Pray for Dollars, Work for Change

PYB pops in with an apology for our absentee August, and a promise for better things ahead during the 2013 season. A promise of unicorns, rainbows and puppy dogs -- just like the puff pieces emanating from Lincoln promising high-powered offense, ball security and speed-laden defense. On with the show:

--Fox Sports 1 wants to compete with ESPN. We've flipped to the channel twice so far in the mornings. First time, soccer highlights. Second time, a bunch of retired athletes sitting in easy chairs philosophizing about some overplayed topic. Strikes one and two...

Isn't this what we already had with the myriad of regional Fox networks? Shit, even ESPN had college football highlights on when we flipped over. (Saving grace: Fox did have the point spreads listed on the sidebar of its screen, proving that when in doubt, get on your knees, suck that dick, and appeal to the public's innate greed.)

--Speaking of ESPN, could it have stooped any lower than its copycat Nine for IX series? In poetic symmetry, the Network followed up a great 30 for 30 series with a watered-down version of the real thing -- regaling the public with behind-the-scenes looks at scintillating topics like Katarina Witt and the sexiness of dyke-like Danica Patrick. It's not that PYB doesn't believe in equality for bitches.....we just don't like watching bad sports.

--Another thing we learned this summer was that Nebraska's football team has depth at defensive tackle. This, after not having a player on the defensive line make a play for two seasons and losing one of its top tackles to a knee injury before the season started. Must be that Ohio math....

--Last week, we caught a rerun of Portland at Chicago in Game One of the 1992 NBA Finals. Anyone who says that Kobe Bryant or Queen James is anywhere in Michael Jordan's neighborhood either: A) Is stupid or B) Never saw Jordan play. For those of you who understand basketball, we apologize for declaration of the obvious.

--Any readers know of a good sports website? One where surfers can click on links and get information quickly. Yahoo! Sports decided to ruin its format this week, in a Fox Sports trying-too-hard kind of way. A sad day indeed, where bullshit futuristic graphics and a haphazard layout outweigh easily accessible information and readability. Even sadder is the fact that our best option is now espn.com. Please help.

--Landry Jones is trying to make the Pittsburgh Steelers. He sucked in college, and still sucks. Last night, he went 18/35 for 189 yards and three interceptions. Blaine Gabbert would be proud.

--Tulane's Lorenzo Doss became the first player in college football ejected for the pussy rule of 'targeting', because he hit a guy with his shoulder. A player who was falling to the turf, no less. How long until the sport becomes entirely contrived and unwatchable....tick, tick, tick....

--How do authorities handles cheaters from Texas aTm? So far this season, they suspend the lying Jenny Football for one half of a meaningless game and paste the steroid-using Von Miller on the cover of our latest Eastbay catalog and dub him "An American Original." Or something stupid like that (we're not looking in the recycle bin this early). How long until football becomes unwatchable?

--Another thing PYB learned this summer. When it is hotter than fuck outside, one should drink more water.

--Minutes after watching a Vanderbilt wide receiver puke his brains out on the field last night, we puked our brains out watching the Commodores allow a game-losing 75-yard run on a run-of-the-mill handoff on the very next drive. Our season unders bet just took a hit...

--Has anyone ever asked NU's last 15 offensive lines to be equal to the 1995 version? No. Apparently, it is just too much to ask to eliminate the constant missed assignments, lazy holding penalties and brainless false starts. Shame on you, Cornhusker fans, for expecting attention to detail and focus out of your Division I football players.

It's not coaching when your players lack basic fundamentals, it's you fans that don't understand how the game has changed! The truest statement in this article is Milt Tenopir's scoffing at the fallacy that the 2013 squad plays at a tempo faster than vintage Cornhusker offenses. As he accurately stated, NU used to snap the ball with 10-15 seconds remaining on the play clock instead of playing Charades for 28 seconds, before wanting to call timeout before realizing they had none left because Coach Pinelli blew all the timeouts on the first two defensive series. Go Big Red!!

