Outfoxed

Let's get things rolling with some quick hitters before we have to trude off to work:

--Congratulations to UNC Basketball Coach Roy Williams! He finally got Kansas to the Final Four! Sure, Roy's Tarheels were beat up, but this was the lock of the century given the injuries and the fact that Williams is a terrible game coach. "Two possessions"???!

--Spring football practice has started, and Barney Cotton has started to shuffle his linemen around already. Is he making room for excuses next fall or for one of his daughters to get playing time?

--Has anyone else seen the mess that LaPhonso Ellis calls hair during his announcing stints on ESPN and recoiled in horror? Here's a picture from what had to be two years and 10 pounds ago....

--Pussy Blake Griffin is back to what he did in college--taking cheap shots at lesser teams and players. A few days after being cleaned out by Jason Smith (deservedly, we're sure), Griffin took a swipe at Trevor Ariza. We all surely know he'd never do this to anyone his size and apparently was too chickenshit to brawl Smith on the spot when the first incident happened. We'd love to see what the 1990s NY Knicks would do to him....We'd also like to see what they'd do to Chris Paul when he began strutting around like a peacock when his team was blowing out the lowly New Orleans Hornets.

--Haste makes waste, Mr. Osborne. This would have been a no-brainer hire in Lincoln, if the AD wasn't so enthralled with installing a altar boy as basketball coach.

--Bad weekend in Florida for the boys of summer: Jabba Chamberlain snaps his ankle, Bobby Jenks racks up a DUI, and Matt Bush adds to his trophy case of alcohol-related offenses by fleeing the scene this time. Fine work, gentlemen. If this injury doesn't derail Chamberlain's career, a 5+ ERA will.

--Thanks to CBS for further ruining the NCAA Basketball Tournament, which was formerly the perfect event. The Skycam and other horrible angles they continually use make the games unwatchable. Spare us.

--Josh Howard is out for the rest of the NBA season. No surprise. We were more surprised to find out he was still in the league.

All for now....try to contain your excitement as spring football rolls on and MLB's Opening Day nears!!

Miles Away

PYB definitely has been flattered during our semi-excused absence over the last week, as several readers have chimed in asking us our take on what was the NU basketball coaching search and then ultimately the selection and hiring of Tim Miles. We know just as much as any of you: nothing.

That said, we had a nagging feeling and predicted Athletic Director Tom Osborne would botch this hire. We won't know whether that feeling is warranted for at least four years. We do know, though, that the reason Osborne gave for dropping the axe on Ken Sadler was that the program had 'lost momentum' and needed a change in course. So, instead of changing course, TO went right back to where NU has always gotten its hoops coaches.....a program where the coach got his barely relevant team to a 20-win season or two. Uninspiring (just like this Randy York rah-rah piece on huskers.com--what a piece of shit), to say the least....and hardly an immediate momentum changer.

Osborne should definitely be criticized for not openly pursuing Larry Eustachy, who has gotten control of his personal life and led Southern Mississippi to a basketball revival in Hattiesburg. Of all people, TO should know about second chances. Apparently, you can beat the shit out of women and get back in the game but you can't overcome a drinking problem and get another job.

TO should also take heat for publicly admitting he took counsel on the hire from Craig Bohl, Ndamukong Suh and Bill Doleman. In Suh and Doleman, you have two great NU guys. But what the fuck do I care what a football player or a television announcer thinks about hiring a basketball coach? We know just as much or more about the game of basketball than either one of those men. In Bohl, you have the second-worst defensive coordinator in school history and a guy who couldn't succeed at a top-tier school and had to run for cover in the lower ranks, ie Dana Altman. A pathetic move by Osborne, to put it mildly.

As much as we refuse to blindly rave about hiring a completely unknown entity, we won't hate on Miles and his chances at NU for now. PYB knows that Osborne is a savvy businesman, but his track record of hiring coaches is somewhere in the range of terrible to incomplete-at-best (Solich, Pinelli, Erstad). So, we'll sit back, see if Miles has a strategy, see if he can execute that strategy, and see if he can make Nebraska basketball more than a punch line.

