Situation Normal: All Fucked Up

PYB returns from holiday travel with a pre-New Year's Day bowl post, mostly of the quick-hit variety. We also celebrate the pending New Year by rejoicing that we aren't going out to celebrate, as the four drinks and 10pm bedtime from last night was just too much and have left us with a huge headache this morning. Let's go:

--On the eve of another bowl bottle-blasting at the hands of a mediocre SEC team with a backup quarterback under center, we celebrate the fact that one of NU's three good defensive players will miss the Gator Bowl. Our sources do tell us, however, that Avery Moss is not leaving the team and was omitted from the bowl roster due to an administrative SNAFU. Remember the good ole' days when players wouldn't miss a down after being charged with felonies? Now a simple dong-shot misdemeanor wears on for more than a year?? Even Nebraska's lawyers have gone to shit. We're fine.

--The Cleveland Cavaliers suspended an injury-prone center averaging eight points and five boards a game. ESPN shit its pants. The Network's ticker went wild, live break-ins, instant analysis abound. Christ.

--Mack Brown gave Texas boosters one more signature effort on his way out the door last night, getting throttled by a far-superior Oregon squad 30-7. (Why didn't Nebraska go get Scott Frost again?) ESPN heralded Brown's class act (his fake, Bobby Bowden, class act). ESPN railed on and on about how great the UT football coaching job is. They told us that Mack's a legend.

He's a legend who won two conference championships in 15 fucking years for a program that has won ONE national championship in the last 43 seasons, despite allegedly having more resources than any other program in the country. Maybe we're wrong... Rick Barnes thinks Brown is a great coach.

--Most amazing part of this Omaha World Herald story about NU linebacker Michael Rose and his father? The fact that the elder Rose was 15 when he had his first son or the fact that Rose references the "fans backlash" like we are all the pieces of shit that are hampering the program's success. Obviously, that attitude comes from one woe-is-me pussy -- Private Bo Pinelli. How the hell is he expected to succeed when he makes a paltry $3 million a year and doesn't have a private jet? We're fine.

--Anyone need more proof that college basketball is watered down? An 'energy guy' can now be an All-American. Michigan's Mitch McGary was a preseason All-American and is now out for the year after back surgery. He was averaging 9.5 points and 8.3 rebounds this year, after racking up 7.5 and 6.3 last season. OK.

--While we're talking about Bitchigan, it was great to see the Wolverine football team follow in the footsteps of Minnesota in repping the Big 10 during bowl season. Despite signing a Top-Five recruiting class every year since 1923, UM took another ass-whipping, this time at the hands of Kansas State. PYB hopes the conference's teams lose every damn bowl game they play in this year, and prove to everyone in Lincoln that signing into a Stone Age conference was the official death knell for their program.

Sadly, KSU reminds us of everything Nebraska no longer has: coaching, heart, fundamentals, ability to improve as a season progresses, player development. Anyone who didn't see this blowout coming either didn't know that Michigan was going to start the left-handed Blaine Gabbert at quarterback or forgot that Go Blue lost to Nebraska, at home.

--Good job, Dwyane Wade. Apparently the Capris that he wore last spring were loose enough that they didn't restrict his sperm count. Apparently, his designer man-purse did not have a condom compartment. On a side note, Princess got hurt last night after bumping into a defender. Writhing in pain on the floor, grimacing afterward like he couldn't believe that another player had the nerve to touch him like that. A quick descent from one of the good ones, to another NBA disgrace.

--Nice tank job, Arizona State! Some things don't change.

--Speaking of tank jobs, "How 'bout them Cowboys!!" PYB was glad to see that Kyle Orton had graduated Magna Cum Laude from the Tony Romo School of Crunch-Time Football. And yesterday, on Black Monday, the other 31 NFL teams rejoiced when Jason Garrett kept his job -- just like college football programs rejoiced every year as Mack Brown somehow stayed employed in Austin.

All we got for now. Happy New Year -- what else could ring in 2014 better than some epic gridiron clashes:? NU vs. Georgia with eight losses between them, two more Big 10/SEC tilts at 11am after everyone's been boozing until 3am, UNLV vs. North Texas, and of course the grand finale to end the evening! Central Florida vs. Baylor! Hell yeah. All fucked up.

Upgrade Strategy

PYB can't resist this morning: Was Nebraska gauging Mack Brown's interest in trying to upgrade from the worst on-field coach in Division I football to the second worst? Only time will tell.

Slippery When Wet

PYB jumps in for a quick report this Sunday evening, mostly glad that we avoided the NFL bloodbath that included nine home underdogs. We avoided most of the carnage, despite taking it up the ass in the Cincinnati at Pittsburgh game tonight...

--Jameis Winston won the Heisman Trophy yesterday. CBS studio announcers kissed his ass, smiling away, even though he may have raped somebody in Tallahassee. Of course, nobody gives a fuck when the most prestigious award in college football is at stake. This an award so prestigious that only the creme de la creme are invited to the award ceremony -- AJ McCarron had to average 223 passing yards a game to garner a ticket to NYC.

Are rape allegations true? Who knows. Lots of football groupies invade every college down. Lots of dumb football players think they can plow whatever or whomever they want. Lots of money on the line. Bad combo.

What we were wondering, as the announcers smiled away, is if they were thinking what we were thinking while watching: Did this chick ride his cock willingly or was he holding her down, drugged, while busting a nut on her face. A teammate testified that he saw Winston get a blow job with his hands placed on his hips, before trying to get sloppy seconds and video tape the encounter like he'd done in the past. What odd behavior--by Winston, we mean. Lay on the bed and grab some tit while getting head like a normal guy. Wait, never mind. Either way, more proof why the Heisman itself is a complete farce.

Suck me, beautiful. Suck me, beautiful. Beatiful would have applied had he picked the hot one. Alas, he picked the one on the left.

--We heard Vaseline by Stone Temple Pilots at the gym Friday. We thought about how we never really liked the song when it came out 15+ years ago. We then though about how it would be the best song out if released today. That's depressing. While on this topic, we realized also that there is nothing better than hearing a great Bad Religion song on the radio at an unexpected moment. That said, there's nothing worse than a bad Bad Religion song.

--PYB doesn't watch much Nebraska volleyball. But when we do, it's the same thing every time in big matches. Choking. Overwhelmed by the moment. Outclassed on the front line. Rolling over to Texas just like the NU football team. Depressing.

--Tony Romo dropped another turd for the ages today against Green Bay, as the Dallas Cowgirls continue to do their best to gift the NFC East to the Philadelphia Eagles.

--Nebraska's annual post-season football awards make about much sense as one of its weekly gameplans. Ameer Abdullah won the Team MVP award but didn't win the Offensive MVP award. Huh?

All we got. Not much happening in the sports world. PYB will be off to celebrate a 40th birthday this week, then back around the Holidays. We may or may not surface. We'll damn sure be in to recap the Husker bowl game, maybe even by early afternoon on January 1, 2014, following the 8am Gator Bowl kickoff. Big Ten rules.

Paying $3.7 million for Bo Pinelli and Tim Beck, in case you forgot. We're fine.

Ancient Hawkeye Secret

PYB apologizes for a travel-induced delay on our final post of the 2013 regular season. We promise some good insight. Some good thoughts. Some reader contributions. Like Private Bo Pinelli, we offer no guarantee of organization, planning or attention to detail. If you fuckers don't like it, then fucking fire us. Let's go:

--Iowa started its offensive onslaught with its ancient Hawkeye secret of power run and throwing to a tight end. First series went as such: gains of 5, 4, 1, 3, 10, loss, 10. Nebraska couldn't figure it out. They're fine.

--NU ran the first-ever flea flicker play to set up a 12-yard crossing route. Kenny Bell gained 25 yards.

--Nebraska Offensive Coordinator Tim Beck continued his streak of running a jet sweep to a completely random player that we all wish would get more touches (Quincy Enunwa this time) on his team's first series, only to put it in his pocket for the rest of the afternoon (or should we say morning?).

--After six offensive plays, Nebraska had racked up a penalty and thrown an interception. After eight plays, NU had thrown two interceptions.

--Iowa 'exploded' to score 38 points. Thanks to a bevy of Husker boners, four Hawkeye touchdown drives totaled 129 yards.

--The Hawkeyes clearly entered the game with (GASP!), a defensive game plan. Stop NU running back Ameer Abdullah, and bait Beck into calling 40 pass plays. It was apparent to everyone but Pinelli and Beck, apparently, as NU ended up throwing 37 passes and its quarterback got shelled by blitzes in the second half.

