What's the Matter, Rookie Fuckwad??

--No way Charlie Sheen threw 85 mph. End of story. No way he threw 75 mph, either.

--So a QB who transferred from NC State to Wisconsin for no good reason who has compiled a 20-18 record and 59% career completion percentage is the difference between the Badgers being average and winning the Big 10? PYB says not.

--$8.8 million for Greg Oden....who has missed two full seasons in four years? Is that $667,000 per crank inch? $1 million per point scored? The Oden or Durant draft argument may have been more inane than the Leaf or Manning debate....PYB wouldn't give $8.8 million to Oden for 10 years of service.....at which point Oden would look like he's 55 years old.

--Losers unite in Louisville, the perfect, depressing place for losers....

B Rabbitt

One more $$ Song of the Day from our friend AMG......or in the eyes of The Diggler: another old man Googling 'lounge music' and posting it on the internet. One word: JEALOUS.

Tribute

The Diggler submits his choice for $$ Song of the Day with a 10-minute tribute to Clarence Clemons. ...

$$ Songs of the Day

Thanks to AMG for this $$ Song of the Day, one of several nominees that will hit this page this week. We'll rely on these, due to our vacation and the lack of meaningful sports news. If you want to read about all the schools in the Big 10, read somewhere else.

PYB offers one of its $$ Songs as well, courtesy of Joe Jackson...

Virtuoso

PYB pays homage to its favorite 'trumpet virtuoso' from way back. Josef Burgstaller has gone big time with an extensive web site featuring many photos. However, this story includes to photo from when he was just an up-and-comer out of Arizona State University.

Something tells us his favorite drink is vodka/rocks and that he drinks Coors Lights to sober up. To quote the Los Angeles lounge rat and Scott Weiland look alike from Cathouse----FUCKING EPIC!

Down & Out in Wrigleyville...

--Anyone who thought the Chicago Cubs couldn't go any lower after losing another series (this time to its crosstown rival the Chicago White Stockings) and going 14 games under .500, think again after reading this gem. "I want to get into your hole" is a solid line, though....

Let's digress a bit, as the Cubs' prize free-agent signing Carlos Pena hits a few home runs but is batting .220 and strikes out far too often. Nice signing, considering the last three seasons he'd hit .196, .227 and .247. Sure, he hits a few HRs but struck out more than 150 times in each of those three years. Not a good combo with whiffer extraordinaire Alfonso Soriano also in the lineup.

--Keep your home state kids at home, forge pipelines to Texas and California by hiring assistant coaches from those states, and play fundamental baseball. Novel concept. Good enough for Dave Van Horn to craft three College World Series teams and good enough for Darin Erstad. Not good enough, however, for John Sanders and Mike Anderson.

--PYB can't wait for this kid to become an overachieving, Second-Team All-American while the Cotton boys sit in big daddy's pocket for five years wasting scholarships in Lincoln. The Diggler said it best when he mentioned that Barney Cotton makes more than 200k a year from UNL, receives tuition discounts as a staff member, but still has the gall to waste an important coaching spot and three scholarships on NU's roster? Shoot us now.

--We better cover this now, as we keep forgetting so: Why have the last two U.S. Open golf championships been a complete bore? We say it's the boring courses...or more accurately....the easy (relatively) courses. Gone is the thick, 6" rough. Gone are the images of players chipping sideways just to get back into the fairway. Just a few years ago, a player that missed a fairway banked on making bogey, and likely a double bogey. Or, as our favorite dickhead announcer Johnny Miller would say, double bogey/option bogey. Where are the ultra-slick greens? The immense pressure? No fight against the elements......another birdie-fest.....ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

NU-potism

More Cotton on the way to Lincoln. National championship a guarantee for 2015. To quote the Diesel, "Fucking Joke." Glad to see Nebraska still has the clout to outmuscle Frank Solich and Ohio as well as Tulsa in a recruiting battle for the ages.

Nerd like his brothers? Check. Plays a position that's worthless at NU (tight end)? Check. Can rack up alcohol-related offenses and get his nuts grabbed like his brothers? We'll have to see. Either way, he should complete the Superfecta of four worthless Cottons at NU at the same time. Can't wait.

College World Series Time

PYB thanks its readers for the submissions, allowing us to concentrate on other duties while relocating. AMG chimed in with a pictorial and video compilation from the new site of the College World Series, while Corky sent us the link to a video that is another bullet point on the resume of the WORST college football fans in the country.