Miles had some good punch lines of his own at his introductory press conference Saturday, but Sadler had plenty of good jokes and hillbilly charm to go around too. Sadler knew the Xs and the Os, he just couldn't get a game-changer to come to the stark-white surroundings of the Star City. Even if Miles can't coach for shit, it'll be worth a few seasons of Edmund Exley/LA Confidential jokes.

So, in a Cornhusker world where erecting multi-million dollar buildings has been substituted for raising championship banners, we get to bask in what are now our happiest days as Nebraska fans. Days with press conferences announcing new coaching hires and the promise of better days ahead have supplanted victory celebrations, Directors Cup relevance and the pride the state could glean from fielding excellent teams across the entire athletic department.

Whoever said "If you build it, they will come" was a fucking liar.

PYB will return from the road soon...

Feel Alright

PYB is headed out of town and will chime in via Twitter only for a few days....as we go, a few quick thoughts:

--The NCAA has somehow succeeded in ruining what was the last pure sporting event---the men's basketball tournament. Play-in games, multiple TV networks, etc. have this thing circling the shitter. So we can't submit our brackets until late Wednesday night because teams that could legitimately win after their play-in games are in the field (Cal)? Why the fuck aren't all the play-ins involving 16 seeds instead of some of them being between 14 seeds? And why on earth do they call the first-round games the "second-round" games, just because there are a few pointless play-in games in dirty Dayton arena on Tuesday and Wednesday? Jesus.

The meltdowns that Iona and MVSU put together last night prove that none of these teams deserve to be playing in anything above the NIT. The watered-down nature of college basketball makes filling out a bracket nothing more than a spin of the roulette wheel.

--Braylon Heard: permanent, one-game move to cornerback? We're fine.

--Danny Manning? We still have a strong feeling that TO is going to butcher this hire--badly. Well, at least Manning would be better than Mike Davis.

--Inspired NU golf coverage by the Omaha World Herald. What the OWH left out was the team's impressive finish, behind only perennial powers Idaho, UMKC, South Dakota State and Illinois State.

--Nice Brandon Marshall trade, Chicago. Less than 12 hours after getting the headcase WR, we find out he 'allegedly' beat a bitch in da club last week.

--Also glad to see the Washington Redskins blow their wad on trying to get smallish QB Robert Griffin. They went to Herschel Walker-esque proportions to leverage their future for a player who needs to be on turf and preferably indoors in the NFL. Griffin to Niles Paul doesn't sound likely to us.

That's all we got for now....enjoy what's left of the Big Dance. Try not to get too excited about spring football....ZZZzzzzzzz.....

The BBD

In honor of PYB's first-ever viewing of the classic 1980s tit flick, Harbodies, we give you the famous BBD. Bigger, Better Deal. It's what all the beach sluts wanted in 1984 and what everyone is chasing in 2012. The BBD, of course, means different things to different people:

--Ron Brown's BBD is eradicating gay people from the globe. Brown seems to be a nice guy, but totally delusional. Ron...it's 2012 and Jesus Christ ain't walking through that door any time soon....

--PYB's BBD is having the next point-shaving slimeball drop us a phone call before he decides to throw a college hoops game. Will Auburn get away unscathed like it did after the Cam Newton sham?

--Nebraska basketball's BBD is a coach not named Ken Sadler. Tom Osborne axed the affable Sadler yesterday in a gut-wrenching, tear-filled press conference. Nebraska needs to seriously pursue a black head coach, if a qualified fit is available. It's high time to refocus the program. However, the early mention of UAB's Mike Davis does not sit well with us. Davis was last seen being a complete disaster at Indiana.

We feel as badly as anyone about Sadler's dismissal, because he didn't trash a Top 10 program like Rat Solich or Mike Anderson. But he couldn't have seriously been surprised with the firing. Some leeway can be given for NU's most recent disastrous season, due to injuries. However, Sadler was losing four starters from the current squad, had no point guard waiting in the wings, and his only two centers had chronic injuries that made a return to the court questionable at best. That said, the only other time we remember seeing Osborne near tears is when Brook Berringer died.

Good luck, Doc. Hopefully we see you at SMU soon.

--The Kansas Jayhawks' BBD is not choking in March for once. KU was dominated by Baylor last night in the Big 12 tournament semifinal. We expect another premature exit in the NCAA Tournament next week.

