Four-Arm Shiver

PYB checks in after 10 days away, while ESPN rambles on about Everett Golson not being enrolled at Notre Dame anymore. Is this a big story? Our apologies for the absence--let's get to it:

--Wondering if the Nebraska baseball team can patch together enough IP with its ragged collection of arms to win the Big Ten+2 tournament today in Minneapolis. Can the Huskers get above .500 for the first time all year and provide the first small ray of sunshine since the dark days of the Mike Anderson "Era"? For a team that's been maddeningly inconsistent, it will be a tall task. Either way, the team's refusal to go quietly has to be attributed to Darin Erstad's influence of competitiveness and toughness.

--Sergio Garcia. Is he for real? With all the material he could have used to slam Tiger Woods, he went with a racist shot -- and the most cliche one at that. PYB has never hated Garcia like many do, but we'll now admit that he should never play in the United States again. The amount of shit he will take from galleries from this point forward will be too much to overcome, especially for someone who's been historically unable to block out minor distractions.

--Speaking of pussies, Eric Crouch has jammed himself into the news again ... attention whore that he is. We are just glad he didn't call a 'press conference' like he didn't when announcing his retirement for a professional football career that never began. Well, the latest scream for relevance is not necessarily news but it's on a web site. Anyhow, let's address all the fucking bullshit contained in just a few paragraphs:

• He says he could have been an All-Pro NFL receiver. False. Not enough size or moves. And no heart. Bad combo.
• Height claiming to be 5 feet 11 3/4. No way. We stand 6 1 3/4 and towered over him the one time we stood next to him.
• Crouch blames his lack of pro success on injuries and being in a new town. "Everything was stacked against me." Welcome to the real world, where every 22-year-old goes through the same experience. So what did he do rather than push through adversity? Quit and run home to Omaha, just like he did when he lost the starting QB job to Bobby Newcombe. But he could have been an All-Pro in the most ferocious league in sports.
• He says he could have been a perfect fit for today's read-option NFL offenses. No chance. Scatter-armed at best. Not elusive in the pocket. No field vision. It was Eric run right. Eric run left. In the NFL, that gets a QB killed. Ask Vince Young and Robert Griffin, two much more talented QBs, how that goes. Nobody outruns the NFL.
• He believes Mike Martz loses sleep over his disastrous tenure with the St. Louis Rams.

--On a non-sports related note, the Boy Scouts of America now allow gay kids into the organization. Questions to ponder: how many 12-year-old kids know they are gay and need to 'come out', and how many Boy Scouts have had sex before age 25 anyway?

--Jeff Overton tees off after getting DQ'd at The Colonial. Good stuff. Too bad his name wasn't Woods, they'd surely have created a new policy to keep him in the tournament.

--Are the Miami Heat in trouble? We can't tell you yet, although their inability to shake the Chicago Bulls and Indiana Pacers has to be cause for concern. What we do know is that Princess Dwyane continues to lose credibility....the latest reason being a cheap-shot elbow to the side of Lance Stephenson's head. We'll see if David Stern has the balls to suspend him -- or if crossing the players' box with your feet during an on-court melee is still a worse offense than a forearm to someone's temple.

All we got for now....

Wow.....sheesh.....wow......amazing!

Sixteen Shots to the Dome

PYB in with some very quick jabs today:

--Dwyane Wade: Are words even necessary? PYB was not aware of this until Inside the NBA on TNT played it early this morning. We think that the day that dressing like a pussy and carrying a white bag to a playoff game is cool, is the day that sports is no longer for us...

--Sergio Garcia: How does a PGA Tour golfer make the decision he made on the seventeenth hole Sunday, trailing by just one shot?

--Tiger Woods: Cheated on his drop after dunking his tee shot on the 14th at Sawgrass. Special rule exercised for his drop at the Masters in April. Allegedly didn't see his tee shot this past week and put the onus on his competitor, Casey Wittenberg, to bail him out. If you don't believe us, take it from other pros. Sketchy = the motherfucker just blatantly cheated on national television, but I don't want to get punished by the Tour by saying anything more.

Hell, a wedding vow didn't stop ETW from plowing half the women in Florida, why would a few wooden stakes mean anything to him? Finally, the guy who made the video on the link above, showing Woods cheating, is a loser. Feel free to shower, remove the hat, button your shirt and ease up on surmising what the television commentators would have said had the ball crossed the hazard at said points.

