Better Mo' Blues...

Nebraska turned what should have been a 17-point win into a  narrow 30-27 victory over Wisconsin Saturday night, allowing the team and its fans to bask in false confidence for one more week. The same things we've seen out of Bo Pinelli's troops for years are the same things we saw Saturday.  Fumbles, bumbles, and blunders were abound in Lincoln and nearly cost the Cornhuskers the game. Fortunately, the Badgers are a bad football team -- a bad team whoses weaknesses happen to play to Nebraska's few strengths.

PYB will do this week's game recap a little differently, recapping thoughts that we noted this morning while watching the contest a second time. Going position-by-position would be a waste, as we've said it all a hundred times. It's all just a bit too familiar....

--The game got off to an inauspicious start....as the Huskers cemented themselves as certified chokers within minutes. Ameer Abdullah returned the opening kickoff to the 11-yard line against the slow-footed Badgers, and then T Vagic promptly fumbled on the first play. Anyone who's watched NU the last five seasons knew this was the sign of a vintage Bo Pinelli bright-light effort. One poor throw later, it was a three and out and a punt.

Within three plays, Wisconsin was deep in Husker territory after completing a lob ball on a jump ball over Josh Mitchell. In short order, the NU defensive line was bullied back on its heels and the Badgers were up 7-0.

--Daimion Stafford's propensity to blow assignments is concerning. Again this week, we saw him fail to help his corners over the top, fall out of position while trailing Wisconsin's only good receiver over the middle in zone coverage and forget to turn around while helping another defender, drawing a crucial pass interference penalty.

--Even Nebraska's normally reliable players find ways to choke in high-profile games. Apparently, the fear from their head coach filters down to their level. This time, Rex Burkhead fumbled after bumping into a brain-dead offensive lineman who got in his way after hesitating on a pull assignment. Seconds later, it was 14-3 Wisconsin.

--Taylorina Martinez continued his streak of being called Tyler by the television announcer and is at five games running. He also continued his streak of making enough innacurate throws to either lose the game or keep a bad team in the game. Tim Beck continued his amazing streak of trying to mold Martinez into Joe Montana, pocket passer extraordinaire.

--Abdullah returned the next kick 83 yards, and NU got a field goal to cut it to 14-3. On their next possession, Brett Maher continued his season-long role as close-game liability and missed a field goal attempt.

--Nebraska had SIX fucking fumbles. Lost two. Luckily, they played a bad team last night. When they play a below-average team, that just won't fly. A mediocre team on the road...and look out...we'll see next week in Columbus.

--After the missed FG attempt, Sean Fisher forgot to cover Montee Ball out of the backfield. Fortunately, for Fisher, Ball dropped the ball and NU fans will forget this gaffe because he made seven tackles against a shitty team. (Note: After a horrendous penalty by a sleepwalking Stanley Jean-Baptiste, Wisconsin still ended up scoring a TD on this drive and making the score 20-3 after Josh Mitchell got outleaped to the ball and safety PJ Smith was nowhere to be found).

--PYB wants to point out that the Badgers are so damn bad that the Huskers dominated their offensive and defensive lines. NU's linebackers made plays and looked quick to the ball in certain situations. They were able to overpursue the play, because Ball isn't capable of cutting back and the Wisconsin quarterbacks are immobile.

--Before dismissing the last sentiment as unwarranted negativity, keep in mind that UW rushed for 168 yards vs. Northern Iowa, 35 vs. Oregon State, 156 vs. Utah St., and 213 vs UTEP.  Hell, they axed their offensive line coach after two games. Bad line, bad team.

--Surprisingly,Thad Randle got hurt.

--NU blew its first defensive timeout at the 13:01 mark of the second quarter and blew another before halftime. The only thing that resembles Frank Solich more than Pinelli's clock management, is his dumbfounded looks after being outwitted and outcoached by every opposing coach.

 --Down 20-3, NU got to midfield, only to have Taylorina end a drive prematurely by missing a wide open receiver on third down. He has a new throwing motion but left it at home last night, because he was playing a BCS-conference team.

--Mitchell, at 5'9" and 165 pounds may be NU's best tackler, but is too small to make plays on the ball when guarding a larger receiver--which is every receiver. Mo Seisay will need to develop quickly and play more.

--Despite his success as a running back and kick returner, Abdullah has regressed as a punt returner. He fumbled one Saturday, misread another, fair caught another at the six-yard line, and fair caught yet another when no Wisconsin defender was within 15 yards. Jamal Turner deserves a shot here. Better yet, PYB would like to see both Abdullah and Turner back at the same time.

--Taylor Martinez runs like a pussy. Whether tip-toeing, or cradling the ball with two hands, or turtling to avoid contact, it's downright embarrassing to watch him. A clueless football player with no IQ for the game.

--Beck got SEVEN touches combined for Turner, Kenny Bell and Kyler Reed. Not enough. That number should be at least 12-15 per game. BUT, poor play selection and a poor-throwing QB prevent that.