--Side note: Terrelle Pryor may start in Oakland? Please God, let it be true. We need to win some easy money.

--Speaking of Pinelli, he gave out seven Blackskirts this week. Is that because there are only seven good defenders, or because his defenses appear to be playing with only seven players most weeks? Or both??

--Most prognosticators are picking Northern Illinois to beat Iowa (-3) in Iowa City this week. Ouch.

--That's all we have for now.....and tomorrow brings a shiny new day in Huskerville. NU fans are singing about their team's chances this season, encouraged by an interception and fumble-prone quarterback, a fumble-prone running back, a sporadic-at-best offensive line, a porous and inexperienced defense, poor special teams that haven't blocked a kick since 'Nam and where the coaches insist on keeping the starting running back in the rotation to risk injury while he has no proven backup. Good times! We'll see you on the flip side on Sunday.

PYB

Bonus Jams '13

"It's a mix tape I made...."

PYB dives in with some quick hits and some PGA Championship thoughts, as the Golf Channel announcers beat dead horses during a Friday rain delay:

1. Is Kelly Tilghman from Dallas? Judging by her hair, we'd guess yes. Is it long before we see her on a Jhirmack commercial.

2. Apparently, watching Tiger Woods hit wedges on the range for 30 minutes is good television. We just wonder if he can get a wedge within 15 feet of the practice pins?

3. Apparently, a ball sitting in the middle of a fairway is called an "up and down." Who knew? See link below...excuse the unsightly appearance....our laptop SUCKS!!

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/golf--tiger-woods-stumbles-in-opening-round-of-pga-championship-184358112.html

4. Apparently, a left-handed golfer can "yank" a ball left of his target? Who knew? Who also knew that a national beat writer didn't have to know shit about golf to get a job? Wish we'd known that 10 years ago.

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/golf--phil-mickelson-plays-into-the-night-to-iron-out-first-round-yips-023237997.html

"I prefer vaginal intercourse....."

Touchdown Boys

"It's funny that you say that, because uh, like a dog--he's loyal to his bone."

PYB does a quick touchdown between August travel to report what we have learned on our summer vacation:

1. Nebraska's football team will display an offense that is equal to its 1983 unit. Minus, of course, the Heisman-winning I-Back, the NFL's top draft pick, and one of the top two quarterbacks in school history.

2. NU's defense will be much better than in 2012, because.....well because they have some young guys who nobody has seen play that will have to play after they didn't play last season because they either weren't good enough to beat out the terrible seniors or because Coach Bo Pinelli was too loyal to those terrible seniors to bench them.

3. The way to get young players, who struggled to find playing time due to 'not grasping the defensive game plan,' is to 'get more multiple.' It is always a sound plan, in any line of business, to add more complexity when students/employees aren't grasping the basics.

4. Super Cool Beez (or is it Beas) ain't super smart. Any other NBA teams in the market for a player who can average 17 points and 1 rebound a game, shoot 39% from the field and rack up one marijuana-related transgression every 15 months? PYB may be naïve, but we'd think that Beez could manage to elude the police while holding three joints when truckloads of weed roll through Phoenix undetected each day.

5. Tiger Woods is a great father, because he paraded his son out on the 18th hole last week during a shameless PR stunt for the ages.

6. Tiger Woods is the OBVIOUS favorite to win this week's PGA Championship, because....well because.......he last won a major more than five years ago and because he racked up yet another win in a made-for-television, limited-field event last week on a course where he feels comfortable and has won seven times before. Got it. If one didn't know anything about golf and judged by ESPN's coverage alone, he may think that Woods was alone in a one-man field.

7. The Dallas Morning News handicapped players' chances this week at Oak Hill. Henrik Stenson was the favorite, because he is such a clutch player as witnessed during last month's Scottish and British Opens. Woods, obviously, was a close second because he hasn't won a major in five years, as noted, and can't keep driver in play.

