Glory Holes

PYB checks in on Mother's Day, as we wonder how we'll juggle family duties with final-round viewing of The Players Championship -- or as Brandel Chamblee would call it -- the fifth major. It's a major in the same way that Tiger Woods won the Grand Slam.

--Random question: Why are Woods and Sergio Garcia so affected by crowd noise, while no other players mention it? Ever. Well, except for golf's biggest pussy of all time -- DL3.

--Bob Stoops takes on the SEC. That's a big endeavor for a guy who can't call a decent series inside the 10-yard line to save his ass. Belldozer vs. Tulsa doesn't count.

--If you're bored this summer and don't want to watch meaningless MLB regular-season games, here's a recipe we had passed on to us. What isn't fun about drinking Everclear for the first time?

--NBA Notes:

• Nazr Mohammed tosses Queen James to the ground. The Bulls blow a chance to win game three and any hope of taking the series against Miami. And Chicago's players and coach all still mock LeQueen for being a pussy. Got to enjoy that.
• Indiana is a better team than NYK. Carmelo Anthony is a douche.
• OKC has no chance vs. Memphis without Russell Westbrook.
• Golden State's game-one tank job is going to kill them, especially now that Steph Curry's ankle took another shit.

--Nebraska's football team signed a safety for 2014. Forty-yard dash time 4.7. But, apparently, there are underground timings in the 4.3 range. Somebody's lying. Given NU's current recruiting trends, we'll lean toward the 4.7. By the way, we now have hip-hop ways to describe a scholarship offer (see: dropping paper)? Embarrassing.

--Bo Pinelli also went outside the box in offering a scholarship to Sioux Falls' Nate Gerry. The kid is fast, can jump, and has muscles. Interesting concept. We'll see if he can play soon. If not, it's nothing the Porky Meredith Plan can't fix.

That's all we have. An admittedly uninspired effort, during a time of the year where we have little that we give a shit enough about to write about. We'll settle for watching the last 18 holes at the brown and toasty TPC Sawgrass, as the never-will-bes give it their all to win that fifth major. For them -- glory's first, and last chance.

Anyway, it's hard to focus when there's so much on the line in Minneapolis today, as the Nebraska baseball team tries to fend off the always-dangerous Gophers and stay in the top tier of the juggernaut baseball conference that is the Big Twenlve.