--The New York Knicks' BBD is ridding themselves of Cancerous Carmelo Anthony, who has turned Linsanity on its side and put the team back on track to be a sub-.500 unit. PYB laughs as it hears black players and commentators trash Lin's game after he puts up 20+ points and 10+ assists, saying that Fat Baron Davis needs to be the starting PG in NYC. What a joke. Davis is the laziest, fattest (Eddy Curry lost weight), most overpaid player in the league and misses 60% of his team's games each and every year.

Fat Number 85 has NEVER won and never will. He is so fat he wears a back brace like Office Depot employees do when they lift a box of computer paper off the shelf for you. Any support for him as starting PG can be discounted as jealousy and groupthink. NYK, on a four-game slide after losing last night in Milwaukee, has a couple more days to trade Anthony or the D'Antoni ship will sink again and for good.


--Speaking of cancerous Knicks, JR Smith's BBD is a fat, pale, disgusting ass.

All for now, as we chase our BBD for this weekend--a few college hoops winners as we watch the end of the conference tournament action and await the real tournament next week.

PS--Hardbodies 2 is absolutely awful. Fewer tits, no good lines, no good! Hence, its 2.3-star rating on IMDB.com.

$$ Song of the Day

Repeating Doomed History

It's Monday. Another work week is on hand. Nothing has changed, or will change. And, in case you were wondering, the same can be said for some of PYB's favorite targets:

--New Nebraska defensive coordinator John Papuchis has jumped aboard the excuse train, blaming his defensive line's abhorrent play on the infamous "two-gap scheme." Well, if your secondary sucks, then based on the description in the link above, you'd better change something to help apply pressure on the other team.

--Bo Pinelli blessed all us non-Ohioans with some knowledge this weekend in the Lincoln Urinal-Star. Link here. Quick recaps is as follows: It's "asinine" to says that his players are affected by his sideline meltdowns, even though they get their asses kicked for two quarters after every one of the tirades. And the average fan is too stupid to critique his team, since the average fan didn't play the game.

Total denial. Total arrogance. Those who don't learn from their mistakes will repeat them, especially hard-headed high-school bullies. The fact that he's riding Taylor Martinez straight into the shitter is proof of that.

--Thanks to Hayden Hagen and Murph for sending this our way, as they know how much we love the dominance that Cameron Meredith displays on the gridiron each week. Two suggestions: rather than hanging out at the bar finger-painting and finger-blasting your girlfriend, perhaps hit the weight room so you can shed at least one block this season AND if third down is so fucking important please feel free to make a play on one of those downs against a team not named Chattanooga.

Meredith doesn't want to brag, but he's pretty artistic. His favorite painting is one that even PYB has heard of. He's also a budding foodie---his favorite restaurant is Pizza Hut.

--Is this a picture of the 2012 Nebraska Girls State Basketball Tournament, or the 1982 tournament? Judging by the hair, we're going with 1982.

--Tiger Woods has his BEST EVER final round on Sunday with a 62 (media conveniently forgets it's a par 70) and ties Tom Gillis for second place. But, no matter how much NBC hoped and campaigned for it, a Rory McIlroy meltdown was not meant to be. The Irishman coolly navigated the annoyingly overhyped Bear Trap for a two-shot win and snagged the world's No. 1 ranking in the process.

--Finally, thanks to Ken Sadler and his boys for winning us some cash on Saturday. Despite making 13 threes against Minnesota, NU found a way to lose by the needed 9.5 points. Brandon Ubel made ESPN's Top 10 plays for getting dunked on. And Sadler has one more game at the helm, as NU takes on Purdue Thursday evening.

We think it's funny that this year's team can finally make free throws and finally has had some highlight dunks (for which the awful Nebraska fans hardly cheered after complaining about the lack of dunks in recent years) but can't win a game.

PYB looks forward to the beginning of March Madness this week, as the legitimate conferences start their tournaments. Enjoy.

PS--Sportswriters who try to guess NCAA basketball tourney seeds and matchups and regions ahead of time are losers. The pointless activity ranks right up there with mock NFL drafts and October college football bowl projections. Give it a rest.

