when not to dribble for 20 seconds before heaving up a 26-foot jumper.

--There was the horrid shot with 28 seconds remaining that did not come close to hitting anything, followed by the bewildered look of blame as James had to know his hopes of a second consecutive title had gone up in smoke.

--There was the embarrassing brick from 27 feet with 24 seconds remaining. A shot so bad that Miami got a long rebound with Tim Duncan mysteriously on the bench. Of course, on his second attempt, he made the three.

--Kawhi Leonard then missed one of his two ensuing free throws (which was one of three missed by Leonard, Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili in the last eight minutes), keeping the Heat in the game. Had one of those three gone down, game over. David Stern works in mysterious ways.

--LQJ followed with another brick with eight seconds remaining, and San Antonio relinquished yet another offensive board with Duncan mysteriously on the bench (again). Of course, Ray Allen followed with the game-tying three pointer.

--After inbounding the ball, Tony Parker went the length of the floor and was clearly shoved by James. No call. Overtime.

--In OT, The Queen had another turnover at the 2:42 mark and forced an awful shot at the 1:00 mark. In all, he made more bad plays in seven minutes of game action than we remember Michael Jordan making in 15 seasons of playoff games combined. (Missed FTs at Cleveland to lose a game and key turnover to Nick Anderson vs. Orlando). The league's 'best player' was bailed out in the end by the much-maligned Bosh and the rickety Allen (who got away with two flagrant breakaway fouls, by the way.) Immortal, huh?

--Anyway, both sides claimed they were the victims of poor officiating. Stern's minions were awful to be sure, but it didn't cost SAS the game. Missed free throws and Gregg Popovich's inexplicable decision to bench Duncan on two straight defensive possessions were the culprits this time around. David Stern works in mysterious ways.  (side note: we understand Popovich's strategy but this is the last 10 seconds of an NBA finals game and weird shit happens--get your best, and biggest players on the floor.)

We won't put anything past the commissioner. The fact that there was a video review to determine the ball that rocketed off James' fingertips should go to the Spurs had us all thinking of the SAC-LAL series a decade ago.

What we know for sure is that we'll be treated to a shitty game seven. Ginobili has already said he has no idea how he'll re-energize for the final chapter of this NBA finals. We're all in store for another contrived coronation. It will be a fraud for the ages, and we'll all be Witnesses as ESPN jizzes on and on and on and on.....

One for the Thumb

PYB chimes in this Father's Day, with a quick entry before the family awakes and everyone gets flooded with activity:

--Phil Mickelson leads after three rounds at the U.S. Open at Merion. Will he finally close the deal today, or will he tempt us, get us to invest 15 hours of viewing time and a possible divorce, and then collapse once again leaving us feeling cheapened and used as a dweeb with a name like Webb, Hunter or Charl raises the hardware?

--During yesterday's telecast, Bob Costas chimed in with an NBC Sports Update. His topic: the Chicago Cubs 105-year World Series Championship drought. Huh? Costas reported that the Cubs beat the Mets for their third consecutive victory, but that they won't be winning a championship this year either. Given that CHC has been 10+ games under .500 for weeks, said update was pointless, but reminded us of a question we posted months ago:

Why do the three major networks insist on chiming in with these pointless and/or unrelated-to-anything updates? Is it of the utmost importance that they interrupt a college football Saturday to let us know that Team USA downed Bolivia in a Davis Cup tennis qualifier? Is it paramount to keep us apprised on the progress of the September MLB matchup between the fourth-place Indians and fifth-place Bluejays? We don't get it. Moving on.....

--Sergio Garcia was getting "fried chicken" cat calls from the gallery yesterday. Like we said, he should never bother to play in the States again -- unless it's a Ryder Cup.

--Bo Pinelli and company had a big recruiting day on Saturday. Let us know when the next batch of saviors all sign on the dotted line in February. PYB will step out of its usual stance a bit, and admit to watching Zack Darlington's player card on Omaha.com and being impressed. He can run, he can throw deep, he can throw with touch. Very impressive.....meaning.....he's the opposite of Taylor Martinez, he'll waffle by January and he'll sign with another school....

