Huskers Scorch Aggies

After a great comeback victory over Texas A&M Saturday, in which the Cornhuskers shot 3/15 from three-point range and still won, PYB defers to new correspondent Seth Svoboda for its in-depth post-game coverage. The reason is threefold: the game wasn't televised, our internet crashed during the game, and his recap is pretty good. That saves us from a lot of work and trying to analyze a game we didn't see ourselves (or even track on Yahoo! Sports), but where the NU students embarrassingly stormed the floor. No doubt Husker fans will be patting themselves on the back for filling up 10,500 seats......3000 less than capacity.

NU travels to Kansas State Wednesday, where they have been notoriously horrific in dropping 16 of the last 20 contests. A win over the struggling Wildcats would be enormous, but NU is 1-5 in games away from Devaney Center and 0-3 in conference. Despite its woes, KSU still has a lot of experience from last year's NCAA tournament team and will be looking for blood after being bottle blasted by in-state rival Kansas on Saturday.

New Life or False Hopes, by Seth "The McCook Legend" Svobada

Wow...what a win for the Huskers. The defense showed, up holding Texas A&M to 17 second-half points. Had they given this kind of effort in Lubbock last weekend, Nebraska would be sitting at 4-2 instead of 3-3 in Big 12 play.

Lance Jeter, as usual, was the real catalyst--especially in the second half. He finished with 10 points, four assists and six boards, while only committing one turnover. Jorge Brian Diaz had his best game of the season, leading the Huskers with 16 points. Brandon Richardson followed up his strong performance against Texas Tech with another double-digit scoring game, as he poured in 10 points.

Caleb Walker was the real difference in this game, though. Sadler didn't think Walker was playing well last weekend and hardly had him in the game. It seems like Sadler outcoaches himself at times. Walker is an excellent athlete and, while he's not going to light up the scoreboard, he scored nine points yesterday. What he does really well, though, are the things you can't teach. (Editor's note: Seth must be very smart, since he agrees with PYB on this point)


He has a great nose for the ball, which is why he regularly leads NU in rebounds and deflects a lot of passes which lead to fast breaks for the Huskers. He had five boards Saturday and contributed three steals and three assists. Those aren't the type of numbers that blow you away, but it's the type of contribution required to beat a more-gifted Aggie team.

It was a great win, but it wasn't all high fives and fist bumps for the Husker squad. If they hadn't held A&M to under 40% shooting they very well could have lost. Diaz had 16, but he should have had mid 20s (Editor's note: Seth must have been listening to the game on radio, where Kent Pavelka announces at least 20 missed layups per game, whether they happen or not).

TAMU was having a very difficult time stopping Diaz, yet we were content to rock up three after three. Nebraska was just 3-15 from beyond the arc and 18-33 from inside the line. Get the ball inside.

A couple guys who I praised earlier were particularly guilty of this: Richardson didn't draw iron on his two three-point attempts, and Jeter wasn't much better. The two combined to go 0-6 from downtown. I will give some props to Eshaunte "Bear" Jones, while I still maintain he is a dreadful ball handler. Thankfully, he is too stupid to know how big a shot he was taking when he hit his second three of the game to push Nebraska's lead to 6 with about a minute left and seal the victory.

Up next for the Huskers is a trip to Manhattan to face the demoralized Wildcats this Wednesday. At 2-5 in conference play, K-State has really disappointed. In these situations, typically one of two things happen: either their seniors step up and lead the way, or they bail on the team and play for themselves as the team falls further and further. Let's just say I'm glad NU has Jeter, and the Mildcats have Jacob Pullen.

My belief in the Huskers has been renewed to a certain extent, but until we win on the road, we haven't proven anything. I'm hoping that a dejected fan base makes it a little easier on the Huskers Wednesday. The Huskers need to win at least one of their next three and preferably two. Road wins aren't easy to come by but the NU has a chance in Manhattan this week and at Baylor next week. Saturday, when the Jayhawks roll into town, will be a huge barometer of exactly where Nebraska stands. That would be the type of victory that can propel a team into the NCAA tournament.

I give the Huskers a chance Wednesday at KSU, but with Almeida injuring his ankle and his status in limbo, Brandon Ubel will be asked to play more minutes than usual. He needs to step up. If I was Doc, I would faceguard Pullen when he is away from ball and pick him up full court. Then run Richardson and Drake Beranek in and out of the game every few minutes, allowing them to give everything they have on defense. If they can hold Pullen (and his Leprechaun beard) to 15 points or fewer, Bill Martin's Wildcats won't be able to score enough to win against Nebraska's defense. If he goes unchecked, like Texas Tech guard John Roberson did in Lubbock, the Huskers can't score enough to win.

Sellout of Sellouts?

PYB is glad to see it wasn't crazy for complaining for three years about Roy Helu getting benched for fake injuries and to appease the racist fans in Memorial Stadium. We only wish we could have seen him play behind a real line in a real offense.

Keep dreaming Doc, your piece of shit fans won't pack the Devaney Center in Saturday night's huge game against Texas A&M. NU has a very tough stretch that begins tomorrow night, but PYB knows fans will be home to watch the Senior Bowl and stroke it every time they see a Nebraska helmet within five yards of a play. We are sure the one inch of snow on the ground and bad parking will come into play as well.

Then, if NU drops a close one to a rated Aggie squad, the fans will cry about the Huskers being another disappointment. These are the games that are MADE for the fans. These are games where fans make the difference between winning and losing. But, is it any surprise, knowing how Memorial Stadium is more like a mausoleum on football Saturdays?

The Year of the Tiger? Apparently ESPN thinks so, running a constant update on the ticker announcing Woods 3-under par on the North Course at Torrey Pines Thursday. The North Course. The easy course. So, he's only five shots back after one round after playing the easier tracker....The Year of the Tiger. Keep dreaming Bristol.

Schefter Salivary Slip

ESPN's Adam Schefter with a little spit trouble this morning on Sportscenter, as he over-discusses all meaningless NFL matters....Sorry PYB had the video but couldn't figure out how to send it due to file size and had to get to work!

How Bout Them Hawkeyes?

--Is it safe to say that Iowa is the most fucked up football program in the nation? Players living in drug houses, DUIs, marijuana arrests, players passed out sleeping in parking lots.....now this.

Kidney conditions for 12 PLAYERS don't seem to match up to a 'strenuous workout.' It seems more like gross mismanagement by some soon-to-be-fired strength & conditioning coach.