--NU had blown its second timeout by the 12:50 mark of the second quarter. FYI.

--The ABC announcers referenced a 'rare' Enunwa dropped ball. If rare means one per game, then yes, that would be accurate. Enunwa dropped two against Iowa, one being a long pass attempt that effectively ended NU's chances at being Heroes in 2013.

--Speaking of clutch plays, Abdullah put the ball on the carpet at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME imaginable yet again. In two seasons, his fumbles have killed his team's chances against: UCLA, Georgia, UCLA, Minnesota, Michigan State and Iowa. Ouch.

--PYB particularly enjoyed the first-half series that NU started on its own one-yard line: quarterback sneak, bomb with a dropped Hawkeye interception, pass thrown away over the chain link fence behind the NU bench on third down (a first from what we remember). Shank punt. Iowa ball inside Husker territory. Good times.

--Vincent Valentine showed some promise, collecting a tackle for loss and a sack. We're sure he'll immerse himself in James Dobson's offseason program and be too fat and slow to do anything well in 2014.

--ABC's sideline reporter Quint Kessenich, as well as the studio announcers, made fun of Nebraska's clock 'management' near halftime. We're fine.

--Private Pinelli went Private Pyle at the 7:46 mark of the third quarter, and checked in with another meltdown for the ages. Following a 'chickenshit' call in which another one of his overmatched linebackers tackled the 6'5" Iowa tight end in pass coverage, Pinelli complained that the throw was uncatchable. Amazingly, the officials did not change their call.

Pinelli swung his gay-ass hat toward the official who stood more than 50 yards from where the initial flag was thrown. Unsportsmanlike penalty. Thirty total penalty yards in one play. Luckily, the Hawkeyes dropped a touchdown pass, and had to settle for a field goal to make the game 17-10.

--So, Nebraska at that point had dodged a huge bullet. Time to regroup (even though halftime would have been a good time to do so like most teams), right? NU began its next drive, trailing by just a touchdown, at 6:04 of the third quarter. Abdullah rushed for seven yards on first down. Nice start! So, obviously, any good offensive play caller dials up a read option so  his 260-pound quarterback can keep it for no gain, then follows that up with a dropback pass so said quarterback can get rocked by another Iowa blitz. (Remember the Hawkeye plan? Stop Abdullah and make the quarterback throw too many times and then pressure him? Yeah, some teams stick to their plans -- or at least have one that lasts longer than one drive.)

--Turns out, all of us are fucking stupid. By not really trying to gain the first down on second and third downs, Pinelli was setting Kirk Ferentz up. Just like Frank Solich (and Pinelli against UCLA), he was waiting until fourth down to spring his trap, with a fake punt from his own 32-yard line. Of course! Let's call a backbreaking fake punt for a team that can't even line up correctly on a regular basis. Makes perfect sense.

If 91,000 people have ever collectively shit their pants at once, this was the time. How in the FUCK does anyone making $3 million call that play at that time? Shit, anyone playing a football video game would know this is a bad idea and would do so only if they were ready to quit playing and go to the bar. Same applies here.

In typical fashion, Pinelli blamed his players for lack of execution -- this time his team "missed a block" even though replays show that two Iowa defenders had the play sniffed out from the start. A couple days later, the excuse was that NU punter Sam Foltz had missed the crease. So, a punter who can't even punt well is supposed to hit holes like a running back?

--In typical fashion, NU rolled over and let Iowa score on the first play following the turnover. 24-10 Hawkeyes.

--Nebraska didn't give up, as it never does against the shitty teams it loses to or barely beats. Enunwa scored to cut the gap to 24-17. NU got the ball back. Abdullah fumbled the ball on the first play due to a crushing hit (translation: one guy was dragging him down and another guy finished the tackle from behind). Abdullah faked injury. Iowa scored two plays later. Corey Cooper looked pathetic in trying to stop a ball carrier for the second straight week. Game fucking over. Another lost season complete.

--NU's best hit of the game, unsurprisingly came from a wide receiver. This time, Brandon Reilly lit up an Iowa defender on a crackback block.

--Most embarrassing was the fact that Iowa physically dominated Nebraska. Mind you, that's not a compliment to Iowa but an indictment of NU and it's lack of physical toughness and conditioning. Happens every game. This time, the following players were injured or slow to get off the turf and limp to the sideline (these are just the ones we noticed, so the list may be incomplete. Players listed twice got 'hurt' twice.):

• Michael Rose
• Cooper
• Jake Long
• Ron Kellogg III
• Abdullah
• Kellogg III
• Jason Ankrah
• Taariq Allen
• Abdullah
• Avery Moss.

--Jordan Westerkamp returned two punts for five yards. Hidden in that already-embarrassing statistic is the fact that he let one punt bounce at the 20-yard line after posting up at the 15-yard line before the kick. He fair caught another at his own three-yard line. He also let another bounce at the 40-yard line after lining up at the 36. If that's not the calling card of a well-coached team, PYB doesn't know what is.

--NU is 118th (out of 123) in the country in turnover margin, 111th in turnovers lost, 121st in punt returns, 76th in penalties per game, and 80th in penalty yardage per game. In short, Nebraska sucks in any category that indicates a team is well coached and/or organized.

After another four-loss season, PYB must digress and hand the microphone off to some others. We can only say the same thing so many different ways. A few of our favorites:

--From an anonymous Facebook friend:
"I promise this is my last Husker rant: The ESPN announcers are completely misconstruing why the Husker fans have issues with Pelini. It isn't that we expect a national title next year and we aren't happy with 9 wins. It is that we are so ridiculously sloppy, and we continually shoot ourselves in the foot over and over again. What we expect is our coach to actually improve the team from game to... game, year to year. Here is what we can't take: 148 turnovers in four years; failing to get lined up properly; not having enough men on the field; having to call timeouts to get the proper personnel on the field; basically giving up on special teams; running out of bounds when you are trying to kill the clock. What we want is a coach who pays attention to and fixes these issues. And just so they know, we have as much talent as many teams who are in the top ten right now so quit saying that it is a recruiting issue. Although, our coaches did whiff on all of out DT prospects for the last two years, which is why we are starting freshmen, and that is their fault also." 

--From Bruce Lietzke during last night's Big 10 Championship game:
"What's sad is that we dominated Michigan State, but if we were in this game we would be behind by 28 points already."

--From NU Kicker Mauro Bondi on Twitter after Michigan State beat Ohio State (since deleted):
"Does this mean we get to go to a shittier bowl game?"

--From Jacque:
"The MAC is better than the Big 10."

--From Shane:
"Do the players supporting Bo know they're brainwashed?"

--From Mouse (apologies on the formatting):

2008 – 4 Losses 
Virginia Tech (unranked) @ home 30-35 Missouri (ranked #4) @ home 17-52 – embarrassing loss Texas Tech (ranked #7) @ Lubbock 31-37 – impressive loss Oklahoma (ranked #4) @ Norman 28-62 – embarrassing loss Most “impressive” win – bowl game vs Clemson (unranked) 26-21 Season End Ranking - Unranked

2009 – 4 losses 

Virginia tech (ranked #13) @ Blacksburg – competitive loss Texas Tech (unranked) @ home 10-31 – embarrassing loss Iowa State (unranked) @ home 7-9 – embarrassing loss Texas (ranked #3) @ Big 12 game – impressive loss Most “impressive” win - @ Missouri (ranked #24) 27-12 Season End Ranking - #14 One of Bo’s best seasons with the help of the best defensive player in Nebraska history.

2010 – 4 losses 

Texas (unranked) @ home 13-20 – competitive loss Texas A&M (ranked #18) @ College Station – competitive loss Oklahoma (ranked #10) @ Big 12 game – competitive loss Washington (unranked) @ bowl game 7-19 – embarrassing loss Most “impressive” win - @ home against Missouri (ranked #7) 31-17 Season End Ranking - #20 Maybe Bo’s best season with wins agains Mizzou and #17 OK State in Stillwater. Then he went on to lose three of his last four games, including Washington, who they defeated 56-21 earlier in the season. Complete collapse.