Hunter Mahan, Luke Donald and Lee Westwood were all in the top 10, because they are great Sunday closers. Phil Mickelson, after winning the major tournament least-suited for his game, trailed the lead pack of contenders. The only note by his name stated that "he had to keep driver in play." Apparently, driver is no issue for Woods and the author did not watch any Golf Channel coverage that reported that Mickelson had decided to go without a driver in his bag this week. PYB works 50 hour a week at a full-time job and knows this, but some fuckface golf beat reporter does not?

8. Like we said, unders on aTm. Hopefully, some of you bought your tickets before the sportsbooks took the line off the board after Jenny Football's latest flare-up.

Got to run....we will try to check in periodically in what will turn out to be a whirlwind of an August.

"It goes one for the treble, two for the bass......she's got nut all over her face!"

2013 College Football Season Win Totals -- Fearless Predictions, Part II

"Calm like  a bomb."

PYB checks in as promised to finish up our season win total predictions. Fresh off seven three-putts on the greens yesterday and saddled with a bottled-beer (yes, bottled beer on the golf course) headache, here goes:

Oklahoma (8.5) -- OVER -- The only thing potentially keeping us from taking this line is the -155 we'll have to pay. Well, that and the fact that Bob Stoops' offense is always one of the nation's worst inside the ten yard line, the Sooners have a defensive end that couldn't beat out Landry Jones playing quarterback, and that the Sooners lose at least one game they shouldn't every year.

Oklahoma State (9.5) -- UNDER -- Admittedly, we know nothing about the Cowboys. What we do know is that they'll always be the little brother in the trash state of Oklahoma and that their renovated stadium still sucks. They should easily lose four of these games: at West Virginia, Kansas State, TCU, at Iowa State, at Texas Tech, at Texas, Baylor, Oklahoma.

Oregon (11) -- NO BET -- The Duck's have a cushy schedule. Their cheerleaders are hired whores from Las Vegas (very hot whores, mind you). Chip Kelly took flag football to Philadelphia. Too tough to call and the only winning scenario is a perfect season. Well that, and admiring Phil Knight's concubines on television.

Oregon State (8.5) -- NO BET -- How many people in the country care enough or know enough to make this call, besides the 38,000 Beaver fans in the stadium each week? We are, however, willing to bet whether Mike Riley's play sheet is the size of a Cheesecake Factory menu or an airplane wing this season.

Penn State (8) -- NO BET -- PSU starts with four cupcakes as usual. The rest is a mix of good teams and bad. They'll win eight games. They may even come in the back door and get nine.

Pittsburgh (5.5) -- NO BET -- PYB doesn't care enough to research this one, and doesn't even have anything bad to say about the Panthers. The only things they have contributed to college football the last 30 years are that they inspired Penn State's "Shit on Pitt" tee shirts and Larry Fitzgerald. Well, unless you count us getting a few laughs out of Tyler Palko proving he was one of the league's biggest pussies on Monday Night Football  a while back.

Rutgers (6.5) -- NO BET -- See above. Now that Rutgers is a conference rival for Nebraska, can Bo Pinelli please go fucking recruit New Jersey again? Being a hotbed of talent isn't enough for him to recruit a region, it has to be home to a team that NU plays so Mommy can watch junior play on television. Apparently, Pinelli is not a good enough salesman to pitch the tradition, facilities, education that NU can boast. Jesus, he should try selling a product nobody fucking cares about like the rest of us...

South Carolina (9.5) --NO BET -- Five or so loseable games. Tough to call as is. Even tougher when it's likely that quarterback Stephen Garcia will likely be suspended two or three more times in 2013.

USC (9) -- UNDER -- Lots of variables here that make it worth and under bet. The +115 line. New quarterback. Random schedule with many teams that have better coaching and more toughness. Rooting against Lane Kiffin, whose pending meltdown is all the more likely without his father in town to rein him in. Fight on. Bet away.