--PYB makes its initial and hopefully last foray into current events today, as it provides some commentary on the Food and Drug Administrations's latest attempt to save the world. God forbid consumers have to turn the box or can of food sideway to read the information. God forbid that parents actually parent and monitor what their fatass kids eat. And god forbid that those parents go to the gym or take a walk around the block.

--PYB also is proud to be an Arizona resident and contribute to this program. Once again, these leeches are too proud to send their kids to public school but aren't too proud to take the public's tax money. Can't we request our tax dollars be sent to more traditional outlets, like funding health care for illegal aliens?

--We also hope our readers don't quit tuning into PYB, as President Obama gave a 'rousing' State of the Union address last night and urged everyone to cheer for the winner of the science fair as much as they do for the winner of the Super Bowl. One problem: you can't gamble on the science fair---at least not online.

And doesn't he know that jocks rule and nerds lose? It's evolution...survival of the fittest. And doesn't he know we outsourced education and science achievement to China & India a long time ago, giving them control of the United States' future?

To contribute to the country's bottom line, Americans must monitor every step made by D-List celebrities, glue themselves to the TV to watch the latest half-talent on American Idol and strive to be the next Kardashian whore. That boring stuff like knowledge is left to foreigners.

--Now back to the important shit...sports. And Queen James providing us another exhibition of his separation from reality when he states that Blake Griffin's game reminds him of Shawn Kemp and Karl Malone. Actually, he's like neither but we'll let QBJ alone in his own, clouded world. Malone's game thrived off the pick and roll and making his 18-foot jumper (one-trick pony) while throwing elbows whenever he got tested by a defender. And Kemp was perhaps the game's most exciting dunker ever, as this hammer job over Alton Lister makes very clear. Reign Man.

--We're also glad to see ESPN anchors know sports and are concerned with reporting the facts more than the hyperbole. One anchor this morning repeatedly called Dallas point guard JJ Barea, Barrera....this right before they ran the "Is 2011 the Year of the Tiger" segment. The Year of the Tiger? Based on the fact he didn't win a tournament in 2010? Sounds about right.

Jeff George Jr.

With the NU basketball team off the whole week until a crucial game against Texas A&M in Lincoln, there isn't much to talk about that hasn't been driven into the ground 1000 times on talk radio. But here goes anyway, as we don't want to let our readers down:

--Two of the biggest jokes, in PYB's very-modest opinion, are contained in this one link. Anyone who has the time or inclination to participate, think about or acknowledge a mock NFL draft is a loser. Plain and simple.

The second joke is that Prince Amukamara, though we love him, didn't get any INTs this past season because teams didn't throw at him. Actually, it's because he isn't very good at playing the ball. Name one big play he made in 2010? Mel Kiper goes so far as to call him a 'ball hawk.' A ball hawk would have at least ONE interception. No wonder so many of these projections fall short of expectations.

We wish Amukamara luck, but could definitely see a flop of Bruce Pickens and Michael Booker proportions ahead.....

--Good luck Niles Paul. Being a great blocker is a sure ticket to a long NFL career--just ask Randy Moss. No Prop line from Vegas yet on how many drops he'll have in Mobile.

--And if you haven't had enough of the Jay Cuntler saga, we'll stoke the fire. It's not about believing if he was hurt. It's about the sad-sack look on his face and the fact that he didn't look disappointed he wasn't on the field and didn't once so much as wince due to the 'pain' in his knee.

If anyone honestly thinks a QB named Brady, Brees, or Manning would have come out of that game, feel free to defend Cuntler. Until then, let's just all admit he's weak. He is a gutless loser in the mold of Jeff George.

--Carson Palmer requested a trade? As regularly as he tossed INTs for TDs this past season, PYB thought he was already playing for a team other than the Bengals.

--Also, anyone who thought winners of Sunday's NFL games would be any team besides the Steelers and Packers is either extremely naive, dumb or both. Do you honestly think the NFL would give up this ratings bonanza?

It was definitely cute how they let both underdogs make 'furious' comebacks with overmatched QBs. Are we honestly supposed to believe that Green Bay Defensive Coordinator Dom Capers wouldn't pressure the hell out of Caleb Hanie, who had never started an NFL game? Nope.....he was playing it straight up and making him read coverages. Please.

And anyone who watched the Steelers' rigged Super Bowl wins over Seattle and Arizona knew Rapelisberger and Company already had reservations for Dallas. But wise bettors all knew to load up on these favorites and take the easy dough. In the words of the immortal Bobby Knight, "If rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it."

12-Step Program

Just as it looked like Nebraska would end its 10-game Big 12 road losing streak Saturday night against Texas Tech in Lubbock, the Cornhuskers found a new way to fuel its losing addiction away from the Devaney Center. This time, it was a 12-Step Program, as NU shot itself in the foot and pissed into the wind for more than four minutes of game-clock time. What resulted was a last-second loss to the Red Raiders and another season on the brink. Let's examine:

1. After Toney McCray put Nebraska up 62-57 with a three-pointer, the Huskers actually had possession again. Brandon Richardson missed a driving bank shot, and McCray rebounded it. Instead of pulling the ball out for another solid possesion, he forced the putback attempt, missed, then fouled the TT rebounder to send him to the free throw line.

2. Raider forward Robert Lewandowski missed the front end of the one-and-one that followed, but Brian Diaz forgot to box out. Layup. 62-59

3. On the ensuing possession, NU guard Bear Jones dribbled the ball off his foot. Turnover.

4. After being fouled, TT's Mike Singletary missed one of two free throws after a bullshit reach-in foul call on Drake Beranek.

5. NU took the ball down court right after the free throws. Lance Jeter gets a very questionable charge call (translation: a pussy call that if you called in any pickup game might get the shit kicked out of you), as the Tech announcer calls him DEREK JETER for the second time of the night.

6. Texas Tech missed its next shot, but Diaz forgot to box out, then fouled the rebounder on his putback shot. 62-62. TT misses the go-ahead free throw. (See, the Raiders were trying to keep Nebraska in the game the best they could.)

7. After being fouled, Husker center Andre Almeida misses two free throws.

8. Next offensive possession, Jones forces a three-pointer early in the shot clock and misses as usual.

9. Almeida misses a short turnaround hook the next time down with NU trailing 64-62.

10. After missing a bunny layup, McCray gets the rebound and is fouled on the putback attempt. He missed BOTH free throws, and NU still trails 64-62.

