Moon Patrol

PYB jumps in after watching Florida's "star" point guard miss two late free throws and piss away an easy cover for the Gators. It's our third push in the last 24 hours after buying the half point. After a good first week of wagers, this week has been a wash. After 10 days of March Madness, we've accumulated some material:

--We visited San Antonio for Nebraska's first-round debacle against Baylor. The officiating was fucking atrocious. It didn't change the outcome, but it ruined the experience for players, coaches and fans alike. The referees made sure they were the story, which is a damn shame. More of a damn shame than us dropping $800 to watch NU rack up another tournament loss. And we'd do it again tomorrow. Tim Miles knew the game was over once Terran Pettaway got his fourth foul on a bullshit call and was smart not to stick around for the pending carnage.

There was an Erick Strickland sighting, so that was a positive. PYB saw him outside the arena and also five rows from the floor inside, clapping to the Husker fight song, while his mannequin girlfriend sat on her ass and texted the entire time.

We also saw Hank from Breaking Bad. We thought he died last season, but apparently he's alive and well and is a Creighton fan. (See our undercover photo from our shitty $180 seat in the corner.)

--The AT&T Center is a badly outdated facility. The seating configuration of the arena is solid, but the concourses are old, shitty and quite frankly embarrassing for a four-time NBA Champion*. If it weren't for the trophy cases that were missing the four trophies, adorned in faded carpet, the place would be an outright shithole.

The only thing worse than the interior of the arena is the outside. Stuck in no-man's land and bordering the San Antonio 'hood, it is horribly unfriendly to fans. No amenities. No bars. No restaurants. No cabs. When, after begging for a Bloody Mary for 20 minutes at our hotel the morning of the game, we asked if there was anywhere to get a beer before tip, our waitress confidently answered: "Oh yeah, honey, there's a golf course right across the street."

There was no golf course. There was, however, plenty of construction on site to make visitors feel like they were somewhere on the moon -- the shitty part. (See photos courtesy of Juice Diggler.) And, if yo' girl is in need of some stretch pants with the American flag or some Rasta shit on them, you can pick up a pair after the game.

The arena can be plenty loud, especially when filled with 17,000 whining Spurs fans who are cheering at the top of their lungs because they have nothing better to do and know a stray bullet may find them on the trip home after the game. Hence, not all was lost -- we did admittedly enjoy the Riverwalk. We even met the Omaha World Herald's Tom Shatel and shook his hand. We were under the influence of multiple margaritas, and with our untrammeled vision, he appeared to be as well.

--Speaking of home-court advantages and the OWH, Dirk Chatelain has uncovered a secret: home crowds provide an edge to the home team in college basketball! Who knew??!?

--The recent movement for the NCAA to have identical playing floors at every tournament site sucks cock. Idea: let's drain every last fucking ounce of personality out of the tournament and homogenize it into an amorphous piece of shit that cranks out dollars. Yep, let's do it. Kiss my ass. No gaudy paint in Boise? No Knicks logo at MSG? Squint to see the dark blue lettering in the black baseline so you can see where the game is being played. Fuck off.

--PYB channels its inner Chatelain and uncovers previously unknown secrets by telling its readers: Nebraska's women's teams choke every year.

--We can only hope the furor over Philadelphia cutting DeSean Jackson subsides quickly. There's a lot of furor over a one-trick pony receiver, who's scared to go over the middle and whose attitude changes with the wind. Looking at his 2013 stats, they're better than we expected (1300 yards and nine TDs), but the Eagles have always been team over individual and compromising chemistry to keep a baby whose speed will only diminish in upcoming years wouldn't be advisable. Remember, even though Jackson throws Crip signs, he's scared to go over the middle.

--Phil Mickelson has learned to quit -- just like Tiger Woods -- unless one thinks it is coincidence that his withdrawal Saturday at the Valero Texas Open came with Hefty sitting at multiple shots over par, 15 shots off the lead and pondering the joy of playing 27 more holes on a half-brown golf course. Viewers who kept the tournament on (us, because there was not shit else to watch) were instead treated to Andrew Loupe making five to eight practice swings per shot and Matt Kuchar fake smiling and looking 25 years older than his age. Good times.

--Private Pinelli is conducting one-on-one drills for his punt return team? Do we need to comment on this, or is the futility apparent without us doing so?

--FYI: The officials in the Wisconsin vs. Arizona game were horrible. So were the officials at the end of Michigan vs. Tennessee. PYB has seen at least three calls blow this tournament AFTER the referees consulted the video replay -- truly amazing feats.