Best part here: mullet, awesome print shirt, or $10 Turbo Shades? Even money says he's wearing jean shorts.


Nice panoramic action, AMG:



Click here, Nerdbraska fans,and if your face and neck don't flush from embarrassment while watching, you're better than we are....

Speaking of embarrassing, Ben Crane somehow suckers three other well-known, Major-less players into his 'funny video' phenomenon. Nerd humor at its worst. Ben, you will always be disliked because you're a nerd and are one of the slowest players on Tour. Get over it. Click here for the latest horrible video and HERE for one of the originals. Moral of this story: nerds can't be funny.

Thanks to Donny Baseball for the Crane entry, even though we think he thinks it's humorous. Either way, you got published on PYB, so that has to make your day...

Taking Back Sunday

--So PYB thinks about our first official Father's Day, thinking we'll actually look like decent fathers since Rory McIlroy (barring another case of the snap hooks like at Augusta) has gone and blown out the field at Congressional and turned one of the best Sundays of the year into a non-event. A good and bad thing. Apparently, Phil Mickelson thought the 2011 U.S. Open was a non-event starting on Thursday. It does saves us all from really having to listen to Johnny Miller for a day. Rejoice.

--We have also thought about this situation in regard to the current NFL lockout. Sure, we all know the fucking owners and players are playing up the drama to stay relevant during a long off-season and will strike an "amazing" 11th-hour deal. But if the season were to be cancelled, can you imagine what kind of equity men could gain for the future? You could pack 30 years of trips to the zoo, brunches, walks in the park, trips to the mall and Sundays with the in-laws into one fall and be set for life! You could be a family man for four months and actually almost pull off the fact that you're enjoying yourself. We would personally sacrifice one season for a lifetime of freedom in the future. Count us IN.

Tiki Barber: Please go away. Nice career. But all this drama? Not nearly good enough to garner all this reality-show-type attention.

--PYB has ideas for the Michigan mascot: a factory worker? a scum? a faux-intellectual? A trophy case devoid of any championship hardware (Whether it be because the football team can't win anything or the basketball team cheated and got it revoked)? Maybe Jalen Rose could get creative and chalk up some ideas after six martinis?

--We had no idea wearing your pants off your ass was still cool? Perhaps this video proves us wrong, but either way it seems like a cheap way to get tossed off a flight. And had the 20-year-old idiot turned off the attitude perhaps two minutes earlier, he probably is allowed to stay. PYB thought hangin', bangin, slangin' & saggin' was SO 1991.

--Watching the first College World Series game from the new stadium yesterday, we were ambivalent. Stadium looks amazing. Views admittedly look cool. But something about the background behind the hitters and the grass throws us off. Maybe time will remedy this, or maybe there's something to it. Check back in 25 years when we have enough time to compare it to Rosenblatt.

At least Texas lost, we thought for sure they were due for another national championship in a year where they couldn't win their conference and had no business escaping their regional OR Super Regional. The fact that one Florida Gator had more home runs for the season than the entire Longhorn team (18 vs. 17) proves that.

--PYB's has three questions on this story: 1. Is Algebra really hard enough that it should hold up college admission? 2. If someone can't handle Algebra by age 20, are they college material in the first place? 3. What does NU care about a JUCO tight end, when it doesn't even use the High-School All-American tight ends it does sign?

--Without knowing shit about this guy, really, we admittedly like this hire a lot. Proven results, pipeline to the West Coast. Good deal.

--If this Duke doctor can cure JB Diaz's ailing feet, can he then treat his severe case of Vaginitis? We were reminded of his pussyness this week when ESPN showed the Top 10 dunks of the year and Laurence Bowers threw down while JB shied away in complete fear. Sorry for the shitty vid, best we could find on limited time budget!

All for now......PYB

Pump, Pump

--Tony Veland gets popped. Where are Riley Washington (aka Abdul Muhammad) & Tyrone Williams? PYB's advice: If you're supposedly a financial planner, and a professional, don't live in the outskirts of da 'hood.

--This story is from the "We Are Going to Beat the FUCK out of This Dead Horse" department.