11. Still behind 64-62, NU gets an offensive rebound, Brandon Ubel (mispronounced U-bull probably 30 times by TT's announcers) nearly turns it over and then Caleb Walker misses a three pointer.

12. Then to cap it off, TT takes it down the floor, Walker forgets to pay attention to Raider guard John Roberson and is two steps late in rotation as Roberson drains his SEVENTH three of the night to make it 67-62, completing a 10-0 run and the game's deciding run. Perhaps mental gaffes like this is why Walker, NU's most athletic player, was on the floor for just 13 minutes in another game where the Cornhuskers were physically outmatched.

Thankfully, McCray ended the carnage with a free throw at the 2:16 mark. PYB must give Doc Sadler's boys credit, as they did fight back to take the lead in the final minute until Tech's game-winning tip in. To Say Bear Jones missed the boxout that allowed the tip would be dishonest, as he turned to the bucket without even thinking of blocking out his man. Inexcusable, and the rest is history.

A loss as disappointing as this has already brought out the "Woe is Me" Chicken Little Husker fans: "Just when I started rooting for them! How could they do this to me! Typical Huskers!"

PYB offers a big fuck you to all of you. Anyone with basketball sense realizes that any Big 12 road win is hard to come by, and with NU being just a four-point road favorite, the game was anything but a sure thing. No team in conference will roll over. Fans who aren't prepared to deal with the ups and downs of a basketball season and the gut-wrenching losses that go with them aren't basketball fans to begin with.

They're better served creaming over the fact that the NU football team signed another 5'7" 180-pound running back and ordering their matching Suh and Raiola jerseys for their new favorite team, the Detroit Lions.

Did NU blow this game? Absolutely. Does it make qualifying for the postseason that much harder? Yes. Is all hope lost? No. It just means NU must overcoming the daunting task of beating aTm, Mizzou, or KU at home and then stealing a road win somewhere along the line.

Considering they've lost 11 straight, that's no easy task. Especially considering its three-point defense and clutch free throw shooting woes. But hopefully, they'll quit their 12-Step Program from Lubbock before the next time they try.

One Down, More to Go...

The Nebraska men's basketball team snared a big win (in relative terms) Tuesday night over upstart Colorado, despite the lame-assed bandwagon fans in Lincoln showing up to the tune of just 8500 people. Local sources say that there were snow FLURRIES in the Star City, so there's your excuse du jour for this pathetic fan base. As much as PYB wants to fly in and shake them all by the neck, we will settle for giving a recap on the 79-67 victory:

Somewhat surprisingly, NU jumped on top with a 14-3 spurt early. Doc Sadler wisely found ways to get the ball in easy scoring positions for Brian Diaz, as the big man had struggled mightily in the first three Big 12 games. Diaz finished the game 7/8 from the field with 14 points but just two rebounds. Either way, PYB gives credit to Sadler & staff for taking measures to get him involved and boost the big man's confidence.

Despite pissing away the lead and leading by only one at halftime, NU was solid the whole game and once again played great defense, despite surrendering too many open three pointers as always. The Buffaloes were 6/14 at halftime, and finished 12/30 for the game. As much as NU is lauded for its FG% defense, PYB has to question whether this is not partly a function of leaving the opponent open so consistently from beyond the arc. Sadler will surely absorb a couple bottle blastings from teams that get hot from outside, and hopefully it's not at an inopportune time in the tough conference schedule.

PYB also has to give major credit to Toney McCray, who looks vastly improved from his first two (or three) lost seasons in Lincoln. The junior racked up 18 points and eight boards and made #4 on ESPN's wack Top Plays with his lone block of the night. McCray's tip dunk came at a great time in the first half, as the team had surrendered most of its lead and momentum and the fat-ass fans were sitting on their hands.

Lance Jeter controlled the game's flow as usual, and had 10 points, nine assists and six rebounds. Most concerning is the fact that NU is NOT effective with Jeter on the bench, a problem magnified by Kamyron Brown's dismissal last week. PYB favorite Caleb Walker helped fill up the stat sheet in categories that define winning teams with nine points, six rebounds, two assists and three steals. His most important attribute is the fact that he can finish at the rack with ease, and doesn't blow layups as has been the NU trademark for years on end. Bravo.

Even Ravenna-native Drake Beranek (or Buh-RONE-ek if you're ESPN anchor Neil Everett) hit double figures with 10 points and provides a calming, solid influence on the team's sometimes choppy pace. And all the fans at the Devaney Center (or De-VAIN-ey center if your ESPN loudmouth and credit card fraud expert Doug Gottlieb) can overcheer his plays like they do for any white player on the football field.

So let's not crow too much over a win against Colorado. But let's realize that Nebraska is indeed 2-2 after going 2-14 in conference play last year. The next game against a terrible Texas Tech team on Saturday will be huge, as every possible road win is precious. Any letdown in Lubbock, and NU can kiss all this hard work goodbye. Will Doc have them ready? PYB has to believe they have a good shot, as defense shows up every day and the team does not rely on one star.....because it doesn't have one.

The team has to realize that anything but its best effort will produce a loss. Overall, Nebraska is 14-4 against a relatively decent schedule thus far. Five more win is far from impossible, but far from a lock. Anyway, this team's effort so far is proof that all the haters that wanted Sadler gone are just sans-basketball IQ---like 99% of the population in the Cornhusker State.

For now, enjoy the ride and tune in Saturday as we see if Pat Knight can re-produce his meltdown from a couple years back. And for good measure, here's a classic from his father, the Master of the Meltdown.

Let's go for a walk, through the park, you can suck my dick, in the dark! Seems former Cornhusker Christian Standhardinger takes his post-NU motivations from 2 Live Crew...apparently guys who get blow jobs aren't LaSalle material....unless you're a priest working late with an altar boy.

NBA Power Rankings...1/19/2011

Here is your midseason edition of the Top 10. Time is flying by as we are already halfway thru the NBA season. I am also giving my midseason MVP for each team.

1. Spurs - If anyone has quietly gone 35-6 in the NBA at the halfway mark it is the Spurs. They have an incredible record, but it seems like they keep flying under the radar. I mean Tony Parker may have the found the perfect place for all cheating men to go hide. Manu Ginobli has been the man so far this year.

2. Celtics - Opened up a two-game lead in the East and now they get KG back to go down the stretch. This team is a serious matchup problem when all their big men are healthy down the stretch. Paul Pierce has been carrying the Beantown boys.