--Is it just us, or does something about the field and/or stadium at this year's College World Series make it more visually acceptable? Maybe it's the new signage. This could give rise to a new batch of sweatshirts for the nerds who pretend that Animal House is their autobiography.

--We end with a game: will the following chokers all finish with a score lower than 77 today? Donald, Stricker, Mahan, and Rose. We say hell no.

All we have for now...Father's Day has commenced....Tiger is back.

Jars of Clay

"I once knew a dude named Endo weed..."

PYB jumps into the mix with a Sunday post, as we watch Indiana try to piss away a 5-2 lead against  Florida State and their God-awful mustard uniforms.....let's keep those out of Omaha, please:

--Spurs take game one of the NBA Finals, with Tonya Parker providing the game-clinching bucket. In usual fashion, the news media quickly exaggerated the play, calling it the best of the year and a shocking win for San Antonio. Apparently, it is shocking that a team that struggled to beat Chicago and Indiana lost to one of the top three teams in the league.

--Stuck in our hotel room this week in Lubbock, we couldn't help but notice the 48-hour loop ESPN had going featuring the 101 Most Ridiculous Plays of this basketball season. Noting:

• Marcellus Wiley isn't funny but tried to be. Stick to NFL coverage, where you can maintain at least a shred of credibility. Where's Jay Williams when we need him?
• Wiley saying that Jason Terry talked his way on to an NBA Championship roster is stupid and ironic, considering Terry (no matter how annoying he is) was a long-time member of the Dallas Mavericks and the reason he was mentioned in the first place is because they showed Queen James dunking on him. The same Queen James that signed his way on to a championship team because he couldn't earn one.
• This dunk, featured on that show, was outrageous. Apologies if we're the only ones who hadn't seen this previously.

--Side note: Indiana pissed away the lead, pushing across the tying runs on two consecutive HBPs. The same fat fuck who could do no wrong against Nebraska in the Big Ten title game is quaking in his boots, bouncing pitches 10 feet short of the plate between hitting Seminole batters...

--Brett Favre says he was wrong. Eric Crouch feels his pain. Why the hell is Stephen Smith commenting on the situation?

--Another 12 months of this shit? Taylor Martinez is predicted to be awesome due to private coaching. Martinez lights up bad teams. Martinez melts down against any decent team on the slate. Could they mold some clay around the God-damned football so that NU doesn't lead the national in fumbles for the fourth straight year?

--Pardon us if we don't drool over a high-school kicker that has made 26 of his last 34 attempts. But, NU better take what it can get on the recruiting circuit, because it's SO hard to beat conference foes Ohio State and Michigan for the top players in the land. After all, they've combined for 1.5 national championships in the past 42 seasons. How can anyone hope to compete with that?

--Indiana leads 7-5 after a two-run bomb....guess having good hitters does help in baseball, despite what Mike Anderson thinks.

--Bo Pinelli changed a strategy? We don't believe it. This time, Bipolar Betty calls for season-long captains rather than game-by-game captains. We'd settle for a decent defense.

--Who isn't pumped up about Nebraska and UCLA kicking off at 11am in September? What the fuck??

--NU at Cincinnati in hoops...Is it safe to say that Kye Kurkowski won't be mixing it up vs. the Bearcats like Xavier did a couple years back? Enjoy the commentary. Coaches and officials should have let these pussies beat each other to death...

--An A for Chris Perez for creativity..

Well, we're signing out. An uninspired offering, admittedly, we'll come strong next time....if something meaningful happens between now and then. We're just excited that game two of the NBA Finals is tonight. It's so much better to play the game when people have to work the next day, rather than a Saturday when everyone can stay up later and enjoy a few beers....