--CNN is currently airing a story explaining that skinny women have an average salary of $15,000 more than fat women. There is a fat woman on the screen (the entire screen) claiming 'weight discrimination.' PYB says that fat women are probably too lazy to work out and probably lazy at the office too. Suuuuck it up. Skip the french tooooast.

--PYB can rest easy knowing that LeQueen James is who we thought he was. A chicken who ran from Cleveland to Miami to try to Karl Malone a title. A chicken who couldn't do anything in crunch time, much less step on an opponent's neck and snap it! Did we forget the fact that it was Brick City USA in the clutch as a Cavalier? He added to his resume as Queen with another fourth-quarter vacation and a 1/4 performance from the free throw line.

The media scrutiny borders on unfair at times and is even more unnecessary. James, with his poor play and obtuse commentary, proves he is a fraud on his own. The world will know, forever, that he's weak in the mind and fundamentally unsound. Any rings he puts on his finger will be the result of stronger teammates like Dwyane Wade.

--Game Seven tonite in Vancouver. Nothing better than a seventh game in the NHL Playoffs. Now, is the game on television?

--And, just in case we don't get back to the keyboard for a while, the US Open starts tomorrow at Congressional. PYB does not see ANY way that Tiger Woods won't win golf's national championship.....we only hope that Chris Berman is on board to scream and blather his way through the first two rounds of coverage.

All for now....enjoy your Wednesday!

$ Song of the Day

PYB celebrates the addition of mobile templates for all its readers with some fond memories of 1990. Check out pastyobedtime.blogspot.com from your Smart Phone or if you're a rich drug dealer like Moose you can use your iPhone. Sorry there were no crabs with spears & Indian drums!

PYB promises to be back soon. Relocation is busting our collective balls.

--Are these Suckeye fans bigger losers for not having anything better to do than go to a guy's house and sing him a song OR for going to support a crook who just cost their program most of its credibility by aiding and abetting a huge cover-up?

--Well the Miami Heat won Game Three of the NBA Finals last nite, in spite of LeBron James. The Heat should have won by 15, but somehow relinquished the lead late and gave Dallas a chance to tie or win on the final possession. Too bad Rick Carlisle drew up an awful play.

James was officially crowned as Queen of the Miami squad, as Dwyane Wade proved that he was the team's true leader and closer for the third staight game. PYB contends that the Heat would be better off if James were not allowed to shoot anything outside of a layup and was forced to just pass and play defense.

And somehow, the fact that Chris Bosh made a wide-open 18-footer to take the lead with 39 seconds to go means he has "arrived"???? Please. And when is the Gay Rodeo, anyway?

--Plexiglass Burress gets out of the can today. Even though he got tossed in jail via his own stupidity, Burress got a raw deal from a grandstanding DA. PYB hopes that he bounces back with another team soon.

Sunday Service

A few PYB musings as we watch Roger Federer bang his head against the wall in trying to beat Rafael Nadal in the French Open Final...and as we wonder if there is a better announcer to listen to than John McEnroe...

1. Shaq O'Neal retired this week. He mentioned he has SIX kids. Apparently, condoms don't come that big. Overpopulation at its finest.

2. Let's discuss the Darin Erstad hire at Nebraska. Overall, PYB is fine with it. But there are doubts. Doubts as to whether a person who is that uptight & driven by perfection can accept the mediocrity he is inheriting. Can he push players to their limits and improve them, or will such a hardline stance burn them out? In today's age, where players are pussies for the most part, it's a tough balancing act. But if Kansas State can make a regional, a return to the field of 64 cannot be too far away. This is with or without the already impossibly overhyped Bubba Starling. PYB does not give a shit if he ever plays a down or an inning in Lincoln.

There are no bones about the fact that Tom Osborne took the easy way out on this one. Regardless of NU's winning percentage in upcoming years, fans will fill the seats mostly because Erstad played football at Nebraska. A few will also come, because they think that the two-time all-star was one of the top five players in MLB history because he was a Cornhusker. A Cornhusker at a time when none of these bandwagoneers followed the program anyway...

Let's keep in mind that Osborne's track record on hiring head coaches is not a good one. Frank Solich was a complete disaster, and the football program has not come out of the tailspin that The Rat started in 1998. That is 13 years--far from a blip on the radar. The only other hire was Bo Pinelli, who fixed the defense but has yet to field an offense that deserves to be called Top 25 material. Top 50 for that matter.