3. Lakers - Won 8 of last 9, only loss was to the giant-killer Blake Griffin and his band of ballers. I can't wait to see the Spurs-Lakers matchup in the playoffs. Kobe, are you even serious.

4. Heat - The LeBrons of the south dropping rapidly after the King dinged up his ankle in a loss to the Clippers. They have not won a game in which the Heat have held him out, and now Miami has Chris Bosh dinged up and looking to sit out a couple games this week. Lebron, not even close.

5. Bulls - Derrick Rose has been remarkable lately with Boozer out due to injury. I look forward to seeing what this team does when and if Boozer and Noah can stay healthy. Rose in a landslide the midseason MVP for the Bulls.

6. Jazz- This is one team Moroni and I are both having a tough time figuring out as they have struggled at home this year, 15-7. Did Okur retire? They need serious production out of him if they want to challenge anyone in the playoffs. Deron Williams is the Jazz MVP so far.

7. Thunder - When OKC starts to pound the defensive boards and quits giving up so many second chance points, look out. They will be a tough out in the playoffs if they can get this straightened out. Kevin Durant is the midseason MVP.

8. Magic - After the huge trade with the Suns, the Magic have been a different team. Not sure why Turkoglu ever left this team as he looks in his element playing for the Magic. Dwight Howard is the landslide MVP for the Magic.

9. Hawks - A four seed in the East and no one in Fulton County cares. Ever watch a Hawks home game? You could shoot off a canon in the place and hit no one on night they are not playing the Heat or Lakers. Midseason MVP Al Horford.

10. Mavericks - The rapid drop down the power rankings due to Dirk being out with injury. Is there anyone more important to their team beside Dirk in this league?

Slip Slidin' Away

What do we take away from NU's near-miss upset bid in Lawrence Saturday? PYB takes away the fact that NU didn't make enough plays. That despite burying its weaknesses for the first 2/3 of the game, those weaknesses arose at just the wrong time and doused the Husker hopes of ending KU's 68-game home win streak:

-The Huskers missed several defensive rotations, which gave the Jayhawks dunks and wide-open threes. At one point, KU had dunks on four straight possessions.

-Brandon Ubel was beaten on two straight trips, mostly because he can't physically compete against Big 12 competition.

-Brandon Richardson missed the front end of a one-and-one with the Huskers trailing 60-58.

-Brian Diaz was once again AWOL for NU, as Andre Almeida looked to be the team's best option at center right now. Diaz is playing with little confidence and actually looks like he might be weaker than he was last season as a freshman. Doc Sadler desperately needs Diaz to increase his production if the team harbors any chance at an 8-8 conference record.

Just as the NU defense started breaking down, Lance Jeter started breaking inside and getting Diaz easy field goal chances. He missed or was blocked on all of them, and finished the game 4/14 from the field and is 9/32 from the field in Big 12 play. We'll see how fundamentally sound Sadler's staff's teaching is, as the misses all stem from Diaz not squaring his shoulders on his turnaround moves.

PYB, while tracking the score from the golf course, heard from multiple sources via text message that NU got screwed by the zebras---highly believable considering the Jayhawks' track record of receiving aid from the officials in bailout situations. However, upon viewing the DVR, there was just once bad call in the last eight minutes and KU missed the front end of the one-and-one.

This loss was more about NU matching up well with its opponent, and then just blowing the game because of the name on the opponents' jerseys. KU's guard play is far from Top-5 material, and Tyrel Reed (white guy named Tyrel, huh??) and Brady Morningstar will get worked in the NCAA Tournament. The four Jayhawk guards totaled 26 points, eight assists and six rebounds. Not good.

The Morris brothers are far from athletic, despite beating up on NU's overmatched big men with some late dunks. That won't happen against a good team with an athletic front line (hello, second-round loss to an average SEC team). Hell, it might not even happen in the NU-KU rematch in Lincoln. The Huskers match up well....as does any team with a pulse....against Bill Self's most overrated Jayhawk squad in years. And that's saying a lot.

Doc's crew has NO time to feel sorry for itself. There were plenty of positive signs the last two games, as NU showed it ultimately won't back down from superior competition and can keep games close for all 40 minutes. But there are enough trouble spots (three point shooting and defense, timidity on both sides of the ball, poor post play) to make the Huskers realize that the game against Colorado Wednesday is no easy task.

The Buffs are 3-0 in the Big 12 after beating Okie State Saturday. Keeping two road games close against rated teams doesn't translate to an automatic home win against CU. Nebraska is still too mediocre offensively for any game to be a breeze. But the team's tough defense (despite three-point breakdowns) will keep it in every game, and it looks more and more like they are just one difference maker from being very competitive.

Is Doc closer than most think? We'll know more after Wednesday night, as the difference between 2-2 and 1-3 in conference play is enormous. Stay tuned.

Rock, Chalk, Ubel Sucks Cock

Cam Newtwon is too smooth, creepy and fake in an OJ Simpson kind of way....The future NFL flop is likely an accessory to his dad's extortion attempts and likely a laptop thief. But the NCAA is cool with that, as long as dead-broke no-name athletes don't accept a ride across campus in a snowstorm.

Testing the Big 10's new division names? What exactly are the criteria for testing names? The public has already said they suck, does this not count until the public says they suck during the season?

Husker Uber-Nerd Brandon Ubel is confident the Huskers will win in Lawrence Saturday. PYB is an admitted Jayhawk hater and knows they're perennially overrated, but Ubel might want to make an impact in ONE Big 12 game before predicting a win at Allen Field House. Actually, he might want to go just one Big 12 game without thoroughly embarrassing himself and reminding Cornhusker fans that he likely would have trouble cracking the starting lineup at Nebraska-Omaha.

Vegas oddsmakers aren't nearly as confident as Ubel, installing KU as a 16-point favorite. We know the Jayhawks hate covering the point spread, or actually can't do it because they're never good as their name. But they love pouring it on at home against overmatched teams....it takes some of the sting out of their annual second-round NCAA Tournament meltdown.

If NU is to prevent a bottle blasting they will need to: actually guard the three-point shot, shoot better than 25% from the three-point line, make free throws, establish some sort of post presence on both ends of the floor. Paging Mr. Diaz....paging Mr. Diaz.....

At least NU fans can blame any big loss Saturday to the dismissal of Kamyron Brown. Sounds like he hated going to class. Well, back to the west coast, Kamyron, to flounder around doing nothing while telling your boys you played D-I and got screwed by the coaches. The guys at the local gym should love hearing that story for the next 30 years.