--T Vagic's errant third-quarter throw to Abdullah was completed, but should have been a TD. For a team with blocking and ball-security issues, there isn't room for missing a scoring opportunity in the red zone.

--Taylorina showed that his pocket presence is still as bad as always when he was sacked and fumbled the ball back to Wisconsin. Sure, the left tackle got burned by the defensive end, but Martinez had three yards to step up on the pocket after standing in it for two counts too long. See above...RE: clueless/no IQ. (Side note: this particular 3rd & 10 was caused by Martinez missing a wide-open Bell on second down.)

--Badger QB Joel Stave did his best Jay Cutler impression, hanging up his cleats and donning the headset after taking hard hits from Baker Steinkuhler and Stafford. (Note: the Wisconsin offensive line is so bad that Steinkuhler looked like a legitimate Division I player for two quarters.)

--Beck's playcalling has too many brain-dead moments. For example, rolling a bad-throwing QB to the left (away from his arm side) and having him throw across his body in traffic. For instance, rolling down to the opponent's 30-yard line with one RB, then pulling said RB out for another cold RB with no rhythm for the game. Most puzzling was the change from Burkhead to Braylon Heard as NU tried to run out the clock. Heard hadn't played in two quarters and has zero experience in close games.

--Question: Does NU have the worst-conditioned backs in college football? For several years, any time a Nebraska running back pops a run for more than 10 yards, they're instantly headed to the sideline for a breather. Huh?

--If Martinez had any field vision, he could run out of the pocket down after down after down, move the chains, rack up yards, and blow teams out. And by "blow out", we mean 13 points.

--We saw the Diamond formation for one play. It was hugely successful last year, so obviously, Beck has effectively scrapped it.

--Can we see Burkhead in the Wildcat soon?

--PYB was glad to see Timmy Marlowe show up to the sidelines looking like a five-year-old on Christmas Day. Pelini's Pet donned a full uniform, minus shoulder pads, plus gloves plus a headset. Embarrassing.

--Mike Marrow should never play again. Andy Janovich showed promise as a lead blocker.

--PJ Smith dropped another should-be interception. So did Will Compton.

--Compton is the best Blackskirt defender. That's a scary thought.

--Abdullah had another crucial fumble, only to have his elf of a quarterback save him by recovering it and running for a first down. The fumbling is a huge problem and occurs at the worst possible times.

--College football needs to scrap instant replay. Every week, calls are blown by the men in the booth, or even worse NOT reviewed at all. Quincy Enunwa's catch at the one-yard-line was obviously worth second look. Oddly enough, Brad Nessler and Todd Blackledge agreed that the incomplete ruling was a great call. Whatever.

--Nebraska proved still incapable finishing game-clinching drives, getting inside the 20 before using poor play calls and penalties to stall touchdown hopes, settle for a field goal, and give themselves one more chance to lose.

--NU's final possession was worse, as the Cornhuskers converted a first down in two plays, then another in three plays. After that, Beck got scared and ran the same Burkhead sweep that had failed all day, then a zone read, then a nine-yard pattern on 3rd & 8 that Martinez threw seven. Punt.

Question: Being in Wisconsin territory, why not run play action then go deep? Even if the ball is intercepted, it's just like a punt. Answer: We're not from Ohio. We just don't understand.

SO, there you have it...PYB bitching about another win. A win that smells just like the fool's-gold Ohio State win from last year. A win that exposed all of NU's old warts. A win over a bad team that had struggled to beat UNI, USU and UTEP.

But hey, maybe Bo Pinelli said it best to Holly Rowe after the game: "We executed. We made better more plays down the field."

Huh? Committing crucial penalties and fumbling six times is executing?

Instead of forgetting about a horrid first half, maybe the team should learn from the last few seasons and focus on playing with urgency and discpline from the start. Instead of aspiring to beat a bad Big 10 team at home, the team's goal should be to play efficiently. To play without fear. To get up on bad teams, step on the throat and snap the neck. Instead, they flop around for 2.5 quarters and then hope to win at the end.

Bo Pinelli's Cornhuskers are back. Turns out they never left.

Magical

Domination. Pure and simple.

Nebraska football fans who had been waiting for 15 years for their Cornhuskers to return to form watched it happen Saturday, as NU destroyed Idaho State 73-7. With a win this impressive, Bo Pinelli's crew lays its claim as early favorites for a Big Ten title and a trip to Pasadena.

Let's review how each facet of the team sparkled yesterday in the Star City:

Quarterback: Dual-threat wizard Taylor Martinez was his usual brilliant self, perhaps even better as he refines his new throwing motion. The junior was as efficient as ever, going 9/13 in the air for 165 yards, and hitting Kenny Bell on a surgical 68-yard strike before exiting early.

Martinez ran for just 15 yards, but the Huskers didn't need his legs against the Bengals. What's most important is that teams in the Big Ten MUST respect T-Mobile's blazing speed in conference play, or they'll be looking at the back of his jersey on the way to the end zone.