--Reminder for all you deadbeats: Make sure to sign up for Obamacare if you don't have a fucking job. The deadline is quickly approaching. Or, should we call it Zo-bamacare after the television commercial where Alonzo Mourning goes the playground to tell 10 idiots who are playing pickup basketball that they should probably have insurance if they're going to be playing full-court basketball at the playground?

Of course, the Alpha male tells Zo at the start that he's young and doesn't need that shit, before coming correct when Zo drops a few tidbits of knowledge on his uninformed ass. We couldn't make this stuff up. And, if Zo isn't enough to intimidate you into getting your free shit, Magic Johnson has a spot too -- claiming it's "Magic" to get your health coverage for little to nothing. Is AZT covered for average Joes?

That's all for now. We're going to prematurely eject, as we've got a solo parenting gig going this weekend and need to finish some things prior to a child waking. We just felt the need to publish something for our loyal readers. Hell, if we keep that up, we may turn into John Grisham.

Enjoy your Sunday and the pictorial below. Quick recap....Riverwalk, fan in Satin Husker jacket that we almost gave credit to until seeing a Creighton shirt underneath the jacket (see blue strip protruding from bottom of jacket), the statue of some old-and-likely racist dude at Dallas Love Field appears to have a boner when you look at it from the escalator and the Spurs' trophy-less trophy case with faded carpet. Sorry for the awful formatting -- blogger is not too friendly in this regard....  PYB

Twilight Sparkling

PYB commences another March Madness today, and for the first time on 20 years, it's not from a bar. Work duties call, and so does a last-minute trip to San Antonio to watch Nebraska play Baylor in Friday's first games. That, followed by Creighton in the second game....and then, if all goes well, multiple margaritas from the Riverwalk. We aren't paying $300 to watch the UNC and Iowa State games, and would likely opt for the margaritas even if the second session was free.

Instead of countless beer glasses, we're surrounded by countless My Little Pony dolls. Onward, as we watch Dayton and Ohio State kick off the festivities and hope for a Flyer upset.

Picks for today's early games....we're just praying for a 4-4 result!

--Wisconsin -13
--Colorado +7
--Florida -21
--Dayton +7
--Michigan State -14
--Cincinnati -3
--BYU +5
--Western Michigan +13

--If you didn't get the chance to listen to this interview with Erick Strickland, carve out 30 minutes to do so. Lots of discussion items: partying w/ Mark Cuban, chasing pussy, coaching college basketball, coaching today's soft and fundamentally unsound players, and his old Mazda 626 which PYB remembers seeing all across campus back in the early 1990s. Good days. Good times.

--Speaking of Ohio State, Nebraska's meltdown against the Suckeyes last week at the Big Ten Conference Tournament was deflating. But, in the long run, meaningless. NU got in the field of 64+4, and if they somehow beat Baylor, it's the best Nebraska team of all time. That's a huge "if", obviously, but the goal is still there to achieve. We're channeling our inner Bo Pinelli with that one. NU basketball is FUCKING FINE.

--The Iowa basketball team capped a late-season slide with one final meltdown in the First Four. Blowing a five-point lead late in the second half, before losing in overtime after being outscored 14-1 in the extra session. Ouch. And the fact that the fabricated play-in games are now dubbed the First Four may just be the death blow to college basketball. Embarrassing.

--At least Kansas will have an excuse for losing early this year.

--While we're talking about excuse makers and fundamentally unsound players, Superwoman is missing games with a mild ankle strain.

--While we're talking about excuse makers, Tiger Woods is missing the Bay Hill (now dubbed the Arnold Palmer Invitational) event this week. It must really sting since he only enters events that he's won multiple times or that pay him $2 million to appear. But, if anyone can come back to win an event in which he is not even entered, it's Tiger Woods!! He's back and we're sure he'll be more than ready to win the Masters now!

--And before we get out of here...this is why Steve Smith is not soft and why he's on of our favorites.

Enjoy the Madness......PYB

Dead Hot Sweatshop

PYB provides a quick postscript to last evening's post, as we regrettably forgot to inform our readers that Nike sucks. After never seeing in it the 30 years prior, we saw two NBA players blow through shoes in the same week. Manu Ge-no-ba-lee and Andrew Bogut.

We've experienced these plastic pieces of shit first hand. After wearing a pair (briefly) for pickup games, our ankles and achilles have never been the same.

Nike needs to hire better quality control engineers to torture the kids in its Asian factories. Either that, or forget about cavity-back drivers, shutter its disastrous golf division, get back to basics and quit charging $129.00 for glorified aqua socks.

If you don't believe us, let an Oakland Raider fan confirm it for you. WTF, bro.