If you see something creeping at a snail's pace in Big Sky country in upcoming months, it's either a glacier on one of the mountains or now former Husker RB Dontrayveous Robinson running on the football field. Robinson was introduced at Montana State this week, and said his transfer to Bobcat nation was due to NU's offensive style. Translation: he sucked and is too slow to even dream of playing for a D-I team. Good luck, though.

Danny Woodcock

Solid. PYB still loves Joe Theismann, even moreso as his arrogance fades as each ounce of senility builds up.......

Huskers Hurt by Familiar Hangups

The Cornhuskers fought hard in Columbia last night, before succumbing to their all-too-familiar weaknesses and losing to a mediocre Tiger team 77-69. Below is our quick-hitting recap as we walked away from the game thinking that even though NU looked outmatched, they competed for 40 minutes and didn't get their doors blown off.

The Good
Lance Jeter--Showed he will be a legit Big 12 PG this season

Toney McCray--Season-high 17 points, maybe he's ready to contribute?

Caleb Walker--Showed he could compete athletically with the Tigers

Free throws--NU shot an uncharacteristic 81%, going 13/16

No blowout--Doc waited until the very end to foul, knowing he couldn't win

Kamyron Brown--Went 1/5 from the field but looked quick enough to help at backup PG

Standhardinger--Transferring to LaSalle....guess top D-I teams weren't blowing him up

The Bad
Brian Diaz--Looked overmatched for the second straight Big 12 game

Andre Almeida--Still too fat to impact the game

Turnovers--15 is too many against the Tigers' overrated pressure defense

Brandon Ubel--Forcing offense he doesn't have in traffic, burned on defense

Athletes--NU is still a full notch below other B12 schools in quicks & hops

10-man rotation--Should be eight, or nine at most!

The Ugly
Three-point shooting--NU went 2/13 in the first half and finished 6/17

Scared cowards--Huskers were timid at the start of both halves, blowing the game

Drake Beranek--He can contribute but being too scared to shoot the three won't cut it

Three-point defense--Mizzou got countless open looks. Just like every NU opponent

Mizzou Crowd--Announced at an untruthful 11,358, the arena was less than half full


--Pathetic puff piece on Baltimore Ravens QB Joe Flacco. Over-praising his 'big arm' is enough to make him the NFL's most overrated player.

Calling him ready to lead the Ravens to playoff wins on his own is just dishonest. Now, we're equating time of possession with a next-level QB? Please. PYB equates them to KC's litany of second-half turnovers. And apparently, Flacco's pissing away of the last Steeler game (and the division championship in the process) in the last minute is nothing but a blip on the radar.

--If you didn't think Kansas City Chiefs' fans were classy before Sunday's meltdown against Baltimore, you had to be convinced after listening to their collection of stadium music: AC/DC, Korn, Metallica, Journey, Motley Crue, Guns N Roses, and Van Halen--all the suspects from the Acid Wish Era. They even pleased PYB with a witty addition to our collection of trite game-explaining songs: After a holding call on the Ravens, fans were blessed with Toto's "Hold the Line." Priceless.

As if that weren't enough, the Chiefs' Wikipedia page proudly points out that the stadium plays "Rock & Roll Part 2" so the fans can chant "We're gonna beat the hell out of you" to the opposing team. But the best part is that they now use a cover version of the song after the original by Gary Glitter was banned following his sexual abuse charges in Vietnam. Me love you long time......Who woulda guessed judging by these before and after pictures or Mr. Glitter.

And if that all weren't enough, the icing on the cake came when Deadspin.com released the picture (now pictures, for some reason) of two scum fans fucking in the parking lot--one in camo coveralls. Then the cherry on the icing was the craigslist.com post asking for two more scums to come join them in a foursome in their van in the parking lot.

--Finally....Hide your kids, hide your wife, they brawlin' at a Florida gas station. This video added at the behest of Crazy Eddie. Why were they fighting? Were they pissed that the white bitch who got stripped down to Nuttin' but her G Thong was screwing one of their men? Who knows, but PYB has not seen this many disgusting naked physiques in one place...since well, never.....Fat bitches, lay off the thongs and short dresses.

Countdown to Columbia

This should spell two 25-point-plus blowouts in the coming week. Always has, always will.

--Congrats to Auburn on their win over Oregon in last night's BCS game. Congrats to PYB on taking the Tigers -1 over the overmatched Ducks. We now get to root for Auburn to have its second undefeated season nullified due to cheating. We also were glad to witness, after watching Cam Newton nearly blow the Tigers' chances at the championship crystal by blowing two easy TD passes, the coming-out party for the Poor Man's Vince Young.

Newton is not even close to as dangerous as Young was at Texas, and is probably more scatter-armed. We saw how that worked out for VY so far in the NFL and expect Newton's holier-than-thou facade to come crashing down quickly at the next level.

--By the way, nice fucking field at University of Phoenix stadium last night. You'd think the field would be tested to prevent ruining the game. Same shit, different decade. PYB remembers seeing the Fiesta Bowl field in 1990 in person and it being nothing more than sand painted green.

--And finally, another reason that we all know we can't trust college referees and reminder that any game can be fucked by replay officials who don't know the rules, don't care or are just too stupid to pay attention to the details. Two games in less than a week with different calls on identical plays.

--The epitome of Chiefs fans....

Dirty Birds...

PYB looks back at the NFL weekend that was as we ponder why the Auburn line for tonite's BCS game has dropped from -3 to -1 in the last day. Are we missing what the public sees, or are we on the side opposite of the suckers?

New Orleans at Seattle: Loud home crowd. A few Saint mistakes. Two scat backs (Reggie Bush and Julius Jones) filling the RB position with both Chris Ivory and Pierre Thomas out. Said scat backs getting hurt and leaving Deshawn Wynn as the only back left. Perfect formula for premature end to the New Orleans' title defense.

New York Jets at Indianapolis: The Jets get by at the end due to some mismanagement by Indy and the fact that Peyton Manning was missing some major weapons in Dallas Clark, Austin Collie, Anthony Gonzalez and a couple linemen. Revis shutting down Reggie Wayne didn't help the Colts. Mark Sanchez will actually have to pretend he's an NFL quarterback for four quarters if they hope to win at New England.