--Carmelo Anthony: Losing out to a team that plays together, plays defense, plays intelligently, shares the ball. Can't believe it.

--Kansas: Signed the top high school basketball prospect in the country yesterday. Will this help the Jayhawks choke better next March?

--Alex Lewis: Beat the shit out of someone a couple days after deciding to transfer from Colorado to NU. Can he block somebody? Doubtful, if the Huskers wanted him. Either way, we have to hand it to him for his drinking prowess: 10 beers, 6 glasses of wine and two shots. Even Jalen Rose thinks that's impressive.

Maybe the kid is tough, if the story about his dad (Bill Lewis) is true -- the one where he told Barry Bonds he'd beat the shit out of him if he cut in front of his group on the tee box at a Phoenix-area golf course. Per the radio story we heard: Bonds pulled up to the first tee, right ahead of Lewis and his playing partners, pretending he didn't see any of them. Bonds finally said: "Do you mind if we go ahead?" Lewis allegedly said: "Go ahead, but it's the last thing you'll ever do." At that point, Bonds pulled up his tee & waited for Lewis and company to tee off. Must have been skinny, mustachioed Barry.

But, who are we to spread rumors? We'll damn sure do it if it reminds us of days when toughness used to be synonymous with Nebraska football.

All we got.....PYB

Glory Holes

PYB checks in on Mother's Day, as we wonder how we'll juggle family duties with final-round viewing of The Players Championship -- or as Brandel Chamblee would call it -- the fifth major. It's a major in the same way that Tiger Woods won the Grand Slam.

--Random question: Why are Woods and Sergio Garcia so affected by crowd noise, while no other players mention it? Ever. Well, except for golf's biggest pussy of all time -- DL3.

--Bob Stoops takes on the SEC. That's a big endeavor for a guy who can't call a decent series inside the 10-yard line to save his ass. Belldozer vs. Tulsa doesn't count.

--If you're bored this summer and don't want to watch meaningless MLB regular-season games, here's a recipe we had passed on to us. What isn't fun about drinking Everclear for the first time?

--NBA Notes:

• Nazr Mohammed tosses Queen James to the ground. The Bulls blow a chance to win game three and any hope of taking the series against Miami. And Chicago's players and coach all still mock LeQueen for being a pussy. Got to enjoy that.
• Indiana is a better team than NYK. Carmelo Anthony is a douche.
• OKC has no chance vs. Memphis without Russell Westbrook.
• Golden State's game-one tank job is going to kill them, especially now that Steph Curry's ankle took another shit.

--Nebraska's football team signed a safety for 2014. Forty-yard dash time 4.7. But, apparently, there are underground timings in the 4.3 range. Somebody's lying. Given NU's current recruiting trends, we'll lean toward the 4.7. By the way, we now have hip-hop ways to describe a scholarship offer (see: dropping paper)? Embarrassing.

--Bo Pinelli also went outside the box in offering a scholarship to Sioux Falls' Nate Gerry. The kid is fast, can jump, and has muscles. Interesting concept. We'll see if he can play soon. If not, it's nothing the Porky Meredith Plan can't fix.

That's all we have. An admittedly uninspired effort, during a time of the year where we have little that we give a shit enough about to write about. We'll settle for watching the last 18 holes at the brown and toasty TPC Sawgrass, as the never-will-bes give it their all to win that fifth major. For them -- glory's first, and last chance.

Anyway, it's hard to focus when there's so much on the line in Minneapolis today, as the Nebraska baseball team tries to fend off the always-dangerous Gophers and stay in the top tier of the juggernaut baseball conference that is the Big Twenlve.

Hit 'Em Up

Coolin' on the corner with the cellular phone....PYB jumps in for some rapid fire shots while seeing that even Jeremy Lin succumbed to the nerd-glasses phenomenon last night in Oklahoma City -- and proving that all of sports is in bigger trouble than we have suspected:

--The picture included in today's post shook our confidence while on vacation. After landing in Hawaii we could not decide: was high tops the new style on the islands or did a tour from Nebraska arrive just before us?

--Speaking of the NBA playoffs, Chris Webber is taking a ton of shots on Twitter for his poor game-analyst skills. He may not be Hubie Brown, but is he really that bad? Seems solid to us, but ever since his timeout game at Bitchigan, he's been an easy target for critics -- in a Phil Mickelson kind of way.