Stanford (9.5) -- The Cardinal lost 10 starters. The schedule has pitfall possibilities vs. Washington, Utah, UCLA, at Oregon State, Oregon, at USC, Cal and Notre Dame. The juice is a bit high at -135, but sprinkle some cash on this one.

TCU (8) -- UNDER -- The Horned Frogs' quarterback is a fucking train wreck. Apparently, Casey Pachall didn't sign the "No Drugs" letter with Randall Floyd and the rest of the boys. If you don't think TCU loses at least four games from this slate, you're fucking crazy: LSU, at Texas Tech, at Oklahoma, at Oklahoma State, Texas, West Virginia, at Iowa State, at Kansas State and Baylor. Take it at -110.

Tennessee (6) -- NO BET -- Somehow, the Vols are meaningless in the college football landscape. The play five teams in last year's top 10 and six from the top 25. Save your money, save your money! (said in the same voice as the store clerk who Michael Douglas snapped on in "Falling Down.")

Texas (9.5) -- NO BET -- Obviously, the Longhorns have progressed from a very soft team, to a bad one, to a mediocre one. They're poorly coached. Their quarterback is below average. But, the schedule is favorable and Texas always wins two games it shouldn't because teams blow games because they don't think they should beat Texas based on name alone (See Nebraska....seven times).

Texas aTm (9.5) -- UNDER!!! -- The schedule is relatively smooth, upon first inspection, outside of Alabama and LSU. However, this bet is based more on the fact that there's an imminent meltdown coming in College Station. Ken Sumlin has done his best to contain it, but it won't be possible. Aggie fans have begun crowing about their great recruiting classes. There are expectations and proclamations about national championships. Jenny Football can't stay out of the bar long enough to not bang sluts on the road, and generally can't keep from acting like a horse's ass while alienating everyone around him. With those kind of expectations, and a program that kowtows to a 19-year-old , the death of Faggie hopes everywhere is certain and a seat on the irrelevant bus awaits. The fact that the sportsbook is paying us +105 to win money is just icing on Johnny's cock for the barfly who licks it off. Take it slow, don't rush it....and before you know it...SPLASH!! (Side note: PYB is conflicted about this song. On one hand, the rhythm, music and some of the lyrics are money. On the other, it's about sucking dick and gulping down Eazy-E's HIV-infested milkshake
, so how good can it be? Either way, it gave us some filler here today!)

UCLA (7.5) -- NO BET -- This can go either way and we have no interest in this bet. What does interest us (read: amaze us), is that a team that beat Nebraska and rolled up 634 yards against the Blackskirts last year is only predicted to win 7.5 games. Well, that, and the fact that NU couldn't stop Bruin QB Brett Hundley to save its life, but the other 11 teams sacked him 49 times. (Yes, we know Nebraska sacked him three times, but anyone who watched the game knows just how clueless Bo's D was that evening.)

Vanderbilt (7) -- NO BET -- Shaka Smart and company won't sneak up on anyone. The schedule has eight loseable games. Brandt Snedeker is the school's most famous alumni (that we can think of offhand, without a Google search). Stay away.

INTERMISSION SIDENOTE WHILE WATCHING ESPN DURING TYPING: Matt Ryan is a pussy and Joe Flacco sucks. Back to our program....

Virginia Tech (8.5) -- NO BET -- We are not betting because we don't care enough. But, we side with the unders. Not because of our knowledge of or faith in the Hokies, but because of their pansy ACC schedule. Beamer Chin Meat and Co. start at Alabama and then wade through eleven more games consisting of cupcakes, turds and 23-20 games aginst fellow faceless conference foes. VT, in case you hadn't heard, blocks lots of punts and brings a lunch pail to its games.

Washington (7.5) -- NO BET -- The schedule looks dicey. The +115 line is mildly attractive, as are the Huskies' late-night kickoffs that can provide bettors with a reason to stay up late on Saturday and feel like dogshit on Sunday until they mix up their first pineapple and vodka. Take a shot here.