2011 – 4 losses 

Wisconsin (ranked #7) @ Madison 17-48 – embarrassing loss Northwestern (unranked) @ Lincoln 25-28 – embarrassing loss Michigan (ranked #20) @ Ann Arbor 17-45 – embarrassing loss Sour Carolina (ranked #10) @ Bowl Game 13-30 Most “impressive” win - @ home against Michigan State (ranked #9) 24-3 Season End Ranking - #24

2012 – 4 losses 

UCLA (unranked) @ Pasadena 30-36 Ohio State (ranked #12) @ Columbus 38-63 – embarrassing loss Wisconsin (unranked) @ Big 10 game 31-70 – embarrassing loss Georgia (ranked #6) @ bowl game 31-45 Most “impressive” win – @ home against Michigan (ranked #20) Season End Ranking - #25

2013 – 4 losses 

UCLA (ranked #16) @ Lincoln 21-41 – embarrassing loss Minnesota (unranked) @ Minneapolis 23-34 – embarrassing loss Michigan State (ranked #14) @ Lincoln 28-41 Iowa (unranked) @ Lincoln 17-38 – embarrassing loss Most impressive win - @ Michigan (unranked) 17-13 Season End Ranking – unranked

Of Bo’s 24 losses in the past six seasons, 13 of them most definitely fall in that “embarrassing” category, and I’m probably being generous on some of them. And 8 of those 13 have come in the past three seasons. This clearly shows a steady decline. Recruiting has clearly been lacking, which is evidenced by the fact how things have regressed since Bo lost the talent he was left with. Callahan was an awful football coach, but at least he brought in players. Since no one else wants to read between the lines, I did it for you. Hope this helps….GBR.

That's about all we have. Another depressing installment in 2013. A shittier bowl game will be confirmed tonight, one day after watching Duke, Missouri and Michigan State play in their conference title games. Hell, Duke only gave up 38 points to Florida State, not 70 to Wisconsin.

All the aforementioned shortcomings indict the absolute core of a football program: strength, conditioning, speed, coaching, organization, intelligence and discipline. Yet, NU Athletic Director Shawn Eichorst followed up one day after a 21-POINT HOME LOSS TO IOWA by supporting the great job Pinelli has done in Lincoln, with the 'battling through injuries' quote being a familiar but pathetic crutch.

Our only question is: Did Eichorst make the Three Million Dollar man pay the $10,000 fine the Big 10 threw Nebraska's way? A conference-to-school fine like that is the first that PYB remembers in 35+ years and a new, more embarrassing low for a university and football program that is rich in tradition. With Private Pinelli still at the helm, new rock bottoms are on the way. Enjoy.

PYB

You Cannot Be Serious

Nebraska beat Penn State Saturday in Happy Valley 23-20. Cornhusker fans and local media outlets rejoiced. Apparently, another nearly blown victory was more proof positive that 'something special is going on in Lincoln.' The Omaha World Herald's Tom Shatel said so, just like he did two weeks ago. Apparently, he forgot that Nebraska pissed the bed last week and got blasted by a mediocre Michigan State team.

Steve Sipple, Lincoln Urinal-Star columnist and renowned NU athletic department mouthpiece, said so. (Who can blame Sipple? If we wrote at the level of a ninth grader and stayed employed, we'd be loathe to upset that apple cart too.)

The only thing special about
yesterday's victory was just how fantastically Private Pinelli's crew botched another opportunity to take home an easy road win. Only a crew this poorly managed can manage to turn 14-point wins into overtime 'thrillers.' Only teams this devoid of fundamentals and instincts can turn should-be 45-3 romps into 27-13 Buckeye Blowouts. Only teams without a leader can turn down-to-the-wire games against other so-so teams into 21-point losses or outright disasters.

So for everyone painting a Rosy -- or Wild Wing -- picture, save it. In the words of the great Johnny Mac -- You cannot be fucking serious! Answer these questions:

1. Is Nebraska a well-managed football team? We offer the following items as proof that the answer is a resounding 'No.'

--Offensive coordinator Tim Beck continues to ruin Tommy Armstrong's confidence, with a bevy of shitty play calls and poorly designed strategies. They even pulled the "Roy Helu" on Armstrong yesterday, convincing him he was hurt enough to sit out, despite the fact that he jogged off the field without any sort of a limp after his last play in the first quarter.

--On NU's first offensive series, Ameer Abdullah broke a 24-yard run. Obviously, he tapped out of the game. Strength and conditioning, anyone? Imani Cross stayed in the rest of the series, even on 3rd-and-4. Drive over.

--After backup Ron Kellogg III came into the game with seconds left in the opening period, Beck called 34 pass plays. Those plays averaged 5.5 yards per attempt. Hello, Blaine Gabbert. PYB thinks it's safe to assume that both a freshman quarterback and his walk-on backup could use some easy throws to build confidence and create a rhythm.

The most glaring example: 3rd-and-3 from his own 24. Kellogg standing in the shotgun at his own 19. Seven step drop. Hold the ball three counts too long. Fumble. PSU recovers at NU's 8. Scores easily. Instead of leading 14-6 early in the second half, NU trails on the road 13-7. Luckily, Kenny Bell hadn't dropped any balls yet and was healthy enough to return the ensuing kickoff 99 yards for a touchdown.

In another shockingly positive development, NU's tight ends did catch two balls for 19 yards. Sadly, all of their targets were outside the numbers on the field. How about using the middle of the field with tight ends? Seems to work for every other team in college football.

--Punt returns. Nebraska tallied exactly zero yards on its returns. They went as follows:

• Minus three yards before Jordan Westerkamp took a knee when he got scared.
• Fair catch on knees.
• Four players halfheartedly rush, zero yard return.
• Penn State dropped the snap, and NU still barely got a finger on the kick.
• Fair catch.
• No return, ball not fielded.
• Fair catch, Westerkamp fell on his ass.
• Fair catch from a knee.
• Fair catch, let the ball hit the ground, no return.
• Fair catch.

Do we need to expand on just how bad the above list is, considering Big 10 football is terrible and is all about field position every damn game? At least Penn State's kickoff coverage was bad as usual and gifted NU an important touchdown. Somehow, Nebraska uses its starting running back and wide receiver (despite the fact that they're both allegedly battling injuries) to return kickoffs but then uses a punt returner who has no chance to make a play with the ball. Most amazingly, Private Pinelli continues to overlook a phase of the game that many times means 14 points and countless yards.

--Turnover margin. Nebraska began yesterday's game ranked last in the conference and added another -1 to that. Sound familiar?

--Beck used the Wildcat formation for the first time all season yesterday. Remember, the formation that was so successful with Rex Burkhead for the last few seasons but was horribly underused? Well, it hadn't been worthy of usage until yesterday -- on the goal line. Unfamiliar formation. Unfamiliar situation. Fumble on the goal line. Blown opportunity at a touchdown. Familiar result.

2. Does NU consistently capitalize on its opportunities during games? Yesterday's results were indicative of the pattern we've witnessed during the Youngstown era:

• Blocked punt. Ball at midfield. Wildcat formation for the first time all season on Penn State's goal line. Abdullah: Another back-breaking fumble.
• Ciante Evans interception at midfield. Drive stalls. Field goal.
• First and goal at the two-yard line with a chance to take a lead late in the fourth quarter. Cross in at running back. Stuffed on first down. False start. Two Kellogg runs sandwiching a blown timeout. No touches for Abdullah. Field goal ties game.