Baltimore at Kansas City: Ray Lewis. Ed Reed. Terrell Suggs. Matt Cassell. One of these kids is not like the others. Cassell showed his inexperience, as did Todd Haley when he abandoned the running game after Jamaal Charles long TD run, (10 total carries), as did Dexter McCluster with his untimely fumble. Ed Reed showed why he is one of the league's toughest warriors, as the Raven defense covered up the fact that Joe Flacco is the NFL's most overrated player.....for at least one more game.

Green Bay at Philadelphia: Say what you want, but Michael Vick put up big numbers despite being saddled with poor play calling, lack of running game, injury-decimated defense and Andy Reid clock management. You know, more of the same from Philly's postseason cookbook. Lesean McCoy looked like the most special player on the field Sunday, but of course Reid didn't feed him the ball. Couple that with Desean Jackson's leg injury and the fact that the Birds' nearly won was amazing. David Akers' uncharacteristic miss cost Philly, but he's saved their bacon in the past. The Eagles will never win a Super Bowl until there is a power running game to rely on and Reid realizes how to manage the last five minutes of a game. His errors are laughable to high schoolers playing Madden '11.

Just Win, Doc

Doc Sadler's crew did its best to blow a 12-point second-half lead Saturday night in Lincoln, but held on to win by one on Lance Jeter's free throw with 0.4 seconds remaining. There were a lot of positives (mainly the fact that NU ruined the Mayor's inaugural Big 12 game as ISU head coach) and a few old bugaboos showed up, but the the bottom line as always is: Just win, baby.

PYB offers its player-by-player analysis of last night's 63-62 Cornusker win:

-Lance Jeter...The Husker PG once again showed leadership, despite the fact that he's an inconsistent outside shooter and is battling a left-wrist injury. Jeter had 10 points, 7 assists, 5 steals, 6 rebounds and just one turnover. Very impressive start to his second and final Big 12 season, as he refused to let NU fold despite a seven-minute field goal drought to end the game.

-Caleb Walker...Continues to prove PYB's initial scouting report wrong, as he looks like NU's first legitimate Division I athlete in many years. He's proving why he was a first-team NJCAA all-american last season and racked up 13 points, eight boards and two blocks. Walker is a naturally strong finisher at the rim and provides Jeter a much-needed go-to man on the dish. We hope he continues to develop as an integral player on both ends of the floor.

-Brian Diaz...VERY disappointing outing for Diaz, as he was out of sorts on the offensive ends all night, and showed frustration after he was muscled off the low block by ISU defenders. He was 2/10 from the floor and had just four rebounds. He did, however, play nice help defense and had three blocks. PYB hopes this was a blip game and not an omen of future ineffectiveness.

-Toney McCray...Still flounders around out of position and has little scoring punch. However, he did score 12 points and provided a spark with his hustle and positive outlook. Dunk finish on an assist from Jeter was a nice surprise. (Editor's note: NU had at least three dunks last nite which has to be the most in five years in a Big 12 game)

-Eshaunte Jones...Played just 11 minutes and went 0/3 from behind the arc on shots that weren't close. Doesn't look good enough athletically to play Big 12 defense and his outside shot is mostly nonexistent. We look for his playing time to fall unless he flips the switch from outside.

-Brandon Richardson...Missed the game due to a knee injury suffered against Savannah State. It is apparent, though, that NU will need any scoring that he provide more than it will need him as a second point guard.

-Brandon Ubel...The positive: Ubel looks much bigger and strong than he did last season, when he resembled an albino scarecrow. He also looks to be the only Cornhusker who can shoot over 67% from the charity stripe. The negative: Ubel seems to have assumed the role as the second unit's ballhog, even though he's not a good scorer and has little coordination. So far, he's inexplicably been the go-to option in two late game situations and is now stealing good scoring chances from open players. Ubel will have to realize his role or will cost NU dearly in the future.

-Ray Gallegos...Had three points in eight minutes and went 1/3 from three-point land. Gallegos shows promise at times but his build is still too slight for the rigors of the Big 12. ISU star Diante Garrett got by him at will on the drive, and burned Gallegos on a back-door cut on the Cyclones' final possession before Jeter saved the day with a backside steal.

-Kamyron Brown...Logged just four minutes, but looks solid with the ball and capable of playing 10+ minutes in conference games. Hopefully, he gains some confidence and can chip in this season.

-Drake Beranek...Shockingly, he has become a solid contributor and looks like he can compete at the D-I level. Had nine points and seven rebounds in 32 minutes, and went 0/3 from three point range. NU will need his shooting in a bad way the rest of the season.

-Andre Almeida...Four points, three rebounds, 12 minutes, 30 pounds overweight. The fitness of Almeida does not seem to be improving, and until it does, he won't contribute.

-Offense...NU still seems one natural scorer from being truly dangerous in conference play. A 4/17 performance on threes is more of the same from outside and will absolutely kill the Huskers if it doesn't improve. Shooting 15/24 from the free throw line won't work and continued poor FTs will lose one or two close games down the stretch.

-Defense...Doc's bunch continues to surrender countless wide-open threes and has done so since last season. It has cost them in this season's two losses and almost cost them yesterday. The Cyclones missed several open looks in the second half and shot seven for 19. Once the Huskers hit better conference competition, they will pay dearly if this is not remedied.

-Bottom line....Nebraska is 13-2 and 1-0 in conference. A meltdown loss to ISU would have been disastrous for the young bunch and would have had them staring at an 0-3 start, as road games at Missouri and Kansas loom in the next seven days. It won't ever be pretty until Sadler gets a bit more talent, but until it does, PYB will take the win and hope for as many wins as possible. Just win.

Side note: In searching for a suitable shot of the mayor, PYB thinks it found a picture of yours truly in the background. You feel free to guess which stud in the crowd it is.

Twins

PYB has been meaning to publish the two dead ringers below for a long time, and finally got around to it today while watching Texas underachieve once again against UConn. J'Covan Brown....meet your twin brother....The Amazon from Nintendo Pro Wrestling.

By the way, Texas PG Dogus Balbay sucks and will be the reason that UT can't compete against top competition. He just got burned for the go-ahead UConn basket as we speak by the Huskies' Kemba Walker.

The Readers are Restless...

Thanks to all of PYB's readers, who've shown a recent penchant for contributing to the pages of this blog through sheer frustration or just for the fuck of it....

--AMG pours out a little liquor in honor of the death of Gerry Rafferty, singer of the classic song Baker Street. We could drink a million beers to this song and smoke at least a pack of cigs....