Wisconsin (9) -- NO BET -- We see the Badgers, who underwent an offseason coaching change, winning right about nine games. A soft schedule will ensure that. A boring analysis for a boring team with one of the nation's worst uniforms and most overrated stadium traditions. But, if Bo Pinelli and his defense aren't going break it, no need to fix it.

There you have it...hopefully, our dear readers can enjoy this column and line their pockets with a few more bucks because of it. Happy Sunday.

2013 College Football Season Win Totals -- Fearless Predictions, Part I

PYB awoke this fine morning much earlier than expected. Scanning this year's college football season win totals, we could barely contain ourselves. All aboard the train to straight cash, homies.....


"Said it -- yep. Regret it -- nope."

Alabama (11) -- NO BET -- The Tide's rugged SEC schedule offers three remotely challenging games: opener against Virginia Tech, at aTm two weeks later, and LSU. We lean toward the over at +110, but one slip and it's curtains.

Arizona (7.5) -- NO BET -- You'd think 7.5 would be a safe play for a squad that opens with Northern Arizona, UNLV and UTSA. However, many road games loom and U of A is U of A. Bear Down and forget about this one the same way the nation forgets that this program exists until its fans riot once every seven years.

Arizona St. (8) -- UNDER -- Speaking of meaningless Pac 10 programs, lock the unders in here at a relatively inexpensive -110. Four or more losses are guaranteed out of the following games (and if not, at least you have a reason to stay up to watch the late games and drink a few more beers): Wisconsin, at Stanford, USC, Notre Dame (in Dallas. WTF?), at Washington State, Oregon State, at UCLA, Arizona. As ASU fans throw up the shocker for the television cameras, their team will be taking it up the ass on field, and we'll be making money.

Auburn (6.5) -- NO BET -- Is Cameron Newton coming back? If not, we're not betting. We will, however, bet on consecutive games that Gene Cheezdik will wear his white UA hybrid fleece/mock turtleneck/zip-up/straight jacket. Wait....he got axed and we can't root against this possum-faced prick? Now, we're really not betting.

Baylor (8) -- NO BET -- We will bet that the shelf-life of the Bears' relevancy is under 1.5 more seasons.

Boise State (10) -- NO BET -- Something tells us that this is the year the Broncos lose a few more games than normal, but if you think we're going through all of the Mountain West team profiles at 5:15 am you're fucking nuts. They do play a team called UTM, who we had no clue was Tennessee-Martin until we clicked on the link. Moving on...

Clemson (9.5) -- UNDER -- The Tigers are one of the nation's most athletic, and mercurial, teams every year. Every year, they kick an overrated team's ass. Last year, they went 11-2. This year, the schedule is relatively friendly. So, let's call it 7-5 and an under on the +105 odds. ESPN will be jerking off to Dabo Swinney's wild interviews. We'll be counting our cash.

Florida (8.5) -- UNDER -- Do the Gators plan to field an offense this year? If anyone knows, please drop us a line, as the +110 line is tantalizing. Looks like seven loseable games, so fill us in. We tried to watch some SEC games last year, but always kept flipping back to the Medicus infomercials...

Florida State (10) -- UNDER -- Has anyone told the news media that it is no longer 1993? Free Shoes U is a perennial press darling and perennial underachiever. Blessed with a cupcake schedule, the Noles play just two teams that were rated last season. Even with a line of -125 we'll get a minimum of two and likely three or more losses. The main tests are at Boston College, at Clemson, at Florida. Either way, it will be fun to root against them and watch ESPN's announcers recoil in horror when they realize FSU can't field a decent team even though it resides in the nation's most fertile recruiting ground.

Georgia (9.5) -- UNDER!!! -- This is the Straight Cash Homie! pick of the year for 2013. Lock it down. If you think Clemson could fuck up a wet dream and FSU is soft, Georgia takes the cake! PYB has never seen a shittier 12-win team than the one that Nebraska played last year in whatever bowl that was last year. We'll rely on Steve Spurrier for our next joke, which can be read here. Back on topic, we'll get three losses from: at Clemson, South Carolina (see previous sentence), LSU, at Tennessee, at Vandy, at Florida, at Auburn, at Georgia Tech (the option is tough to stop if you only have one week to prepare for it). Unders are +115, so jump on it now. Straight cash!