3. Does Nebraska play smart football?

• Four fumbles Saturday. Two lost. Two inside its own 15-yard line. One giving up an easy touchdown and the other on its own one-yard line when all NU really needed to do was run clock.
• Seven penalties for 54 yards.
• Corey Cooper lets a receiver run right past him for a touchdown, supposedly because he didn't want to hit him close to the sideline and get a 15-yard penalty.
• Sam Burtch ruins a 62-yard touchdown run with a meaningless block five yards behind the play. And YES, we know it was an awful fucking call but well-coached teams with smart coaches and smart players don't give stupid officials any opportunity to take over a game with an awful fucking call. We all know that if officials get the opportunity to impact a game at the worst possible time, they will. Leave it alone.
• On its final drive in regulation, Nebraska was fortunate to convert a first down on a pass interference call after being pinned deep in its own territory. Just like last week against Michigan State, Beck was too dumb or too proud to leave well-enough alone, force Penn State to use all of its timeouts, punt, and go to overtime. Still in a precarious position, but with the Lions having just one timeout remaining and just over a minute to go, the sequence went as follows:
• Pass. Abdullah runs out of bounds.
• Kellogg forces pass between two PSU defenders in zone coverage. Near interception
• False start.
• Droppped screen pass
• Holding
• Now it's really time to get the fuck outta Dodge, riiiiight?? Nope!
• 2nd-and-25. Abdullah goes out of bounds to stop the clock once more. Penn State keeps last timeout and is looking at getting the ball near midfield with a timeout left and needing only a field goal to win.
• 3rd-and-20. THROW the fucking ball ONE MORE TIME!!!! Even BTN color announcer Chuck Long nearly blew his load at this point.
• 4th-and-20. Punt and luckily PSU coach Bill O'Brien pulled a Pinelli and decided not to field the punt and let the clock expire instead of trying to set up a game-winning field goal drive. Dumb and Dumber.
• On its winning 'drive' in overtime, Nebraska gained five yards on first down. On second down, Diamond formation with Cross, Abdullah and Terrell Newby. What does any smart play caller do? Of course -- hand it to the worst of the three! (Cross) No gain, but with the ball in the middle of the field, all is still well. What does any smart play caller do at this point? OF COURSE -- throw a four-yard pattern that was dangerously close to an interception. Had NU even caught the damn thing, it would have created a bad angle for the NU placekicker. This really happened.
• Alas, Nebraska kicked the game-winning field goal -- twice. No game would be complete without one final error for the day. This time it was a false start on a field goal, forcing Pat Smith to make a 42-yard kick in swirling winds after he'd just kicked one from 37. Luckily, in a rare glint of clutch play from Nebraska, Smith booted the second attempt right down the cock and sealed the result. 

So, let's take stock. NU won, despite all its injuries and in spite of itself, to move to 8-3. Apologists point to what heart the team must have to beat all the bad teams on its schedule while losing to any that are mediocre or better. PYB did take away some positives:

• The defense, despite being pushed around to the tune of 149 yards by a slow running back, can now at least follow assignments.
• Penn State dropped three key passes, all on third downs where receivers would have made first downs
• No matter what NU would have done to embarrass itself Saturday, it couldn't have topped the fact that PSU had a male cheerleader tiptoeing around midfield at halftime twirling flaming batons. 
• The young defensive tackles look like up-and-comers
• The defensive backs are decent, for the most part.
• The offensive line is Nebraska's best in 15 years, despite a myriad of injuries. John Garrison took over most of the teaching duties from Barney Cotton before the season. Coincedence? Paging Sherlock Holmes...
• NU may have the best running back in the Big 10. If he could just quit fumbling at the worst possible moment, that would be swell. UCLA in 2012 and 2013. Georgia in 2012. Minnesota in 2013. Penn State in 2013. 
• No Taylor Martinez. It's amazing what a team can do, even without a great starting quarterback, without a pussy like T-Ragic at the epicenter of the dysfunction. Despite all the team's warts, we'll root for a team with a chance. A team with Martinez taking the snaps has no chance at all. NU fans saying T-Vag haters "didn't know what they had until it was gone" are either stupid or dishonest.

Does PYB look for reasons to nitpick every Nebraska performance? No, and yes. We don't nitpick for sport. We do so, because with today's watered-down state of college football, teams can't win on talent alone. Teams must maximize every opportunity and competitive advantage. An opportunity lost is one that will bite you in the ass by the fourth quarter.

If excellence ceases to be the goal, all direction is lost and a fan base becomes happy with eking out a win against a bad team just because it has a big stadium. Private Pinelli's 3M System: Missed Opportunities, Mismanagement and Mistakes can turn just enough solid road wins into nail-biters and just enough close wins into bad losses to get him fired. 

For another week, a Nebraska fan base can see what it wants to see instead of seeing the obvious truth. It can use a narrow win against a bad team from a bad conference without a good win all season as a convenient smokescreen to commend another subpar coaching effort. Or it can root for the best from this flawed bunch, while demanding better from future teams. Teams that are organized, effiicient, and well-coached.

Whether that fan base will demand better or conveniently forget the past, remains unanswered. Whether Pinelli and his staff can deliver better than their current poorly-managed product, remains doubtful.

PYB

Happy Ending Valley?

PYB awakes this Saturday in a puzzled state. Puzzled by the fact that Nebraska is a two-point underdog to a terrible Penn State team that it should beat by 21 points but to whom it will most likely lose. Puzzled by the fact that the city of Dallas has two sources of pride: the stupid fake cowboy outside the Texas State Fair and the fact that J Edgar Hoover took a projectile to the throat 50 years ago -- perhaps we're confused on that one.

Puzzled by our trip to the gym, as we watched double-barrel action in the men's shitters at the gym take place while washing our hands....complete with one party violently blowing ass while leaning forward to tie his shoes while the other navigated his cell phone as it lay on the dirty stall floors. Disgusting. Amazing. Mostly horrifying. Puzzled finally by the woman who banged out 45 minutes on the treadmill in front of us, only to take the elevator down the one floor to ground level. Whatever. Let's drop in with a quick pre-game post:

--We finally watched the Nebraska-Michigan replay last night. Good win. Horribly inefficient, as always, as offensive coordinator Tim Beck couldn't get out of his own way. Develop a good rhythm with runs and option. Good gain on first down. Long bomb for no reason on second down. Third-and-long remaining. Mystifying.

--Why is Terrell Newby taking repeated blame for 'dropping a pitch' from Tommy Armstrong? It was badly off target. The rest of the turnovers against Michigan State were Armstrong's fault, with Beck partly to blame for an awful play call on the interception. Inefficiency is thy name. We expect more of the same today but hope we're wrong.

--Is Nebraska basketball coach Tim Miles on the hot seat after consecutive losses in South Carolina? How many bandwagon fans have cancelled their season tickets and Final Four reservations?

--PYB met Cornhusker legend Mike Brown last week after the NU loss to Michigan State. Sadly, we were concentrating more on staying upright after seven hours of self-medicating -- which is an obvious necessity when watching Nebraska play -- especially during a trademark meltdown. We'd have loved to have been more coherent, so we could have grilled him about what is wrong with Private Pinelli's Huskers. Either way, it was one of the few pleasant turns on another Nebraska season on the road to nowhere.

--Derrick Rose with another possible ACL tear last night. Bad news for NBA fans, who need more gamers like Rose who aren't about the bullshit lifestyle that defines many league 'stars.' Good news for ESPN, who can parlay this into another 15 months of 'news' stories.

--Is anyone else as excited as we are for this announcement? Can't wait to hear the future of a 5-foot-10 NFL quarterback prospect....

That's all we've got for now. Lot's of interesting, but not necessarily good, games today. Baylor at Okie State. Oklahoma at Kansas State. ASU at UCLA. MSU at Northwestern. Michigan at Iowa. aTm at LSU. BYU at Notre Lame. Mizzou at Ole Miss.

If the fact that College Gameday's set is in Stillwater today doesn't tell fans all they need to know about the state of college football, nothing does. We'll see you on the flip side tomorrow.....and hope by that time we're fully clear from media reports celebrating the heroic deeds of another Kennedy crook...

"Nebraska's back, and we're here to stay..."

System on the Down

PYB got close to Memorial Stadium in Lincoln Saturday, as we visited the Cornhusker State for a weekend with friends at a pregame tailgate. We had a free ticket offered our way an hour before kickoff. We knew better than to accept.

During all the back and forth chatter that goes along with each Nebraska football season, fans debate whether or not Head Coach Bo Pinelli has a signature win during his tenure. It’s a pointless back-and-forth, but if we must answer, the answer is no.

What he does have, however, is a full series of signature losses. Losses so bad that they're all of the worst, piss-the-bed variety. From opening kickoff to final gun, his teams have come out scared. Sloppy. Disorganized. Plug the leak in the dike with one finger, and another leak springs up elsewhere. As a friend of ours eloquently stated when we discussed it Sunday morning: “He’s about out of fucking fingers.”

What we learned on our fall vacation and from another horrible loss, this time to an overrated Michigan State team, is that the problems aren’t chance occurrences. They’re systemic. They start from the rotten core of the NU football program. Because as we’ve seen, the actors in this tired play change, but the director, and the horrible-yet-predictable outcome stay the same.

Let’s continue on today with a free-form flow of ideas as they occur to us. We’re on an airplane without WiFi access, so can’t refer to the internet to statistically back another post-mortem. At this point, any numbers outside of wins and losses don't mean much.

--Three turnovers in the first ten minutes of the game. Five total. The piss-the-bed feeling on Saturday was the same as when NU came out and laid eggs against a bad Texas team in 2010 and an even worse Iowa State team in 2009. It was immediate. It was repeated. It was fucking embarrassing.