Also, what happens if things don't pan out? NU is at risk of then losing an alumni that donated $1 million to the university.

But the bright side, which we ALWAYS strive to shine on our readers, is that the program cannot get any worse. Three straight last-place conference finishes proves that, a topic that has been covered ad nauseum on this site. Big Red Baseball is broken, Erstad better fix it now or it may never be relevant again. We will find out right away next spring, not necessarily by the number of wins but by attitude, heart and attention to the thousands of details that must be covered for a baseball program to succeed. Fix those traits, and the wins will soon follow. Just ask Dave Van Horn.

So for now, we'll wait. And in the meantime, we'll hope the Nebraska media takes off the kneepads while sucking off (figuratively, of course) the new coach for his tough demeanor and the fact that he watched a couple game tapes before a meaningless September baseball game 10 years ago. And please cease the "Erstad will help NU keep Starling" storyline. Who cares. Whoever shows up in the fall plays. Whoever doesn't--doesn't. All the internet-recruiting junkie fans can stroke it to Bubba's football game tapes against sub-par, small-town Kansas competition.

3. Game Three of the NBA Finals is this evening. Tonight's contest follows one of the most historic playoff meltdowns of all time--a meltdown that surprised everyone except anyone who has watched LeQueen James play in the past. James helped singlehandedly blow the game by stubbornly refusing to ditch his favorite offense, known as the "dribble for 20 seconds at the top of the key and then take a shitty pullup jumper."

Media puppets lauded his "unlimited" range and great shooting prowess after a two-game hot streak. He even made a few jumpers during the first 3.5 quarters Thursday night. Thankfully, Jeff Van Gundy called them out as being horrible shots.

Then the old Queen showed up, sprinkling some South Beach sand into the gears of a potentially unstoppable Miami Heat offensive machine. When James penetrates the defense, gets Chris Bosh involved and breaks down the opponent, they are unstoppable. Unfortunately for Miami's bandwagon (and fortunately for the rest of the country), he is too arrogant or too stupid to realize this. Series tied 1-1. Was this just the Queen being her regal self or a David Stern rig job to help nail down a few more advertising dollars over seven games?

As for the Jordan comparisons, anyone who fakes injuries and flops on a nightly basis can never be called the best to ever play the game. PYB can't remember MJ EVER flopping or acting like a pussy in general. Sure, he bitched about calls but he never hopped off the bench like a spoiled girl when he thought a teammate got fouled. Did he flex and pose and preen after every dunk or Chicago Bull scoring run? Hell no.

So, we root for the Mavs, all sucked in by Stern's marketing machine. Hopefully, at least, we can win a few bucks off the deal either way....

Rigged..

--PYB saw an old Toronto Bluejays hat in the airport today, and realized how cool the old log was compared to the Jays' current, non-descript, no-effort logo. Judge for yourself. What happened to a team's identity and who the hell would want to buy the new gear? (Baltimore Orioles are Exhibit B).

--Just in case you forgot, the NBA playoffs are rigged. With Dallas down six points last night in the fourth quarter, Jason Terry shot a three and then was fouled by Lebron James on the release and was knocked into the bench. But, of course, with longtime David Stern puppet Steve Javy swallows the whistle and arrogantly chides Terry for asking for the foul after the play.

In the words of Mike Tyson, 'turn off your station' for the rest of this series. It's over, and Stern has Dirk Nowitzki's injury to use as a cover story.

--Talking heads are all proclaiming the series over as well. ESPN buffoon Woody Paige said Dallas was 'never in the game.' Apparently he missed the fact that they had an eight-point lead late in the third quarter.

--And LeQueen is now being hailed as a 'great shooter with unlimited range' because he nailed a few late fadeaway jumpers in his dribble for 20 seconds and shoot offense. Funny, but his 33 percent figure from three point land for the 2010-11 season says otherwise. He is up to 40% for the playoffs with a seven for 11 streak in his last two games. That number will trend back toward his career 32.9% mark with a few more attempts.

Rickie Fatler

PYB was in Dallas golfing a couple weekends back, and it seems that Rickie Fatler came off the course at Colonial CC for a practice round at a local public course. Fatler tried to hone flop shots on the practice green, as his overcompetitive father hammered Marlboro Reds and Budweisers in the cart.

In this picture, Fatler soothes his nerves with a cold 44 oz. Coke...