PYB

Guns (and Roses) Up

PYB chimes in straight from Lubbock, Tex., with some random thoughts this fine Sunday morning:

--Let's start with the NBA, where Chris Paul is still a self-centered pussy who can't accept that she's been a playoff flop during her career. This time, she's upset about taking the blame for coach Vinny del Negro's firing. Paul will be 39-years-old and decrepit by the time she sheds the coach killer label, just like Jason Kidd was. Maybe Paul will just have to use those dreamy long lashes for other purposes in Los Angeles.

--Or, on second thought, maybe the Clippers are just a Dwight Howard signing away from dominating the league? We see no possible chemistry issues in that scenario.

--Grant Hill retired on television last night. That's gay.

--During our road trip this weekend, we were blessed with a Chevy Cruze as a rental car as well as XM Radio. The station was set to ESPN Radio when we got in, and lets just say we learned an awful lot:

• Lebron James has the best basketball IQ of any player in NBA history.
• James knows how to push the limits of the Miami Heat's offensive system like nobody else does. Huh?
• The Queen actually teaches Miami's coaches things about basketball every day.
• Heat teammates better be ready at all times, because James invented a new play called the "no-look pass." Fucking pioneer, he is.
• Tiger Woods shooting 79 at the Memorial is worthy of the lead in ESPN's golf coverage and shot-by-shot recap from Tom Rinaldi. (TGC's Brandel Chamblee predicted Woods would take control of the tournament on Friday by probably shooting 66 or 67.....but shot 74. Guess not.) Tiger is back!

--Moving on, we will admit that we were strangely fixated on the Nebraska softball game last night. Trailing Florida 6-4 in the bottom of the seventh inning, PYB predicted that an embarrassing play would end the final stanza. Instead of the final Cornhusker hitting trickling weakly back to the pitcher then bawling for ten minutes, she lined a shot to the outfield, which was caught, which was followed by the NU runner scoring from third, which was followed by the runner from first advancing to second, which was followed by the runner from second advancing to third then inexplicably trying to score when the ball was 15 feet from home, which was followed by her getting caught in a rundown, which was followed by her getting tagged out, which was followed by her stumbling face first over the plate, which was followed by the ball popping out of the Florida third-baseperson's glove which was following by the she-thing umpire going crazy and calling the NU runner safe. Extra innings. What a game! (Side note: this finish was much less embarrassing than the one we saw years ago where the outfielder stumbled, fell over, crashed into the plastic temporary fence, knocked it over, got stuck in it and allowed the batter to score the winning run on an inside-the-park home run.....five seconds after my roommate predicted an embarrassing play was sure to happen next. True story.)

--Anyway, we're pretty certain that the television announcer called Nebraska's coach, Rhonda Revelle, "Ron Revelle" at one point. Understandable. This is the same Revelle who called our college dorm room after we had sent a letter to the NU Softball office complaining about them blasting Bonnie Tyler at 9am on gamedays following nights that we had been out until 4am. She contended they never turned on the music until 11am, which was complete bullshit -- but we appreciated the follow-up call nonetheless. To this day, Tobiiiiiin Echooooo Haaaaaaaawk rings through our ears.....

--Finally, PYB became confused last night wondering who was more confused: the softball fans who were 'throwing the bones' after NU scored a run or Nebraska's offensive football players who do the same after scoring a touchdown?? Someone, please stop this madness.

--aTm golfers are sad they lost a chance at the NCAA national championship because one of their teammates was penalized for slow play. Stupid system, but hit the fucking ball! Unless your last name is Woods, you have no right to be slow.

--Thanks for the tip on this story from one of our AZ correspondents. Is it safe to say if one is going to talk shit about tipping a stripper with coins that one should at least have a grasp on the English language and know the difference between your and you're? Why didn't he insert said coins into the slot? Was he on Sniffer's Row? We just wanted to use the term Sniffer's Row in print.

That's all we have for now, time to shower and head out to Lubbock International to catch a flight. Security lines could be long, with all the fans departing after the wild Guns & Roses show last night. (Side note: tonight, they're in Kansas City, where the oodles of scums there will be aglow with delight. But isn't that a long-ass drive for one day?)

We're on the Night Train.....PYB