--Tommy Armstrong had another turnover-laden game. A bad pitch to Terrell Newby (who comes in for one play on every opening drive and is not heard from again) started the festivities. A poor decision on a 2^nd-and-1 pass play resulted in an interception. Why, you ask, was Offensive Coordinator Tim Beck throwing a two-yard pass on 2^nd-and-1 when Ameer Abdullah was slicing through the Spartan defense up to that point and Beck had been crowing all week about taking deep shots against MSU’s press coverage. We have no clue, and we’re certain he doesn’t either.

 

Either way, Beck does Armstrong no favors while trying to develop a freshman quarterback with less than half a season under his belt. Despite its early mistakes, NU was still in the game and trailed just 13-7 with a chance to head to the locker room. Instead of kneeling the ball and then punting, Beck ran a quarterback draw—a play he usually favors on game-deciding 3^rd-and-long situations. Inexplicable.

Armstrong fumbled again. 20-7. Holy shit. A guy who makes $800,000 a year can’t see what every fan across the country can see needs to happen? Take a breath. Thank your lucky stars. Get to the locker room. Regroup. Hope to play a cleaner second half. Stop the madness.

Also, how about mixing a tight end into the game plan? Even better, add a few patterns where the tight end goes over the middle of the field.  Diamond formation. Rollout passes. Option pass. Play action. Instead of throwing deep on every 2^nd and 3^rd-and-long play, take a few yards and keep a young quarterback in manageable conversion situations.

After four years of Taylor Martinez, PYB would think Beck would have learned that getting a mistake-prone quarterback to play Hero Ball does not work. Build a young player’s confidence slowly but surely. We’re not ready to give up on Armstrong this early, but if Beck continues to refuse to protect his players and keeps setting them up to fail it won’t be long before TA's days as starting quarterback are over.

--Private Bo Pinelli was his normal, reactive self Saturday. He failed to challenge a crucial first-half spot that gave the Spartan offense a first down, when it was clear the referees gave MSU at least an extra yard-and-a-half. Hell, if the brain trust in the press box can’t understand they need to kneel the ball before halftime, can we expect them to grasp advance concepts like instant replay? Tech-MOL-ogy….what is it? Either way, the Spartans continued on to score a touchdown. Seven charity points, courtesy of Youngstown.

--Speaking of wasteful, Jordan Westerkamp fumbled another punt return. What, exactly, does he bring to the table in this role? He sways around like he’s on roller skates before fair-catching damn near every ball. Lose the ha-ha mustache and play some fucking football.

Nebraska continues to lose huge yardage in the punt game and refuses to try to impact games on special teams, and nobody seems to think anything of it. This is a level of negligence that is unfathomable for a Division I college football coach.

--Abdullah ran for more than five yards a carry. And his team lost. At least it wasn’t nine yards a carry, like the Minnesota loss. Sadly, his stellar season may end up as one of the quietest, underappreciated and wasted in Nebraska history.

--PYB has heard some folks say NU could have used Martinez yesterday and would have likely won with him. That’s laughable. A quarterback who lost at Minnesota when his running back averaged nine yards an attempt is going to beat one of the nation’s best defenses when he can’t run, pass or manage a game?

--Thad Randle got hurt.

--The Big Ten is a pathetic menagerie of shitty football teams. Instead of playing its own brand of football when joining the conference, NU tried to be more like its fellow Legends and Leaders. They got fatter and slower and have fallen to the middle of the pack, behind such stalwarts as Michigan State and Wisconsin, and ahead of pigs like Illinois and Indiana. Circling the drain….

Need we go on? Coaches couldn’t explain the most recent Husker turd. Sadly, fans could believe another unbelievable meltdown was happening in front of their eyes. If they’re like us, they’re too tired to fight anymore. Let Pinelli and his merry band of Buckeyes sink or swim. Right now, they’re wearing a lead vest that they designed for themselves. It’s apparent that nothing has changed for the better. Mistakes of all sorts arise at the worst possible time, every time. Players lose confidence. Players don’t get better. Many times, they get worse. The program gets false confidence by beating a couple awful teams in a row and somehow gets local media to spew propaganda heralding NU's return to relevance. The next week, another on-air meltdown ensues.

By no means does PYB want Nebraska to have to undergo another brutal coaching turnover, but Pinelli has produced teams with the same warts year after year, while offering no proof improvement is likely. Will he be back on the sidelines in Lincoln next year? In the next few weeks, that’s a decision that much richer, but not smarter, men than us will have to make. 

But we do know that any organization needs a vision and an ultimate goal, with a clear, step-by-step process to get there and a leader powerful enough to drive it. Exactly where the Nebraska football team stands in Pinelli's process is anybody's guess.

For now, we'll all suffer the pain of another horribly mismanaged loss and another wasted season on the Plains.

Greener Pastures

PYB is flattered to return after a long absence -- one driven by a two-week work road trip that caused us to miss most of the Nebraska-Michigan football game. We've still yet to watch the whole thing, and have seen only the action following Jordan Westerkamp pissing the bed. Special teams, anyone?

Regardless, we're flattered by all the "Where the fuck are you?" comments. We promise to execute better, and if you think we've forgotten how to blog, you're sorely mistaken. Let's go:

-Dwight Howard would give MMA a shot. So, a guy that can't even intimidate Marc Gasol in a preseason scuffle and who can't even outmuscle Andrea Bargnani is going to try professional fighting? Sounds good.

We suggest actually trying to make free throws and becoming a good teammate. The Houston Experiment sounds all too familiar to the last few seasons for Wonder Woman, who bemoaned the fact he couldn't dominate Bargnani because Howard is a "conventional" center and Bargnani plays on the perimeter. PYB thought that conventional centers were tough and had post moves. Maybe the game has passed us by.

--Anyone got four more weeks to drone on about racial insensitivity? Either do we. Do we have to play the "shocked citizen" game, when any of us who have played pickup basketball hear this 100 times a week? So, even thought Matt Barnes sounds like a retard when saying it, he's right.

--Non-sports note: Are outlet stores still cool enough to warrant gridlock? Has anyone else caught on to the fact that the prices are the same as most of the normal stores? Does anyone else know that they can buy items online, rather than scratching and clawing their way to a store that 55 other cities in America already have? Just checking, and for the record Southwest is a "discount" airline. Ding!

--ESPN College Gameday is at USC today for the Trojans' matchup against Stanford. Can anyone argue that college football isn't watered down?

--Florida State's Jameis Winston may be suspended if he's charged with a felony for an alleged sexual assault. Can prosecutors decide quickly? We have a season win total bet that we'd like to win. We have the unders.

--Something special is happening in Lincoln. After beating a winless Big 10 team on a hail mary and a bad team on the road, it's all rainbows and unicorns again. Awwww.....

--That said, isn't amazing that protecting the ball (for the most part), managing the game with a leader at quarterback and playing defense can win games -- especially in an awful conference against a team that somehow turned a mobile quarterback into an immobile version of Ron Kellogg III?

Can NU and its decimated offensive line do it one more time, against a Michigan State defense that is apparently a peer to the 1985 Chicago Bears unit that dominated the NFL? Or will the Spartans remember that they're Michigan State and choke on that proverbial cock once more? It's in their blood. We shall see.

--Finally, can Private Pinelli try to do something positive in the punt game? We always learned that it was valuable to gain field position and ultimately points in games against strong defensive teams when touchdowns would be rare. Football apparently has passed us by as well. We're not from Ohio, so I guess that's a given.

We promise to check in tomorrow. Enjoy your Saturday. PYB

Sponge Bo, Square Peg

PYB pops in this Sunday with limited time due to a failing laptop battery and a flight to catch later today. We'll get to it, with no promise of an organized series of thoughts. But, as always, we'll offer our keen insight fresh off watching the game a second time on DVR at 4:15 this fine morning:

--Nebraska's offense, led by Tommy Armstrong at quarterback, looked great on its first drive. Its scripted drive. Hell, there was even a Terrell Newby sighting. NU cruised into the endzone, using (Gasp!) the Diamond formation, for a 7-0 lead.

--Armstrong, unfortunately, channeled his inner Taylor Martinez and threw three more picks to make it six in the last two games. Again, he had no help from his offensive coordinator, Tim Beck, who insists on turning another running quarterback into John Fucking Elway. Armstrong isn't overly fast, but he's a crafty runner who can keep defenses off balance with his option acumen. 