Even more impressive is the way the Corona, Calif., native has stepped up as a team leader. As a third-year starter, the way he manages and controls a game from under center has begun to remind us of another option master -- Tommie Frazier. Perhaps even Tommie Frazier with a better arm...and if you don't believe us...just look at the statistics.

The game was so lopsided that Ron Kellogg got some action. Leave it to personnel master Pinelli to get his backup some extra reps in a blowout game. Should T Magic go down later this year, Kellogg now has the experience needed to keep the Husker Train rolling toward the Rose Bowl.

Running Back: Sexy Rexy Burkhead made his comeback from a severe knee injury, and didn't miss a beat. He wore a knee brace for precautionary purposes, but will surely shed it before Wisky heads to town next week.

Ameer Abdullah is now 1A on the depth chart. He has great moves and speed. The only downfall to his game was an occasional fumble. But he hasn't put it on the carpet since UCLA, and we think it's safe to say that's a thing of the past.

Imani Cross got his first 100-yard game of the season -- surely the first of many as a Husker. He's got the power that NU will need in the rugged Big 10, where the linebackers are the size of freight trains and run like cheetahs.

Receiver: TEN Nebraska players caught passes. Kenny Bell will surely walk away with numerous honors before his days in Lincoln are done. It's also great to see how Martinez makes his young receiving corps better......putting the ball right where they need it to catch it on the run and rack up RAC. Quincy Enunwa got his first long touchdown, and coupled with Bell and Jamal Turner for the next couple years, we have a feeling a unit dubbed 'Lethal Weapon 3' is sure to emerge. Who said Nebraska can't throw the football??!

Offensive Line: The Pipeline. The famed unit that led Nebraska to three national championships in five years in the 1990s may just be back. This year's front five helped NU bulldoze its way to more than seven yards a carry against a bullish Bruin squad two weeks ago and did it again yesterday. Looks like Barney Cotton has finally gotten the style of player he'll need to win in the Big 10. Whether it's steamrolling down the field rush after rush, or giving T Magic all the time he needs in the pocket to pick apart the opponent's secondary, Cotton's Crew appears ready to lead the way.

Defensive Line: Pinelli's defensive front four crushed the Bengals from the start, when Cameron Meredith bull-rushed his may through Idaho State's massive left tackle for his second sack of the season. Given the way opposing teams have double-teamed him, and the fact that he plays in a "two-gap" scheme, that's an impressive number. Team maniac Eric Martin had also racked up 2.5 sacks.

When all was said and done, the Huskers had seven sacks and had reminded us of guys by the name of Wistrom, Peter, and Alberts. Pure terror coming at the quarterback. Every play.

Linebackers: With the D-Line wreaking havoc up front, the LBs weren't needed as much as normal. But it's safe to say Will Compton was flying over the field, throwing the bones and leading the team to another solid performance. Most importantly, the unit showed off its depth when Sean Fisher and Trevor Roach came into the game. The experience they got will be invaluable in the bruising Big 10, where fullbacks remind us of charging bulls.

Secondary: Terry Joseph's unit had its best game in years. Covering Bengals likes blankets and making two interceptions. Ciante Evans returned a pick 29 yards for a TD, the first that we remember by an NU defender since Alfonzo Dennard took one back against Washington in Seattle. Great to see playmakers back on the side of the scarlet and cream.

The interceptions, of course, get added to the highlights but we were most impressed by the secondary's coverage technique on Saturday. Defensive backs had several opportunities to turn around on balls and intercept them, but instead, they stuck to their instructions and played the man instead of the ball itself. Sure, they got a few pass interference calls and gave up a few long catches because of this, but over the long term it will pay off in spades. Pass break ups and interceptions are not important to turning the tide of close games.....it's technique that pays the bills in the defensive system.

Readers may not agree with everything written about the defense here today, but we think it's safe to say we can all agree that Bo should be handing out the Blackshirts this week.

So, that's our synopsis of the Idaho State game. Next up, a clash with the Badgers in Lincoln next weekend. Time for payback for the game in Madison last year, and the Nebraska players will surely have revenge on their minds. Wisconsin doesn't have Russell Wilson this year, and won't have the home faithful to save them either.

Look for a blowout on national television and for the country's college football fans to realize a week later what we realized yesterday: Nebraska is back. And we're here to stay!

Pic of the Day

Anyone else see this Saturday during the Nebraska-Arkansas State telecast? How the fuck did this 80s retread get on to the field at Memorial Stadium?? Something tells PYB that this is the kind of peaches that RBV likes burying his head in for hours at a time......

Most important question is, though, can she play defensive end?

Fitting Indeed....

Video of the day, from Boardwalk Empire, Season 2.

Guess Who's Coming to Lincoln?

Nebraska confirmed itself as the beachfront bully Saturday, kicking sand in the face of yet another 100-pound pussy incapable of defending himself. After another pounding of a meaningless, hapless Arkansas State team, NU fans can choose to bury their heads in the sand and call the win a sign that the Blackskirts are 'back'. Or, they can be realistic, and use the 42-13 win as confirmation that the Huskers are who we knew they were.....and let them off the hook. Had the game been properly managed and turnovers avoided, a good team would have won 63-6.