--Hubcap chimes in with the list of eerie similarities between Rich Rodriguez and Bill Callahan. PYB says he only forgot to list the delusional alumni who think that the the programs should all be stocked with hometown kids and that the offense from the 1940s would still work like a charm:

1. Outsider coach
2. Clash in offensive philosophy and stubbornness to adapt to the players already there and insisting to implement their offense without the right players to run it
3. Embarrassing Losses
4. Non competitive in big games two wins vs Top 25. Three wins for Callahan
5. Replaced a program fixture as head coach (The Rat a fixture is a stretch!)
6. Fell out of the rankings for the first time in ages
7. Never embraced the tradition and wasn't embraced by the Wolverine/Husker Nation
8. Lack of player development
9. Brought a winning program to mediocrity
10. Losses to teams they haven't lost to in years
11. Streak broken of yearly winning record dating back to the 1960s
12. ARROGANT PRICK!

--Donnie Baseball tries to prove he's still fresh by showing us all he listens to rap videos on Youtube. AI says, "I know I spoda be dere....." The seersucker, crab stitched pants a couple years back showed us he'll never be fresh again--and probably never was!

--Rod hates Ram Jam "Black Betty" played during baseball at bats....

--Finally, the Donger drops some Big XII hoops knowledge with his pre-conference preview as we all hope that this is the year that NU goes 8-8. And as we always do, we'll be devising a plan for them to go 7-9 in conference after another 0-3 start. Hope springs eternal. And for the record, I was way too tired to proofread this masterpiece today...

#1 – Kansas (Record 13-0, RPI - #2)
Jay-cocks find themselves atop the conference as usual – much to the dismay of Cornhusker fans everywhere (and I don’t mean those Husker FB/Jay-cock BB fans that infiltrate the Bob every time KU shows up). The addition of Josh Selby seems to be the catalyst to another Jay-cock run to the conference title. To this point, they are clearly the class of the league. The buzzer beating win vs. USC does, however, give Husker fans hope.

Key Wins – Arizona, Memphis
Key Losses - None

#2 – Missouri (13-1, #33)
This may be a lofty ranking, considering the Tigers pillowy-soft schedule to date. The only blemish being the scintillating overtime loss to Georgetown in the ‘Zou. As usual, Mike Anderson’s team is scoring a significant amount of points, while playing the Gold & Black version of “40 minutes of hell”. The 17.6 point average margin of victory may be misleading, as they continue to give up a significant amount of points. Rebounding & FG defense are the main weaknesses here. More confidence building for NU, as Mizzou only defeated Vanderbilt by 3, a team that NU lost to by 10 points in Puerto Rico.

Key Wins – Vanderbilt, Illinois
Key Losses - Georgetown

#3 – Texas (12-2, #35)
The ‘Horns seem to have found the karma that Mack Brown’s team never had this season. Currently riding a five-game winning streak that includes wins over UNC & Sparty, the Horns are a deep, athletic team that has proven they can play with anyone in the country. Yet another reason for NU to believe - as the ‘Horns were bottle blasted by USC, in Los Angeles (17 points) before embarking on their current streak.

Key Wins – Illinois, North Carolina, Michigan State
Key Losses – Pittsburgh, USC

#4 – Kansas State (12-3, #26)
Frank “Guido” Martin’s team of “professionals” (PYB assumes that KSU’s payroll is higher than that of the lowly Cleveland Cavaliers) appear to have survived a mild, mid-non-conference slump and with their tenacious defense & physical play, they will be in the conference battle to the end. A very difficult early schedule has prepared them well for the rigors of the Big XII. If Guido can stay out his own way and let Jacob Pullen & Curtis Kelly do their thing, this team should win 10-12 conference games.

Key Wins – Washington State, Gonzaga, Virginia Tech
Key Losses – Duke, Florida, UNLV

#5 – Baylor (10-3, #150)
Most would deem this ranking way too high for a team with an SOS of 285 (out of 345) but given what Baylor lost to graduation and their new additions, it is our feeling that at the end of the season, the Bears will be a force to be reckoned with. This outlook assumes that Coach Scott Drew will continue to get Perry Jones involved in the offense and that LaceDarius Dunn (all name team MVP and ho-beater) continues his scoring uptick (43 Points & 10 threes on Tuesday night vs. Morgan State)

Key Wins - None
Key Losses – Gonzaga, Washington State, Florida State

#6 – Texas A&M (13-1, #30)
Mark Turgeon’s Aggies seem, along with Okie State, to be the unknowns in the conference race this season. A schedule that looks good on paper, to date, may not turn out to be that way once conference play commences – as evidenced by their current SOS of 137. If the officiating is ‘fair’, this is a winnable game for NU, in Lincoln. If the officiating is on par with the game in 2008, then NU has no chance.

Key Wins – Arkansas, Washington, Temple
Key Losses – Boston College

#7 – Oklahoma State (12-2, #38)
The other great unknown in the conference this year. There is not one quality win on the schedule, unless we are counting Missouri State as a quality win (Jaybackers from Creighton would have you believe so, as the Bears are fresh of their 10-point win in Omaha last night). Other wins that could qualify as “quality” at the end of the year are Stanford & Alabama, but the jury is out on those teams. A team that usually prides itself on defense is only in the middle of the pack, in terms of FG defense & rebounding, so this is also a team that can be had by NU, in a game in Lincoln.

Key Wins – None
Key Losses – Virginia Tech, Gonzaga

#8 – Nebraska (12-2, #113)
The travails of the Huskers are well documented, so we won’t waste much time here. Other than to reiterate the embarrassing nature of the schedule in the non conference season. The removal of Christian “Welp” Standhardinger, seems to have solidified Doc Sadlers’ rotation. The Big Red continues to play excellent defense, leading the conference in FG defense and points allowed. In a shift from recent seasons, NU is also 3rd in the conference in FG Shooting – hopefully a sign that NU can make shots, which eliminates transition baskets. This slows down the game, which is always in favor of a Doc Sadler team.

Key Wins – USC
Key Losses – Vanderbilt, Davidson

#9 – Iowa State (13-2, #97)
It is doubtful that even “The Mayor” can save this team from completely falling apart in the conference season, despite the difficult home court environment the venerable Hilton Coliseum provides. The only respectable win in the 13, to date, is a road win at a “below average” Virginia squad. A buzzer beating win (and a suspect one, at that) against Creighton, in Ames, does not help the resume. The schedule is the worst of all 12 conference teams and the ‘Clones 18.5 point, average margin of victory is as misleading as their record. This is a team that NU MUST win in Lincoln and should have a good chance of beating on the road. NU MUST go 4-2, at worst, against the bottom four teams in this ranking.