Frosting on the Beater

--LeQueen James and the Miami Heat cost PYB money last night in Utah. Her Highness is taking some heat for passing up a potential game-winning shot and passing to a wide-open Udonis Haslem. We have no problem with the play. Those who don't know basketball are raving about this one, however. Rather than forcing a bad shot, he did what MJ did when he finally learned that he had to rely on teammates to win rings. That said, his pass in the All-Star game's waning moments was a bitch move---no doubt about it. Eddie Johnson agrees.

--Former Denver Bronco and Okie State Cowboy Perrish Cox was acquitted on sexual assault charges. No biggie. But while scanning this story, as we do with most sports-turned-police-blotter items, we did double and triple-takes and are pretty sure they said the alleged victim (a woman) was said to have sex with Cox's girlfriend (also a woman). Now THIS is the part of the story that needs further investigation and reporting! Another sexual assault allegation...ho hum. Girl-on-girl action, baby mamas, DNA testing....let's hear it.

--The Omaha World-Herald's Dork Chatelain published the results of his very scientific, 128-person poll. Three times as many loser Nebraska fans would rather win a Big 10 football title than have its basketball team go to the Sweet 16. If that doesn't tell you how far the football program has fallen, nothing will. Aspiring to win a horrible football conference over being a Top 25 basketball team? Wow. Oh well, at least NU can still recruit cement-footed Ohio stiffs over speed demons from Texas and Florida, while also trying to secede from the rest of the college baseball union and any hopes of another College World Series appearance...ever. The Big 10 is turning out to be beneficial only in the accounting ledger. On the field, complete fucking nightmare.


--On an aside, if NU does go to play Southern Miss in New Orleans in 2013, we might violate our policy of not traveling to road games and our other policy of not attending another game in person until Taylorina Martinez is no longer the starting QB. At least in the Big Urinal, we could ease the pain of having to watch NU's tired lounge act for three hours and embarrassing fan base in person for 48 hours by keeping our BAC over .15 for the entire time. Any town that doesn't flinch when being swamped with both 'Bama and LSU fans in January and fat chicks flopping their tits everywhere for a week in February can certainly handle a few Husker Dorks in non-authentic Richman Gordman football jerseys for two days.

The policy violation is possible for a few reasons: cheap flights, excess hotel award points, never having been to NO and the fact that NU MAY have a chance to win this game since it's at a neutral site. We're sure Jeff Jamrog will fuck this up, however. He's already hedging by making excuses here.

--Some rough and tumble action in Houston last night, featuring a player twisting his ankle by stepping on a cameraman and Patrick Patterson taking a frightening spill at the 2:06 mark of this video. Fuck that.

--MLB adds a one-game knockout round? What a waste of time and money. Six months of regular season monotony can ride on three hours and nine more innings? If you're going to do it, make it at least a three-game series. Even the best baseball teams lose 40 percent of the time. Dominant teams lose 33 percent of the time. But this is Bud Selig, and it's a good idea for him. Remember, this is the dolt that pushed and passed the change giving World Series home-field advantage to the league that wins the MLB All Star Game. So, in theory, a team that went 162-0 could lose out on home field advantage to a shitty wild-card team that went 81-81. Worst fucking idea ever. Joke.

--Speaking of bad baseball teams, Nebraska lost to mighty West Virginia in Minneapolis Friday and fell to 4-4 on the season.

--Finally, speaking of Minneapolis, PYB would like extend its best wishes to Ken Sadler, as he coaches what is likely to be his last game as Nebraska basketball coach today at Minnesota. Doc's always done it the right way, and couldn't make icing out of the pile of shit Barry Collier gave him. We've always said NU would never get a better coach to come to Lincoln. We'll see if that holds true. With Tom Osborne in charge of the hire, we're not expecting much.

Either way, we're most concerned with whether we should bet the Golden Gophers -9.5. NU is beat up physically and mentally and can't score, especially with its only good player (Bo Spencer) hobbled. Minnesota is riding a six-game losing streak of its own and has lost seven of eight games. They beat NU 69-61 in the last game they didn't lose--a month ago. Will the Huskers provide Doc one last-gasp of joy, or will they take their bottle blasting like good road 'dogs while the Gophers make a final push to the NIT? We'll find out at 11:30 am CST, while we're on the golf course. Should we even DVR this nightmare?

All for now, enjoy the weekend....