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Skate or Die

PYB prepares for a Saturday night with no family and no commitments, as we watch the ESPN hype machine overhype tonight's Duke-North Carolina with an hour-long pregame show hyping this clash of titans with just 14 losses between them this season and a nine point spread.

Duke Vitale has said twice in 15 minutes that "Nothing is finer, than Duke and Carolina." (that rhymes, get it?) Tony Romo is in attendance, wearing a Duke shirt, despite playing at Eastern Illinois. We knew he was full of shit. And we are full of guilt for going two weeks without a post. Onward....as we do a Spring Cleaning of our coffers of saved material:

Since it's Spring. Birds are chirping, Tiger Woods is finishing as an also-ran at every PGA tournament, and every Cornhusker football player has completely transformed his body into pure muscle in the two months since the season ended in January. And, in case you wondered, Nebraska started spring practice today and is still fine. AMG offered Exhibit A of NU's fineness, pointing out that at this year's NFL Combine:

Nebraska had 3 invitees. Other schools with the same or more:

Western Kentucky (3)

Utah St. (4)

Utah (5)

Fresno St. (4)

Colorado St. (3)

Boston College (5)

Boise St. (3)

Ball St. (3)

Sounds like the same schools NU competes with for players.

Bloomsburg (never heard of) in the highly regarded Pennsylvania St. conference has 2

We're fine.

p.s. For context Alabama has 12

--Next, Private Bo Pinelli made it known today that Jamal Turner is taking snaps at quarterback. Great. After wasting 75% of Turner's career and turning him into a fragile version of Miles Austin, the NU brain trust thinks it a good idea to move him to quarterback when the team has two other viable options at the position for the first time in at least five years. OK. PYB is just pissed that a guy from the Dallas area is in the Husker program. Don't need guys who aren't in the Big Ten's viewing region. Their Moms can't see them play every week.

--Then, Taylor Martinez lied about  his 40-yard-dash time from this week's NFL Pro Day in Lincoln, confusing a 4.28 time with a 4.6 time -- no biggie. This before he guaranteed he could play receiver at the next level and referencing all his haters. And stuff. T Vag, don't go away mad. T Vag, just go away.

--Finally, a reminder of where it all went wrong. Frank Solich. Not Bill Callahan. The Rat had one too many GHB-A-Ritas and crashed the Nebraska football program into a tree. Danny Woodhead...nah, said The Rat, "We're fine." (Just weed past the 15 paragraphs on Creighton basketball and the link describing anal sex with young boys in Happy Valley.)

--Wichita State improved its record to 33-0 today in the Missouri Valley Conference Tournament. It's funny that a team could go 34-0 entering the NCAA Tournament and lose in the first round. Or is it the third round by the time the Final 64 start playing? Watered. Down. Basketball.

--Speaking of watered down and college basketball, it was nice to see a few fisticuffs after the UVU-NMSU game, but this was nothing compared to the chair-swinging brawl in 1990 following a North Carolina A&T and North Carolina Central game. Unfortunately, we couldn't find the video -- just this watered down link.

--As always, we'll end on a high note. PYB sends major kudos to Tim Miles and his NU basketball team. Coaching, it turns out, does matter. And so does adjusting mid-game and/or mid-season, being nice to people and marketing a positive persona to the locals. Mind-blowing concepts.

Following an upset win at Michigan State followed by unrealistic expectations by uneducated NU fans and an inevitable loss at Illinois, Miles & Co. bounced back for a grind-it-out home win against Northwestern and a great road win at Indiana on Wednesday. 

All that sets up a huge home game tomorrow against Wisconsin. Win, and the Huskers are in the NCAA Tournament for the first time in 15 years. No way a team that goes 11-7 in the Rugged Big 14 gets denied a bid. That said, the Badgers are fucking filthy. When you expect them to win, they score 35 points and lose by 25. Root against them, and they'll win by 20. It's just too bad that the game isn't nationally relevant, since they fold every time in that scenario. Just like the Wisconsin football team.

During the NU-IU game, we realized that as much as joining the Big Ten killed Nebraska's football program, it may have resurrected its hopes at being a legitimate basketball entity. Two ships passing in the night.

That's all we have. We'll sign off for now, as we hope that NU fans know how to cheer tomorrow and don't go into their patented coma once the first sign of adversity aries and as we ponder two questions: 

1. How could any man in his right mind, who did not attend Duke, wear Blue Devil gear and pretend to be a Blue Devil fan?

2. What percent of the sports world knows that Roy Williams is an awful coach and when will the UNC administration realize he's the Mack Brown of college basketball?

Enjoy your weekend. PYB

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