Breakable

As football season fast approaches, and fans and analysts exaggerate preseason performances, PYB sends morning greetings from Charlotte -- a place filled with enough idiots to fill an entire weekend protesting a hung jury because they didn't like the 'verdict.' Let's forget about the fact that there was no 'verdict' and video shows the 'victim' charging a police officer - and move halfway across the country, where things are much rosier, at least for now:

• The Nebraska football team lost its only proven offensive playmaker for six to eight weeks. Good start. Of course, the Omaha World Herald's Sam McKewon says this injury could 'linger' longer. Apparently, he moonlights as both a football coach AND a doctor when not pontificating as a sportswriter.

• The NU coaching staff has rediscovered the screen pass, now that it has RBs capable of executing such a complex play. Roy Helu, Rex Burkhead and Ameer Abdullah obviously weren't up to the task, since they were only good enough to rush for 1000 yards without any blocks and play in the NFL. PYB hopes someone can teach Tommy Armstrong to turn his feet toward the running backs during these plays. Considering his new position coach was Eli Manning's former mentor, that's entirely debatable.

• The staff also plans to throw passes to its tight ends -- in particular the one that is 6'4", 230 pounds and runs well. NU's former $3 million a year coach couldn't find a way. Let's hope this group can.

• The new defense will allow the front seven to chase ball carriers without being reprimanded for playing "outside the system." It will, however, put more pressure on the cornerbacks and safeties. Considering the fact that Bo Pinelli chided Lavonte David for not being in the 'right place' for a full season and that NU's secondary has been suspect for five seasons, these are good things. (Side note: David couldn't fully grasp Private Pinelli's 'system' but recently signed a $50 million contract and has been an NFL All-Pro linebacker for two straight seasons.)

Moving outside of Lincoln:

• Tiger is back. Playing third-tier events in a pathetic attempt to make the pathetic FedEx Cup playoffs. Fans are blessed with mediocre golf, an ugly golf course, a DL3-in-the-Top Five sighting and six hours of talk about whether a win in Greensboro will be all Woods needs as a springboard to surpass the record for most career major wins. Yay. 

• The NFL has painted its 50-yard lines yellow. Annoying. It's in honor of Super Bowl 50, but only being done in the preseason. Even more annoying.

• NFL analysts continue to rave about the Philadelphia Eagles preseason performance, apparently forgetting that the team has four third-team quarterbacks vying for its starting spot. Last night against Baltimore, Mark Sanchez threw 20 passes to amass 118 yards. Continuing in the USC Trojan NFL tradition, Matt Barkley threw 14 to gain 86. Tim Tebow threw five for 13 yards, while apparently forgetting his Jump Pass days and missing the opportunity to miss a wide-open receiver in the endzone. For his efforts, though, he did earn a headline for that feat. Finally, Sam Bradford 'looked sharp' while racking up 35 yards and a touchdown in five attempts and survived a 'low' tackle around the waist from Terrell Suggs, who was apparently taking a break from bullying people at pickup basketball tournaments to beat up on one of the biggest China dolls in the NFL. Crystal Chandelier would be proud.

• Lost in the menagerie of Philly numbers above was the fact that Joe Flacco had 23 yards on seven passes and two interceptions. Don't forget, of course, that he 'can make all the throws' and has a 'big arm.'

• PYB would like to know what makes one versatile enough to the the "Lebron of the NFL?" Adrian Peterson says he's more deserving of the moniker than Jamaal Charles. If Peterson is counting his ability to Spermanate his way to seven bastard kids, then he gets the nod. Go away.

All this preseason hyperbole and bullshit has reminded us that the NFL is now the WWE and that college football is on its way to being the same. Wake us on September 5 when we really have something to get Riled Up about.

PYB

Rumors of a Demise...

PYB is back. Our six-month maternity leave is over -- almost. Before going full throttle, we decided to ease back into the game with some easy preseason thoughts. We missed so much, but missed so little. Queen James failed again. Tiger IS(n't) back. Tiger shot an 85. The media still hinged on every broken swing. America pretended to care about soccer -- women's soccer. Tom Shatel referenced eating food in every single column.

And the Chicago Cubs are 11 games over .500 -- in July -- yet still 8.5 games out of first place and barely in wild-card contention. As Bo Pinelli always said, wait until next year.

On to it:

Nobody can stop DeSean Jackson. Except the six teams that held him under 50 yards last year and the three others that held him under 90 yards. And Robert Griffin III. R! G! 3!

Taking a page from Terrells Suggs' playbook, the Morris brothers are in trouble in Phoenix. Neither likes to set foot inside the lane on a basketball court. They're not afraid, of course, to cheap shot a former mentor along with a few other guys in a parking lot. 

Apparently, James Harden is considering a $200 million dollar shoe deal with Adidas. PYB thought fat people preferred Rockports? Considering Adidas' 20-year rut, Rockports may be more fashion forward.

Arian Foster got hurt in Week 1 -- of the preseason. He can go back to doing what he does best -- arguing with fans on Twitter while pretending to be an intellectual.

Jadeveon Clowney's bust of a career took another wrong turn, to no fault of his own. when his dad tried to off someone in a Rock Hill, SC, bar. Chili Bean Morgan (not Clowney) let a few rounds slip when Pork Chop was trippin'. Hopefully, none of you have been to Rock Hill.

That's all we have -- a trip to the driving range before returning to the course. And like Tiger Woods, we're about ready to turn a corner and contend for majors once again.

For now, off for another exciting day as a corporate hack. But, as a wise man once said after conquering a crappy Pac 10 team with his predecessor's players on a December night in San Diego: PYB is back -- and we're here to stay!