PYB isn't going to go overboard repeating things we've already said 100 times. The game was a weird one, from start to finish. It came complete with a dyke play-by-play announcer referring to the 'play cock nearly expiring', Sidney Poitier as the color analyst and another drama-queen moment from Bo Pinelli. We'll settle for updates, just like the NU Athletic Department settled by scheduling a dogshit game like this one:

--Tyler Martinez did what he does. Rack up numbers against bad teams. Plays that are scores and completions against the Red Wolves will be no gains and interceptions against a team with a pulse. Taylorina's first touchdown pass to Kenny Bell was horrendous and wouldn't fly against a BCS team. Bell did his best to spin it as a "back shoulder throw" after the game, but we know the truth. Heck, even Arkansas State found a way to expose Martinez's lack of pocket presence and rattle him into two third-quarter fumbles.

T Vagic is good enough to beat up patsies and good enough to get you beat against anyone decent. He's also just inefficient enough to make sure NU's backup QB gets one meaningless series in blowouts instead of a full quarter of reps.

--Ameer Abdullah looked great. Too many carries to absorb, given that the game was a blowout. Imani Cross and Braylon Heard both looked solid. Mike Marrow is terrible, and his playing time should dwindle to zero very soon. Can't run, can't block, can't hang on to the ball. Either bench him....or make him a four-year starter.

--The offensive line was bad, as usual, but got a hall pass because Abdullah is so good at bouncing runs inside or outside, a la Roy Helu. The front five cannot sustain a push....ever. Not even against Arkansas State. This does not bode well for conference play. At least there weren't a million penalties. Baby steps.

--Receivers were great as always. Bell was a difference maker. Quincy Enunwa caught the ball well and was tough to bring down. Kyler Reed caught another ball. Only trouble is, they'll go MIA in big games because their quarterback is bad.

--The defensive line was terrible, as suspected. When all four starters suck, the unit as a whole will suck. It's just science. Cameron Meredith is cementing his place in history as the worst starting defensive end in Nebraska history. If you can think of somebody worse, please let us know. John Ankrah looked as if he's adopted Meredith's same lethargic play and fitness regimen. His ass gets fatter by the day, and will be 2-Live-Crew-video material in a matter of weeks.

--Linebackers: Will Compton made a few plays but is too slow to run plays down. Zaire Anderson didn't look very good, or fast. Hopefully, he was just tentative in his first game. We don't believe that's the case, however. David Santos looked like he could run a bit and may be a capable player the next few seasons. There was a Sean Fisher sighting. He's really smart and is going to medical school, or so they tell us.

--The defensive backs looked the same....far from perfect but impossible to grade because of the ineptitude of the front four. PJ Smith had a nice game and could solidify the secondary if he can continue tackling well in the Big 10. Daimion Stafford, though far from perfect, can provide some spark with big hits. Josh Mitchell may be the team's best tackler, at 165 pounds. Mo Seisay saw some action, and at least he was within two yards of his receiver whenever we saw him.

There you have it......Husker Nation is back! Back feasting on cupcakes and living in denial. Idaho State will be a joke next week, and Wisconsin has been flat-out awful. They should have lost yesterday, at home, to Utah State.....but the Aggie kicker decided to shank a 37-yard field goal in the final minute.

Michigan State was equally moribund against Notre Dame. The Spartans didn't stand a chance all game. ESPN darling Ohio State barely escaped at home against Cal -- but we expect the Buckeyes to dismantle NU in Columbus. Iowa eked out a W against the mighty UNI Panthers.

Bottom line is.....this year's version of the Big 10 may be the worst major conference in 20 years. Somehow, Nebraska could win the whole enchilada and go get embarrassed in the Rose Bowl again. Maybe against the explosive Trojans of USC -- another overrated ESPN favorite who barely beat Syracuse and got dominated up front in a loss to Stanford Saturday night.

Sadly, Pinelli & Crew will find a way to fuck up a shot at a New Year's Day bowl. We know this to be true. And it is probably for the best, if it means avoiding playing an athletic team on national television.

What happened to the good times?

Make Tackles or Die Tryin'

A few gameday quick hits, as PYB tries to remember if there has been a time where we were less excited this close to a Cornhusker kickoff:

--John Papuchis got his ass ripped by 250+ blue hairs in Omaha yesterday, and the World Herald's @jonnyatawa wrote about it. Several concerns here:

1. NU's tackling sucks, because they don't do it in practice. They don't want to get people hurt. So, a starting WR blows his ACL in a 'special teams drill,' but live tackling is too risky? Didn't Nebraska rack up conference and national titles in the 1990s when the top offense and defense went live against each other at least once a week in practice? Wasn't Bill Callahan vilified for his no-pad, no-contact practices?

NU is paying a 'defensive genius' $3 million per year, and they don't tackle in practice? The reason elite schools may not tackle during the week is because they have natural athletes who just know how to run, catch and tackle. NU does not, and needs the reps. Subpar players must repeat their lessons weekly, just like subpar students.