Georgia Tech (8) -- NO BET -- Can't bet this one. The option is tough if you only have one week to prepare for it. GT is the classic no-win bet. Take the Jackets and they'll get blasted by UNC 42-6. Bet a top five team against them at -3 and watch them dismantle said team 52-20. Save yourself the misery.

Iowa (5.5) -- NO BET --  PYB about shit when we saw a total this low. We really shit when we saw the Hawkeyes open with Northern Illinois, Missouri State, Iowa State, Western Michigan and Minnesota and realized we still can't take the overs. Give them four wins on those first five, and then they'll likely be underdogs in every remaining game with the possible exception of at Purdue. America Needs Farmers, and Iowa needs a new coach. Preferably, one who tries to matriculate his offense into the end zone.

Kansas State (8) -- NO BET -- The Mildcats lost their QB, so we aren't taking the over. But we damn sure aren't betting against Bill Snyder, and we really can't fucking believe we just typed that.

Louisville (10.5) -- UNDER -- We thought a team whose offense is led by Shawn Twatson would be a sure lock at under 10.5. Until we looked at the Cardinals' schedule. The aforementioned Bill Snyder would be proud of this slate. We're still betting it, with tremendous value at +135, we can't resist the potential glory of making fun of the fans on television who realize their hopes of a national title shot were hijacked by a horrid fourth-quarter's worth of playcalling by Twatson himself. Book it.

LSU (8.5) -- NO BET -- Do they have a QB who can throw it more than 10 yards downfield? How many players are suspended? The Tiger teams all run together in our heads. Must be all those 6-3 halftime scores.

Miami (8.5) -- NO BET -- Quick, tell us one meaningful thing about ACC football....

Michigan (8.5) -- UNDECIDED -- Let us get this straight. Bitchigan opens with Central Michigan, Notre Dame, Akron and UConn. The Wolverines are the favorite to win their Big Ten division, whichever one it is. Brady Hoke, per ESPN, is the nation's second-best coach behind Urban Meyer (despite his bacon-necked white undershirts). UM is again a recruiting juggernaut. And the line is fucking 8.5? Can we get four losses out of games against the Irish, at Penn State, at Michigan State, Nebraska, at Northwestern, at Iowa and Ohio State? Possibly...probably....what the fuck...take the UNDERS!

Ole Miss (8) -- UNDER -- The Rebels will disappoint fans after a fluke season last year, where they went 7-6. Under is -115 and Mississippi (who is filed under the "O" (for Ole) section of Yahoo! Sports, by the way) has games at Vandy, at Texas, at Alabama, at Auburn, vs. aTm, vs. LSU, vs. Arkansas, vs. Mizzou, and at Mississippi State. After they lose the opener to Shaka Smart and his boys in Nashville then get annihilated in the next two road games, the Colonel's boys will be demoralized and we'll be rich, bitch.

Mississippi State (5.5) -- NO BET -- Betting one team from this state is enough for one year.

Missouri (6) -- NO BET -- The Tigers should easily sweep their first four games, but could lose the next four -- easily. They'd then need three more wins out of games vs. Tennessee, at Kentucky, at Ole Miss and vs. aTm. Leave it alone, as Mizzou is still trying to recover from losing Blaine Gabbert and his 3.3 yards per pass attempt. Coupled with a move to the speed-laced SEC, and that's a deadly cocktail.