PYB takes solace in the fact that most of his interceptions thus far have come from poor reads that are typical of a freshman quarterback. PYB is sad that Beck keeps forcing his run-first QBs to drop back and pass, time and time again despite repeated failures. He keeps dialing up passes outside the hash marks or deep slants where opposing safeties wait, champing at the bit, to step in for an easy interception.

In no way are we excusing the mistakes, but the three INTs came on: a dropback pass, a 3rd-and-20 where Armstrong was forced to try to make a play and the turnover served as a punt, a last-minute drive where he was dinged up on the prior play before Beck called another dropback pass.

On at least three occasions before the waterfall of interceptions, Armstrong made ill-advised throws into tight coverage and got away with it. Most fans had to see that as a cue to protect a young signal caller with a better mix of plays, but an offensive coordinator making $800,000 a year made no such connection.

--The Blackskirts embarrassed themselves on the first Northwestern drive, blowing multiple assignments as is par for the course and relinquishing an easy touchdown as the Wildcat offensive line pushed the entire defense four yards backward.

--Jeremiah Sirles said he had a panic attack at the bottom of the dogpile after the game-ending Hail Mary touchdown. This, the same week that the Miami Dolphins lost a starting lineman to a seventh-grade cafeteria prank that we all went through ourselves. PYB thinks it’s safe to say football players are softer than in years past.

--Bo Pinelli actually described the injuries that his players sustained during the game. Kenny Bell – groin pull. Jake Cotton – MCL sprain. Will Richards – broken ankle. There. Was it that fucking hard? Was national security put at risk? Did he look more like a real, sane person to the media and the fans? Yes.

Hell, he even admitted taking a page from Andy Reid's book and mismanaging the clock on Northwestern’s last drive. He lamented the fact that he only had two timeouts remaining on that drive – guess it’s not prudent to blow one on defense every single half of every single game. Especially the close ones. Groundbreaking revelation there.

--Ndamukong Suh attended the game. He did a BTN interview. The growth on his upper lip made it look like he’s been munching on some of the finest stripper box in all of Detroit.

--It’s quite apparent that opposing offenses are targeting David Santos with an “isolate him and then just toss it up because he can’t cover anyone” strategy.

--Somewhere along the line, the Nebraska defense turned awesome. It decided to follow its assignments. There were still several breakdowns that relinquished yardage, but the massive series of consecutive errors went away. The ‘Skirts got stops. They got sacks. They 'got off the field.' They kept Northwestern from scoring from the Wildcat drive that began at 6:37 of the second quarter, all the way until the field goal in the final two minutes on a short field following Armstrong’s turnover.

--That said, PYB may soon require to Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald to turn in his chess pieces and sidle up to Pinelli at the checkerboard. After Kain Colter gashed Nebraska in 2011, he hardly played last season and played sporadically at quarterback yesterday. The Wildcats became the only team (and that includes South Dakota State) that couldn’t gain at least eight yards on every 3^rd-and-1 play against the Blackskirts. So, did the ‘Skirts get awesome in the middle of the game, or did Fitzgerald piss away another win?

--Beck kept dialing up long bombs, after none of the preceding bombs had been open all day. None were even close.

--With Nebraska trailing 21-14 and on the ropes, Beck got the ball back with 1:01 remaining in the second quarter. Pass. Pass. Pass call and sack. Shanked punt. Ball back to Northwestern at midfield. Christ! Run the ball, force Fitzgerald to waste his two timeouts, and get to the fucking locker room!!

--PYB read that NU was hosting a big tight end prospect from New Orleans. Good thing almost every pass play called was outside the hash marks and that the Huskers completed zero passes to tight ends. We remember just two TE targets during the game, one being a drop by whichever Cotton plays tight end and the other a flag route to Cethan Carter – who by the way is quickly going the way of Kyler Reed and Mike McNeill in the wasted talent department.

--At some point watching the replay of the game, we had a horrifying thought cross our mind: If Jenny Manziel played against Nebraska, how many yards would she have and how many points would aTm score?

--Does Nebraska try to make any plays on special teams? Ever? Don’t rush punts. Fair catch nearly every punt received. Horrifying.

--Can the Imani Cross experiment be terminated?

--Reminder to Beck: when Armstrong is continuing to force throws into coverage and throw off his back foot, it’s time to change it up and help him with some easy reads, and a stud running back. Wait, NU has a stud running back? The one that averaged 8.7 yards a tote last week averaged five yards a carry this week. His name is Ameer Abdullah.

--We’re pretty certain we saw the Blackskirts swarm and gang-tackle a ball carrier on more than one occasion but can’t be certain.

--Abdullah was actually gashing the Wildcat defense, as NU drove toward a game-winning score on two occasions. With the defense playing well, of course the Huskers had to screw up in another facet. Two holding penalties and a chop block penalty killed those opportunities. If it ain’t one thing with a Pinelli team, it’s another.

--On its final drive, NU worked the ball down the field four yards at a time. Abdullah made a great play to convert a 4^th-and-15. Quincy Enunwa let a pass that would have put the Huskers in field goal range slip through his hands at the 28-yard line. Tough chance, but at some point, winners make at least some of those plays.

--Alas, Ron Kellogg came through, tossed it as far as he could, and Jordan Westerkamp found the ball. We’re just glad he caught it inside the endzone. We’re not sure he knows how to run after catching a ball.

So, we’ll enjoy the win because it was a fucking amazing ending. But, we all know this was a stay of execution. Unless the defense can prove that its mid-game turnaround was an “Aha!” moment instead of an aberration against a beat-up quarterback whose backup is a statue for a team playing its fifth-string running back, blowouts will ensue.

Unless Tim Beck decides to take care of his young quarterback and prove that he can keep defenses off balances with a decimated offensive line, good defenses (Michigan State) will annihilate the Husker offense.

Unless Private Pinelli has a surprise-ending to his formulaic scripts, a 7-5 record is definitely in play. The nine-win chant won’t, then, be in play as a safety net to another season-ending turd.

Whatever, let’s enjoy this one. Enjoy that the flawed team that we hate to hate won a game for the program we all love so much. For all the misery we endure, one play like Saturday’s Hail Mary can make it all better for at least a few hours, a few days.

Pinelli and Co., regardless of what we say, will make it or break it for themselves. We’ll figure out the rest later.

Parental Discretion Iz Advised

PYB wakes this Saturday, with the normal Nebraska gameday excitement, despite the program's continued floundering. It's part of any fan's DNA. We'll watch and commiserate accordingly. For now, we ask ourselves questions, because we have no answers.

--Why hasn't anyone talked about why NU quarterback Taylor Martinez felt the need to wave his arms and encourage Minnesota's crowd to cheer louder before the offense's final drive last week? A few readers have mentioned it, but no media outlets did. Is he that stupid? Is he that confident in his own abilities to lead clutch drives? The amazing occurrence was a perfect display of why T-Ragic should have been riding the pine years ago.

--Will the Nebraska defense benefit from its new shuffling of players to permanent starters at new positions? David Santos was good enough to start last week, but now has a new position. Michael Rose has looked good in spots so far, didn't play last week and now is the starter at a new position. This formula certainly can't breed the knowledge, consistency or confidence to succeed in the Rugged Big Ten, can it?

--Will a dinged-up Kain Colter gash the Blackskirts like he did in 2011? Why didn't Northwestern Coach Pat Fitzgerald play him more last year?

--Is Private Bo Pinelli dusting off his checkerboard once more, while Fitzgerald hones his King and Pawn endgame in preparation of jamming his wing-ding-ding-a-ling down Pinelli's throat?

--Will any of Nebraska's defensive backs feel the need to stay within two steps of Wildcat receivers?

--Why are Nebraska's receivers blamed with 'dropping' so many passes, when most of the throws in question are balls that are thrown to the wrong side, with the wrong velocity? (For example, a six-yard slant thrown 90 mph a yard to the receiver's left as he runs right while completing the pattern.)

--How many Huskers will fake injuries today after bad plays?

--Will Nebraska be successful on first down today, after averaging just five yards on first down last week? Any knowledgeable football fan from Ohio knows that 2nd-and-5 is an impossible situation for an offense to overcome.

--Will Richie Incognito be punished for his alleged role in a cafeteria prank? Sounds like small potatoes, but he was run out of Lincoln after beating the shit out of someone who walked into the bathroom while he railed a Husker slut....supposedly. Should anyone sensitive enough to storm out of the team complex after such a prank be playing in the most savage professional league there is, the NFL?