Is this concept that hard to grasp? And, outside of about three players, does an injury to anyone else matter? Hell, the team's best player (and arguably ONLY big-game player) was out last week, and it supposedly didn't affect the team at UCLA. Whatever.

2. Nebraska's defense doesn't rush the passer, because it wants to contain the quarterback. Well, the four porkers up front can't contain the quarterback, so they may as well rush the passer and hope to get lucky a few times a game. You know, make plays. Sacks, fumbles, hurries, pressures, interceptions. Rather go down trying than die a slow death in every single game against a good team, every single season....

Papuchis said the coaching staff's goal is to avoid "undue stress" on the defensive line. Huh? God forbid they be expected to make a play. What about the undue stress that the lack of pass rush puts on the other seven defenders, as they try to cover faster players or hold coverage in the secondary for seven to 10 seconds. Every snap. For four quarters. For 13 games.

3. The NU defensive coordinator got pissed at a fan who questioned the team's goals, saying the aim was still a national title. Is this why several players spewed the "we can still win the Big 10" line after the UCLA loss? Every time this team loses, the company line changes to "we can still (insert watered-down goal here)".

There is no true disappointment when the national title dreams are washed away for another year. That's 15 and counting. The new generation's mantra: get your ass kicked, reload and aim lower. It's all good, we'll just drop a few Tweets to #HuskerNation and tell them they're the greatest fans in the world, and all will be forgiven. I'll live like a king, bask in the glow of my followers' adoration and ignore the glaring deficiencies in my team's performance. Perfect.

Finally, before we eject, many live-in-the-past Cornhusker fans (translation: 95 percent of them), have been creaming their shorts about this article. PYB read it, even before Dork Chatelain stole it for his blog. Solich was a terrible coach. He ruined Nebraska. He won only with Tom Osborne's players. He couldn't land an impact recruit. Couldn't manage a game.

That was then, this is now, you say? Well, go watch the tape of the MAC championship game from last season, where Ohio blew a big lead. All Frank's tanks show he's the same shitty coach, 10 years later. It's on tape. Go look it up. And spare us the bullshit defenses of his tenure in Lincoln.

All we got, as look for the silver lining of watching today's Arkansas State matchup: at least we don't have to pay $39.95 for this piece-of-shit game.

PYB

A Bitch Iz a Bitch

PYB is pondering which is the bigger sign that college football is watered down and awful, while remembering sage wisdom from one Todd Shaw: "All bitches ain't women.":

--Nebraska starting a quarterback that is so damn stupid that he thinks he can force big plays into happening, even though he isn't any good. Worse yet, a quarterback who feeds off the panic his offensive coordinator creates by throwing nine straight plays once his team falls behind and still can't stop making huge mistakes at the worst times. Remember, football players were stupid when you went to high school and are mostly stupid in college. And stuff.

--OR--

--Nebraska fans going apeshit over the fact that a third-rate defensive tackle quit the team yesterday. The same DT who's racked up a total of 17 tackles in 12 career games. Anyone who remembers seeing number 97 make a tackle behind the line of scrimmage, pressure a quarterback, disrupt a play in any fashion or even get off a dogpile -- please raise your hand.....  In all seriousness, the only time Chase Rome was mentioned in newspapers after a game was after beating the shit out of a paper towel dispenser at the Madison airport. Remember, football players are stupid. And a bitch is a bitch.

--OR--

--The fact that local sportswriters are warning NU fans not to overlook the loss of walk-on WR Tyler Wullenwaber. He has two catches this year. This is the same Nebraska team that has wasted the careers of pass-catching standouts Mike McNeill and Kyler Reed. Remember, ex-football players turned coaches are smarter than most other football players, but in relation to the rest of society, still pretty stupid.

--OR--

--That Nebraska coaches are back to the haphazard, panicked adjustments they implemented in 2011. You know, the "new, permanent" starters at cornerback that they changed for three consecutive games? Now, we get the "possible move from a 4-3 to 3-4 defense" after one bad game. If the system is tried and true, why does one bad game force a philosophical change? Maybe because the defense now has no identity, just like the offense?

Also, if a 4-3 defense requires three linebackers and Nebraska barely has one good one (Will Compton, when not required to run fast or tackle athletic opponents).....how is moving to a 3-4 going to help when it requires another linebacker? Now, coaches must produce three LBs out of thin air rather than just two. Sure, we know they can mix and match personnel and it won't be four pure LBs at all times, but the "strategy" is fucked from the start.

We're fine.

Pics of the Day -- L.A. Edition

As we digest all the excessive talk about Nebraska football, considering it's no longer a Top 25 program and more like a Top 40 program, PYB wanted to provide some photos from its correspondents along with some Wednesday notes. Photo one is a nice landscape from the shitty Rose Bowl, helping show just how many NU fans blew their money on traveling to another Cornhusker bottle blasting. (Interesting side note from the AP's Eric Olson: in its last 15 games against BCS teams, Nebraska is 7-8. Bam!)