--Chris Paul is strutting around and leading another come-frome-ahead playoff meltdown for his team. After leading Memphis 2-0, the Clippers have dropped three in a row and have to travel across the country for game six against the Grizzlies. Let's call Chicken Little and her pretty eyelashes what she is, the Atlanta Braves of the NBA. Los Angeles can rack up hundreds of dunks during regular-season play and brag about its depth because Grant Hill sits on the end of its bench, but they have no go-to scorer in a half-court set and Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan can make television commercials and highlights but can't make free throws. Sounds just like the New Orleans team that Paul led in 2008 that pissed away a 2-0 lead versus another more fundamentally sound team -- the San Antonio Spurs.

--Two interesting points came to us from this version of Dirk Chatelain's Mad Chatter:

1. 1. Michigan players are saying they would have beaten Nebraska last year had Devin Gardner started instead of Denard Robinson. Wrong. Michigan had Nebraska on the ropes until Robinson was injured, then the tide turned. Nobody forced supercoach Brady Hoke and his bacon-neck undershirt to put in the wrong scrub backup quarterback. Of course, NU is an easy target these days for hyperbole like this -- in a Chris Webber kind of way.
2. A discussion of how good LeQueen James would have been in the NFL. Likely from the same folks who told us Tiger Woods could have been a Navy SEAL or played cornerback in the league. So, you're telling me that one of the mentally weakest stars in NBA history was going to dominate the most ferocious and unforgiving professional league in the world? OK. Would he get to play with 21 hand-picked teammates?

--The 'new' Cubs owner is threatening to move the team out of Wrigley Stadium if he doesn't get his way during an upcoming renovation. Dear Mr. Ricketts, we have been Cub fans for almost 30 years and the only remaining draw to this team is Wrigley itself. The Cubs are irrelevant. The fact that they're never on WGN anymore makes this so. The fact that the on-field product has been deplorable for five years (or 100 years) makes this so. The fact the the team was four games out of FOURTH place before April 2013 was over makes this so. This just in: the stands have been packed for decades. Attendance isn't the problem, and either is the lack of a huge video board. Just ask Nebraska. The bigger NU's video presence get, the more the team sucks. Maybe building a Runza and a Valentino's inside Wrigley will cure all that ills the North Siders.

--Last night's Knicks-Celtics games ended with a verbal altercation, and Deadspin saying that Jordan Crawford may have mentioned Kevin Garnett fucking Carmelo Anthony's wife. That, of course, reminds us of this classic line from 2Pac. Anyhow, what doesn't say professional about dressing in all black before the game to signify 'Boston's funeral' (days after the deadly bombings) and then getting in a war of words after tanking a chance to close out the Celtics at home? Topping off the festivities was Kenyon Martin playing tough guy when asked about the dress-in-black act by a reporter after the game. Guess we are supposed to cower in fear when an aging role player with a tattoo of lips gives the stare down. Stop Snitchin, Melo....

--The Nebraska football team had two players drafted. One in the sixth round, and one in the seventh. The prospects for next year are worse. We're fine. Seriously, though, good luck to Rex Burkhead in Cincinnati. The Bengals may have worse management than the Huskers.

--Fear not, though, the team recently ran through a second-session of military-style training. What doesn't say 'increased mental toughness' like using gimmicks to improve and then giving up 63 and 70 points to Ohio State and Wisconsin? The good news is that this year's session was land-based, so perhaps the instructors taught a player or two how to run.

--Oh yeah, NU didn't get a prime time ABC game for the 2013 season. Should help recruiting. Notre Dame vs. Purdue did make the cut, though.

--The Big Ten changed its divisions, and everyone is blowing their collective load about the new division of 'power'. Hello, the whole conference fucking sucks so it doesn't matter how the powers-that-be split the 14 teams. Hopefully, NU has stockpiled enough B1G linebackers so that it can compete in the conference's rugged week-to-week battles.

That's all we have for now.....we just finished Hank Haney's book, 'The Big Miss,' and have some thoughts on that. When we have time to collect those thoughts, we'll be back to laugh about what a pussy Haney is.

Enjoy your Thursday, we have to go fight with fuckers at work and request that they do their fucking jobs, before they act incredulous that we are holding them to a standard of success.....

our company is fine....