Nebraska (9.5) -- OVER -- Fucking A. The always negative PYB makes its first overs pick (EVEN) on the team it hatchets the other 364 days of the year. Yeah, that's right. The offense fumbles. A lot. The defense sucks donkey dick. The coaching is suspect. The quarterback is a pussy. And now the Big 10 is banning targeting. Well, look at the schedule. It's a joke. NU is likely to start 7-1 (should be 8-0 but the Huskers will start reading their own press clippings after dominating a bunch of shitty teams and piss the bed against a bad team). Call it 7-2 after a bottle blasting in Ann Arbor, as NOBODY beats Brady Hoke in the Big House. We're then betting Pinelli & Co. can handle Michigan State, Penn State and Iowa, miss the Big 10 title game, and then lose a bowl game to an overrated SEC team after committing five silly turnovers. Yep, that's our team...

NC State (7.5) -- NO BET -- Anyone that bets this and lives outside of North Carolina has a problem.

Notre Dame (9) -- UNDER -- The Irish lost their good QB and have eight loseable games. The only thing preventing bettors from getting paid on this is the scary -150 line and the fact that NBC rigs games for Touchdown Jesus (pronounced Hay-soos). They also lost Manti Te'o. That's gay.

Ohio State (10.5) -- NO BET -- The fact that the Suckeyes are -165 to go over this year proves that nobody, and that means NOBODY, beats Urban FUCKING Meyer. Go away already. We'll certainly see a couple of Buckeye Blowouts, as Meyer's squad DOMINATES Buffalo 20-12 at the Horseshoe, before Braxton Miller shows us all why he's a Heisman Trophy candidate by holding off a GREAT Cal Bears team 20-17 in Berkeley. In fact, we'd hammer the unders if the schedule was not such a joke. The only two contests of note are at Cal (as mentioned) and at Michigan. Brent Musburger will be cumming in his coffee.
Christ.

That's all for now....look for installment two tomorrow....the family has risen and we've got a tee time.....PYB

Chica Mi Tipo

It's Friday night, and there's going to be another chick on my tip....but it won't be you baby...

PYB dives in with some random thought from the week, as those who wear Scarlet and Cream-colored glasses beat the drum louder and louder as college football season nears:

--Phil Mickelson won his first British Open Sunday. It was the major he was least likely to ever win, but he did it with some uncharacteristically steady par putting and a torrid finish on the last five holes. He's now one win from the career Grand Slam. Naturally, Yahoo! Sports thought it was a the perfect story for the next day's sidebar on its front page. Tiger Woods' demise, of course, was the lead story. Makes sense, the fact that he hasn't contended in a major in five years was earth-shattering.

--Bo Pinelli doesn't like the Big 10's new rule on "targeting." Considering his defense's performances the last few years, it's doubtful he'll have to worry about any of his Blackskirts being ejected for hitting someone too fiercely. Don't beli aeve us? Just read this story, where the only Nebraska football player mentioned in connection wth vicious hit was a wide receiver.

--Mike Marrow is not on Nebraska's roster for 2013. Wait...so you're telling us that this fatass, who couldn't finish a two-yard run or lead block for shit, didn't earn his scholarship by his own merits and was just a throw-in to get his daddy to Lincoln? Barney Cotton shudders at the thought.

--NU's football team has an awesome offense. Its defense is going to be much better because a bunch of young guys who couldn't beat out awful older guys are going to be playing. We've played this game before. In fact, we've played it about 13 times since 2001.

If you ignore the fact that same offense has led the nation in fumbles three straight seasons and the defense can't stop a soul, things are looking bright for the Huskers.

--Can Johnny Stanton just save us the time in reading 57 stories about his lack of playing time and transfer already?

--On a rare political note: STOP RACIAL PROFILING NOW!

That's all we have....PYB is off to the Great White North next week and may be MIA. Enjoy your weekend.

What Happened to Dignity?

We don't see it on ESPN TV. Notice below. Two pictures from the BBC broadcast of today's British Open, listing Martin Laird ahead of Tiger Woods. The two golfers are tied, but Laird has completed more holes so he is listed first. The BBC maintains the integrity of the game.

ESPN lists Woods first. ESPN believes it is above upholding the integrity of the game, which precedes the Network by several hundred years. ESPN = whores.