The second picture shows the scum that is the state of California and that reps NU to the fullest while wearing denim shorts. Thanks to the Tall Dick and The Gambler for their submissions.

--Anything more rigged and stupid than the overturning of the New Orleans Saints' bounty suspensions? They had eight months to figure this out, and it all happens two days before the season begins?

--Brion Carnes to WR. Bet he's glad he came to NU. The only thing worse than backing up Taylor Martinez has to be relying on old Taylorina to make a good pass and get you the ball. He's also supposedly dabbling at punt returner. Brion, that job is taken! Don't you know that the Cornhuskers use their starting running back in that position, rather than the dynamite Jamal Turner? They use their starting running back, who's the starter because the original starter is hurt. So it makes sense to use the new starter as a punt returner, considering NU has at least three other bona fide options. We're fine.

--PYB loved seeing all the "9/11: Never Forget" propaganda yesterday. What a bunch of shit. If we had truly not forgotten, the U.S. would have eradicated every opposition in the Middle East and taken control of that entire part of the world years ago. Instead, we play political patsy, and at least two more Americans were killed in an attack in Libya. This, of course, added to the thousands who have died in Iraq & Afghanistan, as our country fucked around instead of using its full capabilities and demolishing everything in its path.

OK, on that note, we're out.

If the Skirt Fits

Usually, PYB watches the tape of Nebraska football games a second time before heaping praise or leveling criticism toward the team's peformance. This time, we haven't. We probably won't. What's the point? The reasons that NU got bodyslammed in Los Angeles are nothing new. They're the same massive holes in the fabric of this program that we've been ranting about for seasons on end and ranted about last week after the "dominating" win against Southern Miss. For the sake of tradition and our Commitment to Excrement, however, let's waste 90 minutes out of a perfectly shitty Monday:

Quarterback
Taylor Martinez....CHECK THAAAT......Taylorina Martinez has a new throwing motion. He has a new throwing motion when playing against bad teams that can't provide an ounce of pressure on him. When playing against below average teams, that have a couple decent defensive linemen, then he's the same shitty quarterback.

He can run fast as fuck, provided it's in a perfectly straight line and requires no thought, wit or analysis. See 92-yard TD run. If the game is moving at any pace faster than Division II, he'll blow read after read after read. See fourth-quarter safety. Take away his long touchdown, and T-Vagic ran 12 times for 20 yards.

He can make some early-game throws, when his safety blanket WR Kenny Bell is wide open and the other team isn't providing pressure. Once the other team makes any sort of adjustment, it's the same old nightmare of overthrows, forces, and interceptions. See the underhanded panic toss from the end of the second quarter or the bevy of passes from the fourth quarter.

SO, we'll do this one more time. He can't pass. Can't run at the level needed by an NU quarterback. He's stupid. Why is he going to be a four-year starter at Nebraska? Only 23+ more starts to go.

Running Back
Ameer Abdullah performed admirably, running 16 times for 119 yards. Braylon Heard had three carries for 21 yards before inexplicably being benched as NU went down the field with the opportunity to take the lead in the fourth quarter. Mike Marrow is fat and should never play again. As a note, being fat doesn't make a back "powerful."

Looking at the big picture, both of the Cornhusker running backs averaged seven yards per carry against UCLA's mediocre defense. NU still couldn't win. That is an outrageous statistic, and the fact that Tim Beck couldn't slow the game down enough to come out on top is pathetic. We'll get to him later.

Offensive Line
Sure, they're not good and Barney Cotton is a bad coach. But we can't pin this loss on the slugs up front. The other holes were just too massive. Are there problems? Absolutely. Do we have time to address them right now? Not a chance.

Receivers
Ready, able and willing. Too bad there's nobody to distribute the ball to them. Bell is a legitimate threat, but Martinez looks for him way too often and throws to him, covered or not. Jamal Turner dropped a ball that he should have caught, but it was a bad throw--too hard and behind him. There was a Kyler Reed sighting, with two catches for 28 yards. NU has successfully wasted another great tight end's career without reaping any benefits. Quincy Enunwa is a good role player and rocked the shit out of the UCLA defender that intercepted T-Vagic's inexplicable, boneheaded pass before halftime -- before it was called back.

Special Teams
Bad. Again. Brett Maher seemed to get a handle on his punting later in the game, but had two painful shanks. He also missed the potential game-winning 37-yard field goal. YES, Nebraska should have been closer or should have scored a touchdown, BUT kickers must make those attempts--especially when playing on a poor team that is worse-than-usual inside the 20-yard line. We'll grant a slight reprieve, given the fact that the hold was askew. Where is Austin Cassidy when a guy needs him? LACES OUT, DAN!

Defensive Line
Slow. Fat. Inneffective. Porous. Bad. Nonexistent. Let us know if we've missed any other apt descriptors for this unit. Please also let us know if you see one shred of muscle definition in any one of their biceps or triceps. In all seriousness, what are they doing in the weight room? Cameron Meredith, Baker Steinkuhler, Chase Rome, Thad Randle......four doughboys. None of them have changed a lick during their times in the program. Are they just turds that can't be polished, or is the NU strength program also to blame?