--Is Carl Pinelli really that big of a dolt? Is Justin Blackmon a bigger idiot?

--Is ESPN that infatuated with Derrick Rose that it breaks in to a live telecast to report that he's "day-to-day" to play in his next game, two games in to the season? Or has Commissar Stern ordered that the Chicago Bulls will win the NBA title this year and that all media must build the brand from now until June?

--Did anyone else see Dwight Howard shove Marc Gasol while "protecting" a teammate in a preseason game, only to see Gasol step right up to Superwoman herself with no fear whatsoever?

As always, so many questions and so little time. We've got to roll for now, but will be back following the latest installment of the Pinelli Era, for better or for worse...

Enjoy your day....PYB

Ain't No Fun (If the Gophers Can't Have None)

Guess who's back, in the motherfuckin' house,
With a fat dick, for all the Husker fans' mouth,
Bo can't recognize, what kids and grandmas do too,
When T Vag is under center, tragic losses will ensue.

Nebraska's football team averaged 6.3 yards per carry Saturday at Minnesota. Nebraska's starting running back averaged 8.7 yards per carry. Nebraska lost to Minnesota.

How the fuck, you ask, did that happen? We have no fucking clue, other than to say it was Groundhog Day all over again, complete with meltdowns, gaffes, blown coverages, fumbles, interceptions, inexplicable lack of coaching acumen, and missed tackles, and stuff....

In order to maintain some semblance of focus, and to avoid wasting 10,000 words on the countless shortcomings of Private Bo Pinelli and his football team, we'll concentrate on analyzing his post-game assessment of what went wrong against the Golden Gophers:

1. NU couldn't get ahead on first down, Pinelli claimed. Looking at the game summary, the Huskers' first down gains were: 13, 4 for a touchdown, 14, 7, 5, 7, incompletion for 0, 1, sack for -8, 10,  1, 6, incompletion for 0, -7 on swing pass, 2, incompletion for 0, 9, 3, 4, 22, incompletion for 0, 22, 2 (Imani Cross), 1, 11.

That's 25 first down plays for 129 yards -- more than five yards per. Fourteen of them produced a good result. Nineteen produced positive yardage. Six produced zero or negative yardage. All of those were pass plays. Nebraska's starting running back, Ameer Abdullah, averaged 8.7 yards a carry. Anyone see a problem here?

Obviously, we do. Besides the obvious strategic error by passing instead of running, Pinelli is either a liar or has no grasp on what his offense is achieving while on the field. That's a problem.

The larger problem lies in the fact that Pinelli is blind to to the fact that his offensive coordinator is killing his team. After NU's first two scripted drives, where Tim Beck purposely set up chances for Alonzo Moore, Quincy Enunwa, Abdullah, Kenny Bell and Jamal Turner to touch the ball, he fell flat and had no idea what to do. The offense didn't have a  first down pass play for positive yardage after the first quarter.

Moore and Turner fell off the map. When Minnesota took its first lead at 14-10, Abdullah, despite being a hell of a running back, did what he always does at the worst possible time -- fumble the ball away. With Minnesota still leading 17-13 early in the second half, NU got a stop, and Beck pissed the bed. Two-yard rush, pass, pass, punt.

When Minnesota extended its lead to 24-13 on its second drive of that second half, Beck did what he always does way too early in the game -- hit the panic button. On NU's ensuing drive, it was the movie we've seen a hundred times: Pass. Pass. Pass. Punt. Minnesota field goal. 27-13. Any good team would have made it 31-13. Luckily, Minnesota is a bad team. Good enough to beat Nebraska, but still bad.

2. Nebraska, according to its head coach, didn't execute--again. Countless misses by the front seven. When they did make contact with the ball carrier, they were dragged for several more yards downfield. Apparently, NU's strength guru, James Dobson, doesn't believe in 40-yard dash times OR lifting weights. Bad combo.

Countless coverage errors by linebackers and defensive backs alike. David Santos and Zaire Anderson looked pathetic. Where was Michael Rose? Harvey Jackson had at least two crushing errors, one giving up a touchdown on a Gopher 4th and 10.

Even the most casual observer can see it on television. Can the coach physically make the players smart enough or fast enough to complete their assignments? No. But, for $3 million per year and after six seasons, he better figure out how to get players who can do that

. Instead, the problem worsens with each game and each year.

3. Minnesota "out-physicaled" Nebraska, per Private Pinelli. As mentioned above, where does Dobson enter into this mix. The players look slow, chunky and outmatched in almost all cases. Can anyone name the last time they saw any Husker defender fly to the ball and light someone up? Well, except the time when NU's only decent defender did it against Purdue and got ejected.

The Gophers racked up yard after yard after contact. They ran it right down Nebraska's fucking throat. They ran it on 21 of their first 22 plays. No tricks. No gimmicks. And as former Cornhusker Fabian Washington aptly stated during the game on Twitter -- No lube.

Minnesota scored its first touchdown on a 13-play drive that went like this: 12 rushes, 1 pass. Gains of 11, 8, 2 for a first down, 7, 4 for a first down, 6, 13, 3, 7 for a first down, 7, 4 for a first down, 1, 1 for a touchdown. Gopher cock, right up the ass. Again, and again. No Vaseline.

4. Taylor Martinez didn't lose this game for Nebraska, said Pinelli. And, as the entire nation outside of the Nebraska coaching staff can see, he brings nothing to the table. He hasn't since halfway through his freshman season, when defensive coordinators learned how to shut down this one-trick pony. Can't run, unless one considers two yards per attempt to be a dangerous weapon. Can't pass effectively, unless one considers 4.5 yards per attempt effiicent. Hell, those numbers would make even Blaine Gabbert blush. His game-ending interception frosted a turd in a way only Martinez can frost a turd. Awkward, inexplicable, embarrassing.

Bottom line is that he's bad when 100 percent healthy, so why does he play when injured? Why do coaches feel it necessary to lie about his injury, calling it a turf toe, when opposing coaches know how to goad him into the same mistakes, hurt or not? Why is Beck allegedly drawing up a quarterback draw on 3rd & nine with the game on the line? It was a call so horrendous it was almost equal to Frank Solich calling timeout in the 2002 Rose Bowl against Miami and then coming back with a QB draw on 4th and 7. Why is Pinelli admitting they got bluffed by a team with an intern as a head coach? PYB doesn't remember Phil Ivey going on record saying he got bluffed by a weekend Vegas poker hack.

We digress. So, if a quarterback can't fucking run and can't fucking pass, he better have a lot of intangibles as a leader. Does that including losing track of the play clock so that the running back has to step in and call timeout? Does that include holding the ball three counts too long time after time, year after year, meltdown after meltdown? Does that include acting like a petulant fucking brat, despite being a team "C"aptain, during press conferences? Well, the press conferences he decides to actually attend. This just in: Dodging legitimate questions entirely or "I don't know what to say" and "Can't tell ya, let's go to the next question" don't cut it for a freshman, much less a four-year starter. And stuff.

All the above aside, this loss falls at Beck's feet. NU had a chance to snap the Gophers' neck early in the game, just like they had that chance against UCLA in September. Leading 7-0, Nebraska took over at the Minnesota 47-yard line and moved 30 yards in quick fashion. As always, Beck got too cute for his own good. Second and five, fade pattern to the endzone. Incomplete. Third and five, dropback pass....hold the ball, hold the ball, hold the ball...sack. Drive over. Field goal instead of touchdown. 10-0. Closers snuff out shitty teams when they have a chance. Losers try to prove how deep their playbook is and settle for field goals.

One would think Beck would have learned after rolling down the field on Nebraska's first drive and calling a pass play that required Martinez to plant his injured left foot before rolling back against the grain to throw a pass. Instead of locating a receiver, he fell on his face for a big loss. Luckily, NU converted a first down on (GASP), 16-yard option RUN. Kenny Bell caught a 41-yard pass in traffic and wasn't injured because he caught the ball. Cross scored a touchdown. Lesson learned. Or not.

On another first-half series, Beck dialed up a drop back pass on third and three (with a starting RB who averaged 8.7 yards per carry). Martinez froze in the pocket, as per usual, and got sacked. Wait, NU got a reprieve and was blessed with a first down after Minnesota was called for a facemask. Great!! Ball near midfield with a chance to go to the locker room with the lead. So, what does any smart coordinator do? Dial up another dropback against a defensive line that was gaining momentum, bullying the NU offensive line and disrupting every pass, of course! Sack, pass on second and 18, pass play on third and 18, Martinez stutter-scrambles for five yards. Punt!