Key Wins - None
Key Losses – Northern Iowa, California

#10 – Colorado (10-4, #132)
Despite having two “above average” players in Alecs Burks and Cory Higgins, the Buffs appear destined for another season that ends with a first-round loss in the conference tournament. The Golden Buffs don’t score, can’t rebound and don’t play defense. The only positive early in the season is the team shooting over 50% from the floor. With a typical home court crowd that resembles a Lincoln SW vs. Lincoln SE game, winter remains a reason for most people in Boulder to ski, do tons of cocaine and go to Phish concerts. NU has to sweep CU, something that hasn’t happened in quite some time.

Key Wins - None
Key Losses – Georgia, San Francisco, Harvard, New Mexico

#11 – Texas Tech (8-7, #201)
Pat Knight will need all of his coaching pedigree to give this team any hope of finishing higher than 11th in the conference. The Red Raiders, who play in the only arena in the league that is more of a mausoleum than the Bob, have no wins against even a decent D-1 team. The worst defensive team in the conference, the Raiders have to rely on an offense that is the fourth worst in the conference in shooting. Not a winning combination. Although it would be tough to top Knight’s absolute meltdown against NU in 2007, there is a chance that his team’s miserable play could lead to another epic tirade.

Key Wins - None
Key Losses – North Texas, St. Mary’s, South Florida, TCU, Washington, New Mexico

#12 – Oklahoma (8-6, #208)
It is almost inconceivable that as recently as two years ago, this was a team vying for a conference championship. With transfers, early defections, the probation (courtesy of now unemployed Kelvin Sampson), the program is at a low not seen since the days BEFORE Billy Tubbs (one of PYB’s all time favorites). Much like Colorado, this team can’t score, plays little defense and can’t rebound. Another winnable game for NU, even in Norman. It is rumored that more people in Norman drive by Bob Stoops new house (14,000 square feet) than attend OU basketball games. Oh, how we long for the days of Mookie, Waymon, Stacy and the boys.

Key Wins - None
Key Losses – Kentucky, Virginia, Arkansas, Arizona, Cincinnati

Here are the projected post-season placements for the conference teams:

Regular Season Champion – Kansas

Tournament Champion – Texas

NCAA – Kansas, Missouri, Texas, Kansas State, Baylor, Texas A&M

NIT –Oklahoma State, Nebraska

CBI/CIT – Iowa State

None – Colorado, Texas Tech, Oklahoma

~The Donger

NBA Power Rankings....1/4/11

Here we go with the first NBA Top 10 for the New Year.

1. Spurs - 29-4, best record in NBA by 3.5 games over the Celtics. Team has very balanced scoring as nine people average more than seven points a game and five of those players average in double figures. It is pick your poison with this team.

2. Celtics - 25-7, struggled as of late. Dropped their last two games of 2010 and lost KG for a couple weeks to rest his balky knee. Celtics welcomed Rondo back from his ankle injury, and he should be ready for the Wednesday showdown in Boston with the Spurs.

3. Mavericks - 25-8, snapped a three-game losing streak by beating the Cavaliers. Caron Butler looks to be out for a long period of time with a knee injury and with Dirk being still held out the Mavericks will be relying on Shawn Marion (Editor's Note: Is Marion still fatter than hell?) to pick up the slack.

4. Heat - 26-9, smoking hot in December and with D Wade going for huge offensive numbers the Heat look to keep up the pace in 2011. LeBron is averaging career highs in rebounding and assists so far this year. I would not be surprised if the Heat took over the top spot in the East before KG gets back to action.

5. Bulls - 22-10, team has really surprised me since losing Noah to the broken bone in his hand. The offseason signing of Carlos Boozer looks like exactly what the doctor ordered for this club.

6. Jazz - 23-11, with Okur finally getting back to action and my sources tell me there was even a Gordon Hayward sighting in the Jazz starting lineup for a game. Deron Williams finally have some pieces to the puzzle around him.

7. Magic - 21-12, I initially thought the trade with Phoenix was all Suns. So far after a couple weeks the Magic are on a five-game win streak now and the Suns can't even beat the Kings. One concern for the Magic in the New Year is Dwight Howard's technical fouls issue. He is very close to a mandatory one-game suspension.

8. Thunder - 23-12, they have played as tough of a schedule outside of Phoenix so far in the season. Thunder with their big two of Durant and Westbrook as good as any 1-2 punch in the league. Depth is going to be the downfall for this club into the New Year.

9. Lakers - 23-11, lost four of the last six and the losses are not even close games. Kobe threatened the team after Miami came to LA and delivered coal in the Laker stocking but that seemed to fall on deaf ears as the Grizzlies went to Staples and blew the two-time defending champs out on Sunday night. Are the Lakers tired and this the year they make an early exit in the playoffs?

10. Nuggets - 19-13, Carmelo is back from leaving the team to be with his family and his trade rumors finally settled down. Looks like the Nuggets are going to make one last run with Carmelo and company.

Why Do the Cardinals Suck???

Is it because they have decided to play Hunter Mayhan at QB???

Gabbert to the NFL

Blaine Gabbert is now hoping to follow in Chase Daniel's footsteps as professional clipboard holder, by declaring for the NFL draft. "Experts" say his big arm will make him a great NFL quarterback. PYB says his big fucking vagina will make his NFL stay a short one. Anyone who watched him throw from his back foot when even lightly pressured while at Mizzou will agree.

Can't beat Iowa? Choke the game away? Time for the big leagues! Does this officially start the Tyler Gabbert era? Or did that begin when he got his ass kicked a while back? We think he's probably a 'scared pussy' like his older brother...

More class emanating from Starkville and Mississippi State....joke.

More cock shots circulating...this time supposedly from a former Ryder Cup captain.

Chivalry Is Alive & Well

Ron Franklin says: "Leave it to the boys, sweet tits." Classic. Franklin can join the elite club of sexual harassers at ESPN with Mike Tirico, Craig Kilborn, et al.

Murder was the case that they gave me...giving new meaning to the term 'closer.'

OK, so we promised a moratorium on NU football talk. But this doesn't count because it's ancient history and we felt it necessary to point out how retarded the person who did these rankings must me. Yep, I'm sure the 1995 team would never have been able to slow down Johnny the Jet.