All we know is that they're incapable of pressuring QBs from even the worst teams, and the only reason they contained Brett Hundley at least a little bit in the second half was because he damn near snapped his ankle on a slide in the third quarter. That bit of Bruin misfortune almost cost them the game....just like Braxton Miller's injury cost Ohio State a win last season in Lincoln.

Linebackers
Will Compton made some plays but got burned many times in coverage. He can't survive without some serious speed to surround him at the other linebacker positions. Alonzo Whaley looked overmatched and too slow to make a difference most times. Did any other true linebackers play? One positive note was that we didn't have to watch Sean Fisher stumble and bumble around the Rose Bowl field. Not sure how he couldn't crack the rotation for this moribund bunch? Perhaps he's started focusing on medical school with 10 games to go in his Cornhusker career, a la Judd Davies.

Secondary
Andrew Green and Ciante Evans weren't perfect and definitely added to the slew of missed tackles registered by the Blackskirts Saturday. BUT....PYB has to say they at least competed and made some plays against pass attempts. Is it fair to judge this unit's performance, given the fact that there is NO chance that the opposing QB will be disrupted by the front four, and front seven for that matter? Josh Mitchell, Daimion Stafford and Stanley Jean-Baptiste can be thrown into the 'far-from-perfect but competed' category, as well. Corey Cooper looked to be taking a page from PJ Smith's book by overrunnig plays and missing a bevy of tackles. For the most part, he looked like a fish out of water. Maybe this is what happens when coaches move a player three times in a year -- safety.....STARTING cornerback for one game......nickel/dime defender. Not fair to the kid.

All other analysis will be suspended until the defensive line is fixed...which at this rate may be 'light years', if you're quoting Coach Pinelli.

Coaching
Speaking of Pinelli, PYB has a question: Which has more zeroes? Pinelli's $3,000,000 paycheck OR his roster of Nebraska football players? That said, for a salary of this kind, NU fans deserve more than a defense that has regressed and has zero playmakers. Remember Pinelli's statement that his 2012 defense would be better than his 2011 unit, despite losing the ONLY three good players he had? It was bullshit.

The cupboard is bare, but we're fine. You motherfuckers from anywhere but Ohio just don't know football. Anyone who doesn't believe that you strap your chances for four years on a quarterback who can't play and a bad defensive scheme that can't time a blitz to save its ass just don't get it. You really....DON'T....KNOW! And you never will...to quote the great Jim Mora! Hell, Jim Mora Jr. was enough to own the mighty Huskers on Saturday evening.

Other than never beating a good team and not winning once Bill Callahan's players exited the NU program, Coach Bo gets a bit of a hall pass this game. That's because there was another coach who shit the bed worse than Pinelli. The aforementioned Tim Beck came down with a case of Twatsonitis on Saturday, trying to prove to us all just how deep and creative his fucking playbook is. After seeing Taylorina bolt 92 yards early in the game on a zone read play, we saw it just a couple times more. Well, of course, just a couple times until NU was buried near its own end zone. That was the perfect time to go back to it, considering his QB can't make the proper read more often than not. Safety. Game over....almost...

On its next drive, Nebraska RAN down the field without opposition. Ran it right down the Bruins' fucking throat. Gashed them with seven yards a pop by Braylon Heard, who was offering the perfect change of pace to Abdullah. Fresh legs, different, more powerful  running style. A style that is deft inside the tackles and was tearing the core out of the UCLA defense. So, what would any good offensive coordinator do after penetrating the opponents' 30-yard line? PULL HIM OUT OF THE GAME, of course!!!

Anyone who didn't get that answer correct just doesn't understand football and obviously isn't from Youngstown, Ohio. Heard's benching wasn't the coup de gras, though. That came on the 3rd and 1 play, where Beck opted to give the rock to Marrow, whose tubby ass fell down short of the first down. Drive over, field goal attempt missed. Game over.

One would think the the previous three paragraphs would be indictment enough, but PYB has more to present. Beck went back to his Wisconsin ways and pushed the panic button. Any time Nebraska falls behind, it's time to throw. And throw. And throw. EVERY. FUCKING. DOWN. You know, go to what your quarterback does worst. Pass from the pocket. Make reads. Make good decisions. After the botched game-winning drive, Beck had Martinez dropping back to pass nearly every down.

We've seen this movie before, and it sucks. Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship Game. Wisconsin. Texas. South Carolina. Remind us of any others...we're too tired to look it up. It's definitely embarrassing, and senseless. The game was still a one-score game, and Beck still tried to forge Taylorina into Joe Montana--again. His offense had run right down the field the very last drive. Instead, NU went three and punt and gave the ball back to an offense that lit the defense up for 653 yards -- the second-most in school history. Given the Kevin Cosgrove years, that says a lot.

PYB has nothing left to give, until the coaches give us reason to believe that difference-making changes are on the way. We propose benching Martinez and letting a new quarterback take the reins. Taylorina will never provide anything better than 8-4 and panicked performances when the lights are bright. Bench the front four on the defense and see if the freshmen can make an impact. Obviously, they burned their redshirts for a reason.