The picture is complete. This is Beck's MO. Bell dropped what should have been a touchdown before halftime, and faked an injury -- his new MO. He fought with fans on Twitter after the game, also a pattern. In fact, it's all a pattern and all disturbing. NU used to save its national television meltdowns for big games against average-to-good teams. Yesterday's came against a bad team without a head coach.

A bad team that admitted they basically copied the Big 10 Championship gameplan that an average Wisconsin team used to dismantle Private Pinelli's troops last December.

How many years do NU fans have to wait for their $3 Million Man to be the one with a strategic, proactive plan that outwits the other team? For their team's players to block and tackle with force and to execute basic fundamentals and assignments? For their offensive coordinator to forge an identity and utilize the numerous weapons he has at his disposal? To watch games, win or lose, without seizing up from watching another poorly coached effort. It's been 16 and counting.

Meanwhile, Oregon dismantled the flawed UCLA team that dismantled the extremely flawed Nebraska team two months ago. Scott Frost's stock rises by the day. Will NU's athletic department have the guts and the vision to go get him? To go get a Nebraska guy with a national championship pedigree and experience with a top-five program from today's New-Age college football?

Or, will NU's leaders shy away from change? Fear the huge financial and emotional effort that every coaching change brings?

They can be courageous, and make a change, or continue to wither away and blow off the college football landscape.

Either way, it ain't no fun...

Was it Money or Murder?

It's an off week for Nebraska's football team, and a certain depression hangs in the air, as we don't have a rugged clash with the latest Big 10 bodybag to analyze. Still, we show up to work, to cover a menagerie of unrelated items.

--Forecast for the Upper Midwest: Partly cloudy with a 100% chance of jizz flying. Holy fucking Derrick Thomas, Batman. Adrian Peterson has two (minus one) bastard kids. Nope, make that five. Nope, make that seven. The audacity of these stupid motherfuckers never ceases to amaze/sicken/appall us. A condom, you say? A magnum for my huge athlete cock? No fucking way--those things are like a tourniquet.

"We've only got one night to do it all. I know baby, its such a pity. Tomorrow night, we hit another city." ---Too Short, 1990.

--For all these years, we never believed the rumblings about Irving Fryar intentionally tanking the 1984 Orange Bowl against Miami. This changes things. Fryar's mother, mentioned in this article, called PYB's home when he was a young lad in New Jersey to thank his own mother for sending some Omaha World-Herald articles to her after the latest NU game. Aaah, the pre-internet days. Perhaps she would have made a personal thank-you visit had a few C Notes been included in the envelope. Maybe God just asked for the money. Praise be, Allah.

--Does anyone else not give a fuck about all the college football playoff comittee hubbub? The media talks about Cunnilingus Rice (yammering on ESPN about her qualifications for said committee as we type. FYI, she's a self-described "student of the game."), integrity, common sense, experience. We think rigged, manufactured, contrived. Boring.

--The full 2018 and 2019 Nebraska football schedules came out yesterday, and people are losing their shit about the "murderer's row" that Nebraska has to face in Big 10 play--especially in 2018. How ever will the Cornhuskers survive after running the gauntlet of Colorado, Troy, South Alabama and Northern Illinois in non-conference tilts?

That's it today. Short, and hopefully sweet. As ESPN blows its load about Derrick Rose scoring a bucket on a nice-but-not-amazing preseason crossover move against the Pistons, we sign out. But before we do, if you have time, watch this nine-minute clip. Win or lose, college football was better 30 years ago. The emotions and excitement were real, and not propped up by the almighty dollar. Instead of going into 17 sets of uniforms, they went into the players' pockets. The good times!

Have a good week. PYB

The T-Ragically Hip

Such limited time and such limited motivation. PYB awakes later than normal this Sunday, trying to summon the juice to write about another Big Ten snoozer. Another game spent flipping between the other college football contests, because watching NU fatten up on the worst team in the worst major conference was unwatchable. Let's do it:

--PYB is sad today. Sad that Tommy Armstrong had a bad game, throwing three interceptions while going 6/18. Sad that he looked slow afoot. His accuracy and decision making waned as the game went on and Offensive Coordinator Tim Beck refused to set him up with easy targets. Also keep in mind, his receivers did not help him a bit dropping at least three passes that would have added 120-140 yards to his total.

Hence, it didn't happen and now those with selective memory are proclaiming that it's obvious that T-Ragic will ascend back to his throne on the shitter once he returns from his stubbed toe. Never mind that everyone's favorite Vag has chalked up games like this for four years running, while only gaining a tighter grasp on the starting position.

That said, Armstrong's poor game should make it even more apparent to the coaches how the rest of the season should proceed. Keep starting Armstrong. See if it was a one-game anomaly and if he'll learn from the experience. Man? Or mouse, like Taylor Martinez, and stuff?

Concentrate on running the damn ball. Scrap the long bombs on 3rd & 4. Delete the fade passes, unless Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson or Randy Moss transfers to NU during the off week. Work a tight end into the middle of the field for a security blanket. Play smart, possession football while minimizing a young defense's exposure.

OR, just try to empty the damn playbook every single fucking game, get good at nothing, beat the shitty teams 44-7 when you should have beaten them 69-0, re-anoint Martinez as the starter upon his return and then get bottle blasted the next time you play a mediocre team on national television.

--Ameer Abdullah had another solid game while navigating the six-inch crabgrass at Ross-Ade Stadium. A game that top-tier running backs should have in conference road contests. Imani Cross looked bad, but not as bad as last week, but still seemed to be sinking further into a pool of quicksand with each step. Terrell Newby was in and out, and his performance was hard to assess. King Frazier got a couple carries and looked intriguingly impressive as he always does.

--Quincy Enunwa looked like he may be the best Nebraska receiver. Jamal Turner reminded us why he has yet to become the playmaker we all thought he would be two years ago. Beck reminded us why he drives us fucking crazy, calling Enunwa's number on a 40-yard pass play over the middle one play after Enunwa's awesome, jumping, spinning 50-yard run past multiple defenders. This, from the same offensive coordinator whose running backs leave the game after every single run over 10 yards.

--NU lost its best offensive lineman, most likely for the season, on a brutal blindside hit. If Spencer Long didn't tear multiple knee ligaments on that one, we'll be shocked.

--Stanley Jean-Baptiste was ejected on the worst targeting call we've seen to date, along with the worst post-tackle muscle flex in the history of football. The one time Bo Pinelli should have snapped into a sideline tirade, he was surprisingly calm. One PYB follower asked: Is he auditioning for another job?

--The defense got fat on another first-game, immobile quarterback playing for one of the nation's worst teams. Fans and scribes alike commiserated when the shutout was lost by a shockingly stupid breakdown late in the game, pretending like a goose egg  against an awful team would mean anything a month from now.

Haven't we all learned the last few years? The defense gets exposed by the one early-season opponent with a pulse, only to lull us to sleep for the next four to six weeks as it feasts on cupcakes, before melting down against the next slightly-above-average offense it plays?

Ohio State, Michigan until Denard Robinson got hurt and Wisconsin in 2012, Wisconsin, Ohio State until Braxton Miller got hurt, Northwestern and Michigan in 2011, Texas Tech in 2009. We forget Private Pinelli's history and are doomed to repeat it.

--Josh Mitchell continued the new Husker tradition of faking an injury after a horrible play.

--Randy Gregory harassed the Boilermakers. We hope he can do the same consistently against better competition.

--Aaron Curry looks like he will be a stud in a couple years. Muscular, athletic, quick. Surely, James Dobson will fatten him up so he quits making impressive plays.

--The punt return game continues to rack up fair catch after fair catch, while not even attempting to rush the punter.

--Purdue attempted the worst fake punt we have seen to date, opting for the reverse followed by a pass deep inside its own territory. This call made the ones that Frank Solich made against Ole Miss and that Pinelli made versus UCLA this year look solid in comparison.

So, a win is a win -- they say. But to us, it feels like a tree falling in the falls with nobody around. Didn't it really happen? Did it matter? Check in with us after November 9, when NU travels to Ann Arbor. We're hip to this game, and we're sure our readers are too.

If the Cornhuskers lose to a disappointing Michigan team, they'll be back at square one. If NU wins, they'll likely get the honor of getting scalped by Ohio State in the Big Ten title game while the nation watches. Good times.

What happened to the good times? What happened to the good times?