Anyway, the fix isn't about a couple short-term personnel decisions. It's about a long-term vision and philosophy. Pinelli needs to prove he has one.....and a successful one at that. Right now, the reasons for doubt have never been stronger and the tide is definitely turning against him.

We're fine. Are we fine? Are you fucking retarded?!!  Do you want me to be fucking retarded?

All we got. And stuff.   

PYB

That's All, Folks

After having the television go out where we were watching the Nebraska-Southern Miss football game, PYB had to wait to watch the tape to chime in with its game one reviews. Let's get started, as we debate unloading a ton of cash on NU at UCLA this week. (Temper that thought w/ the fact that the Cornhuskers have no healthy, proven player who can go more than five carries without fumbling.

--Cameron Meredith sucks!! Sure, we've said it a thousand times. Lo and behold, it's still true. Porky has his technique down to a science this point: hand fight with the tackle, fail to shed a block all game, let the play get past him on either side, turn and waddle after the play until it ends. Don't believe us -- watch him for two or three series. It is sad. You can throw Baker Steinkuhler into the same category as Meredith, just subtract about 10 percent body fat.

If you think the fact that NU is burning three redshirts on the defensive line is a coincedence, then you're not Columbo. The front four is completely devoid of playmakers. Actually, completely devoid of anyone who can disrupt the offense more than once a game by accident. We're not looking for nitpicks, of course. We are pointing out glaring holes that will be targeted and abused as the season goes on.

--Taylor Martinez has a new throwing motion!! As has happened the last two seasons, media members and NU fans have popped a collective boner after T-Vagic's first big-stat game against a bad team. His throws did look a tad better. At least his arm raised above his head on certain throws and he even looked like a man a few times. However, let's wait to see what he does against even a mediocre defense. Watching the tape, there were a lot of completions into small windows that won't be there against faster opponents. There were also a lot of misses, where Martinez threw to the wrong side of the receiver and turned a 20-yard gain into an eight-yard catch.

All that said, Taylorina ran once for six yards. He did his pussy-assed slide at least twice. SO, he can't run, and is a sub-par passer. Why exactly doesn't NU get a pass-first QB who can distribute the ball to its bevy of receiving options? Anyone can hand off and pitch to the running backs.

--Linebackers: Hard to analyze much thus far, other than the facts that Alonzo Whaley showed glimpses of potential. Sean Fisher got a good score on his MCAT, so television announcers will have something positive to talk about when he gets burned and misses tackles regularly. We'll see if they can run down Brett Hundley, UCLA's talented dual-threat QB. PYB isn't feeling great about this matchup...remember Kain Colter of Northwestern? Well, we do and we also remember that the NU defense lost its only three good players from last season.

--Defensive backs: Incomplete due to no meaningful action or game situations. They did, however, show some depth and athletic ability. Mo Seisay is set to travel to Los Angeles, so we'll see if he can become a contributor or the next Armando Murillo.

--Special teams: Terrible. Hopefully, we can chalk up the kicking woes of Brett Maher as an exception. We'll see. BUT, Nebraska's golf pro/special teams coach should realize that special teams are a difference making proposition, especially when there is so much parity in today's game. Stuffing the team with nine white walkons won't cut it. Take a page for the mid-1990s when the kick teams were loaded with up-and-comers with speed and talent and even a couple starters. You know, guys who make plays? Not some dildo from Howells who has "earned" the chance by standing around for four years. Jesus......is it that hard a concept?

--Offensive Line: PYB abstains. Sure, NU racked up more than 600 yards. No false starts or stupid penalties. Now, let's see it against a good team, on the road, or even better.....a GOOD team on the ROAD....for four quarters!

--Receivers: Looked able, sure-handed, fast, strong. Good. Do they have anyone who can get it to them against worthy opponents? We say no. We hope we're wrong. We don't think we are.

--Running backs: Rex Burkhead looked great on his three carries. Without his steady presence and strong hands, the UCLA game could be dicey. We love Ameer Abdullah, but have doubts about whether he can be an every-down back, when a hammer inside the tackles is needed and the NU line isn't capable of opening gaping holes.

Imani Cross looked average, especially behind a so-so line. If he ran behind a good line that pushed downhill, we can see him being a difference-maker. NU doesn't have that. Braylon Heard impressed us, looking faster and more decisive. He actually got to the corner once, turned the corner, and cut inside for extra yards. We never expected to see that out of him.

So, it's off to the City of Angels---one of the most disgusting places on Earth. Bo Pinelli thinks the trip to California will be productive, especially considering NU recruits there and is "fairly productive" there. Smart guy. Who wouldn't be on the lookout for the next Martinez or Meredith or Eric Martin? Mediocre programs don't survive without second-tier players from the Golden State. (Scan the roster link, and e-mail us back with any difference-makers that you see who hail from CA.)

All for now....we'll offer more complete analysis next week after seeing a truer test. Enjoy your short week.....PYB.